seonghwa barely slept. he spent the night staring at the ceiling, his thoughts running in circles too fast to catch. his chest ached with regret, guilt curling tightly in his stomach. he could not stop thinking about the look on hongjoong's face, wide-eyed, startled, hurt.

he knew hongjoong was not ready, not for that, not yet. but he had let his feelings get the better of him, crossing a line he never should have touched. now, the silence between them felt louder than anything.

he knew hongjoong was at the bakery that morning, but he stayed in his room, tucked beneath his blanket like it could protect him from the weight in his chest. he could not face him. not yet.

a knock interrupted the quiet. soft, hesitant.

"come in," seonghwa called out, his voice barely above a whisper.

the door opened slowly and san stepped in, his expression full of concern.

"hey," he said, shutting the door behind him. "you okay? i saw your light was still on at four in the morning."

seonghwa did not look up. "i barely slept last night. i fucked up pretty bad."

san walked over and sat at the edge of the bed, giving him space but not too much. "what happened?"

seonghwa sighed, dragging his hands down his face. "hongjoong came over last night. we were just watching a movie. it was... quiet. it felt nice. i don't know what got into me, but i leaned in, and he... he flinched. pulled away. then he just left without saying anything. i haven't heard from him since."

he looked down at his lap, eyes stinging. "i knew he wasn't ready. i knew it, san. and i still did it. i crossed the line. now i don't even know if he'll want to look at me again."

san was quiet for a moment, like he was choosing his words carefully. then he spoke, voice soft.

"hwa... it sounds like you were following your heart. and yeah, maybe it was too soon. but you didn't do it to hurt him. you just... misread the moment. it happens. you're human."

seonghwa blinked at the tears threatening to fall.

"you're not a bad person," san continued. "you made a mistake, but that doesn't make you unforgivable. give him time. and give yourself some grace, too. beating yourself up isn't going to help either of you."

he reached out, resting a hand gently on seonghwa's shoulder. "go easy on yourself, okay? try to eat something today. maybe take a walk, get some fresh air. i'll be here if you need anything."

seonghwa nodded slowly, his throat too tight to speak. but the warmth of san's words lingered, even after the door quietly closed behind him.

and for the first time all night, his chest felt a little less heavy.

——

hongjoong moved around the bakery in slow, automatic motions, pouring coffee, steeping tea, arranging pastries behind the glass with careful hands. the scent of cinnamon and espresso filled the air, warm and comforting, but nothing about it could settle the ache in his chest.

his mind kept drifting, again and again, to the look on seonghwa's face when he pulled away. to the silence that followed. to the way he just left, without an explanation, without a word.

he had not even texted him when he got home. had not said sorry, had not explained himself, had not said anything.

he wanted to, but every time he picked up his phone, something inside him shut down. it was not that he did not care; he cared too much, and that was the problem.

letting someone in had always been a mystery to him. he did not know how to unlock the doors inside himself when he had spent so long keeping them shut tight. it was not just about trust, it was about fear. fear of being seen, really seen, and not being enough.

sometimes, he could not even sit with himself without wanting to run. so how could he ask someone else to stay?

he did not want to drag seonghwa into that storm. did not want to make him feel like he had to fix something so messy, so tangled. he thought pulling away would protect them both.

but now, standing behind the counter with his hands wrapped around a warm mug, he just felt cold.

he wished he did not react the way he did. wished he had not flinched, had not left so suddenly. wished he could tell seonghwa that it was not about him and that it was never about him.

he wished his heart did not feel like a locked room he did not know how to open.

he wished he could be braver. softer. easier to love.

his eyes drifted toward the window, to the quiet stretch of street outside. the bakery's sign swayed gently in the breeze, and the apartment next door stood still, silent, unreachable.

for a long moment, he stood there, unmoving, a customer's coffee cooling in his hands.

then the bell above the door rang as someone walked in, and he blinked, slowly coming back to himself.

he handed the cup to a customer and began the next order, his expression unreadable.

but his thoughts were already somewhere else.

——

"you ready?" jongho's voice came through the door, followed by a few soft knocks.

"yeah," seonghwa answered, barely loud enough to be heard. "i guess."

he had forgotten about the lunch plans, something the boys had arranged earlier in the week with the couple next door. it was supposed to be a relaxing saturday outing, something light, something easy. but nothing about today felt light. not after the way his heart had been sitting like stone in his chest since last night.

the last thing he wanted to do was pretend he was okay in front of people. to smile politely, laugh at small jokes, and act like he was not still unraveling inside.

he pulled on a black turtleneck and black jeans, not even thinking about it. color felt wrong. everything felt wrong.

the guilt lingered like a second skin, heavy and suffocating. he felt it in his shoulders, in the tightness of his jaw. even stepping outside felt like betrayal, like he was leaving hongjoong behind in the silence they had created.

he wished he could fix it. he wished he could go back and undo it all.

his thoughts drifted back to the way hongjoong shut down so quickly. the way his eyes had widened, the way he left without a word.

seonghwa wondered, was it pure fear? panic? did seonghwa push him too far too fast? or was there something deeper, something in hongjoong's past, that made closeness feel dangerous?

he wanted to understand. he wanted to know the story behind the silence.

"hwa," san called gently from the hallway, pulling him back to the moment. "we're going to head out. if you're not ready, just meet us there. it's only down the block."

the sound of the front door opening and closing left the apartment quiet again. seonghwa exhaled slowly, rubbing his hands together for warmth that never seemed to come.

he stepped toward the door, grabbing his coat off the hook, telling himself he would only stay at lunch for a little while. just enough not to worry them.

he placed his hand on the doorknob, sighed, and opened the door—

only to freeze.

because standing on the other side, breathless and unsure, was hongjoong.

and he looked like he did not know whether to run or speak first.

i'm really hoping you guys are liking this story so far...

-vic