seonghwa and his friends piled into the packed club on fourteenth street, surrounded by sweaty bodies swaying to the music, couples making out in every corner, and strangers pressed against each other like it was the only way to breathe. seonghwa was excited for the night, he really was, but he could not help the ache in his chest. he missed hongjoong.

"i'll grab us drinks. the usual for everyone?" mingi asked, already pointing toward the bar.

"yeah," everyone answered in unison.

"seonghwa, you're getting fucked up tonight. i'm getting you tequila shots," mingi grinned, throwing him a wink before turning on his heel. seonghwa laughed, rolling his eyes but not really protesting.

"ugh, he's always like this," yunho shook his head, laughing as he watched his fiancé disappear into the crowd.

"do you know when wooyoung's getting here?" jongho asked, nudging san lightly.

"you only care because you want to see yeosang," san teased, grinning.

jongho shrugged, not even bothering to deny it. "what can i say."

"speak of the devil," san said, nodding toward the entrance as wooyoung and yeosang pushed through the crowd, linking arms.

"yunho!" wooyoung practically screamed, launching himself into yunho's open arms. yunho caught him with a laugh, squeezing him tight. over the months, as san and wooyoung grew closer, so did yunho. and by extension, yeosang too.

"ugh, i missed you bitches," yunho grinned, pulling yeosang into a hug next.

"where's your drinks?" wooyoung asked, already slurring, his cheeks tinted pink from the alcohol.

"mingi went to get them," san answered, slipping an arm around wooyoung's waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

wooyoung's blush deepened, a mixture of drunk and flustered. "i'm already kind of fucked up."

"yeah, no shit," yeosang snorted, shaking his head at the lightweight.

"happy birthday, seonghwa!" wooyoung cheered suddenly, throwing himself at seonghwa with a tight hug. caught off guard, seonghwa hugged him back, just not nearly as tight.

"thanks, wooyoung," seonghwa smiled softly.

"can we get you a drink to celebrate?" yeosang offered, raising a brow.

"oh, please no," seonghwa groaned. "mingi's already getting me a drink and tequila shots. i'll pass out right here if i have anything else," the group laughed, fully believing him.

almost like the universe timed it perfectly, mingi reappeared, hands full of glasses. "i got seven shots! we're all taking one, it's birthday rules!"

he handed everyone a shot glass filled to the brim with tequila. seonghwa accepted his reluctantly, glancing at it like it personally offended him.

"bottoms up! happy birthday, seonghwa!" mingi cheered, clinking glasses. they all downed the shots like water, grimacing after but laughing through it.

"let's dance!" wooyoung shrieked, grabbing san's arm and dragging him straight into the sea of moving bodies. mingi and yunho were close behind, leaving seonghwa, jongho, and yeosang standing awkwardly by themselves with full drinks and empty shot glasses.

"uh... i'll take these to the bar," jongho mumbled, grabbing everyone's empty shot glasses. then, turning to yeosang, his voice went softer. "and... maybe... if you wanted... we could... um... d-dance? maybe?"

yeosang let out a quiet laugh, biting back a smile. "i mean... fine, i guess," he said with an exaggerated eye roll, half teasing, half flustered himself. jongho's heart practically leapt out of his chest as he hurried to drop off the glasses, even swiping the empties from their already dancing friends on his way.

left against the wall, yeosang glanced over at seonghwa. "i hope you're having a good birthday," he said, nudging him lightly.

"it's... been okay. that's all," seonghwa replied, honest and maybe a little heavier than he meant it to sound. he took a sip of his drink, letting the burn settle in his chest.

yeosang hesitated for a second before speaking. "i know you probably don't want to hear this... but i can tell hongjoong's missing you."

seonghwa's shoulders stiffened. "oh... really?" was all he could manage.

"yeah. wooyoung even invited him tonight," yeosang admitted, glancing down at his own drink. "i mean... obviously if he was coming, he would've told you. he knew he wouldn't though. wooyoung wasn't even sure if he knew today was your birthday."

seonghwa's eyes widened slightly. "oh. well... maybe he's just... busy or something." he let out a laugh, but it was thin, brittle. fake.

"sorry for bringing it up," yeosang said gently, "but i really think you two should try to work it out. you're both good people. hongjoong just... he needs a push sometimes." his words were honest, raw. alcohol had loosened his tongue a little too much.

"i don't know," seonghwa admitted quietly. "i don't know if either of us could handle it. even if... even if we might still want it."

"if you want it, then why stop trying?" yeosang asked, his voice softer now.

seonghwa did not answer. instead, he took another sip of his drink, staring at the floor like it held the answers he did not have.

yeosang sighed, leaning closer. "well, you didn't hear this from me, but... hongjoong always goes to that little bookstore in the financial district on sundays. maybe if you happened to run into him, you know, like... by 'chance'..." he grinned, throwing up air quotes around the word.

seonghwa looked at him, hopeful but unsure. "but... do you think he'd even talk to me?"

"i can't answer that," yeosang shrugged. "but it doesn't hurt to try."

seonghwa went quiet for a moment, thinking. "you might be right... what time does he usually go?"

"early. like right when they open. he's always been an early bird," yeosang said.

a small, real smile tugged at seonghwa's lips. "thank you, yeosang. seriously."

"of course," yeosang replied. before anything else could be said, jongho appeared again, looking sweaty, nervous, and out of breath.

"i'm not dancing with you if your hands are clammy," yeosang warned, raising a brow.

jongho immediately wiped his palms on his jeans, thrusting his hand out like a proper gentleman. yeosang sighed but took it anyway, letting jongho pull him toward the dance floor.

seonghwa stood back for a while, just watching. his drink hung loosely in his hand, half-forgotten as his eyes scanned the dance floor. bodies tangled together beneath the flashing neon lights, laughter mixing with the heavy bass, every corner filled with couples lost in their own little worlds. san and wooyoung were wrapped up in each other, spinning and swaying like no one else existed. mingi and yunho were laughing, pulling each other close, hands tangled and clumsy but full of something soft. even jongho and yeosang, awkward as they were, had found a rhythm; their fingers were laced together, smiling like idiots.

for a second, seonghwa let himself imagine.

he imagined smaller hands slipping into his. imagined hongjoong's warm palm against his own, the way his thumb would nervously rub circles along his skin. he imagined the soft grin that would tug at hongjoong's lips when he was happy, the kind of smile that could light up every shadow in seonghwa's heart. he pictured the two of them in the middle of it all, swaying to the beat, forehead pressed against forehead, laughing over nothing.

his chest ached with the weight of it, with how badly he wished he was not standing here alone. how badly he wished hongjoong was here. with him. dancing like their friends were. like they deserved to be.

seonghwa sighed, pulling his gaze away, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment as if that would make the feeling hurt less. but it did not. it never did.

he knew what he had to do. no more waiting. no more wondering. no more pretending it did not hurt this much.

he would try to see hongjoong tomorrow. he had to. because if there was even the smallest chance that they could figure this out, then he had to take it.

he needed to.

for once, he needed to fight for what he wanted.

for them.

i love jongho and yeosang's relationship LOL

-vic