oh, gosh. i haven't updated since the beginning of summer. read the author's note at the end for explanation! ignore weird mistakes and typos, enjoy :) x

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|| nine months ago ||

1:09 pm

If there's one thing I've been dreading the most since meeting Archie, it was having to face his twin sister, Ari. Each and every meeting with her is more awkward and uncomfortable than the last, filled with so much tension from her cold personality towards me that it makes me want to stay clear of her as many times as I can.

It wasn't like she had the same personality as the Wicked Witch of the West – I've seen her openly laugh and show her soft side plenty of times – but there's something about me that ticks Ari off, and I have no idea what it is.

Maybe it's a twin thing. Ari and Archie are the closest siblings I've ever seen in my life. Their mom has told me many stories of how they were when they were younger. This could be her way of looking out for her brother; however, I can't think of a reason for why I'm always on the end of her cold shoulder.

More than once have I tried to get her to soften up to me. It's never worked. A few days ago, all of that came to an end. Well, from Ari, at least.

 I tugged on the ends of my dress nervously as I walked down the hall to the bedroom. I haven't worn this since my grandpa's funeral two Octobers ago; it didn't cross my mind that I would have to wear it again so soon.

My heels sounded deafeningly loud in the silence of the house, and the creak of the door opening was an echo in a canyon. AJ's dog tags clinked together, mimicking the tinkling sound from Caroline's current obsession, Tinkerbell. She nudged by me and squeezed her way through the opening of our adjoined bathroom, where Archie currently stood fixing his tie in front of the mirror.

 As softly as I could, I stepped towards him, clasping my sweaty hands together. With one failed attempt to clear the lump out of my throat, I spoke in such a soft, quiet voice, anything louder would somehow destroy the peace, "Do you need help?"

 Archie breathed out, his solemn expression not changing as he answered simply, "No."

I clenched my hands tighter. "But you don't know how to tie one," I whispered.

Archie released his failed attempt of a tie and looked at me through the mirror. I couldn't help but flinch under his intense gaze, or the way his eyes were slightly narrowed as he looked at me in a way he's never done before, even in our worst of fights.

"Fine," he answered roughly, turning towards me with his arms limp at his sides.

 Sucking in a shaky breath, I stepped closer and began the process of doing his tie, just as I had done a thousand times before. Normally, this would be a playful moment. I'd tease him about his incapability of tying his own tie and he would joke about how having me do it is just another way to be closer. I'd pull him by the material so he bent down and gave me a kiss, and then he'd be on his way to wherever he was headed.

 Right now was the total opposite of that.

 My hands had a slight tremble to them as I finished, and I took the risk of meeting Archie's gaze. Seeing as they hadn't changed, I adjusted the tie and took a step back. He muttered a thank you and was just about to slip past me if I hadn't stopped him with my words.

"I'm sorry, Archie."

"I know you are," he said.

 "Then can you please talk to me?" I asked weakly. Besides the one word answers, all our conversations have been short and straight to the point. Other than that, the amount of silence was growing, and I was suffocating from it.

"You want to have a talk right now, Elle?" Archie replied with an edge to his tone. "How about some time after we get back from my sister's funeral, does that sound good to you?" I looked away, feeling the tears threaten to fall from where they built up at the brim of my eyes. I blinked rapidly and sniffled.

"Okay," I whispered.

Archie shook his head at me, his face looking so hard and unforgiving it made me want to break down into tears right then and there. "You think that all those commercials about not texting and driving would have taught people better," he said. "I guess Ari's one of those statistics now. She wasn't the one driving, but she is the lost loved one."

And when he shut the door behind him, I broke down and cried.

Cried at my stupidity. 

Cried at the consequences.

 Cried at the overwhelming feelings washing over me as the memory of impact flashed across my mind, and the sounds of Ari's shrieks and breaking glass invaded my head.

6:33 am

AJ's barking could be heard from where she stood inside of the house as I placed my overnight bags inside of my car. After a particularly hard cry and a deep sleep last night, I woke up earlier than normal to pack, feeling a sense of sorrow as I opened my eyes to an empty house and an aching heart. It was too hard to stay at the house filled with so many memories to not feel a constant hurt in my chest as I remember last night.

I was utterly lost in what to do now. This has been going on for much too long for me to let it continue. Archie's abrupt leaving in attempt to avoid a weekend with me hurt more than it should, especially since it seemed like he didn't intend to tell me about his plans as he bailed on our own.

 The anger hadn't hit me yet, but it will as soon as my heart recovers from the blow of my husband trying so desperately to avoid me that he resorted to going as far as a voluntary business trip. The anger, however, will surely come come from Luca as soon as he knows. I would've called, called to inform them that Archie would be a no-show once again, but I had been too busy sobbing like a teenage girl suffering through a terrible break up to do so.

And now, as one who was hurting wished to do, I was heading out early to seek some sort of comfort rather than spending time in my home to wallow in self pity. I'm sure that being around the support and love of Luca, Kate, and Caroline will help mend how currently broken I felt in the inside.

I needed advice, needed to clear my head so that I could figure out how I want to go about Archie's obvious disinterest with being around me.

 But first, I needed to get away from the place that reminds me about all things Archie and I – before and after the accident that caused this strain on our relationship. It would only make my hurting heart yearn for how things used to be. 

"All set, sweetie?" asked my neighbor, Mrs. Holland. She was a sweet lady who would be watching over AJ while I was gone.

"Yes," I replied, shutting the back door. "Thank you for agreeing to watch AJ on such short notice, Mrs. Holland."

"It's not a problem." She smiled sympathetically before pulling me in for a brief hug. "Chin up, okay? Everything will work out in the end. Just you see."

 With my mind in quite a downer, I highly doubted that. Right now, I was having trouble foreseeing a happy ending to the story of Archie and I. But instead of saying anything that would stomp down on Mrs. Holland's high hopes, I said my final goodbyes to her and AJ before driving off.

8:58 am

Pulling up to Luca's house, my eyes felt less puffy than when I had woken up. Luca had always paid attention to the little things, and despite giving my face a good wash this morning and putting on a touch of makeup, he would undoubtedly catch the small signs of an earlier cry. Admittedly, though, I had shed a few tears on the road as my thoughts consumed me in the silence before I blasted some random pop station to block them.

Kate knew I was coming.  Luca had headed off to work and would be back with Caroline around four, leaving me to be with my sister-in-law.

I gripped my night bag tightly in my hand as I pushed open the fence and knocked on the front door. Kate, looking absolutely more gorgeous than through our video calls, was there in seconds, searching my face for a moment before wrapping her arms around me in an instant.

The walls holding me together momentarily crumbled at her support, and I dropped my bags to hug her just as tightly, vowing that this would be one of the last episode of tears I was going to have today.

11:26 am 

It seemed, to me, that the last two or so hours were spent by Kate acting like a therapist, listening as I lie across her couch and told her everything there was to be told from last night. There were no more tears, just the remaining tear tracks on my cheeks and red rimmed eyes from the last round of crying. Anger simmered beneath it all, threatening to boil over as I expressed how furious I was at him for ditching on Caroline's weekend with no notice to her or myself.

"It's honestly really hard for me to believe that Archie would do something so harsh, Elle," Kate said, shaking her head.

"Me, too," I whispered. Kate reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it as if she predicted me to break all over again.  I sighed sullenly and pulled myself to a sitting position. "But he did, and that's the reality of the situation."

"Luca is going to go berserk once he hears about this," Kate pointed out.

 "And Caroline's going to be really disappointed that Archie's not here," I added with another sigh. It was silly to think that this weekend could be an opportunity to be a bit like a family. Archie was always in a better mood around Caroline and I had hoped that we could try to work things out while we were here. But, of course, Archie was hell-bent on not doing that.

I killed his sister, after all.

"You look really tired, Elle. Would you like to rest for a little bit?" she suggest gently.

After I gave her the barest of nods, Kate lead me up to the guest bedroom I often claimed when I was in town. I shuffled through my bag in search for something to sleep in when I came across Archie's old sweatshirt. My fingers closed tightly around the fabric, lifting it just a bit so I could see it fully. 

Why did I bring this thing? I asked myself, aware of the constricting feeling in my chest. With a shake of my head, I forced away all thoughts as I changed clothes and buried myself under the covers to rest and pretend that I still wasn't hurting.

4:03 pm

"How could he!" shouted a voice. Blinking away the sleep from my eyes, I stretched my muscles under the covers, then slid off the bed. My feet padded quietly against the hardwood floor, and Kate and Lucas' conversation grew more clear as I opened the door.

"Lucas, don't call him," I heard Kate sigh as I walked down the stairs. Caroline, who was sitting on the couch with an afternoon snack placed on the coffee table in front of her, stopped me on the way. She clearly was more interested in her father's yelling than her Nutella sandwich.

"Hi, Caroline," I greeted in my usual, cheery auntie voice; however, Caroline didn't look too happy.

She frowned up at me. "Uncle Archie isn't here for my birthday?"

"No," I said gently and kneeled before her. I held her hand in mine, feeling just as sad as she was. "He had to go on a business trip."

"But Daddy just said that he didn't need to!" she cried with such heartbroken look at the thought of her favorite uncle ditching her birthday.

"I don't think this has anything to do with you, sweetie. You know your Uncle Archie and I aren't on great terms anymore."

 "Are you going to get a divorce?"

My heart stuttered. It's the same question I've been asking myself for a while now, yet I could never find it in my to give in to the inevitable if Archie were to continue with widening the gap between us. "I don't know, Caroline, we might have to if –" 

"But you can't do that!" she argued.

"I think it'd be best if your auntie got a divorce," interrupted a voice. Caroline turned to face her father with a wobbly frown, and I reluctantly met Luca's piercing gaze. Once upon a time, Luca was actually friendly with Archie, only going cold when he played the role of protective older brother that would protect his baby sister no matter what. They were nothing less than best brothers-in-laws, but now scowling is an automatic reaction at the sound of Archie's name.

"Daddy, how can you say that?" Caroline yelled, almost in reprimand.

"Honey, why don't you go into the kitchen with Mommy while I talk to your auntie?" Luca suggested. Not given much of an option as Kate gently dragged her to the kitchen, she went reluctantly.

I braced myself for Luca's angry rants on how I should crack down on Archie and finally make a decision about leaving. But instead, he sat down and wrapped me up in his arms.

"I know it's not what you wanted to hear, Elle," he whispered, rubbing his hand up and down my back, "but I really think that it's something you should consider. It's been almost ten months since Ari died, and I can't stand by and watch my little sister constantly get hurt because her husband is still blaming her for the accident." 

"I want to at least talk to him and try to work something out before I decide," I reasoned. 

"Then do it. But dammit, Elle, if he won't stop for one second to talk to you, I swear I'm locking him in a room with you."

12:19 pm

The day of Caroline's party was a real mood-lifter. How could I not crack a smile as the little kids ran around outside without a care in the world, shrieking loud enough for everybody in the neighborhood to hear. The handful of men at the party were either outside with the grill or inside with some soda and a game as their center of attention. Kate and I were in the kitchen with the other women, preparing treats and goodie bags for the games to come. 

"Has Archie called you lately?" Kate asked as she and I decorated the cupcakes with edible silver glitter.

I frowned. "He texted me to tell Caroline that he'll be able to skype with her at ten tonight, west coast time, but that's about it," I informed her.

"I might want to keep Luca from butting in, then," she chuckled. "He's pretty upset with him."

 "So am I," I sighed, picking up the tray, "but what are you gonna do, right?"

"I have a few ideas on what you could do," Luca said as he came from the living room, grabbing the tray from me and heading outside.

"Can you promise that you aren't going to dampen Caroline's mood when she skypes with him tonight by shouting at him?" I asked, pointing to his daughter, who was currently shrieking happily as she ran away from a little boy chasing after her. 

"If this is his form of damage control, then he's going to have to try a whole lot harder," he said with a scowl. "She was pretty upset when I tucked her into bed last night."

"Well, she was practically jumping for joy when I told her that he's willing to Skype with her tonight, so don't bring up the whole 'voluntary business trip' thing again; your daughter's birthday spirits will be crushed if you remind her that Archie ditched this weekend to work." 

"I think she was more upset that her favorite Uncle and Aunt are going to get a divorce," he pointed out. 

I crossed my arms and searched for Caroline in the mass of small children, but the game had switched to hide-and-seek and half the children were already in their hiding spots. "I told her nothing was set in stone yet," I said to him when I couldn't find her.

But then as one little girl, who I assumed was the seeker, yelled, "Ready or not, here I come!" someone sprinted out of their hiding spot as the girl's back was turned. Caroline, putting a finger to her lips as a signal for us to keep quiet, crawled under the table for refuge. 

Luca chuckled and bent down, grabbing his daughter by the armpits and pulling her out, exposing her. "I found one!" he shouted, raising Caroline in the air as the seeker laughed and told Caroline she was out. 

"Daddy, you gave me away!" Caroline whined, pouting at her father.

"Sorry, pumpkin," he laughed, ruffling her hair and placing him on his hip. "Your Auntie Ellie and I were just talking about your Skype date with Uncle Archie tonight. Are you excited for that?"

Her eyes lit up at the sound of Archie's name, and she bobbed her head enthusiastically. "Yup, I can't wait to tell him how much fun I had today. I wish he was here," she said sadly.

"I'm sure he'll make it up to you when he get's back," I responded, offering her a smile.

"Will he make it up to you, too?" she asked, innocently tilting her head in question.

"Uh . . ." Doubtful, I thought.

"Sure he will," Luca answered with a smile, though with a hint of sarcasm that slipped past Caroline's ears. She grinned, content with his answer, and slid down to the floor to rejoin the game. Once out of earshot, Luca let his smile fall, replacing it with a scowl as he said, "Right after he invents a time machine he will."

9:12 pm

Caroline was out cold by the time the last family said their goodbyes and left. As soon as Kate shook her awake to inform her it was almost time to skype with Archie, however, she was awake and energetic like a child on a sugar high. The computer was all set up on the kitchen table, waiting for the incoming call. Luca was sent to the bedroom early by Kate, to ensure that he wasn't going to blow his top at Archie, but we all knew that he would most likely be listening, anyway.

 I was in the midst of drying a plate when Caroline's excited squeal cut through the air. "He's calling!" she exclaimed, practically slapping down on the keyboard to accept the call. Kate, who was putting the dishes back in their rightful place, touched my shoulder gently and joined Caroline at the table. I decided to take the chore on by myself, out of camera view.

"Hi, Kate. Hey, birthday girl," came Archie's chirpy response. In the months of Ari's death, there was still a part of his old self that Archie showed around Caroline. His facade softened when it came to his niece. I was, at least, glad that there was a piece left of the man I used to know. 

Caroline grinned and waved, saying, "Hi, Uncle Archie! How's San Francisco?"

"Really great, actually. Did Ellie tell you I was here?" he asked. 

"Yeah, she did. I was sad when I found out you went on a business trip, and Auntie Ellie thinks it's because you want to get away from her. She looked sad about it, too. Is that true?" I stiffened at her innocent words, my movements slowing. Kate glanced at me, wincing.

"O-of course not," he said, almost in defense. "You know how Auntie Ellie is still looking for a job, and we need all the money we could get so we can pay the bills." His face shifted to a look of guilt as he said, "I won't be back for a few more weeks or so."

 At his words, I sighed quietly. I shouldn't be surprised; however, it was hard not to be a little saddened by the fact that our anniversary was next week and that he would be absent for it. I guess I'll have to wait a while before we could work try and work this out. 

Slipping out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my bedroom, I snorted as I found Luca sitting by the stairs, listening in to his daughter's conversation with a serious look on his face. I gave him a pointed look, saying, "Really?"

 His solemn expression did not change, and he stood up. "You don't look too surprised by the fact that Archie won't be back for a couple weeks," he pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged, trying to pass my feelings off as indifferent, though we both knew that I wasn't willing to show how disappointed I was. "I'm used to it," I said quietly.

"That's the thing, Elle," Luca answered, sitting back down on the steps with a sigh. "You're not supposed to be used to it."

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finally an update! so sorry i haven't updated since the beginning of summer, i really thought i was going to finish it by the end but apparently that didn't happen. i got really busy and then started focusing on atw updates. this chapter has been written for a while now, but just not the very first part where it's the scene between archie and elle. it just never came out right and i ended up pushing this chapter to the side for a while. my thoughts on where this story was going to go kept changing as well, but i think i've decided on what i want to happen :)

so the reason for archie's distance is because his twin sister's death was because of ellie. without getting into too much detail, she was texting while ari was in the car with her, and ari ended up the one getting injured more. there's been awareness for not texting while you drive and i thought that this was a realistic mistake that could happen in real life. lesson right now: don't text while driving. it can wait. i'll be switching updates between this and atw so i can hopefully finish this story off, so stick around! ilyttmab

-jesse xx