The world was changing - too fast for the little peony to grasp. He had his lucky socks with him all the time. He prayed for all the miracles to happen but each day brought another thunder in his four little walls.

He was happy when his mother asked him if he wanted to study in Jiujiang with his friends Cao Jun Xiang and Guo Cheng. Of course, Pei Xin was beyond thrilled. But that excitement was killed when his mother informed him that his cousin - Liu Yin Jun - would also be joining him. In Lanzhou, he didn't have any friends precisely because of Liu Yin Jun. So, Pei Xin didn't want Liu Yin Jun to study in the same place as his friends. He grew afraid of losing.

The next downpour was when his grandfather - Shen Xiao Hai - lost a big deal. Qi Pei Xin was being trained to be a businessman and his grandfather would take time especially for him to learn few business tactics. Afterall, he was going to be the next heir of famous Jin corps.

But what heir would he be if there wasn't any company left?

The hailstorm hit him when his grandfather, uncle and father got arrested for things he didn't understand. He tried to make sense of the situation but his mother only assured him, saying to have faith.

The faith is all that is left when the roads are darkened.

But the biggest uproar was when he learnt that his uncle Zhan had been sick. He didn't know that. He couldn't know that. It brought the biggest calamity over the Jiang household when they learnt what he did.

Silence is the cut-throat of misery.

Now all he could do was pray to the God in the empty sky.

. . .

The hasty steps didn't mind the crowd when he bumped into swarm many times. His heart had the same beat as his feet, too nimble to give it a rest. He reached the Beijing hospital the moment he got the news.

We are free now...

The real freedom is an escape from fear. But all he was, caged behind the bars of fright.

"Kuan-gege!" He shouted when he spotted the voice behind his last phone call. The owner of that name turned around, visibly surprised to see him there.

"Da-Cheng." He called back but before he could inquire much, he was engulfed into a tight hug.

"How?" He asked with his trembling voice. "How did he die?" He continued but instead of a reply he got soft pat on his back. The elder let his lover calm down in his soothing embrace. He knew the tears he (jc) shed were for himself (lhk).

"When police reached there, he had already stopped breathing." Liu Huai Kuan stated as calmly as his heart allowed.

"Was it your -"

"No. Father was the greatest leash he had on us. Uncle wouldn't kill him just like that. We are waiting for autopsy results."

He wished to be a father one last time.

"I'm sorry." Zhuocheng said. The two were standing in the hallway of a crowded hospital but the sands of hourglass had run out.

"No. I am sorry..."

Liu Huai Kuan planted a soft kiss on his forehead and added, "The Chief Civil court has transferred the case to the Civil Crime court judge...I'd be going Cheng."

The trial without a jury was going to be held.

Zhuocheng only tightened his hold and securing him with all of his might.

There were times when they lost sight of what was day and night. There were times when they were prone to danger. They never succumbed to unruly ways but far too many times they had to lower their prides to gain what they had now. And finally, all could come to an end.

"Take care..."

You don't know until you know when the last time arrives.

. . .

The sour taste of rejection was what hurt more.

Wang Zhuocheng entered the private room in deafening silence. His vision would blur in and out the moment he saw Xiao Zhan sleeping on a hospital bed.

The sight of those children tied together, relying on those machinery to survive made their appearance before his eyes. Seeing the familiarity of his past had a choking hold on him. Zhuocheng had to stop and breathe many times to wash off the grip of terror and finally he sat down next to his brother.

"Does it haunt you?" came a low whisper from the person lying on the bed. Not expecting him to be awake and having such a conversation off the bat, Zhuocheng had to pause and register everything.

"It does." He replied simply. He went closer to the cot but sat on the furthest chair.

"Have you gotten a panic attack before?" came another question.

"No."

"What about meltdown?"

"..."

"How many times?"

Far too many times for him to count. His body lost control over his thoughts and he had lashed out so many times and in very aggressive ways. The reason they had a fall out was because of Zhuocheng's sudden outburst of anger. He chose to raise his voice than to let his tears fall.

"What about you?" Zhoucheng countered, not wanting to discuss about it. He wasn't the one who could talk about his demons out loud.

"I had them both."

"Since when?"

"Since 9."

When the gust of first storm howled.

If he hadn't spoken, Zhuocheng would have assumed he was asleep. Lying down quietly without saying a thing, he almost looked peaceful. And that's how Xiao Zhan had always been. He would deal with his pain alone - not allowing himself to be a burden.

His head had a full bandage before, now it was reduced to just adhesive strips. Similar to the bandages all over his body. It could have been worst, it could have cost them everything.

His psychiatrist had been with Xiao Zhan most of the time. He only stepped out when he heard the devastating news of his father's passing. But he didn't leave Xiao Zhan alone. He made sure either Xuan Lu or Song Jiyang were by his side.

"They all have been captured?" His question shocked Zhuocheng to say the least. He knew he couldn't hide things from his gege for long but the situation he was in was precisely he didn't say a thing. Who knew everything would back fire?

"Almost." His reply was brief but it had a certain gravity of his pain.

"How long have you been doing this?" Xiao Zhan asked. His eyes were still close, serenely.

"For about 2 years."

"Wang Yibo. He had been with you, hasn't he?"

The star that shined just above the dawn had finally started flicker.

"Mn."

"He's been searching for evidence since long before, hasn't he?"

"...Yes. How do you know?"

"I realized it after reading PengPeng's letter."

Zhuocheng had read that letter as well. He fiddled with his fingers before turning his gaze towards his gege but before he could inform him about the remaining secrets, Xiao Zhan said.

"You've been planning to drag me to the court without my consent." Xiao Zhan opened his eyes now and looked at Zhuocheng sternly. His sparkly eyes were devoid of any emotions and he looked like he just had enough.

"You've been trying to take revenge for my sake." Xiao Zhan added. He looked back at the white roof which he had been staring at for the past month, he inquired, "But did you ask me if I even wanted vengeance?"

Silence.

Not because he couldn't say a thing but he didn't want to say a thing. Xiao Zhan had attempted to end it first time, he could try again. The stake of fear was already high.

"Would you tell me or do I have to guess that Wang Yibo would be at the court as well?"

"..."

"I see." Xiao Zhan closed his eyes and let his mind settle. He had been preparing himself since he got conscious. Dr. Liu had so many sessions with him in the last month, eliminating all the tracks that lead to dead end. He had also told him about his CT reports. He explained to him that retaining memories would be possible. But did Xiao Zhan want to remember now?

The more you wish for someone, the emptier the heart feels. But when you stop wishing that's when the time measures the distance.

"What would you do if I say that I don't want to go to the court? Would you force me there?"

"No!...No. Gege we were not trying to hide - "

"Lies! Whatever you say now, will not make me believe a thing anymore." Xiao Zhan almost yelled but calmed himself down. His eyes searched for everything but not his brother.

"What do you want to believe then? Who do you want to believe?" Zhuocheng asked equally agitated. He doesn't even know half of the story, what would he do if he learns about it?

"Not you. Not anyone. You've pushed me far away already."

Hearing that Zhuocheng stood up from his seat, his agitation turned into rage, he reminded, "You were the one, who pushed us all away! You were the one who kept us in the dark."

He has. Xiao Zhan had kept them all away, far from his locked heart. He told himself, it was to protect them, to keep them safe. But No, he never connected his heart in the first place.

"I always treated you like my family but you never once thought of me like that! And when I do the same, it hurts you?"

Zhuocheng Controlled every nerve in him to not vomit out all the poison he had been drinking, all the pain he had been feeling. To not cause further damage, he rushed out of the room.

It was the rejection that taught him how to reject.

The false assurance he had been giving himself had finally been proven wrong. Why did it take him so many years to acknowledge their love? He was sure he wouldn't have on his own, if not for Zhuocheng somebody else might had to clear the path for him to see.

He was not the only one who was scared.

Xiao Zhan closed his eyes to utter darkness again. But this time, he wouldn't let his thoughts dictate him anymore.

The bridge of relationship is narrowed down to how they make you feel but it also depends on how you made them feel.

. . .

It was the echoes of his own voice, his own thoughts, his own mind and his own cries. The timeless void showed him what his nightmares were and where he stands. He ran from it, hid from it, tried to free himself from the hellhounds. But black was the color that could absorb it all.

He saw a tiny child sitting on an empty path. How those chains had adorned on his shell. He could see, how submissive the child was to those restraints. And that was the start of all the craze.

"Aren't you tired?" The child whispered against the silent white. Xiao Zhan was surprised to hear his voice. He stepped closer and sat next to him.

"How long have you been here?" Xiao Zhan asked instead.

"As long as you've kept me here."

The spark against the dark was bright but the spark against the light was so fragile.

"Do you think I'm ready?" Xiao Zhan asked. The boy shifted his gaze towards him, gently he called.

"You can only be ready when you tell yourself you are."

"I'm afraid." He whispered.

"I know." He replied.

The tinkle of the shackles followed him everywhere, like his own shadow they had been bound to him.

"Let me go." He asked.

Xiao Zhan looked at the frail child. He was so small against the black just because he was white. Xiao Zhan embraced him in his arms. He closed his eyes and called,

"Let me in, so I can set you free."

It was time to say good bye, the pursuit of happiness starts from the inside.

Xiao Zhan opened his eyes to the sight of his goat necklace. It was securely held by and Xiao Zhan smiled a weak smile.

"Thank you, Jiyang Shushu."

"No, thank you for staying alive." Song Jiyang said and closed his fist where he had placed the goat necklace. It was the oath of his heart, a promise of his love.

. . .

It didn't take long for the new moon to arrive. The trial was going to be held in the Superior court of Judicial branch. The hall of the court was filled with 1 elected superior judge with 3 appointed commissioners. Each with a very firm view of

Not rule of the law rather rule by the law.

The presiding judge of the criminal court delegate division was going to watch over the case. Both the victims and defenders were expected to come before time.

The Jiang family, the Wei Family, the Jin Family, the Wen family and of course the remaining members of Lan Family were present, all except Wang Yibo. It was going to be a big trial as it involved big families.

Xiao Zhan had come a long way in taming his thoughts, all thanks to Dr. Liu and Dr. Lin Ran. He had learnt that instead of blaming himself for what he not caused, he should acknowledge the fault he had committed and when he put the terms in that way, it relieved him of big guilts. But despite all the efforts he was still very scared. Afraid of that one thought.

One of their lawyers called to know when would Wang Yibo arrive and just as he announced the name, that sturdy figured entered inside. The noises around Xiao Zhan all became mute when his eyes landed on that familiar man.

The honey- brown oracles and majestic stride. The chilling demeanor and exalted pride.

Oh, but there was just one matter, it was also the man he knew as Dr. Liu - his psychiatrist.

A-Zhan, What is your biggest fear, your biggest nightmare?

...To meet Yibo and not recognize him.

----------------------

Raise your hands if you had figured out that Dr. Liu was indeed Wang Yibo 🖐

And those of you, who raised their hands, pulled it down cause you lying. Just in last chapter, I gave a very clear hint about his identity but y'all missed it. Guess I have rubbed off my dumbness to you guys.

Rejection teaches you how to reject - Jeanette Winterson

Sorry for errors and thank you for reading.