The orange hue of the setting sun, slithered through the curtains. The drops of rain engaged in the race across the window pane. Ding! came the sound of the oven in the calm place.

He opened his eyes, intrigued by the aroma. While seconds later something else allured his senses even more.

"Ah! You're awake." A peaceful siren was heard.

He tried to get up, but he realized the weight of his own body just then.

"Keep lying!" It was an order, but it sounded like a peace call.

"Zhan-ge?" He lied down back to the comfy bed.

"Hm?" Xiao Zhan asked, covering the already covered person into a cocoon.

"W-what happened?" His head felt heavy, especially at the back. He massaged his temples with his hand, in false attempt to ease the pain.

Xiao Zhan pushed his hand away and decided to run his own fingers through his hair – a relaxing massage.

"Zhan-ge you don't –"

"Shut up, Bo-di!"

And he did shut up and let those slender fingers work their magic. They moved so sensually against his skull, circling in a pattern. He felt like an instrument being played by a muse.

As the minutes ticked away, he felt himself relaxing to those feather touches.

"You scared me – you passed out so suddenly." Xiao Zhan informed.

"Ah? Sorry. Didn't mean to cause you –"

"If you finish that sentence, I will pull off your hairs till you go bald." Xiao Zhan warned. But instead of scaring the too polite individual, it put a smile on his face.

"Would you be alright with a bald partner then? – ouch! Ouch! My bad! My bad!"

Just as he teased, his ear had to take the blow of that remark.

"I'm very angry at you and you're fooling around? Dr. Lin Ran said you might not wake up for days." Xiao Zhan verbalized his concerns while still massaging the ungrateful person's throbbing head.

"I was wrong." Wang Yibo reflected. He then asked, "How long have I been asleep?"

"2 days." Xiao Zhan answered. "Dr. Lin Ran said all the exhaustion finally caught with your body."

Wang Yibo hummed. He saw it coming. He had spent years with countless sleepless, restless, ease-less days. Just as his mind registered the safety of Xiao Zhan, his body finally collapsed.

"I made Congee and baked some cookies. Do you want to have it now?" Xiao Zhan asked.

"Simple water would do for now."

"Ah okay!" Xiao Zhan got up and sprinted to the kitchen, he brought lukewarm water.

"Thank you." After drinking it did Wang Yibo realize how thirsty he had been. The glass was still in his hand. He looked around and finally asked,

"You brought me to your apartment?"

"Ah! I didn't know where you lived. And Dr. Lin Ran said, there was no need for you to admit in the hospital..." Xiao Zhan fidgeted thinking, maybe it was too direct of him.

"No! I'm grateful that you trust me enough to bring me here." Wang Yibo assured seeing that worrying face.

"Sorry, last time you came here...it wasn't really welcoming. That reminds me, How did you learn my address?" As Xiao Zhan remembered, not many people know of his whereabouts as he kept changing apartments in the past.

"You invited Fenxing remember? He's my assistant." Despite already knowing his address.

"Ah...But how did you come at...that time?" Xiao Zhan asked, visibly embarrassed of how hysterical he was that day.

"Hao Xuan." Wang Yibo simply said.

Xiao Zhan felt even more embarrassed, he left the man hanging on the cafee and ran without even paying for his drink. But line of thought brought his attention to something else.

"Bo-di, wash your face and have your meal. After that, we need to talk."

The atmosphere seemed to shift a degree below. Wang Yibo nodded and left for the bathroom.

"Finally, I get to eat these masterpieces." Wang Yibo proudly flaunted the cookies in his hands.

"Don't tell me you still have that video?" Xiao Zhan asked, almost in panic. Now he was questioning himself, why did he even sent a video of him eating cookies to someone?

"Of course, I have it! I watch it every day!" Wang Yibo boasted.

"..." Xiao Zhan would officially mark this day, the most embarrassing day of his life. He decided to indulge his thoughts to the sweets at hand.

Wang Yibo offered to wash dishes, but Xiao Zhan strictly made him lie down after forcing the pills down his throats.

From the ajar door of the kitchen, Wang Yibo could see his beloved cleaning. He looked at the ceiling then again at his beloved.

He wasn't dreaming.

It felt surreal. It felt unerring. It felt at home.

He worked hard for this day and now it was almost his.

Wang Yibo felt his eyes sting with the tears and one of those lonely tears slid down his cheeks and landed on the pillow below. He closed his eyes to let them all go loose. He thought he could only cry in front of his mom.

He heard mild footsteps and immediately wiped his tears away before his beloved could see and get worry.

When he opened his eyes, he saw his dearest rummaging through the closet – looking for something. Xiao Zhan put on a white long shirt, put on spectacles, held a sketch pad in his hand and made his way to Wang Yibo.

"What are you doing Zhan-ge?" Wang Yibo asked raising his head.

"Call me Doctor Zhan." Xiao Zhan said as he nudged the glasses on his nose.

"Ah?" Wang Yibo tilted his head in confusion. He tried to get up, but Xiao Zhan gave him the stern look to keep lying.

"As of today, I will be your counselor. So, state your worries child." Xiao Zhan said in as professional voice as he could muster.

"Pfft- Hahahahaha! W-what are you doing Zhan-ge. Hahaha." Wang Yibo laughed like he had never laughed before. So, wearing a white long shirt, spectacles and holding a sketchpad was Zhan-ge's version of a Psychiatrist?

"Wang Yibo, why are you being so mean? I didn't laugh at you when I had a session." Xiao Zhan said, annoyed. Years have passed and Wang Yibo still piss him off at times. Xiao Zhan shook his head in disbelief. Somethings don't change.

"Alright, Alright." Wang Yibo said wiping off the tears from his eyes. He truly had laughed too much. He was already up, so he sat down properly. Xiao Zhan put the pillows behind him – allowing him to lean.

"So, Dr. Zhan, are you here to take my temperature?"

"Since you can laugh this much, I think your fever is already gone." Xiao Zhan said clicking his tongue.

"It could be different kind of fever; you need to check, to know it." Wang Yibo said playfully.

"Aish Wang Yibo. Are you the same psychiatrist I consulted with?" Xiao Zhan also arranged few cushions against the bedrest and sat next to Wang Yibo.

He looks upset.

Wang Yibo couldn't help but think, that he was out of line. They just got together; he should take things slowly.

"Sorry Zhan-ge."

Instead, it seemed to make his beloved even more upset. Xiao Zhan's lower lip puckered up, emphasizing his emotions.

"Wang Yibo! If you apologize to me one more time, I will – I will do something to myself!"

"..."

The warning was triggering.

He would live with anything. Any pain, any torture, any punishment but not this. Wang Yibo looked down after hearing that.

What would a relationship be called, if it passed the storm but still had to go through repercussion?

"You are still hiding your pain from me..."

His voice was low, but it couldn't hide the truncated anguish.

"Do I make you feel burdened that you can't share it with me?" Xiao Zhan asked.

That's when Wang Yibo realized what his Zhan-ge had been trying to do. He tried to make him feel at home.

"No! Zhan-ge! That's not it!"

"Then you need to share it with me. We can't keep doing things like how we did before."

Smiling while dying inside, to keep the other by side. It didn't do anyone good.

"Mn. I will not hide a thing from you anymore." Wang Yibo promised locking his eyes with the elder. Xiao Zhan felt his sincerity so, he stoutly asked.

"Tell me then, what did Xiu Qing do to you?"

"..."

"If you can't talk about it, I won't force it. But I think it's better if we clear our past first. I don't want to feel that I have wronged you for the rest of my life." Xiao Zhan said being honest on his part. He had shared his entire past not knowing, he was elaborating it to his own beloved. But now, so he decided to untie all the knots.

"Zhan-ge! You didn't wrong me!" Wang Yibo assured with evident voice.

"That's what you're saying. But that's not what I'm feeling...I didn't know you were in hell yourself." Xiao Zhan said with remorse. The pain glistened in his eyes.

"...Zhan-ge, What happened was neither your fault nor mine fault. Even if we wish things were different, but it has all passed."

You have the choice, a decision how you wish to straggle with something that has already happened.

"XuanXuan and PengPeng... They all did so much for me, and I kept blaming them." Xiao Zhan carried on. He had been judging them wrong. But then, what would justify all the bullying he went through.

His mind was in constant battle to put them on the pedestal of good and bad, white and black. Not knowing that there was also color grey.

"And I am sure Xiu Qing did something to you too, didn't he? That's why you aren't telling me about it."

"He did not do anything to me." Wang Yibo clarified. He should be glad, seeing how much his dearest still cared for him. But it always brought immense pain to see him broke.

He will be hurt if he tell him, he would be hurt if he not tell him. Would be alright to share it then?

"He did have me. But I was not what he wanted. It was Zi Teng who wanted me, but my brother protected me. They didn't do anything to me." Wang Yibo begun

"Then where were you?"

Wang Yibo looked at his beloved, his eyes dripping with worries. He knew, he had to say it one day. He had to acknowledge it one day. But didn't see it shaping so soon. He looked at his beloved and revealed with a smile.

"I have developed schizophrenia."

[Flashback]

The colors were all spread in the room, from the pink of the walls, to the red of the curtains. From the purple of the bed, to the peach of the carpet. The stuff toys added spotlight to the dreamland.

"Daddy brought another toy, Yue. Do you like it?" He placed the newest plushie on the mountain of so many toys that had been resting there unopened.

He then gazed his eyes at the little bloom that had been looking out of the window in a daze. She didn't see her father come in.

"Yue." He called again to get her attention and the little bloom turned around and a beautiful smile crowned on her face.

"Dada!!!" She joyed. And slammed herself into his embrace. Father picked her up and twirled her around in the air. Her giggles were the sweetest sound in his sour life.

"Did you miss Daddy?" He asked, pressing the button nose. The little bloom giggled as she nodded. And mimicked what her father did by pressing his button nose.

She then looked at the new toy. He brought her the latest Barbie Doll edition. He was sure that it would make her smile, but it did just the opposite. She seemed to have hard time, keeping that smile.

"What's the matter Yue?" He questioned, worried.

"No Baba?" she asked with her lower lip protruding.

Seeing his daughter sad, hurts his heart even more. He had promised her to take her see his other father but that promise lied hanging in the air.

"I'm sorry, Yue. I promise, I will bring Baba to meet you." He made another promise, he knew he won't be able to keep.

Hearing the vow, she beamed up and nodded with a smile.

"Baba and Dada!" She cheered with both her hands and begun to jump in his embrace.

Between their gleeful moment. They heard the creak of the door. They turned around and saw who entered.

"Kuan Shushu!" Yue pointed at the figure who walked it.

"Yibo." Greeted Liu Huai Kuan. Seeing him, Wang Yibo's brows knitted together and put down Yue to face the man.

"What is it?" Wang Yibo asked uninterested.

"It's time for your medicine." Liu Huai Kuan said with a clear hurt in his eyes.

"I don't need it." Wang Yibo said and went to sit on the bed where Yue went. He stroked her hair while she played with the turtle plushie.

Liu Huai Kuan saw his act. Agony filled his heart and each passing second inflicted a wound at the beat. He again pleaded his brother,

"Yibo. You need to take medicine."

"I said I don't need it." Wang Yibo said, annoyed. He tried to keep his voice as rational as he could. He didn't want to scare Yue.

With steps as heavy as rocks, Liu Huai Kuan made his way to Wang Yibo. He squatted on the floor, right in front of the bed.

"Didi, please take your medicine." Liu Huai Kuan begged.

"I DON'T NEED IT!" Wang Yibo snapped. The sudden outburst of her father, scared Yue. She was shocked and started to cry.

Wang Yibo picked up his crying daughter and started to pacify her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yue, please don't cry." He paced back and forth in the room, rocking her gently, making her calm down.

Liu Huai Kuan watched his brother with shattered conscious. No matter how many times, he witnessed it, it still made his soul bleed.

Wang Yibo kept soothing her till she fell asleep in his arms. He made his way to the bed and gently laid her down. He tucked her in and placed the plushie next to her, with which she was playing earlier.

Once he made sure Yue was comfortable. He directed his attention towards his brother. Firmly he said,

"Every time you come, Yue cries. That is something I can not ignore. Please leave us alone."

Liu Huai Kuan tried to avoid this. He had tried many methods before – any miracles that would make his brother understand. He managed to rescue his little brother but did he save him?

Liu Huai Kuan took a labored sigh. His hands were shaking when he pulled out an injection from his case and from Yibo's blind spot, injected him.

"No!" Wang Yibo shouted. Sensing the sudden needle scraping his skin. He tried to fight it off, But Liu Huai Kuan held him by his arm.

"I'm sorry Yibo, but it's for your own good." Liu Huai Kuan said in despair.

"No! No! please don't." He said as he tried to shake off the needle but solution of Paliperidone palmitate was making him feel dizzy.

The room begun to spin when he could no longer stand on his two legs.

"No...No...Ge please..." He begged while fighting his senses. If a heart could be broken more than this, Liu Huai Kuan would attest to that.

"I'm sorry Yibo." He cried. He hated it. He absolutely loathed it when he had to give his brother medicine like this.

"Ge...don't...Yue will..." Before he could finish his sentence, the doze registered in and he lost himself to the sleep.

Liu Huai Kuan removed the injection and sealed it in the plastic bag. He wiped his tears off his eyes and carried his brother to the bed that had been vacant.

He tucked him in, in the same manner he tucked the empty air. The plushie on his side – he picked it up and placed it with the other plushies which no one would ever use.

He turned off the lights and took a last look at his brother. He left him in the room that was empty.

[Flashback ends]

Xiao Zhan was stunned, shocked, hurt, confused and concerned. Wang Yibo was looking downwards, not finding courage to look up again.

"Y-Yue?" He asked with a shaky voice.

"Wang Yue. I'm sorry, I named her without asking your opinion." Wang Yibo apologized, still looking down.

Xiao Zhan surveilled his breathing. He bit his tongue to distract him from the ripples of anguish that shuttered his heart.

"Mn hm. It's a beautiful name." Xiao Zhan said with smile. "So, tell me how Yue has been? Is she eating well? Don't let her play too much."

Wang Yibo looked up, He wasn't expecting that answer. He wasn't expecting even acceptance. He could tell Xiao Zhan was doing his best, so he braved on,

"She's doing great. She misses you a lot."

"Mn. I miss her too." Xiao Zhan said. "I will prepare the bath for you." Xiao Zhan informed and went up to the bathroom.

Wang Yibo arranged the pillows again and lied down. He closed his eyes and let his heart settle.

Behind the bathroom door, Xiao Zhan slummed down and used his both hands to muffle the sound of his sobs.

He had turned on the faucet, to give the false illusion of filling the tub but he knew the water would just travel down the drain with no one using it.

He cried.

The tears flowed, replicating the water from the faucet. But unlike the faucet, he didn't allow himself to make a single noise.

He pulled out his phone and on web searched about Schizophrenia.

Just with the brief reading of the first article that popped up, his heart ached for the written tragedy and so much more.

. . .

The dinner seemed to have lost its taste. No matter how much he added spice, it didn't register to his buds.

"Zhan-ge, it's supposed to be Sauce in the soup, not soup in the sauce." Wang Yibo teased his dazed beloved.

"Ah! I added too much." Xiao Zhan realized and looked at his soup in pity.

"Are you alright?" Wang Yibo asked. To lay it on the line, he had expected the worst. From mild tremors to full blown panic attack. Yet aside from obvious shock, Xiao Zhan displayed nothing.

"I am. I am." Xiao Zhan said left for the kitchen. He needed to replace the soup with something edible.

Wang Yibo spun the spoon around in his soup. It tasted delicious. Just like how he remembered. He really couldn't believe the dream he had been chasing was right before you.

And precisely to turn that dream into reality, he needed to add credence to their relationship. Only then it would work out.

Xiao Zhan returned with the different bowl of soup. He also brought a fork to stab himself if he started dazing again. But knowing Wang Yibo was sitting at front, he probably won't use it.

"Zhan-ge. Would you like to visit Yue with me?"

And crockery crashed.

"Aish...sss!"

"Zhan-ge!" Wang Yibo got up immediately, pushing Xiao Zhan away from the splatter of hot soup.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry." Xiao Zhan apologized in a dread. How could I let it happen? Why could I not just focus? Yibo would think, he shouldn't have shared. He panicked as countless, meaningless, wasted questions circulated in his mind.

"Zhan-ge, calm down." Wang Yibo lead the alarmed person to the bathroom. He turned the faucet on and let it run till the water was lukewarm. Wang Yibo dipped a towel and started to wipe parts of the skin where the splatters fell.

"Yibo...it's fine. It doesn't hurt." Xiao Zhan said when he finally come to his senses.

Wang Yibo didn't reply, he simply kept wiping him. Later, He urged him to dip his feet in the bathtub to sooth.

"Yibo, you're –"

"I'm sorry."

Wang Yibo looked down in remorse. Maybe it was too soon? It has not even been a day and he caused Xiao Zhan to have panic.

Xiao Zhan saw his worry taking shape, urgently he cupped his face with both hands. He made him see eye to eye.

Those honey-brown oracles. Only now he realized, how much he loved to dive in those orbs.

"Bo-di. Please don't say that. It hurts me more when you apologize." Xiao Zhan assuaged the guilt in those eyes.

"I know – I sort of panicked a little. It might even take me some time to adjust to this. But I am truly happy that our daughter wasn't alone – You weren't alone."

Wang Yibo smiled. He chuckled at little. He was supposed to be the psychiatrist, yet his beloved was consoling him marvelously.

"Mn. Let's face everything together from now own."

Let's come together. We'll weather the storm.

"I would love that." Xiao Zhan said and the two smiled a hearty smile.

. . .

Wang Yibo again volunteered to clean up and this time Xiao Zhan let him help. The two of them cleaned the broken pieces of cutlery, wiped the floor and did the dishes.

Then it was time for both of them to take their medicines.

Wang Yibo laughed so much when he saw how many faces Xiao Zhan was making while taking the pills.

"Place it at the back of your tongue, it will go down immediately with water afterwards." Wang Yibo guided and even demonstrated.

"It passes by gut but get stuck in my throat." Xiao Zhan confessed. "I always have to eat a spoon of sugar later on." Xiao Zhan revealed and made Wang Yibo laugh even more.

"Hahaha Zhan-ge. I named you right, you are a baby." Wang Yibo laughed till his stomach ached. At first Xiao Zhan just stared at him with annoyed face. Later on, he joined the laugh and for the first time in years. Xiao Zhan was able to laugh like before the broken days.

The moon arrived and Xiao Zhan was setting the futon to sleep the night away.

"Zhan-ge, I can sleep on the Futon, you take the bed." Wang Yibo said from behind.

"Bo-di. Just because I let you help with the dishes didn't mean your fever is gone. Go back and rest." Xiao Zhan said sternly leaving no room to complain.

Since Xiao Zhan made him appear sicker than he already was, Wang Yibo decided to use that to his advantage,

"Zhan-ge. You're right, I am still a bit feverish. What would happened if I suddenly feel too cold?"

"I have extra blankets and pillows all lined up on the bed. I have shut down the window as well. I know you're no longer scared of the dark, but I still had the small lamp on in every room. I spared the inset replant, there shouldn't be any bugs around."

Well that didn't work.

"What if I feel thirty?"

"I placed the water bottle on the drawer. Your medicine is near-by. If you opened the first drawer, there is snack for you if you wake up feeling hungry."

Take a hint Xiao Zhan.

Wang Yibo shook his head in disbelief. Xiao Zhan was too well prepared to leave a loophole but third time's the charm they say.

"What if I feel lonely?"

Xiao Zhan stopped beating the futon to death. He wasn't stupid to know what Wang Yibo was trying to do. Last two days when Wang Yibo had been unconscious, he was with him all the time. He slept holding his hand, wanting to ease away his nightmares. And after sharing those nights, it felt out of place to sleep in another room.

Xiao Zhan let out a breath and turned around.

Wang Yibo stood there, at the door frame looking as ethereal as the Venus shining above the horizon.

Honey eyes, plump lips and gorgeous curves – it caught him off guard.

How could he have forgotten this man? How could he possible not remember someone so beautiful as him? He stood out like a sore thumb even in the pajama and messy hair.

Xiao Zhan found it hard to form words all of the sudden. As if he lost his voice all together.

This was it. This was the feeling he had been missing. He finally found.

"I'll sleep with you." Xiao Zhan breathed.

. . .

The silence dawned as the stars blinked. The bloop of the droplet merged with the tick tock of the clock. But it was the sound of the shuffling sheets that kept him awake.

"Bo-di."

"Hm?"

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Xiao Zhan asked staring at the roof top. His hands were neatly placed on his chest over the comforter that covered his body.

"Why aren't you sleeping, Zhan-ge?" Wang Yibo counter questioned from the bed.

"Because you're staring at me too much." Xiao Zhan answered. The lion had been tossing and turning just to get a glimpse of the bunny lying on the futon – as if awaited the right moment to attack.

"You can stare at me too." The shameless person said. Xiao Zhan wanted to roll his eyes but realized that he should listen to his psychiatrist. So, he also turned his head around, shamelessly to look at the person on the bed.

The smile on Wang Yibo's face reflected his surprise but he didn't back down –keener than before.

Xiao Zhan looked at his face, his eyes, his nose, his lips and ears. He looked at the curves and he looked at the jaw. He looked at every inch of that face, he memorized ever corner of that profile. He never wanted to forget.

The two stubborn people plunged into the unseen emotion that was dominating their eyes.

"Yibo."

"Hm?"

"Did you change your subject to psychiatry back in university?"

The question out of nowhere would have caught him off guard, if he wasn't too deep in the sea of those lotus eyes.

"Mn."

"Was it because of Dr. Liu?" Xiao Zhan asked, not breaking the contact.

"Partly, I used to study biology in the library when no one was looking." Wang Yibo revealed. He wanted to know what made his brother leave everything so suddenly and pursue medicine in Japan. What made his brother leave him alone?

"What is the other reason?" Xiao Zhan inquired. The soft rhythm of his breath made his chest raise like the waves of the calm sea.

"You." Came a symphony.

His heart surged with the ripples of warmth. It was the kind of zeal that used to keep him up at nights.

"Me?"

"Mn." Wang Yibo assured.

Right after escaping the readapt testing lab. Wang Yibo asked many doctors. He pleaded many for treatment. He hated doctors the most, yet for his love, he didn't even bat an eye and looked high and low.

But to his dismay, nobody knew what had happened to his beloved.

He was defeated, hurt and broken. He didn't have it in him to see a smile which Xiao Zhan had to fake for his sake. It was best to let him at least have peace of mind.

Dr. Lin Ran – Xiao Zhan's doctor – shared her thoughts regarding his condition. She said only the miracle could safe Xiao Zhan. But even the miracle would only save his body, it was his mind that was in danger.

That was the striking moment for him.

When all doctors proved useless, he decided to hold the torch himself and changed his studies.

"Then why did you change your name to Dr. Liu?" Xiao Zhan asked genuinely curious. From what Wang Yibo had told him this morning, he could guess the two brothers no longer had a good relationship.

"When my brother finally told me about your whereabouts, I immediately fled to Beijing." He instantly added, "Yue is with her Nana."

"Mn." Xiao Zhan acknowledged. Even though, she was just a product of his hallucination, Wang Yibo made sure to take proper care of her.

"When I saw you again, that's when I realized what my life really meant."

What has he gained and what has he lost.

Wang Yibo was the first to break the contact. He turned his face towards the empty roof. That feeling was still fresh in his mind, reside in his heart.

"It didn't come as a surprise to know that you hated me – that's what everyone told me."

Dr. Meng told him, how most of Xiao Zhan's triggers were because of him. He betrayed his beloved. But the worst punishment was, knowing his dearest suffering and unable to do a single thing about it.

"I urged Dr. Meng and even Yubin to convince you to go see a psychiatrist –You had blocked Dr. Meng." Wang Yibo chuckled. "And you didn't listen to Yubin. So, I decided to train Fenxing. He was my last hope to get to you. But that failed as well."

Xiao Zhan listened attentively. Not only that, he kept his eye, his mind and his heart open as his psychiatrist had suggested him. He wanted to feel his emotions through the slightest of his gestures.

"When they told me that you don't remember my face, I decided to take the gamble and be your psychiatrist but who would've thought Dr. Meng would be a step ahead."

She customed made a card, removed the name plate form his office door and used Xuan Lu as a bait to lure Xiao Zhan.

"You wouldn't know how shocked I was when I saw you in my office."

He also panicked when Xiao Zhan suddenly fainted. Wang Yibo had seen his fair share of frights. And it became his new fear.

"Despite how it appears, brother is still the person I chose to put my trust in. His name is the only thing that is left of our relationship."

The rush of so many emotions he lost, was something he forgot he could feel. The storm calmed down, but it caused the rain.

"Thank you." Xiao Zhan simply said. He didn't know how else to verbalize his thoughts, how else to explain that he felt appreciated. What Zhuocheng said at the hospital struck a chord with him. He learnt that he didn't need to put a face on someone to blame. How much blaming others had eased him? Whether others or himself, it just highlighted his misery.

There is no rainbow without rain, no gain without pain. There are two sides of the same coin.

Wang Yibo looked at his beloved, he wanted to tell him there was no need for such gestures, but his dearest had seemed to venture to the dreamland.

A small smile adorned his face, he got up from the bed and walked to this beloved. Tenderly, he marked his forehead with the seal of love.

"Good night, Zhan-ge."

The moon was unusually bright that night.

---------

Sorry for errors.

When you don't talk, there's a lot of things that ends up not getting said – Katherine Gilbert.

Let's come together. We'll weather the storm – Sean Xiao Zhan.

[This section needs your serious attention. If you're too occupied or have some urgent matters to attend to, then come back once you're more relaxed and have some time to give yourself.]

Pick up a pen and paper and follow along.

生き甲斐

Ikigai

What is my purpose of life? Is what I am doing really the right thing? What if I am meant to do something else? Am I wasting my life away? Am I happy?

These are the questions you have asked yourself at some point in your life. Or maybe you're still asking them.

Often a times, we feel so low. Like we're not good enough, or we're nothing but a burden on everyone around. It makes us lose our confidence and even our will.

Having a purpose of life, gives us a sense of meaning. It gives us a purpose to strive better. It doesn't have to be huge dreams, even smaller goals help us feel wanted or useful at times.

Having a purpose is important factor for self-improvement.

So, what is your Ikigai? Or rather what even is Ikigai?

It is a Japanese concept, which roughly translates into A Reason For Being.

It is a process of self-discovery. A process to explore you.

Follow me step by step.

For this exercise, try not to think too much. Write down whatever comes first in your mind.

Step 1

Make 4 sections of your page by drawing two perpendicular lines.

You don't have to worry about angles or anything. Just your paper should have four separate sections.

Step 2

Go to the first section and write a heading

What do you love?

To understand this question, think of something you've never gotten bored of, something that you've always been drawn back to, something that makes you so engrossed in it that you forget the world around you.

This can be anything you love. You like reading book? You like talking to friends? You like cute things?

Now, take 5 minutes and write all the things you love in this section.

(Do it. I'm waiting.)

Step 3

Go to the section below and write the heading

What are you good at?

It does not have to necessarily be a natural talent. Think of skills you have been practicing lately. What kind of help people seek from you? Or simply what is something you want to be good at.

Stop again. Take 5-10 minutes and write your answers.

Step 4

Go to the section at the right bottom corner and write the heading.

What can you get paid for?

What you been paid for before? What would you be doing if you're not in your current job? If you don't have a job, what do you want to get paid for?

People say money can't buy happiness. But lack of money might give you stress. For example, you might feel stressed about your tuition fee or how would you pay the next bill. It gives you anxiety and which can lead to different mental health issues.

So, it is not a shame to think of money as your happiness as long as you're not too obsessed with it.

Take 5-10 minutes and write your answers.

Step 5

Go to the remaining section and write the heading

What does the world need?

Not the world – planet Earth but your own world. (Aliens are welcomed as well)

Think of your community, the place where you live in. How can you contribute to create a positive effect on people around you?

Take 10 minutes and write your answers.

Step 6

Now we have a page with 4 different sections filled with your answers. RIGHT?

Take a look at every section, and if you want to add something, go ahead.

Step 7

Mark the common answers from all the 4 sections.

And what comes would be your Ikigai.

For example, my Ikigai is to Paint meaningful messages.

Whatever your answers is, the reason of your being.

BUT

Do not panic if you can't find your answers right away. Not everyone can find their Ikigai on first try. And THAT IS OKAY.

Finding your ikigai is process of your self-development. Take your time, ask yourself meaningful questions and write your answers, honestly. Be open to new things. Take days, weeks or even months.

Your purpose of life will be revealed to you.

Ikigai is variable and it will change as you grow so keep exploring yourself at different milestones of your life.

Finding your Ikigai and practicing is two different things. Today you took the first step and tomorrow you'll be taking many more. So, don't forget to pat yourself, for giving yourself the time.

You did a marvelous job.

Thank you for coming this far.