I follow Sebastian across the front lawn of Chantal Harter's house. "You're not dumping me in a crowd of people and taking off again, right?" Now that we're here, all the specific reasons I'm dreading this night come back to me. Sure, it's better than home, but I'm still not looking forward to it.

Sebastian spreads his hands out wide. "The Harters have a huge yard. How 'bout I dump you alone under a tree somewhere instead?" He winks, which means it's all a big joke to him, and if the right girl comes along, he'll ditch me wherever I am, without a second thought.

But he's not wrong. Chantal's yard is pretty huge, and even if he thinks it's a joke, I can certainly wander off and find solace here once he latches onto a large-chested female—the only kind he usually hooks up with. "Let's stick to the outskirts," I say, in hopes of making my escape easy.

"First, drinks." Sebastian heads straight for the keg on the patio. He rarely drinks, so I'm not surprised when he fills a red solo cup and stretches it out toward me.

"Oh. Okay." No point in fighting it. I don't have to drive, and a drink might take the edge off so I can at least act a little bit sociable. Sebastian grabs himself a cola from a large cooler filled with ice water and then leads the way to the back lawn. He weaves through clusters of people as though he knows exactly where he's going.

We get to a grouping where Sebastian stops and slaps a few hands. I nod at each of the guys, but slapping hands feels way too cool for me.

When my gaze lands on Shay Reynolds, I immediately look down, even though she's saying hi.

I've lost track of the other hello's and the conversation in general, until Sebastian says, "Yeah, hopefully something original soon." He nudges me.

"You write music?" Shay asks.

I look up, but I'm pretty sure my face is the color of the stop sign at the end of the street. "Um, I guess. A little."

Shay seamlessly shuffles closer to me within the group. She's wearing a snug black turtleneck, tight jeans, and high heel wedges that add at least a couple of inches. I'm five-eleven, and she's almost as tall as me. She has long, dark hair, and heads up our school debate team, so she's well-spoken. I've always thought she looked too old to be in high school.

"It can be easier to make something original sound good than to imitate someone else." She shrugs, totally at ease. "When you copy someone, you have to be so exact, or everyone's a critic."

I think about her words, trying to come up with an intelligent reply. What she's saying makes sense. So many times after we play, people come up and compliment us—clearly exempting the part that didn't sound like the original.

"Taking risks creatively will always pay off," she goes on. "People are always so scared of taking chances." Her words sound so sure, so in control of herself and her abilities, and so much like they're aimed straight at me.

I can't think of a single reply.

Others around us are in mid-conversation about some grad trip I haven't heard anything about.

I down the rest of my beer. "I'm getting a refill," I tell Sebastian and the others, holding up my cup. I can still barely bring myself to look at Shay and the confidence she wears as snugly as her clothes. I need a break to get my bearings.

But she's says, "Yeah, I'll come with," and a second later, she's walking beside me.

The good part is, she seems willing to carry this conversation all on her own. On our way around the outside of the house, she jabbers on about the journalism school she got into, and how she's been saving money for it, but needs to take at least a year off to work. These things are so far out of my realm right now, I can't think of anything to add. It pisses me off that I'm socially inept.

I take my time filling my cup. It's cheap beer, and I'm not in any rush to drink more, but I'm also not in any rush to get back to having nothing to do with my hands.

I hold out my hand for Shay's cup so I can fill it, but she nudges me aside with a smile. "I got it."

Which leaves me with nothing to do with my hands again.

"Hey, we should play pool." Shay peers through the window into the house. There's a pool table, surrounded by at least ten guys. Something about the idea of going inside the house already makes me feel trapped.

"I'm sure there's a long wait to play," I say.

Shay turns and winks. "Not if I have anything to say about it." She steps toward the door of the house, but then turns back when she realizes I'm not following. "What's up?" she asks.

"I don't know. Let's...I mean, Sebastian's out this way." I motion back to the yard, making it sound like he's my date and I can't live without the guy for five minutes. I hate myself maybe more than I ever have in this moment, and yet, I let my words stand.

She furrows her brow. "No. I want to play pool." The challenge in her eyes only lands on me for a second. Then she's gone.

As soon as I'm alone, I huff out a groan at myself. I shouldn't be surprised at how badly I blew that. I'm lame at the best of times, and now is definitely not the best of times. Still, I couldn't have gone in and played a simple game of pool with her? I watch her through the window as she laughs with a guy named Lars, a smart kid from our school who's at least a year younger, but good-looking.

I groan again and turn toward the backyard.

If she comes back out, I'll be better, I tell myself. I'll force myself to be upbeat, and ask her if she wants to go for a walk. I'll tell her I'll play pool with her later, when it quiets down inside. Maybe I'll even tell her that I've got some stuff going on at home, and I'm sorry for not being my best self.

I repeat all of these intentions to myself internally at least three times, but I don't believe a single one of them.

Rather than heading for Sebastian's group, I wander toward the side fence, like I'm looking to see what's on the other side. I take my time. I'll get back to the others eventually, but it feels like the first time I've been able to fully fill my lungs with air all day.

Before I know it, Sebastian strides toward me.

I wave a backhand at him. "I'm good. I'll be back over in a sec."

"Alright," Sebastian says, but he doesn't leave. Instead, he leans against the fence and surveys the crowd. This is only one of the reasons he's my best friend. He doesn't pry. Doesn't make things into some big emotional conversation. So many times he just hangs with me.

He's also pretty great at changing the subject when I'm already beating myself up.

"Kass Bateman's here," he says. I follow his eyes, and I'm surprised it's true. She's not the type for school parties. I've never seen her at one before, not that I've been to many. She glares in our direction, kind of the same way she always glares at everybody, and I realize in that second that I had it wrong earlier. She doesn't know me, and clearly she doesn't want to.

I angle to face Sebastian again as he asks, "Shay took off?"

A nod would be enough for my best buddy, but somehow seeing Kass Bateman compels me to be brave and say more. "Playing pool. Probably for the best." I know Sebastian won't respond. What was my best-case scenario there, anyway? Even if I could put up a front like I have the same kind of social ease as Shay, how long would that possibly last before she'd see right through me?

Sebastian swings an arm over my shoulder, breaking my train of thought. "I heard Vicki Larson is here. And Brittany Enns." He raises his eyebrows a couple of times before letting go.

I can't keep track of all the girls Sebastian has on his radar. He grabs for the bag at his feet, and next thing I know, he's digging inside and passing me the van keys.

"Seriously, dude," he says, "You can take off if I'm gone too long. S'alright?"

I roll my eyes and reach into my pocket, pulling out the condom I've carried around so long it's practically worn through the packaging. It's a running joke. Every time Sebastian heads off with a girl, I offer up the condom, and he responds by making a joke about getting more diseases from my pocket-lint-growing condom than he could from any girl.

But tonight, before he can open his mouth about it, Kass Bateman is suddenly between us, looking angrier than I've ever seen her.

**Been on holidays, but now I'm back and ready to get writing! Let me know what you think!!