Four years later...

Maddox

Graduation ceremonies are something special... but they're also overrated. I would've preferred receiving my nursing degree in the mail. I'd rather be in Edmonton watching Calla's graduation ceremony. But she convinced me to welcome the experience. So here I am, surrounded by my fellow nurses. We're dressed in our black graduation gowns and caps. A thin line of blue encompasses the shoulders and chest. I run my hands over the front of my graduation gown, my emotions overwhelming me.

I can't believe I'm here. 

"Maddox," Kaito says. "Come on, bro. We're taking a selfie."

I blink, turning to Kaito. On the first day of classes, back at Okanagan College, he approached me and asked if I wanted to be lab partners with him in Human Anatomy. Little did I know we'd become fast friends and be graduating together. Alexis, Samantha, and Zach came soon after. And... well... Here we are. "Sorry. Something distracted me."

My group of friends is small, comprising Kaito, Alexis, Samantha, and Zach. Our grad class is large this year, but the five of us have strayed from the rest of the class. We bonded over late nights of studying with large amounts of coffee and takeout. We practiced inserting IVs into each other's veins, laughing over the mistakes and the blood that dripped from our fingertips. Throughout our training sessions, none of us ever hit a nerve. I call that a blessing. We also quizzed each other before exams and got drunk during pub crawls a few times. Most of the time, I watched them make fools of themselves. I was comfortable with being the designated driver. 

"Hey," Samantha says, giving me a nudge. Alexis and Zach are trying to figure out how to set up a timer on Zach's iPhone. "What's up with you? You seem distracted."

I meet Samantha's brown eyes, a sheepish smile on my face. "I miss Calla," I admit. "I wish she could've been here. She... She encouraged me to keep fighting for this." I make a wild hand gesture at the outdoor stage and the rest of campus. The day I stitched her up on Terrace Mountain comes back to me with a force that knocks the breath from my lungs. It's a memory that will never fade. It's what drove me through the stress of nursing school.  

Samantha gives me a sympathetic smile and squeezes my shoulder. "At least she's coming home tonight, though, right? And you've got special plans for later."

"Yeah," I sigh, ignoring her teasing comment. 

I'd be lying if I said keeping our long-distance relationship hasn't been hard. FaceTiming only curbs the loneliness for so long. That being said, it made our reunions much more special. The summers we spent together made up for lost time, too. I'm looking forward to seeing her every day, though. After four years, Calla and I are moving in together. Calla's already secured a job within her family business and with the City of West Kelowna. She's going to be managing all the regional parks and land on the Westside. Her flight will leave tonight, after her own graduation ceremony. I've also gained a part-time job at Kelowna General Hospital. The other half of my job will be the new paramedic station up at the campsite.

A smile edges its way across my face. If someone had asked me five years ago what I thought my future would look like, I wouldn't have dared to imagine this. My old self would never believe I've been living with my mom during university. We downsized to a smaller house in a different neighbourhood, one closer to Vance's house. The first year was rough for him, but he made it through thanks to Laurel. Without her, I fear what would've happened to my cousin.

The relationship between my mom and I will never be the same, but I appreciate the effort she's put in. She helped me rebound from Dad's actions. She's provided me with a place to live while attending school. The basement suite in her house was all mine, giving me (and Calla during her visits) the space I needed to come to terms with her wanting back into my life. It took me two years to do that. I forgave her. I can call her Mom again without it feeling awkward. Our relationship is more like that of a friendship, but I'm grateful for it. At least one of my parents turned a corner.

To be honest, it's been great, having Mom back in my life.

Samantha nudges me again. "Keep that smile. It looks good on you."

"It does," Alexis chimes in.

The guys nod, refusing to speak any gushy words. I run a hand through my hair. It's shorter than it was last week. I had a haircut to rid myself of exam period stress. I looked like a man from prehistoric times. Calla agreed over a FaceTime call, but she admitted to my scraggly hair and beard being sexy. She said it suited a twenty-five-year-old man like me. I rub the trimmed stubble. One day, maybe I'll grow the beard again. It could be a birthday present for Calla.

For a year-and-a-half, none of my friends knew of my past. I kept it locked away until I was comfortable. It was the summer before we transferred our credits to UBCO. I'd been concerned about how it would change their judgement of me. It wreaked havoc on my nerves. I had to have Calla there with me. Having her there was an advantage. She supported me while I told the story. When it was all said and done, nothing changed with my friends. They applauded Calla and I for making it through. And, being the medical geeks we are, we discussed what the gunshot was like and how it was treated. That conversation eliminated the last of my trauma. Every once in a while, the odd nightmare will shake me. The odd memory will cause me to breakdown and cry. But I continue to live. I don't let it stop me.

None of us do. 

I glance away, my cheeks burning. In the crowd, I can see Vance, Allison, Laurel, Mom, Lindsay, Isaiah, and the girls. Calla's parents are here, too. I'm glad Calla's family came to represent her, though it's not the same as having her here. Part of me feels guilty for not dropping everything and attending her graduation. It feels wrong for her family to be here and not there. Calla can convince, though. She told everyone Edmonton wasn't special, and that people shouldn't waste their money on flights.

Shaking my head, I turn back to my group of friends and pose for the selfie. We take several nice ones before we all make goofy faces. Graduation is bittersweet. Although I've secured a spot at KGH because of my prime grades and background experience in First Aid training, I'm not sure where the rest of them are going. If I could make them stay in the Okanagan, I would. But that's the thing about graduating: once school is over, you need to go where the jobs are.

"Man," Kaito says, throwing his arm around mine and Zach's. "Where did the time go?"

"Not sure," Zach replies. "But I'm looking forward to getting out there. What about you, Maddox?"

I rub the back of my neck. It's surreal to stand here. Although happiness and safety are norms in my life, the effects of abuse still make it hard to believe. In moments like these, I have to take a step back and remind myself where I am—and what's happened. Thinking about the sorrows of my past and the happiness of my present mesh together strangely. Sorrow brought me happiness. I'm not glamourizing sorrow or abuse—no one deserves to suffer from either. But I believe the phrase "things get worse before they get better." The events of my past have made me who I am today, and I refuse to feel any shame. I love who I am.

"I'm looking forward to it, too," I nod. "It's bittersweet to leave the campus behind, though. I'm going to miss our late-night study sessions and cheap-ass coffee."

Zach snorts, wrinkling his nose. "That coffee was fucking disgusting."

"It was," I chuckle. "Even Alexis' vanilla syrup couldn't fix it."

"My vanilla syrup was dynamite," she replies, tossing her caramel hair over her shoulder. It contrasts beautifully with her dark skin. Just like Zach tells me whenever we get together for a beer. I wish the imbecile would ask her out already. "You snobs don't understand flavours. You're coffee snobs."

Kaito and Zach laugh while I shrug. Yeah, I am a coffee snob. I like the kind that's brewed over a campfire beneath the morning October air. Specifically, when I'm beside someone with blonde hair and blue eyes who's dressed in her motocross gear. She's telling me about the ride we're going on or playing with my curls. God, I miss her running her hands through my hair.

Soon, I remind myself.

"Look at that," Zach teases. "The suck is daydreaming about Calla again."

"Knock it off, Zach," Samantha says, rolling her eyes. "Leave Maddox alone. He's got bigger things to worry about than your immaturity." She discreetly winks at me.

Samantha knows how to keep a secret. I confided in her four days ago. Life is falling into place now. Calla and I have been dating for just over four years. We're moving in together, and there's something I've been wanting to do for about a year now. It's been difficult to wait, but I knew it was the right decision to wait until after we graduated. Maybe I'm a little crazy. I slip my hand into the pocket of my dress pants beneath the graduation gown, palming the engagement ring I bought. The cold feeling of metal increases my anxiety. For some reason, I've had it with me all day. Parting with it hurt my soul. 

"What?" Alexis asks, her gaze flitting back and forth between me and Samantha. "What's going on? Tell us!"

"Nope," Samantha replies. She takes my arm and guides me away from the group. "You guys won't be able to keep your mouths shut."

"Samantha!" Kaito calls. "You're not supposed to keep secrets from friends."

She flips him the bird before turning back to me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I reply, lowering my voice. "Just nervous. I know Calla will say yes, but the suspense is killing me. I just want the ring on her finger now."

Samantha loosens a soft laugh. "There's no suspense, Maddox. Every time you and Calla are together, you make everyone jealous. No matter how you propose to her, she's going to remember it as the best moment of her life."

I snort softly, adjusting my grad cap. They've started calling names, and I know mine's going to echo across the courtyard soon. Samantha's right. Calla is going to say yes before I finish the question. What I'm anxious about is the last name we're going to share. Years ago, I tested the name Maddox Henrik on my tongue. It sounded right back then, especially after I talked to Isaiah. Now? Now I'm not sure. I've created a new meaning for the name Kase. It no longer drags me down. It no longer scares people. When they hear the name Kase, they think of Maddox Kase, the nurse and well-rounded student. Not Roman Kase, the drug lord hell-bent on murdering his son. My Dad is a ghost that haunts memories. A whisper in the middle of the night. And, in some cases, he's forgotten. 

Yet the name Henrik is magnetic. It's the name that's brought me joy and made me a better person. It's the name that's run the campsite and motocross trails for years. I want it to continue on.

I'm torn between the two of them.

"It's the last names," I sigh.

Samantha snorts. "Who cares about a last name? Put a fucking hyphen between them if you must! All that matters is you love each other!"

Before I can respond to her, my name is called. It echoes through the line up, sending reverberations through my bones. I freeze next to Samantha, staring at the stairs up to the stage.

"Go!" Samantha urges. "You can't keep them waiting!"

She's not talking about the people associated with the university.

Taking a deep breath, I stand and head for the stairs. The sun shines down on the stage, causing sweat to drip down the back of my neck. I want to glance out at the crowd and see everyone who showed up, but I'm worried I'll trip if I don't focus on my feet. Vance will never let go of me landing on my face. My emotions will also get the best of me if I look out at the crowd. 

Despite my worries, I make it to the podium without falling over or stumbling. The man standing there, dressed in a suit and tie, shakes my hand and congratulates me before handing me my degree. As soon as my hand closes around it, I hear a loud wave of cheers. My face heats, and I pray people think it's because of the sun. My emotions are on the verge of boiling over.

Yet I still sneak a peek at the people who showed up.

Everyone is on their feet, clapping and cheering. Even Mom's proud smile strikes a chord in my heart. Not as much as the look on Vance's face does, though. He's hardly smiling, but I can see the pride in his eyes as he salutes me, one arm snug around Laurel's waist. His other hand is on Allison's shoulder. I can see the happiness.

I have to look away before I cry. For the next thirty seconds, I focus on shaking hands and holding onto the flimsy piece of paper wrapped in green ribbon. It's nothing of importance to me. After my conversation with Samantha, I want time to skip ahead to the moment Calla arrives. The engagement ring sits heavily in my pocket while I take my seat next to the stage. My leg continues to bob up and down as they call remaining graduates to the stage. It doesn't stop until the last speech has come to a close and we're able to stand up.

My friends and I head over to the edge of the courtyard, next to the grove of cherry trees. They're in bloom; the blossoms are a collage of white and pink, giving off a sweet aroma.

"We did it!" Alexis squeals. "We're officially done with school!"

Zach and Kaito celebrate with Alexis. They read the congratulatory messages on one of the papers we received and discuss plans. Samantha and I enjoy the happiness bleeding from them, but we're more humble about our own. It's a reflection of the age differences between us. One thing I love about college and university is that age doesn't matter. When you're in grade school, you're separated by your grades; it's wrong to be friends with the grade tens and elevens during your grad year. Here, though? We're people who have shed the implications of high school and carved out a spot for ourselves. We're our own selves, no longer defined by where we stand in the school system. 

"God," Samantha says, staring at the group of familiar faces heading in our direction. I see Mom, Vance, Laurel, Lindsay, Isaiah, and the rest of the crew. "You've got quite the family. It's just Mom and Dad here for me." She nods at a tall brunette and a man with peppery black hair. They're standing near the chairs, waiting for our conversation to end. 

"They're better than anything I could've asked for," I smile. "I'll give you some time with your parents. We're still on for drinks later, right? Before Calla's flight arrives?"

"You know it," Samantha smiles, giving me a hug. "Congrats, Maddox. We're all so happy for you."

"Thanks, Samantha. You too."

Before turning around, she winks at me. It confuses me, but I don't think about it too much. I don't have time to.

Vance is the first person to congratulate me. He pulls me into a bone-crushing hug. The past four years have been rough for my cousin. The aftermath of my father's actions shoved him into a dark state of mind. One that led to us fearing for his mental health. It led me to having a better understanding of why Vance supported me while Dad was alive. There's an obligation you feel towards protecting your family members. Be it from another person or a mental illness; you want to do as much as you can.

"Congrats, cuz," Vance says, clapping me on the back. "You did it."

When Vance pulls back, he's holding my forearms and I can see the silvery scars across his wrists. They glisten in the sunlight and clash against his tattoos, marking the downs Vance faced. Representing his perseverance and strength. I send my cousin a knowing smile. I hope he can understand. I'm proud of him—prouder than he could be of me becoming a nurse.

"Thanks, man," I smile. I glance at Laurel. "Always good to see you, Laurel."

Laurel presses a kiss to Vance's cheek. She understands the underlying meaning behind my comment. I'll be forever grateful for the role she played in Vance's healing. If I thought Calla had a strong will, then Laurel's is iron. She did everything within her power to make sure Vance got the help he needed. And then some.  "Always a pleasure to be here. Congratulations, Maddox."

The congratulatory exchanges continue for the next five minutes. When I come to Mom, my feelings are mixed. But I remind myself I have to let go of everything that's happened. Instead of shaking her hand, I hug her. She's part of the reason why I'm here. 

"I'm so proud of you," she whispers, hugging me.

"Thanks, Mom," I reply.

"You're going to be an amazing nurse," she continues. We part from the hug and she steps back to give me some breathing room. There are moments where things are tense between us, but our relationship has improved. This is one of those moments. "After all the stories Calla told me—ah! You'll be amazing!"

To be honest, I love hearing Mom gush over me. I've never had a parent do that before. It feels... nice. The mention of Calla snatches that feeling away from me. This powerful ache in my heart makes my pocket feel heavy. God, why can't time speed up?

"Well," a familiar voice says. "Skipping out on my graduation was the best decision I ever made."

When I turn around, I see her leaning against a tree. The cherry blossoms above her are white, the sunlight streaming through them. She's dressed in a short black romper patterned with small white flowers, and her hair falls in waves past her shoulders. Samantha is next to her, flashing me a wicked grin.

Damn it. She knew. Somehow, they planned this.

I'll grill Samantha later, though. I'm too happy to give a fuck about their mischief.

"Calla!" I exclaim, rushing over to her. I pick her up and spin her around, tripping over the length of my gown. We tumble to the grass, giggling and smiling. Calla, who's on top of me, dips her head down and presses a kiss to my lips. I melt into her, my hand resting on the back of her neck and pulling her down further. Our surrounding audience no longer exists. It's just me and Calla. I deepen the kiss a little more, teasing her with my tongue. 

After several seconds, she breaks free, breathing heavily.

She trails her fingers along my jaw. "You shaved."

I slide my hand up her arm, stopping when my fingers intertwine with hers. "I did."

Calla tries to fight a grin, but she fails. It causes the smile on my face to broaden. "I've missed you," she whispers.

There's nothing left for me to say. Calla is here.

I tug her down to my lips again, tasting her mouth and relishing in the familiar feeling of her pressed against me.

There's only one way this day can get any better, and I can't wait until that goddamn ring is on her finger.