WILD & WICKED / © yllwjckts
065 ⸻ Testing Fate

Lux didn't like her dreams.

They grew worse and worse as time went by, starting with ones of Fulk, of nights on the hunt, their bond creeping into one of closeness, of trades words and insults and reassurances, a love she'd not realized they'd had for each other until watching her memories flash before her.

Then, they were of her muggle family. Her real family, her apathetic father and neurotic mother and siblings she'd thought lost to time entirely. Her arrest, which had sparked more questions than answers in her, her mother's reaction sparking a fuse in her mind that, even as her dreams shifted, she could not ignore.

The ones of the Coven were the worst. She'd resigned herself to closing her eyes and plugging her ears with her hands, a refusal to witness the scenes before her.

When silence became a constant, the muffled sounds dimming into nothing, Lux slowly parted her eyelids, peering out into the scene before her.

The Lux of Then was on the bed she'd shared with Philip, the older vampire asleep with an arm draped over her waist. He was a heavy sleeper, yet silent in his breathing, almost as though he were as dead as his body.

Why this memory, the Lux of Now wondered with anger. What set this day apart from every other time Philip forced himself onto her? Why was she subjected to witness the same thing over and over again?

No, this time was different, she understood as her hands lowered entirely from her face, watching her counterpart as she shifted about on the bed. She wore a loose white nightgown, which had ridden up to her knees from what had transpired over the night.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she slipped out from beneath Philip's hold on her.

The Lux of Now held her breath, as the male vampire didn't stir, deep within the realm of sleep.

She made a point to straighten her nightgown, getting the ends back to her ankles, before reaching beneath the pillow her head had rested on. When she pulled back, a stake rested in her grip, a thick wooden thing she'd crafted herself two nights prior. The rest of the Coven had gone out to the village to hunt, leaving Lux locked in the bedroom.

After what happened with Elias, she'd not been allowed to leave. Philip had assumed she'd bolt again at the first chance.

He was correct.

He should've killed her when he had the chance, the Lux of Now thought. How could he possibly think she'd sit idle by while another three hundred years of torture went on?

Fulk might've been right, that time in the forest all those months ago. She hadn't killed Philip because of Elias. She'd killed him for her — but she only knew that was possible due to the man she'd loved so dearly. She'd only understood she did not have to accept abuse because of him, that there was another option.

A way to be loved.

The Lux of Now felt her heart thundering in her chest with the same nervous anticipation she'd felt twenty one years ago, as if she did not know the ending.

As if it could go any other way.

The Lux of Then twisted the stake about in her hand from where she sat, not fully upright, but not against the mattress either. Getting a good feel for it.

She took a deep breath. Looked down at Philip, gaze hardened. Neutral. Tired, if anything. As if that night had taken too much out of her, pushed her into the finale of what would transpire.

She was still in pain, the Lux of Now imagined, though she couldn't remember for certain. The scars Philip had left across her back hadn't fully faded yet, making just about any movement strained.

No doubt adding to the need to end it all before it grew any worse.

(How could it have been worse?)

She lifted the stake.

A second passed. Two.

Then, it was brought down, splitting between his skin and digging directly towards where his dead heart continued to beat.

His eyes bulged open, wild and panicked and desperate.

The Lux of Then looked straight into them.

It felt like a mirror to the three hundred years she'd endured.

He tried to speak, to cry out, to curse her, but all that came from his parted lips was blood, coughed up onto her chin. The last time he would ever touch her.

The life left his eyes within seconds. A shuddering, coarse breath, then the slumping of his body.

The Lux of Then twisted the stake for good measure, as if ensuring he could not rise again. She'd half expected him to, the Lux of Now remembered. Philip was so eternal, so constant, it was impossible to imagine his strength had truly been stripped away from him.

That, at his core, he was nothing more than a man.

(That wasn't necessarily true, the Lux of Now recalled. If Adelais's words were true, he was more than a man with a bit more strength. If Adelais's words were true, she had the same powers he'd once possessed, an ability to Persuade.)

It didn't matter what he was. What he could do. It hadn't been enough to save him from his own mistakes. The blood that stained the bed was proof of that — once Lux's graveyard, now his.

If she couldn't get herself back, she could at least take him down with her.

The Lux of Then slid off the bed, careful not to make any noise as she stepped atop the aged wooden floor. Her nightgown was coated in crimson, gone through the fabric and staining her skin as she went to examine the damage.

She didn't change out of the nightgown, something that had the Lux of Now frowning. She allowed Philip's blood to coat her, one final way in which he held a claim to her as she instead went for the wardrobe, pulling out a massive black cloak.

It wasn't hers. It wasn't Philip's, either. It had belonged to Titus, the vampire Philip had killed all those years ago, struck down at his own piano. The only one of them who had ever shown Lux kindness.

He'd planned to run. He never had the chance.

But Lux could. And she could take a piece of him with, honor a man she so rarely thought about, yet mourned anyways. Elias had ignited the fuse that had been her escape, but Titus had laid the flammables down in the first place.

She pulled the cloak around herself, tying it in the front and keeping any blood that stained her front from sight.

Maybe it wasn't about Philip touching her, the Lux of Now thought, and an inability to fully erase him from her. Maybe she didn't change out of the nightgown out of proof that she'd survived. That he was nothing more than bones and blood, while she still had her beating heart.

She'd outsmarted him. She'd survived him.

Lux reached into the dresser next to Philip's side of the bed, eyeing his corpse for a moment before grabbing a knife he'd always kept next to him. In case of a threat, he'd told her once, when she'd asked. He'd needed to keep them safe.

Them.

He'd never thought Lux would fight back.

The Lux of Then tucked the knife into the pocket of her cloak.

She didn't look back at Philip as she went for the door.

The Lux of Now followed the Lux of Then through the empty Coven halls. It was like walking through a haunted house. She knew she was not alone, yet her presence was singular, ignored.

As if the Lux of Now were the ghost.

She wanted to leave just as badly as her counterpart did, the walls all but closing in on her. Too familiar walls, walls she'd been raped and beat and abused in, walls that had done nothing but kept her confined to the life she'd lived.

It wasn't Hollyvale Manor's fault that it had become a prison cell, but it was all she could see the extravagant walls as. Cell bars with only one key, in which the Lux of Then now held in the palm of her trembling hand.

Everyone else was asleep — though the sun was not out. Instead, a furious cloud of rain poured down upon Hollyvale Manor, had been for the past hour, contrasting from what would typically be a layer of snow from the late November weather.

It felt as though the universe was providing her an out. An apology, for all it had subjected her to.

If Lux wanted to make her escape, it had to be now. Before she could burn, before the Coven could wake to see Lux stained with blood that did not belong to her.

She scaled the stairs, as fast as she could without waking anyone. Feet pattering on the wood, the hallway was next. She slipped towards the door with ease.

It was only when standing in front of the barrier did she hesitate. Her hand rested on the knob, fingers twisting and untwisting it. Opening and closing.

Testing fate.

A deep breath. Eyes closed. Heart thundering.

She pushed open the door.

Rain splattered across her face, creating a row of freckles dotted on her cheeks. She stepped once, twice, bare feet digging into the ground, sagging beneath the damp grass.

Then, the Lux of Now watched the Lux of Then run. Out of the eye of the storm, into the frenzy. The cold. The unknown.

Into freedom.

She didn't look back.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Ingelger brought Lux to his room.

Remus understood why. There were too many variables in Hogwarts, too many uncertainties about who could be trusted and who could not. The Hospital Wing was wide open to anyone who wished to strike her down, finish what they could not in the Astronomy Tower.

She was safer under lock and key, in a bed more comfortable and with Ingelger's watchful eye on her. Not to mention he knew better than anyone with how to care for her, a vampire, as opposed to the human Pomfrey was under the impression she was dealing with.

He didn't go back to teaching, in spite of his return. Instead, he told Professor Hyde to carry out until he was set to leave in May on paternity leave, which most students seemed relieved by. No one that Remus was aware of had disliked Ingelger as their professor, but Elias was far more easygoing, a less strict grader and more approachable with questions.

Remus and Sirius visited every day, though under constant supervision. It wasn't needed to be said that Ingelger did not trust them, nor did either of them seem to mind. Better safe than sorry, was Remus's philosophy on it all.

It was the 25th of April, after classes had ended, in which the two traveled back into Ingelger's bedroom to once again check in on their ailed girlfriend. She'd not woken up in the several weeks she'd been unconscious for, and as time went by, hope seemed to dwindle.

"It's your birthday, mate," James was telling the pair as they made their way to Ingelger's room, trailing behind them as they neared the door. His words were primarily directed at Remus as he continued, "Lux won't be upset if you skip this one out. I swear it, she won't. We're still planning that party. She'd want you to go, to have some fun for the first time in a month."

"I'm not going to some stupid fucking birthday party while my girlfriend is in a coma," Remus snapped back, causing James to recoil and Sirius to inhale a sharp breath.

Though he didn't snap back, simply nodding with an understanding only someone like James could possess.

"You're in no mood to celebrate. I get it, trust me. But it could be good for you, to do something other than sit at her bedside and wait for nothing to happen."

"Something could happen," Sirius argued. "She's been making progress. According to Ingelger, she sometimes moves around in her sleep. Her body's not shut down — it still works. She just needs to...wake up."

James gave him a weak, unconvinced smile. But as much as Remus knew he wished for them to feel better, he knew just as well that there would be no changing their mind. "Alright," he conceded, stepping back. "Alright, but if you want to leave, it's okay. No one will blame you two for taking a night off."

Remus shook his head again.

How could he? He'd spent a month keeping Lux at arm's length, hurting her with every cruel, punishing action he'd not had the right to force her to endure. His own self hatred had grown so deep that by the time he knew how to fix it, how to let himself be loved, it was too late.

It had taken four deaths for Remus to understand his worth. That perhaps his lyncathropy could be used as more than a weapon to hurt the people he loved, but to protect them as well. That something good had come from what he'd presumed for so long to be solely evil.

Ingelger was in his chair, as usual, when he and Sirius entered without knocking. He was used to it by now, having recently charmed the locks to allow both boys in if he was present. Flipping through the pages of a book, he'd been speaking aloud, only stopping once he noticed Remus and Sirius's presence.

"Boys," he greeted, not bothering with that smooth, aloof smile he so often flashed. His voice had become just as dull as his expression, a sadness that seemed to have made a home inside his body. It was as though the professor had been stripped of anything that made him so enticing, so charming, leaving just the bare bones behind.

Was it Lux's current state, or was there something else to it? Had something occurred while he'd been away?

"Anything?" Sirius asked, looking at Lux.

Ingelger shook his head.

"What did you expect?" Remus snapped.

Sirius gave him a look, but said nothing in return. Used to it, perhaps, the sharp teeth in which Remus so often dug into him with.

Remus sighed, moving to take a seat in one of the empty chairs, with Sirius following in suit. Ingelger had conjured them weeks ago, when it became clear Lux would rarely ever be void of company, that Remus and Sirius would visit her at all hours in which they were not needed elsewhere. James, Peter and Elias too occasionally found themselves at her bedside, only allowed by the man because they knew what she was.

Remus could tell Ingelger was on the fence about Elias Hyde. He couldn't blame him. A man older than Ingelger was had once been in love with his daughter, had sex with his daughter, no doubt he worried the feelings still carried over.

He sometimes had the same worry.

"I'm reading to her," Fulk went on, dog-earing the page of the book in a way that made Remus wince, before setting it to the side. "I'm unsure if she can hear me, but I figured it passes the time either way."

"You know you're allowed to leave, right?" Sirius said. "She'll be fine on her own if you hop over to Hogsmeade for a bit. You know, to get some fresh air. Maybe talk to a person your age. Well...closer to your age."

Ingelger shook his head. "I'm not leaving her again."

"We don't mind keeping an eye on her," Remus added.

"No."

He swallowed. "Alright."

Remus wasn't quite sure where Ingelger's distrust came from. He hadn't been informed of much of the occurrences that transpired while he was gone. He knew nothing of what Snape did, that Lux had been given unicorn blood and lost her magic. He didn't know that until the very day she'd fell, they'd been broken up.

He wanted to tell him, but Sirius had suggested they wait. That Lux be the one to explain all of it, if she wanted to. It was her story to tell, and might only further Ingelger's clear desire for no one at all to be allowed around Lux.

No doubt he was cast Remus out entirely if he knew what he was. That his bite could kill Lux.

That it almost had.

He didn't know about the Coven confrontation either. That was more so to keep his mind at ease — both boys figured he may lose it entirely if he discovered how close Lux had been to death once again.

That too could be for Lux to tell, when she woke.

If she woke.

"Evan Rosier got out of the Hospital Wing today," Sirius began, breaking the silence Ingelger's harsh refusal had sparked.

The Professor's expression darkened. "Explain to me again why it is I cannot kill both of those boys?"

Remus had the same thought. He wanted them all hurt, all dead — Snape, Mulciber, Rosier, Adelais. Whoever the fuck it was that pushed Lux.

"They've learned their lesson, I think, with whatever curse Rosier got" Sirius said, though he didn't sound convinced. "It'll only get you into trouble. You could go to Azkaban." He shuddered at the thought, swiftly moving on, "And it'll get Lux into trouble too. If they find out it was you, they'll find out both of you are vampires."

His jaw shifted, but he seemed to understand this, even if he didn't like it.

"Tell me what she's been up to," Ingelger said, another silence passing between them in which his eyes did not stray from her once. "While I've been gone. What's been occupying her time? The fun things, I mean. Nothing bad."

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.

"Tarot," Remus began. "And she joined the Quidditch team for a bit."

Ingelger frowned. "Tarot?"

"I got her a set of cards," Sirius explained. "She quit Defense Against the Dark Arts after Elias came back, joined Divination instead. I figured she'd like them, since they're for future reading and whatnot. I don't really believe in it all, but...she seems to."

At this, Ingelger almost cracked a smile, appearing so shocked that Remus couldn't help his own amused grin. "My Lux is into Divination?"

"Is that surprising?"

"She's never been one for higher powers," he said with a shrug. "Doesn't believe in God. In something above us all, looking out for us." He paused, then added, "How could she?"

How could she, indeed.

"Do you?" Sirius asked, leaning in.

Remus fought the urge to roll his eyes and scold Sirius for not minding his business.

Ingelger thought for a moment, not offended by the personal nature of the question. "I don't know. In my youth, as a human, I did. It would've been a crime not to. But even then, I never understood that whole being on the earth for a purpose nonsense most religions speak of. I took everything I had for granted."

Remus nodded. He could understand that. In a way, he'd taken Lux and Sirius for granted, believed that he could push them away until he was ready for them to come back.

They hadn't. Sirius and him had shagged twice since Lux's fall before coming to the conclusion that they needed a break as well. Setting aside the guilt, how it felt wrong to bask in each other's pleasure when the third piece in their puzzle was suffering, the tension between them was at an all time high.

He'd forgotten what it was like, without Lux there to mellow them out. He and Sirius clawed at each other's throats near daily, only intensifying when alone with each other.

It had become almost toxic. Like how it had been after the prank, in which Remus could not open his mouth without biting down on flesh when his jaw closed again.

"I have a purpose. I see that now, when it's been stripped away from me. I'd pray for it back, if I thought it would do any good. If the God listening was merciful," Ingelger went on. Then, in a lower voice, "If there is a God above us, perhaps this is my penance."

"What do you mean?" Sirius frowned.

"Like I said. I took things for granted." He drummed his fingers atop the side of his chair, sending small echoes through the room. "Maybe this is the world's way of getting back at me. Allowing me to care, truly, fully care, then take it away from me the moment I thought I'd gotten in back."

Remus wasn't sure what prompted him into speaking, what part of the Professor's words had him ready to share his own. "Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming. When good things happen to me, my automatic thought is that they're not real. That whatever's happening will cease, that I'll wake up and it'll all be gone."

The nod Ingelger gave suggested to Remus he understood all too well.

"You're both too hard on yourself," Sirius scolded. "You deserve good things. You're good people, both of you."

"So are you," Ingelger said, tearing his gaze away from Lux to look at Sirius. "Both of you. You're good people. I trust Lux's judgment on that front."

"I don't know," Sirius admitted, and Remus just about fell out of his chair at the shock of his self aware tone. "I can be cruel. I can be quick to jump to conclusions, and I can be defensive, and I've certainly said hurtful things to Lux. And you." He looked at Remus, who returned with a half sort of smile.

"So can I." Ingelger swallowed heavily, testing the waters for his next words. "Did you know I blamed Lux for her rape?"

This time, Remus did fall out of his chair.

Sirius jumped to his feet, helping steady him with an arm as he guided him back into his seat.

"When?" Sirius asked when he'd finally sat back down, giving Remus a wary look in the process.

Remus had never had a conversation like this with his father. Lyall Lupin was a kind man, a good man, but also lived in a perpetual state of exhaustion. They'd never had an adult relationship, the kind in which secrets could be shared. It had always been Lyall doing his best to care for Remus, and Remus pushing away the said care with all his might. Solitude would be better than having someone dote over his shortcomings.

That had been a part of why he'd not told Lux what he was. Something he could never have admitted to Sirius.

She was naturally inclined to care, no matter how much she may have initially pushed against this part of her, and he didn't want her to see him as something that needed fixing.

"After Thomas Mulciber attacked her in Dumbledore's office." His voice was void of emotion as he spoke, though this didn't fool Remus. "I scolded her for not fighting back against him. She...she let him hurt her. She didn't do anything to stop it. And when she argued with me, I said that she did the very same with Philip. That she let him."

Neither boy seemed to know what to say, but it didn't matter. This was Ingelger releasing his emotions, for what Remus guessed was the first time in years.

"How could I say that to her? How could I look her in the eye and tell her that three hundred years of abuse had been her fault?"

"You were frustrated," Remus gathered, though he was unsure if he was meant to speak at all. "Your heart was in the right place."

"Right place or wrong, it doesn't matter. The impact always did more harm than good." He cleared his throat. "I would always give her this horrible advice. I would tell her not to care, not to feel. That it was all a weakness. I think in reality, I was frightened. I loved her so much, I didn't want her feeling this level of...protection, towards anyone outside of herself. The kind where you'd jump in the line of fire, give up your own life for someone else."

Remus wasn't sure he'd ever heard him or Lux use the word love in regards to the other. He'd thought it an unspoken rule, that simple word and the relation it held to the man in front of him, something not to bring up with her.

"You don't need to speak in the past tense about her, Professor," Sirius attempted to reason. "She's going to be fine. She's going to wake up."

For the first time, he smiled, sad and tired and wholly unconvinced. "What makes you believe that?"

"Because she's Lux, and she doesn't stay down for long."

Something flashed across Ingelger's pale face, the first time in which a drop of relief seemed to enter him.

"I should have more faith in her," he agreed. "Sometimes it's hard to remember she's more than just a little girl."

"Little girl?" Sirius repeated, sounding amused.

Remus had to agree, likely having the same thoughts as his boyfriend. She definitely wasn't little when—

Ingelger gave them both a look, wiping any unclean thoughts from Remus's mind. "When you're as old as I am, everyone becomes young in return. Lux is no juvenile, I'm well aware. But she's still seventeen, at the end of the day. Our minds don't age. Don't develop. She's always going to be seventeen."

"How old are you?" Sirius braved asking.

To Remus's surprise, the Professor laughed. "Old. I became a vampire when I was thirty six, but that was about a thousand years ago, give or take."

"A thousand years?" Remus repeated, eyes bulging. He'd known Ingelger was ancient, known he was powerful, but to that extreme...

"It's maddening, sometimes. The endless stretch of time." He looked at Lux again, watching her shift ever so slightly in her sleep, whatever dream she was having causing subtle movements from beneath the blankets. "Lux helped pass it. Gave me company, if nothing else. Solitude is not for the weak."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

A professor's meeting had been summoned, in which Fulk Ingelger was meant to attend, but he hadn't any desire to. No one came barging at his door, demanding his presence, so instead he let time pass in his room, mind drifting off from one thought to another.

He'd forgotten what it was like — depression. An all consuming sense of sadness he'd thought he'd long since grown out of, until it caught up with him in the end. It always did, and he shouldn't have expected any less. Lux had been a band aid solution, just as Grindelwald had been before her, and Aberforth before him.

He wanted to sleep, if only to give the distressing emotions a break. Couldn't. He hadn't gotten a good amount of rest since he'd left Hogwarts in the first place, leaving Lux crying and begging for him to stay.

It didn't help that, since his return, Fulk slept on the chair.

He knew Lux wouldn't have minded if he shared the bed — his bed, technically. He'd given up the one in the cabin to her, but this one remained his.

Until now.

She'd warmed up, in the end. Slept at his side three times, two of them involving her body against his, opting to use Fulk as a pillow.

Neither night had he gotten much sleep. It wasn't very comfortable, considering he tended to sleep on his side. But it had made Lux happy, and that was what mattered.

Now was different.

He didn't want to startle her more than she likely would be, if she were to wake up in a foreign place with an odd figure at her side. If she didn't immediately recognize him, her mind may jump to the worst conclusions, if only for a moment.

Just a moment, yes, but enough to sway him from joining her. Instead, the chair became his place of rest.

Not yet, though, even as exhaustion hit him. It was nearing midnight, with Lupin and Black sent back to their common room for the rest of the evening. No doubt they'd return the next day, before the sun had risen, but until that time occurred, he was alone.

He pulled out the stone. Twisted it once, twice, three times in his hand, until Salazar had emerged.

Fulk hadn't summoned him since he'd returned to Hogwarts. He hadn't known how to go about doing as much, what to say to him, how to admit he'd once again failed his daughter.

Sara, Lux, they'd blurred into one over the past month.

Hope had begun to dwindle, though he'd never admit as much. Black had been right — Lux wasn't one to stay down for long. But everyone had a limit, and perhaps this was hers.

A fall of that height should've killed her. It would've likely killed Fulk or Emma, two vampires with more power, two vampires much, much older.

Only a vampire as ancient and powerful as Philip had once been might be able to survive such a fall.

Salazar was silent. His dark eyes scaled the room, taking in his surroundings, before settling on Lux. Turning back to Fulk, he lifted his brows. "It's been a while. Do you wish to explain why you have an unconscious girl in a bed?"

"That's Lux," Fulk answered. He squeezed down on the stone, tight enough that the sharp edges dug into his skin.

Salazar blinked in mild surprise, turning back to her. "You were right," he said after a passing quiet. "She is young."

"Not much younger than Emma, when you met her. Just a year, just enough to pass the threshold of adulthood," Fulk shot back. Unsure why, a gripe he'd never fully gotten to let out, but had no business doing as much.

"Times were different. I was different."

A poor excuse, he thought, but decided not to engage in it further. It would only spark the memory of seeing her again, something that with the passing of time had Fulk wondering if it had been an illusion all along.

Why was she in Hogsmeade?

Was it a mere coincidence that she was, at the very same time Lux had been pushed to her near death? Or were they linked?

How could they have been linked? Lux had told him long ago that no one named Emma lived in the Coven. She must've fled the very same way Lux did, set aside slaying Philip.

He wondered why Philip hadn't gone after her.

Maybe that's why he recruited Lux. A replacement.

His stomach churned at the thought, another woman subjected to his atrocities.

"What happened to her?" Salazar asked. It must've been obvious, the state she was in. That she was more than just asleep.

"Someone pushed her off the Astronomy Tower."

Bemusement flashed across his expression. "Why would they do that?"

"Who knows?" Fulk shrugged. "She might've angered the wrong person. We don't know who it was. We won't until she wakes."

"And you've summoned me to help?"

"No. I just desired company." A pause. "Can you help?"

He shook his head. "I presume you've tried everything I could come up with already. Blood, rest, banging pots and pans together."

Somehow, this wretched a laugh out of Fulk, something cold and dry and brittle, but still a laugh.

"I was too late," he went on, his amusement vanishing within moments of its arrival. "It happened the very day I arrived. Had I been mere hours earlier..."

Salazar shook his head, a gentle motion. "There was nothing you could've done. You said yourself, Albus Dumbledore sent you on a mission. You had to see it through."

"A wild goose chase," Fulk corrected. "That group of vampires he wished for me to seek died out. He simply wanted me out of his hair, out of Lux's influence. He wanted us apart, because we're less likely to oppose him that way."

"Do you agree?"

He nodded. "I've always known Albus was a calculating man. An evil man. I've always known only a fool would trust him. How could I hold any different views, after all he did? All he put me through? But I'd hoped that perhaps he had my Lux's best interest in mind. It was the only option I had."

"He's out for himself and himself alone."

"Not too different from you."

Salazar rolled his eyes, before looking back at Lux. "You'd do well to be the same, brother. Look at all the anguish you are in over one little girl."

"It's worth it."

"Is it?"

"What is the point of an eternal life if I have nothing to drive me to wake up in the morning? What is the point of this endless way of living, if I cannot do some sort of good?"

"Since when do you care of good and evil?"

"Why would I not?" Fulk countered.

"Because it's not real. Good, evil, black and white...it's all shades of grey, brother."

He shook his head. "You're wrong. Philip was evil."

"Does that make you good, then? His opposite?" His brother released a scoff, arms folding over his chest. Moonlight from the window glowed on his tan face, his jaw shifting with amusement. "Are you striving to care for Lux for the sake of caring, or to prove something to yourself? After all the guilt you carry for what happened to Sara, to Edith, to me, is this but a way to make up for it?"

He was silent, heart gone still.

This quiet, Fulk supposed, said enough.

"You're a fool, Fulk. This endless devotion to a child without an ounce of relation to you will only get you killed."

"Then so be it." He ran a hand through his hair, carefully picking his words. "I love her. And maybe it's a selfish kind of love, the kind that stems from guilt and hurt and curing my own wounds. I'd known I would care for her the moment I discovered a young vampire was nearby. She could be the complete opposite in personality, she could be cruel or insane or sadistic, and I'd have latched myself to her in the very same way, in order to absolve myself. It is to make up for my own mistakes, yes. But I love her all the same."

This rendered Salazar silent.

"Love can only do so much," he eventually said, though he would not look at Fulk. "I loved Emma. You know I did. Look how that turned out."

His lips parted, but before a word could come out, a stirring on the bed drew his attention.

It was different from the typical movements Lux would engage with in the midst of her slumber.

Fulk dropped the stone, Salazar vanishing from sight, just as her eyes slowly opened.

"Lux." Her name left him with the utmost devotion, stumbling over his feet as he stood up, rushing to her side only to slide to his knees. He didn't want to hover over her, to make her feel overwhelmed, so he situated himself at her side as her head turned to look at him.

She didn't seem fully conscious, fully awake, eyes drooping and brow furrowed in confusion. "Fulk?"

He wasn't sure what to say. Hadn't thought that far ahead in his desire for their reunion, for her to wake.

"You're back," she continued, whispering. Her voice was rubbed raw from lack of use, scratchy and tired like after she would cry.

Fulk nodded, placing a bent arm against the mattress, leaning into it. "I am."

She looked around, eyes scaling the darkness his room was engulfed in, before looking back at him. He wasn't sure she knew she wasn't dreaming anymore, the rawness of her expression indicating she felt no need for her walls, either from confusion or exhaustion or a mixture of both.

"I had dreams about you."

"Did you?"

Lux nodded, yawning, and something in his heart seemed to click into place. Like a bit of a puzzle, missing for so long, finally completing a picture.

"We gardened," she explained, then laughed, a breathy sort of thing. "And you wore a dress. They were good dreams, mostly. Or maybe they were memories."

"Maybe," he agreed, a bell in the back of his mind ringing.

Her neutral expression dimmed, brow creasing as she continued on with recalling her dreams. "I killed Philip, too. In my dream, I saw myself do it. I saw myself drive a stake into his heart, then run out of the Coven house."

He simply stared at her, unsure what it was she wanted him to say. Comfort? Approval? Fulk had forgotten how difficult communication could be with her, like walking upon a minefield, never knowing what step may lead to an explosion.

Listening, it seemed, was the best way to go about it. She was content to speak without a conversation being had, simply rattle off her thoughts. "He's not dead, though. Not really."

"What do you mean?"

"His blood was on me. I didn't get rid of it." Her voice lowered to a whisper, a secret. Her blue eyes were wide, not necessarily with fear, but a knowing sort of anxiety, like a parent delivering bad news to a young child. "He's still inside of me, Fulk. He always will be."

"It was a bad dream that's making you think this. You're safe now," he promised, though his voice shook. "Do you want me to run you a bath? It could help wake you up."

He'd been expecting a refusal.

Instead, she nodded.

With steady hands, he guided her onto her shaking legs, keeping her upright when she'd otherwise fall.

He wanted to demand to know what she remembered, who had pushed her, how she'd survived. Questions she may not even have the answer to.

It was a struggle to hold back, to remind himself that all that needed to be dealt with would be, once she was more alert, when she had adjusted to being awake for the first time in a month.

She sat down on the lid of the toilet while Fulk leaned over, turning the water on and testing the temperature until he deemed it perfect. When he turned back to her, she was frowning again, deep in thought.

"Everything alright?" He asked over the sound of rushing water against the bottom of the tub as it slowly began to fill.

Hesitation, then a nod. "I'm fine. Just...tired, I think."

"Tired?" He repeated, dumbfounded. "You've been asleep for ages. How could you possibly still be tired?"

Something about this seemed to confuse her, as if she'd presumed she'd only been asleep overnight. Her lips parted, then closed again, as she so often did when she was debating whether or not to speak. If she wanted to know an answer, or remain in blissful oblivion.

"Lux?"

That did it. Just her name.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked, head tilted up towards him.

"About a month."

She fell off the toilet, groaning as her hip collided with the stone floor. Fulk rushed to help her up, hands twisted around her arms to maintain a tight grip on her. "Are you okay?"

"What day is it?" She dodged his question, shooting back her own.

"The twenty fifth of April."

Her already pale face drained almost completely of blood, going white as a sheet. Even in her odd state, she was able to understand how shocking this was. Even so, what came out next had nothing to do with her. "It's Remus's birthday today."

"Then I suppose tomorrow he will have a great late birthday present from you." He pushed her hair out of her face, a stray curl that had landed in front of her eyes. "We've all been worried about you, my dear."

Her lips twitched, though her smile only remained for a moment. "I don't want you to be worried about me."

"That'll never happen."

This didn't seem to please Lux, lips pressing together in a thin line. She looked towards the tub, eyes remaining fixed on the running water for a moment, then back at him.

She was silent.

"Will you tell me everything that's happened in the morning? Everything that I've missed." Fulk asked, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt. "I want you to rest. But tomorrow, will you talk to me?"

"Okay. But you have to tell me everything too. All you got up to."

"Promise."

This time, her smile seemed fully genuine, stretching across her face.

He stepped out once the bath had fully drawn, turning off the water and allowing Lux to have her privacy. While he had his worries about leaving her alone in such a disjointed state, he recalled Sirius Black's words again, letting them ease his anxiety.

Lux seemed different. It was all his mind could focus on. Not bad, not wrong, but different. A little less guarded, that could've been related to the month she'd spent asleep and the shock of only just rejoining the living world.

He supposed he'd figure out of that was the case soon enough.

She emerged from the tub forty five long minutes later, in which Fulk had gone back to his chair, trying and failing to pay attention to the prose of a novel he'd plucked off of his shelf.

She'd thrown on a fluffy white robe he'd left hanging on the door for her, with her hair twisted into a towel, balancing atop her head. Her expression was a little less open this time, as if she'd woken up a bit more in the time she'd been in the hot water.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" He asked, nudging towards her hair.

"Mary. She said it's good for curly hair, to let it dry like this. I'll take it out in a few minutes." She sat down on the bed, crossing and uncrossing her legs a few times as she struggled to find comfort.

Continuing to resist the urge to inquire directly on what had happened, Fulk stood up, taking a seat next to her. "Do you want to talk?"

She shook her head. "I'm still tired."

"Okay." He'd been expecting it, though it didn't make him any less antsy for answers. "Do you want to go back to your dorms?"

"No." The answer was quick, sharp, bothered. Fulk remembered what Lily Evans had said, that they'd fought. No doubt Lux still held onto that grudge.

In a more gentle tone, she went on, "I want to stay here. If that's okay."

"Of course it's okay."

She didn't hesitate further before laying down, pulling the blankets over her and resting her head on the pillow, tilted onto her side.

Fulk stood up, though he halted by a soft tug on his wrist, small, delicate fingers wrapped around him.

"Stay?" Lux asked in a small voice, releasing hold of him the moment he'd turned around.

"Are you sure?"

"Where else are you going to sleep? Unless you truly find comfort in that chair," she countered, a hint of sarcasm returned to her.

He situated himself next to her, careful not to brush against her as the mattress sagged beneath their combined weight. Remaining on his back, his gaze fixed on the ceiling, while Lux shifted about next to him.

Silence, for a few moments in which their breathing seemed to sync.

Then, "I'm sorry."

Fulk looked at her, frowning. "Why are you sorry?"

"In the cabin." Her voice was slow, her exhaustion catching right back up to her. "It was your bed. I took it."

"I gave it to you."

Against the pillow, she shook her head. "I should've shared."

"It would've been wrong."

"Why? It wouldn't have meant anything bad. It doesn't now."

He hummed in agreement. "Yes, but there's twenty years between us. We know where we stand. Back then, it might've confused you. Made you believe things were ways they weren't."

Beneath her breath, she released a scoff. "Like that you'd want to shag?"

In spite of his position laying down, he felt his posture stiffen. "Something of the sorts, yes. I would never have wanted to make you feel unsafe."

"I didn't—"

"Don't lie," he cut her off, coming off harsher than intended. When she recoiled ever so slightly, he released a sigh, heart twisting in his chest. "I know you didn't trust me. How could you? After everything, how could you possibly trust some random man no different than your abuser? I carry no blame towards you for that."

"You are different," Lux argued.

"You didn't know that, though."

"I should've."

"Stop that." He turned onto his side, rolling beneath the blanket so he could look at her. Truly, fully look at her, a girl he'd worried he may never see again. "You were keeping yourself safe. And so was I."

Her expression flickered, hurt briefly flashing across her pale face. "Did you think I would kill you?"

Fulk rapidly shook his head. "No, no, that's not what I meant at all. I wasn't afraid of you."

Her brow furrowed. "I'm confused."

Sara was a topic in which Fulk had sworn long ago he'd never tell Lux about, for more reasons than he could count. It set up expectation for her he wasn't sure she desired, brought up a past he'd so wished he could forget, it broke down his own barriers when keeping them upright was how he'd remained sane in his solitude since her murder.

And yet, how could he expect vulnerability from Lux, when he refused to indulge in the same? How could he demand her trust when he did not give what he took?

Even so, he wasn't sure he was ready. Not yet.

"I worried I'd come to care for you too much, and that someday, you would run, or die, or leave me, and I would be left alone to pick up the pieces. It's why I didn't push for truths from you until we got here. It's why I let you have whatever you asked for, do whatever you wanted, say anything you wanted to say, no matter how cruel, no matter how hurtful."

"You act as though I were some spoiled child."

"Far from spoiled," he agreed. "But you would've been, had you given me so much as an inch to work with. I just...I thought you'd leave, if I pushed even the slightest amount. If I tried to break through those barriers. I thought you'd pack up in the middle of the night and flee, and I wouldn't be able to protect you any further. That's all I've ever wanted to do, from the very moment I found you in that barn. All I've ever wanted was to keep you safe. Then when we got to Hogwarts, I could talk. I could speak on it without you running. And I did it so, so wrong."

There was a long pause, Lux taking a deep breath. She seemed awake again, the topic of conversation sparking something in her mind to keep her from drifting off. "No, you only did what you knew how. Twenty years was too long to walk on eggshells around someone. You shouldn't have had to live like that."

"You lived worse."

"That doesn't make it okay."

Where, Fulk wondered, had this come from? How much had changed since he'd left? "I could've been different. I could've been better for you."

"I could've too." A shuddering breath ran through her, a sound that told Fulk she was close to tears. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I'm sorry I didn't even try to. I'm sorry it took us so long to get to this point. I didn't know how to be anything but what I was. You never did anything wrong in the cabin, not once, but I thought if something did happen, at least I wouldn't be caught off guard. There was comfort to it. It was control in the only way I could get it."

Control. She'd always reached for it, in the same way he once had. Still did, in a way, centering that need for it all around Lux, around giving her the best life he could. "I know. Trust me, my dear, I know."

"Why do you call me that?"

Something in his chest tightened, but he refused to allow any discomfort show. "Would you rather I don't?"

"No. It's nice."

This time, the breath of relief he let slip was audible. "You're dear to me. The only person that is. It was never intentional, it just started slipping out every time I spoke, and you never objected."

She gave him a small smile. "It makes me feel special. Always had."

"You are special. I knew that before we'd even met."

"Is that why you kept me around? Because of my reputation?"

The next words came with ease, held back so long he could not understand how he'd done so, how he'd let Lux go about the world not knowing the full truth of his devotion towards her. "No. I kept you around because I loved you."

It wasn't shock that eclipsed her expression, but rather a solemn, sad disbelief. "You couldn't have. Not then. Not when you first met me."

"You're right. I admired you, I pitied you, I wanted to keep you safe, but the love didn't come for a bit."

This, she seemed to believe. "How long did it take?"

"A week, maybe?"

Now it was time for shock, eyes widening. "A week?"

"What can I say? I'm a tough cookie to crack." He shrugged as best he could in his position, and Lux laughed. "How long did it take you to love me?"

Her lips curved, something akin to humor washing over her. A hand moved, pressing against his shoulder, a gentle push backwards as she said, "I never said I love you."

He gave her a look, mirroring her amusement. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself from falling apart.

He didn't realize he needed to hear it as badly as he did.

Lux complied. Of course she did. For a moment, he only felt more guilt, as if he may have pushed her into professing words she did not mean or was not ready for, until he understood just what it was she'd said. "I think I realized I loved you when I hit you."

"I deserved that. My behavior in that time was abhorrent. Even so, I'm glad to know my errors bring out some good."

"I wasn't any better. I was rash and unreasonable and I blamed you for having the nerve to care about me. We were both treading new waters. Neither of us knew what to do and it was scary and we have no right to blame ourselves for it."

"I blamed you for your rape, Lux."

Her chin wobbled. Then, "I blamed you for it, in a way. I took it out on you, when you'd not done anything like that."

"I was cruel, you can't deny it. I was pushy and cruel and I said a horrible thing to you. I deserved to be hit."

"I only hit you because I knew I could. That's how I knew I loved you, Fulk. I could do something horrible and unforgivable and violent and you wouldn't return the favor. I was safe to be the worst version of myself."

She gave into her emotions, a few stray tears running down her cheeks with Fulk concluding, "I love every version of you. Every single one."

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fulk is BACK finally oh my god. i cannot believe he was gone for thirty fucking chapters. ugh i missed them so much <3

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