• Wishful Thinking •
I didn't know how many times I had passed through this street, a little alley with a red brick road, surrounded by fancy shops along the street.
This wasn't the nearest nor my usual way back home, but I insisted on taking this route. It was because I wanted to see that place, the little pastry shop that had opened a few months ago.
At first I just came to see the beautiful pastry displays through the big glass window, until one day I saw him. The guy behind the counter, doing his job decorating the cake, looking so focused yet enjoying his work.
I didn't know whether he was the owner of the shop or just a staff member who worked there. I was stunned standing there outside the window looking at him, and since that day I couldn't get him out of my mind, and my journey wandering around outside this shop started.
Of course being the coward I was, I never had the guts to enter the shop. I thought just seeing him from afar was enough for me, but maybe the universe said otherwise. Maybe they decided to finally give me a chance.
So tonight, when I was secretly checking on that shop, suddenly it rained heavily. I stood outside the shop window, took shelter for a while since I didn't bring my umbrella with me today. I was hesitating whether I should come into the shop or not, it was already late at night so maybe the shop was already closed anyway.
While I was busy mind doubting, the doorbell suddenly chiming, and a soft deep voice greeted me.
"Hey, it's cold outside. Come in !"
It was him.
His head suddenly popped from the door with his wide smile, gesturing to me to come into the shop.
I stood there slightly surprised, but finally I could compose myself and followed him inside. It was so warm here, and I could still feel the slight smell of cake in the air.
The shop wasn't too big, the interior designed in chic Parisian style, with few chairs and tables arranged beside the big window there. It felt so homey.
"Come on sit, what do you want to drink ?" He asked me while walking to the counter, going to prepare some drinks.
"...mm... I... but I don't have any money..." I replied shyly, looking down at the floor avoiding his look.
"Don't worry, it's on me," He said, smiling warmly at me, "We're closed anyway, so the cash register is already locked." He grinned.
"Ah, you're already closed ? I better go then, so you can go home too." I said hastily, ready to leave.
"No... No, it's okay ! I'm still waiting for someone to come here anyway. It's okay, just sit." He shouted at me from behind the counter, "And with this heavy rain, I think it's better for us to wait here for a while."
So I sat there at the corner table, watching him make some drinks. He was back facing me, and even his back was so beautiful. It was straight and strong, I wondered what it looked like without that blue shirt he wore.
"Here's your drink," He handed me a cup of hot chocolate, "Warm yourself."
"...thank you," I sipped my drink and the warmth of it made me feel a little relaxed.
"I'm Tae Hyung by the way, what's your name ?" He asked, holding out his hand to me.
"........" I murmured my name, returned to him.
His hand was so warm and soft. His fingers were long and delicate, with slight veins on his back palm. I didn't want to let go, I wanted this moment to last forever. Imagining what this hand could do beside making the pastries. What they could do to me. His hand trailing on my body...
"Uhm ehm," He cleared his throat, snapping me from my daydream, and I immediately pulled my hand from him.
"Have you eat ?" He asked again.
"Um... I... No."
"Wait here, I still have some leftover muffins from today," He said, walking towards the counter and took some muffins from the container, "Here, eat a lot."
I took a little bite, and damn it felt heaven.
"Ah, it's so delicious !" I said, looking at him wide-eyed.
"Really ? I baked that myself, it's one of my top secret recipes !" He said proudly, giving me a big smile.
Oh my God, how could he be this good looking ? His smile was so alluring.
"So what do you do ? Are you a college student ? I think I saw you a few times passing by outside my shop." He asked, leaning at his chair, taking some bites of the muffin too.
"I'm a dancer, my studio is not far from here, just right around the corner." I told him.
"And umm... yeah... I really like to see your pastries display, they're so beautiful. But sorry I never came in, I um... aah... I'm too broke to buy them." I said embarrassedly.
"Hey, that's okay !" He chuckled lightly, "Next time you pass by, make sure you come in, I can give you some freebies !"
"You can also be my taster for my upcoming recipe. I like seeing you eating my muffins delightfully, it makes them look ten times more yummy ! I love it !" He said again as he laughed, giving me his big bright smile.
And that was it.
That was the smile that melted my heart away. The big boxy smile that made you forget all the problems you had.
I became so stunned, I could no longer even listen to what he said anymore. I was too absorbed in him. His wavy black hair, his deep stares that seemed to look right into your soul, his calming deep voice, all of that mesmerized me, I couldn't take my eyes off him.
With this close distance between us, I could see his detailed little features clearly. His long eyelashes, that little mole under his nose, his pink soft lips... I wondered what it tasted like ? Was it warm and dreamy, or was it dominance and lustful ? How did it feel on my lips ? On my neck ? On my...
Damn, damn !
I needed to compose myself !
Slightly I heard him talking about his love for baking, how he started this shop from nothing. He said that with a sparkling look in his eyes.
Oh how I loved those eyes, I loved the way he spoke excitedly. The way he brushed his hair back with his hand, his other small gestures, I loved everything about him.
I wanted him.
I wanted him to see me with that sparkling gaze, and talk about me with that excitement.
I loved him a lot but how could he love me back ? Did he even like someone like me ? Someone that poor and didn't even look attractive. We were so different, we looked like heaven and hell. He was the nice, shining, bubbly guy while myself here was such a resent and desperate person.
I was wondering if the universe was trying to help me and gave me a chance today, or was this their way of telling me to drop it all off.
But I wanted him.
I wanted him to be mine.
I wanted to feel his warmth, his touch on my skin, his hovering over my body...
I wanted to feel him inside me.
I got too absorbed with my thoughts, once again I didn't hear the doorbell chiming.
"Hey, babe ! You finally came," Tae Hyung said, standing from the chair.
He walked to the door, welcoming a beautiful girl with a big warm smile on his face. He kissed her cheek and held her in.
And with that my heart just sank.
So he already had a girlfriend ?
The girl was so beautiful, slim and tall with the look of a model. How could I compete with her ?
I felt like I just got a slap to revive myself.
Dream would always be a dream, it would never become reality for someone like me.
"Deasy, this is Jimin, my new friend." Tae Hyung said to the girl, walking back to my table.
"Jimin, this is Deasy, my girlfriend." He introduced the girl to me.
"Nice to meet you, Jimin." She held out her hand with a warm smile, as I returned to her trying to give my best smile.
God, I wish I was her.
Or probably what was true,
I wish I were a Her.
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