Author: AuroreHartley

Blurb: 

In the heart of the Shire, the never-ending war is about to restart. Yet, nobody has mentioned it in past centuries.

Ren the last heir, leaves the capital for the first time, eager to travel. Her adventure soon turns into an unbearable quest. Painful revelations unravel, the Council has buried a tragic past. Not matter the cost, Ren will cross the realm to find the Scripture that will end the war. Next to Surka the fallen wizard, she learns a new side of history.

Among some of the most promising elves the crown has seen, she struggles with the intensity of the power running through her veins. With Chase by her side, will she be able to take the right decisions in the upcoming war, despite her fiery temper?

This epic quest in a world as fascinating as it is complex will captivate the young adults like the most experienced.

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Cover:

The cover is interesting and well suited to the genre of the book. The muted tones of brown and gold are reminiscent of books like Lord of The Rings and Eragon, making it bound to draw in readers who enjoy epic fantasy. It is also more likely to appeal to mature readers. However, the author should be careful when using photographs/pictures/drawings which clearly depict a face as this may stick in the reader's mind as what the main character looks like (unless of course this is exactly what the author wants the main character to look like).

Title:

The title is clearly set out on the cover however the title is grammatically incorrect.

The word "dusks" is a verb used in 3rd person present. In the title it should be used as an adjective (dusk) describing the darkness of wars. Therefore it would be better to say The Dusk of Wars meaning the darkness of wars of The Dusk of The War meaning the darkness of one specific war. A title like this would highlight that the main theme of this book is the darkness/troubles/atrocities found in war.

Blurb:

The blurb is interesting and descriptive, it draws the reader in.

There are a few grammatical errors which can be easily fixed.

"the never-ending war is about to restart." Since something that has never ended cannot restart, it would be better to say something along the lines of "The forgotten war is about to resurge", meaning that the never-ending war which has slowed down or has been forgotten is about to become a major issue again.

"Not matter the cost", the author should say "No matter the cost"

"Will she be able to take the right decision", it would be better to say "will she be able to make the right decision"

And lastly the last paragraph ties the entire blurb together well but the last past of the paragraph is not needed. Therefore the author can just say "This epic quest, in a world as fascinating as it is complex, will captivate young adults like no other."

Chapter 1:

The first chapter is incredibly descriptive and sets a beautiful scene for the reader. We are immediately drawn into the world of nature and its inherent magic. The rays of sunlight piercing the thick foliage, the ancient woods, Threor, the life within it preparing for winter. The description is perfect.

The author should take note of a few errors in the sentence construction and word choice, as well as pay close attention to the tenses of each sentence.

For example: "After passing its zenith, the sun followed its course "

"The world was still wrapped in the heat of the warmer months"

"Foxes digging deeper burrows" (no article is needed before burrows)

"A symphony of life, disturbed only by the footsteps of a stranger" or "The symphony of life was disturbed only by the footsteps of a stranger"

"Shallow sunlight pierced the foliage of the Threor Woods, giving her crimson hair a blazing glow"

"Filling her lungs with the last warmth (no S needed) of summer"

"Nothing had prepared her for the scene unfolding before her eyes"

Chapter 2:

Chapter two gives just the right amount of information from the past which allows the reader to understand the dynamic between the main characters and their position within society, without overloading us with information. It also starts Ren's journey off, explaining the reasons for her journey.

I am already extremely interested in the relationship between Ren and Chase, I'm eager to see the kind of journey they will go on and what their relationship will develop into.

I think it's interesting that the perception switches between Ren and Chase, it points out that they are both main characters and they both have their own stories to tell within this plot.

I also find the Moon Dust most intriguing, it reminds the reader that we are not in our normal mortal world but rather one filled with magic and intrigue and one where magic and magical items are the norm.

Once again I would advise the author to pay attention to sentence construction and word choice. Remember that each new topic or thought must be put in a new paragraph.

Chapter 3:

The action starting in chapter 3 really snaps us back into the harsh reality of living in a magic medieval world and I think it was well placed and set out nicely. We get a hint of action without truly going into the thick of the war spoken about in the blurb and we get a hint of Ren's powers without knowing what she or any other elves can do. It left me wanting more, wanting to know more.

In the first half of the chapter, the author should be careful of giving out too much information since some history was already given in the previous chapter. Sometimes when there is an information overload readers may become bored and just skim over it, leaving out some key facts which they may need for later. Information sharing or backstory sharing needs to be well placed in any story. The author may not need to share so many facts or so much history in this chapter (like Elves and Humans not being able to procreate) unless it's relevant at this stage of the story because it will be contradicted or proven untrue later in the story.

I think the overall mood needs to be heightened when Chase encounters the village under attack, I think Ren's panic, anger and need to help is apparent enough, but why does she grin when Chase stops her from going into the village and tells her that she's not in the capital anymore? Why doesn't she get upset and frown when he stops her?

With Chase's reaction, why is he not panicking when he sees his village under attack knowing that his mother and sibling are in the village and could be harmed? Perhaps his reaction needs to be stronger unless it's part of his character that he doesn't show his stress/anger/panic/fear so much.

Overall:

The story is off to a good start, it doesn't jump too fast into the action, instead it hints at it while setting a magical atmosphere and giving some backstory. All of this really draws the reader in making them want to delve deeper and deeper into the world and lives of the characters. The world building is good and I expect that it will become more and more detailed as Ren explores more of her world.

There seem to be a lot of grammatical errors in chapter 1 and 2 but I understand that this is because the book has been translated from French to English, I think it would be good for the author to get an editor for the English edition. Proper grammar will attract and keep more English readers, especially young adults who are the target audience. Remember that proper grammar is not needed for the dialogue though, this is because the characters may speak multiple languages and have different accents (also native speakers of a language usually don't use proper grammar when speaking to fellow native speakers) this will also help differentiate between characters accents and socio-economic backgrounds.

Chapter 3 is a good place to start the action without rushing into it. The overall mood needs to be heightened by adding more descriptions of the fire and the attack and possibly removing any backstory/historical facts that don't need to be stated at this point in the story.

All in all, it's a great story and the kind of young adult epic fantasy that's not usually found on Wattpad, which is perfect! The plot is interesting and so far it is well constructed. Such a story will only get better and better as it continues.