Author: Lurkinshadow

Blurb:

A boy wakes up in a place unfamiliar to him. No memory of who he is and how he came to be. He's not ordinary, he figures it out soon. A darkness lies within him. Why? He doesn't know. How? He doesn't know that either.

The boy walks on the land to discover the fate that awaits him. Would people stay by his side or will he be alone?

~~~

Title:

I can definitely tell this is a fantasy book based on the title. It's short, easy to remember. It sounds like a lot of titles out there so it doesn't particularly interest me, but it works as a title.

Cover:

I like the blue. It's dark and mysterious. However, the flames on the side feel out of place as they are the only thing that is not blue in the cover. Also, there seems to be a lot of text which distracts from the cover's purpose. Clean it up and it's a great cover. :)

Blurb:

Short and sweet. It does feel a little too vague and cliche to me though. My suggestion would be to add more to make it more captivating to the reader. Make it dramatic. ;) It's hard to go wrong with a dramatic blurb. It's good, but I think it could be even better.

Chapter One:

It's a very short chapter. While there's nothing wrong with short chapters, it wasn't a very exciting beginning to your story. There's a boy having a dream about these monsters and then he wakes up, wanders around remembering nothing, and then steals some food. I need more details to make me more interested in your story. The last line had me hooked, so good job on that. All in all, it needs more substance. Describe the surroundings of the boy. Have more things happening in the first chapter besides a simple dream so the reader is invested in your story to keep reading. I know nothing of your character, your world, or anything--things that are crucial to set up in your first chapter. Feel free to experiment and add more to give this chapter life. :)

Chapter Two:

So much better in substance! It was great to see that there is a circus in your story world and meet all the characters associated with it. Again, I think it could do with more detail as far as scene-setting goes. Try working more with that. The biggest thing that stood out to me negatively was the grammar. Watch your punctuation. In a lot of places, punctuation was missing from your dialogue. Look out for that and fix. I still am curious about your main character and would like to see more about him. The pacing of this chapter was a lot better than the previous one and this was interesting to read! Keep it up!

Chapter Three:

Again, good work with the substance. I would say, continue to watch your punctuation. Just always make sure it's correct in your story before posting on Wattpad or when editing. :) The first section of this chapter is too much telling. Try to actually show us these things happening in your story rather than just summarize it as something that happened in the past. It will make your story so much more interesting to the reader. I think that the things happening in your story would be even better as not so rushed so we don't feel like we're running to the next scene but that everything has a smooth transition that also is interesting to the reader. Show us the relationships that happen to your main character, let us see the world through his eyes. It will make your story infinitely better.

Overall:

It's a good story idea. I didn't read far enough to see where the Dark Crystal comes in, but I do have a few guesses. ;) Just try working with it more to make it really shine and interest your audience into being hooked into your story.