Author: Maxwell-Dark

Blurb:

Would you really give the world for the ones you love?

An ancient god returns to destroy what little is left of the land of Linderyl. Humanity finds itself as merely pawns, in a game whose outcome determines their fate. As puzzle pieces are put together, and with imminent death seeming to be their only future, one princess sets out to save the world.

Amidst all this, a feline boy finds himself lost and unsure of his existence, or the purpose thereof. Swimming through rivers of blood in a world that could not care less for him, he pursues vengeance upon those that would use him as a tool and come between him and his loved ones.

A renegade assassin, a knight haunted by his past and a broken magician.

Under unseen forces, decisions are made and allegiances formed. Can life, doomed to die, survive its Fate?

"When darkness does descendAnd stone is scorched to sandSolace must rise to quell their fear." - extract from The Blades Of Fate

Title:

This might just be me, but my auto correct brain keeps wanting to put a "the" in front of the title. *smacks head* I like your title. It's unique and original. Solace gives me a peace vibe, which makes me think that your story is about a king of peace—and considering how most fantasy books are about war, this is an intriguing title.

Cover:

The cover confuses me. You don't need the "written by" part as we already assume that you're the author because your name is there. But the image is surprising because it looks like a princess rather than a king like the title seems to indicate. The cover is also really dark and not very eye-catching. The font could do with some embellishing as well. It's fine as a cover, better than many I've seen, but it could do with a bit more work.

Blurb:

First off, I like your blurb. It intrigues me and makes me interested in your story. However, I do have a few suggestions. For one, I would suggest putting the quote at the bottom at the top instead of the question, "Would you really give the world for the ones you love?" That sort of line is on a lot of books and I glazed over it when reading. Not a good beginning. The quote/prophecy thing is better in my opinion, especially when followed by the "An ancient god returns to destroy what little is left..." as it adds a good dramatic vibe which is what you want in a blurb.

I like the game analogy that you're going for as well, though the whole human pawns thing is a rather overused trope and I wouldn't suggest using it in a blurb because of that reason. The rest of your blurb seems rather vague. Like I think I know what you're trying to explain, but I feel that it could be made much clearer. Don't worry about using fanciful language in a blurb, that's for the story. Make sure the message is clear and concise, but also makes the reader interested in your book. I'm intrigued, but I would like to see more clarity in your words. ^_^ Moving on!

Another Note:

I know this bugs a lot of people on Wattpad, so I would advise you to cut down on the extra chapters before your story. One part with the necessary information like an author's note, etc. is fine, but not several. It turns a lot of potential readers away. You can always move them to the back of the story. As for quotes, try to work those into your actual story as part of the narrative.

Prologue:

I like the first part of your prologue. It adds the danger vibe I was expecting from the blurb. The second part doesn't quite feel like it flows. It would certainly help if there were more descriptions of what was going on, for both sections, but especially the latter, if you're going to keep that part. I liked the opening a lot, though I feel it could flow better if you used more descriptions of the place, of the girl, etc. Always remember to show, not tell. And watch the commas. Commas are used to provide breathing points, so to speak, so make sure there's not too many of them. As for the second part, I feel that it's unnecessary and might even work as the beginning of your first chapter instead. But if you keep it as part of the prologue, add descriptions so your story comes alive off the page. I want to be able to immerse myself in your world so describe the places and people. Other than those critiques, I really enjoyed your dialogue. It felt really natural and flowed nicely. ^_^

Chapter 1: The Night Awakens:

I know your first chapter was divided into three parts, but I'm just going to talk about it as a whole. I really enjoyed reading it, even better than the prologue. It had a flow to it that connected all three parts better than the two sections of the prologue did. My critiques would be these. Make sure that your scene breaks feel natural. Don't have a sudden one-paragraph scene break. It glitches up the flow of your story. If you want to keep a scene like that, try to work it in with the other parts. Always be careful that your characters respond naturally. I didn't see any glaring issues, but how Matthew doesn't seem to care for the girl while still not showing animosity is something that doesn't feel right to me, like there's something important that I'm missing. Either he's going to befriend her and try to help her out, or he's going to hate her. He doesn't seem to me to be the kind of person that's just indifferent to everything. And then how his mother was okay with the girl sleeping in their house when before she was telling him to have nothing to do with the girl doesn't make sense. Try to make sure your characters' actions are logical to the reader. ;) But I do enjoy the world-building and it is interesting to read, for sure! Keep it up!

Chapter 2: Death and Deception

This flowed even better than the previous chapter! Nice work! I really enjoyed the world-building and the descriptions were really fun to read. I would like to see more of this kind of detail in the previous two chapters. My only critiques are to watch for grammar mistakes. There are a few cases where you're missing commas in your dialogue such as, "My father is dead Lillian!" There should be a comma after dead and before Lillian. Other than that, I enjoyed the rising tension and the story's build-up. Good work!

Overall:

Aside from what I've already mentioned, my only other critique at this point is this: Not sure what the Pagiral stuff is, but it's almost frustrating to read through it before going on to the next chapter. I know there's a reason that they're there, but it feels unnecessary. If you're going to keep them, I would suggest putting them at the top of your chapters instead of in this odd break in between. But other than that, you have an interesting story idea that has a lot of potential. Continue with your edits and it'll be a very nice story indeed! Best wishes with this!