Author: Nightin_

Blurb:

The king of Cevan is dead. His body burnt and scorched, the mark of an ignitran, a resonator who wields Heat.

Theban Baris, the eldest child, and a resonator himself, comes home to a kingdom nearing chaos: People taken away and friends wrongfully accused.

The prince must now confront his mother for these troubling actions, find out who killed his father, and take the throne before news of the kingdom's state leaks.

Cover: 

In terms of the design, it's very simple but it links to your intended genre quite well. It has a smoky look to it, adding to the mysterious nature of the story's premise. The title and your name are legible, another important aspect of a good cover. At first glance, I don't get fantasy vibes, but rather, murder mystery vibes. I'm assuming this is your intention since you chose those specific tags for the book, but if there is quite a bit of magic involved, maybe consider adding a little more color to make the cover pop more?

Blurb: 

It's very short and could use a few more details to help give a potential reader more information about why they should pick up this book and read it. For example, the reader doesn't know when and where the story takes place. You don't have to take the time to share a paragraph dedicated to world-building, but you could use the first paragraph as a way to introduce the world and the characters involved.

The second line is very vague and doesn't provide any information about the stakes. All the reader knows is that there is an assassin but we don't really know much beyond that. For example, what would happen if the information of the king's death was leaked out? What are some antagonizing forces at play here?

CHAPTERS

Prologue: 

The way the prologue begins is where I expected as it's well connected to your blurb. The scene has a dark, dreary tone to it and the way the moonlight is described and incorporated into the scene creates a lovely light/dark contrast. The narrator's voice describes the scene of the crime in a methodical, detailed manner that almost sounds like a modern-day police detective. It was especially creative when you incorporated the narrator's own light magic into his examination, it provided this melancholic, somber feel to it that I really loved!

I can tell that the narrator isn't overpowered because there seem to be limitations to his abilities, which is another well-thought-out concept. It really helps bring balance and realism and that's something that few stories lack these days. It shows you really took every little movement the character did into consideration.

I do admit, I was very surprised when I discovered that it was someone other than the prince who was doing the investigating. Going by what you briefly summarized in your blurb, I was under the impression that the prince would be the one leading this investigation. Thus, I think it might be worthwhile to incorporate this character into your blurb if he will be a significant character throughout the entire novel.

Chapter 1: 

I was actually intrigued about reading this from the prince's perspective because I wanted to know what his thoughts would be when he returned. I wasn't sure if he would be the type of character to benefit from his father's death or be terrified at the thought of being king. But I kind of liked this level of unpredictability because it kept me on my toes and allowed me to be open-minded about which path the story could take.

My initial thoughts of Theban are that he seems to be someone who is worried about what other people would think about him and as a result, he has these doubts about himself. It will be interesting to find out whether he builds up confidence on his own, either through spending time as a king or with the help of the character that was introduced in the prologue.

I thought it was very cool that you incorporated honorifics into the dialogue because it really made the world seem so much more real. And it seemed like after the first instance, Theban started to develop such a light-hearted personality that made it hard for me not to like him. The language reads as very formal when the Elra and Theban are speaking together, but you manage to make something formal sound so comedic. The humor really helped balance the darker opening image and I liked that contrast.

Chapter 2: 

As mentioned in the first chapter, the Queen accuses the prince and Elra of treason upon their return. I was shocked by this development because I immediately wondered if she was the one behind the death of the king? Why else would she behave in this manner? I would think the people who have been away would be less likely to kill someone, especially when it's in a place that's heavily guarded. I feel like the culprit would have needed to have access to wherever the king was and the queen seems to be likely.

One thing that could have been done better was if there was a little description about the different spaces they walk into. You do a great job of describing the people in the room, you just need to take it one step further to bring it all together.

Overall Thoughts: 

The way you craft action scenes is done in a seemingly flawless way that it's almost like the reader is watching these scenes unfold before their very eyes. The tone of the story suits the premise very well and keeps the reader wanting more. Some areas of improvement could possibly be to brighten up the cover a little more to add that fantasy feel to it and to incorporate more setting description when characters move from one space to another.