❝ i used to cry a lot
but they never understood why
so now i hide my pain
way too often
as i await for your return
my lover, my friend ❞

ᅳDEAD ROSES, 04/22/19

he was a boy with too much love in his heart, but there was never enough for me. he belonged to everyone he ever met and i was but another soul to drag along. i was okay with it. having a small piece of his heart was alright in the beginning. but when you truly love someone, you wouldn't want to share them with anyone else. you'd want them all for yourself.

a part of me wishes i never fell in love with jeon jungkook because then, maybe he'd still be here, sitting on my bed with a cigarette between his fingers as he watches me read the books he knows i adore. but the other part of me is glad i saw in him what he's been hiding all these years and fell in love with him because of it. he'd been lonely, you see. he had seen most of the world by the time he turned eighteen. he had almost done it all with nothing else to live for.

he found people but none of them ever really found him, and yet he stuck around with them because he enjoyed their empty company. something of it reminds him of his childhood and his relationship with his parents. none of what he had with his past lovers were ever truly beautiful. but then he found me. he didn't know it back then and i'm glad that he didn't because maybe if he did, he would've never chosen me.

ᅳ

❝would you be a dear and fetch me a beer?❞

❝honey, i'd give my life for yours if you asked me to.❞

❝thank you, jimin.❞

❝i love you, jungkook.❞

❝i know.❞

ᅳ

A NIGHT in the cold summer of july when we still lived together but knew all the while our days were counted, your hands were on my waist as i stared straight into your eyes, all knowing you were to leave me and never come back. it hurt to stay in bed with you some nights because the more i did, the closer it felt to the end.

what hurt me even more was how you acted like it didn't bother you at all. it is what it is. you always said that. and while i know why you've always expected things to go wrong, i was sort of hoping you'd think differently about us. i wanted you to love me enough to fight and stay, jungkook...but you didn't.

you left just like you said you would from the very beginning.

FINIFUGALᅳ(adj.) hating endings; of someone who tries to avoid or prolong the final moments of a story, relationship or some other journey