[ 06. wishes ]
J E O N G G U K

warning - offensive themes

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When Jeongguk's finally able to control his heart (and his little issue down below) he joins the rest of the women and his friends in the living room. He decides to seat himself beside Jimin and Stephanie to be safe, however he's slightly puzzled when Taehyung doesn't dare meet his eye.

He notices how the older is sitting next to Rachel, scowling at his lap. The blatant discomfort that appears in the form of a muscle is twitching angrily in his clenched jaw, every time Rachel brushes against him he stills. He wonders if Taehyung's alright, but the moment he lets his thoughts run freely, his breath hitches in his throat picturing that illict dream of his all over again.

Don't think about him, Jeongguk anxiously chews the inside of his cheek, allowing himself to glance over at Taehyung one more time before averting his timid gaze to his lap. His problems are certainly not his own to decipher.

"All of us were waiting for you, Guk," Jimin leans close to his ear, his voice hushed and thankfully snapping him out of his seemigly never ending flow of thoughts.

"Did something go wrong in the kitchen?" He then asks when Jeongguk doesn't answer, worry scrunching the skin between his brows. Jeongguk realizing he's probably scaring the older quickly shakes his head, biting down on his lower lip, nervous.

"I was searching for a box of extra tea," Jeongguk lies through his teeth, his tensed shoulders slightly easing when Jimin simply nods, leaning away.

For a second he feels Taehyung lifts his darkened stare from his lap and fall on him, though Jeongguk wills himself to not give in. Instead he focuses on his mother sitting at the head of the circle with her hands clutching a Bible, flooding his mind with holy thoughts to overpower the nasty ones clouding his senses.

Lord, please make me pure, he prays, eyeing the leather Bible on his mother's lap. Please forgive me for I have sinned.

"Today I didn't prepare a scripture for us to analyze," His mother sets the book onto the coffee table, clapping her free hands together enthusiastically. "I have another plan."

Jeongguk exhales shakily, his fingers gripping the edge of the sofa as though its his tether to reality. His anxious irises dart from his lap to the clock above the bookcase with (surprise!) more Bibles and Christian books, slightly growing irritated how time seems to tick more slower than usual.

"Do y'all know about Alice Johnson and her son Justin?" All of the women nod in silent unison, prompting his mother to continue.

"Justin's lovely," A woman Jeongguk doesn't recognize comments, earning a few hums of agreement from the ladies. Jeongguk can't help but sneak a glance at Taehyung, his tongue poking the wall of his inner cheek watching the boy do absolutely nothing but stare at his lap.

Jeongguk's mom nods, smiling feebly. "My husband was called recently to their home. So I asked Alice about it over the phone a few days ago, and she told me her son Justin was caught with his neighbor."

At first, the women brush it off, not unfamiliar to the sinful yet natural needs of their sexually-driven children nowadays. Jeongguk, however, immediately stiffens in his seat, the air working against him as it feels as though his lungs are being squeezed in his chest. His eyes travel towards Taehyung, whose blank gaze has now moved away from his lap to his mother.

He doesn't look any happier.

"Ladies, you may know Justin's future was going to be successful, right? Bright boy who won valedictorian, earned a scholarship to an Ivy League?" More nods. Then suddenly, the smile his mom wears falls and the atmosphere feels colder almost.

"Sadly, Justin was caught being pleasured with another boy's private parts in him that evening."

Around him, all of the wives suddenly break into heated conversation, loudly vocalizing their disapproval and hatred for such sinful and unnatural acts. Some of them pitied Alice for having a homosexual son while others cried out in anger that a mother would neglect their child to the point where sexual urges for a male manifested. Another woman shouts out Justin didn't deserve his scholarship for being a faggot, a cocksucker - pedophile.

Unnatural, disgusting, horrific. Every nasty word to describe homosexual acts contributes to the chaos in the living room. Faggot, queer, gay, all of it sits uncomfortably in Jeongguk's stomach as each term is shoved down his throat. Even Jimin and Stephanie beside him exchange wary looks, the unmistakable look of pure disgust evident in their irises

.Never has a study gotten so hectic as words merge into another mother's words, and right then amidst it all, Jeongguk felt wrong.

He feels so fucking wrong. Wrong to be sitting in that room, breathing the same air as them, wrong existing in his own skin. Knowing he has sexual urges for one of the same gender, one he barely knows yet somehow manages to throw away every single one of his goddamn morals whenever they touch, Jeongguk can't help but feel disgusting, unnatural, nasty.

His head feels lighter, guilt raging within him for having such thoughts almost nauseating. Jeongguk pales, his grip tightening on the edge of the sofa to the point his knuckles turn white. He feels his lungs constrict, stripping him of his ability to breathe. Swallowing back the bitter bile rising up his throat, Jeongguk simply wishes himself to disappear into thin air.

If this is how they're going to react, how would they react to the pastor's son sinning, too?

"Chaeha, goodness, you should have seen New York," Jeongguk somehow picks up Rachel's words past the overwhelming pressure of anxiety swaying his vision, but what catches his attention is his how Taehyung's turned pale as well.

"Taehyung hung out with a lot of those girly faggots," Rachel laughs out bitterly, her words making Taehyung tense in his seat. "Painted their nails, wore feminine clothes. I swear they wanted a vagina!"

"I told my son, 'Find manlier friends! Don't want you asking for a vagina and Barbies for your birthday, now'!" At this all of the women snicker along with Taehyung's mom, each one ignoring how Taehyung's trembling with anger in his seat.

Jeongguk's too afraid, his heart racing in his chest, limbs numb. He's too scared to reach out for Taehyung, to calm him down with a fear those terrible names would be tagged to his name as well.

Suddenly, Taehyung abruptly shoots to his feet. A muscle jumps in his tightened jaw, his dark eyes hooded and clouded with red. Somehow, Taehyung's able to silence every single one of them, the anger radiating from his stance forcing the women to cower in their chairs.

"My friends weren't fucking faggots," Taehyung sneers before storming out of the living room and out the backyard, slamming the screen door so hard everyone jumps in their seat.

An awkward silence passes over the group, most of the mothers gaze fixated on Rachel, who's sipping her tea like nothing happened.

"I think you should go check on him," Stephanie murmurs, her fingers brushing against Jeongguk's knee. Jeongguk jolts back to reality, ripping himself away from her touch. Breathing heavily, he tries to calm himself by squeezing his eyes shut. He nods stiffly, slipping a gentle apology for scaring her.

"What a bitch of a mother," Jimin shakes his head sadly as Jeongguk gets up, his whole body wavering with each step.

"Yeah, sucks to be him," is the last thing Jeongguk hears as he disappears the same way Taehyung left.

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"Taehyung!" Jeongguk shouts to the top of his lungs, bursting into a run as he pushes past all the shrubs and overgrowth that crowds his backyard in various shades of green.

He surges past bushes and small trees with skinny branches, feet crunching dead twigs and slipping over loose dirt with each hurried step. His back yard is quite big for a surban home, though the small cluster of trees Jeongguk used to play in as a child has grown into a miniature forest due to neglect.

Behind the thicket is a gazebo, or well, at least that's what he remembers. He calls out for Taehyung again, his voice ripping through the silence. Jeongguk comes to a stop, nearly doubling over with cramps when he enters the familiar clearing where he used to play all the time.

In the center is an old gazebo, and sitting on its steps is Taehyung.

Jeongguk pulls the energy to jog towards the older, smiling sheepishly when he finally sits himself down beside him. For a moment, he sucks in air, replenishing his struggling lungs. When he feels that he's a bit better, Taehyung lets out a soft sigh.

"Why did you come out here?" Taehyung rasps, his voice brittle like he's been crying to himself. Jeongguk lets out a shaky breath, shrugging.

"I wanted to check on you," He answers, but the older cuts him off with a scoff.

"You're not even my friend," Taehyung spits out angrily, his words a pang to Jeongguk's chest. The younger merely hums in response, telling himself the older's just upset, yet a part of him tells him it's the truth.

He barely knows Taehyung, yet he didn't argue with Stephanie for Jimin to go check up on him. Instead, he has volunteered and somehow found him too without knowing the boy for more than a week. Them not being friends shouldn't hurt, but his chest aches with the truth dangling over his head.

"Right, but you looked mad," Jeongguk whispers softly, fussing with the edge of his sweater sleeve that covers his entire hand. "I had to make sure you're okay."

"Damn right I'm pissed," Taehyung snaps, his voice more harsh, sharp. He turns his head to Jeongguk, a frown weighing his full lips into an upside down parabola. "Aren't you upset?"

"N-not really," Jeongguk admits. Just a little grossed out with myself, though he doesn't say this out loud.

Taehyung chuckles dryly, "Really? You aren't upset they used those disgusting words?" Jeongguk shakes his head, mouthing a 'no'.

"Why are you? You said yourself you'd have sex with Tiffany and Maria that day," Jeongguk points out quietly, his brows creasing on his forehead. He watches with confusion as Taehyung's shoulders fall, the boy snapping his gaze to his lap.

"Jeongguk, I'm mad because-," Taehyung pauses, running a hand through his sandy locks steadily, "I'm mad because she called my friends those bad names."

"Were they really fags?" He says slowly, afraid Taehyung would get angry at him, but much to his expectations the boy laughs softly, broken almost.

"Gay, they were gay," Taehyung corrects him softly, the frown on his features tugging into a half-grin. "Sure they had their times where they acted feminine, but I overlooked it."

"Does that mean you're gay?" Jeongguk's cheeks grow warm, slightly embarassed with his inexperience with sexuality. He's only ever familiarized himself with lovings girls, anything beyond that considered sinful from the way he was taught.

Taehyung shakes his head, "It doesn't work like that, doll." Jeongguk feels his heart leap in his chest, "Then how does it?"

"Well," His irises fall to Taehyung's lips, swallowing when he watches the older flick his pink tongue across his lips. Embarassed, Jeongguk looks the other way, hoping the other doesn't notice the red tint.

"You don't have to explain," Jeongguk quickly adds. Taehyung lets out an airy laugh, reaching over with his free hand to ruffle Jeongguk's locks teasingly.

"Impatient aren't you?" At this, Jeongguk blushes deeply, biting back a smile. "Just because I have gay friends doesn't make me gay."

"But kissing another guy is gay, right?"

"'Course Jeongguk, that's like the gayest thing you can do."

"So, if you kissed me right now, that would be gay?" Jeongguk questions slowly, lifting a quizzical brow at the boy who seems to be on the verge of bursting into laughter. "What?"

"Doll, you're so damn cute," Taehyung giggles, facing Jeongguk with a crooked grin, not a single hint of anger from before glittering in his chocolate irises. He feels Taehyung's fingers brush his chin, his thumb delicately caress his cheek. It's ticklish and innocent, lacking the lust that once made Jeongguk jump in his skin.

"But isn't all of it sinning? Engaging in sexual acts with another male is sin," Jeongguk then frowns, his fingers coming up to settle on top of Taehyung's touch, brows furrowed.

"Sure, but fuck that," The blonde grins goofily. "I don't care if I sin. Sinning is what makes us human Jeongguk. We all make mistakes."

"Then homosexuality is a mistake?"

"Goodness you're not getting it!" Taehyung laughs again, enjoying how Jeongguk's cheeks flush a hue of red in response. "Being gay is not a mistake, darling. Wanting to kiss another guy or have sex with him is not sinful - it's simply natural. Everyone is made different, and those who are, are just as special."

Jeongguk gives Taehyung a puzzled look, the older smiling so wide, so carefree it leaves utterly Jeongguk confused. Chuckling softly, Taehyung shakes his head, bringing his other hand to cup Jeongguk's face entirely.

"I can't tell you to abandon all your beliefs now because you've been raised all your life to believe that, but Jeongguk, none of it is bad or harmful," He nods, taking in all of Taehyung's words, however, something still feels off in the bottom of his stomach but he's too afraid to tell any of that to Taehyung.

In the silence, Jeongguk then realizes how those black irises of his are more than dark but a warm pool of honey swirling in his eyes. He's entranced by the beauty of Kim Taehyung by the way his golden skin seems to glow in the dim sunlight, how his nose has a small beauty mark on the tip, and the way his lips are big and round.

In the midst of the silence, Taehyung hums his name. The younger lifts a brow, staring into those beautiful eyes of his.

"Can I kiss you?"

"W-What?" Jeongguk stammers, pulling himself away from Taehyung as his eyes widen in shock. Suddenly, his senses sharpen, every single one of his morals surfacing in his thoughts. "Nuh-no that's not right."

Sighing, Taehyung reaches for Jeongguk, trapping his face in his warm palms. Leaning close until he can feel Taehyung's hot breath on his cheek, Jeongguk draws in a shaky breath.

"You know, doll, all I've ever wanted to do was have you beneath me, moaning my name as I fuck into you hard," Taehyung murmurs darkly, his voice deep and smooth as his touch burns against his skin. Jeongguk swallows.

"Want to ram my cock into your hole," He feels Taehyung's lips brush against the hollow of his neck, nipping gently at the skin. "Fuck you until your senses are clouded with pleasure."

Taehyung sucks delicately at his neck, alternating between biting and licking each hickey he leaves. Jeongguk's free hands find their way into his hair, entangling into his locks as Taehyung crawls above him. He tilts his head back, mewling as Taehyung peppers his neck with feathery kisses. He feels his lower region twitch, Taehyung's inappropriate, dirty words somehow managing to turn him on.

Gasping when Taehyung's cool touch slips beneath his shirt, Jeongguk shakes his head frantically to argue with him once more.

"Tae-Taehyung you know this isn't ruh-right! This i-is sinful and uh-unnatural and ahh-wrong!" His words grow breathy, slowly transitioning into airy moans when Taehyung's fingers squeeze his bud. His back arches, head nearly banging against the gazebo railing.

"I suppose so," Taehyung murmurs, pulling away so that their faces are parallel. Jeongguk's breathing heavily, eyes blissed out, member throbbing beneath his jeans. All of this is so wrong, so unethical he can't fathom the idea a male is making his body go insane.

Then, he feels Taehyung return to his spot beside him without another word. Eyes widening, Jeongguk gasps out, "Wh-why? Wha-What are you doing?"

"I'm not a fan of rape," Taehyung replies cooly. "Before I do anything, I want your consent, and you clearly don't want it."

Instantly shutting up, Jeongguk wants to say more, though he's too shocked to say a word.

"However, Jeongguk," Taehyung stands up, lending out a hand for the younger. Silently, he takes his hand, pulling himself up and onto his feet. Still breathless, Jeongguk struggles to put together a single coherent word.

"I still wanna fuck you," Taehyung whispers lowly, reaching over to tuck back Jeongguk's fringe behind his ear.

"Let's head back shall we?" He then steps back, cramming his lips into that boxy smile of his that has Jeongguk's knees weak. Nodding wordlessly, Jeongguk repeats his words despite how his heart's thumping wildly against his chest and his body craves for Taehyung's touch.

"L-Let's head back," Jeongguk says a little more confidently, but the rest of the way back, he can't help but think of Taehyung's wish the entire time.

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consent is sexy.

anyways, happy valentines day! i don't want to rush their smut because accepting that he's gay is a huge step for jeongguk as a character. so for now, we must suffer. however, i promise there
will be smut coming soon (; i love ya'll, and have a good valentines day and take care of yourselves! 💛 mela