[Edited: July 7, 2018]

***

[TRIGGER WARNING]

***

"Muffled Screams"

Jungkook's POV

"Jimin-hyung, what's wrong?" I immediately asked my best friend once I saw him in his room, sitting on his bed, crying.

It was his ninth birthday and he was having a party. A lot of people came; some of our schoolmates, but mostly his relatives.

For some reason, Jimin's dad didn't take the day off, so he ended up coming home late to his own son's party. Once he finally arrived though, he came with Jimin's aunt.

His mom seemed to be enjoying herself until her husband arrived with her sister. The elated vibe she had abruptly changed. It was as if her face was falling, breaking.

She seemed to be breaking.

I never understood that back then.

I didn't really expect that since it was the love of her life with another loved one of hers. Why wouldn't she be happy to see them?

And although I was very young at that time, I still knew there was something wrong about that.

Jimin thought so too. No one else noticed but me that Jimin went upstairs and locked himself in his room. That's why I went to check on him.

"Jimin?" I asked again, sitting next to him and tapping him on the shoulder. I tilted my head a little to look at his face. He tried hard to pretend he wasn't crying, but we both knew that I knew him all too well for that sort of façade to work on me.

"Leave me alone," he covered his face with his hands and his voice cracked as soon as he said the word 'alone'. I felt my heart break by hearing that and seeing him in such a state. He couldn't help but cry even harder as I scooted a little bit closer to him though he just tried to push me away.

"Jimin, what's wrong?"

"Please . . . Just go."

"But Jiminㅡ"

"ㅡJust leave me alone!" He looked up at me and I wished he hadn't because as soon as I saw his eyes, I almost cried myself.

How can someone be so damaged at such a young age? It hurt to see him like that. He didn't deserve to be like that.

And it sucked that I didn't know the reason in the first place.

So I kept pushing. I kept asking. Because that's all I could do. Be there for him and try to get him to open up and share his pain. He didn't deserve to carry all that weight on his shoulders alone.

I wish I'd never stop trying to understand him when I fianlly got older. I wish I hadn't left him when I fell in love with someone else. I wish I had saved him from his dad all those times instead of wasting my time with another girl.

But I couldn't and I didn't.

And maybe others would say I was selfish for even forcing him to speak about something that broke him.

But I truly just wanted to help him. I loved him even then. More than just my best friend. At such a young age, I never really knew what those feelings meant. It was all so confusing.

But I felt it that time I saw him crying right there. It may sound ridiculous and completely sick, but he looked beautiful when he cried. He looked so much more beautiful than he always was.

His tears showed how much he cared. And he was beautiful for having a pure soul.

When you love hard, people tend to take you for granted. When you have a kind heart, no one ever wonders what's going on inside your head.

But even if I had those feelings even then, I had to push them away as soon as I realized they were there. 'Cause I was just a boy . . . in love with another boy.

And also maybe because I didn't think I deserved to love Jimin and be loved by him. Because he was a nice boy with a caring heart. Oh, I was nothing like that.

"What are you saying? I'm your best friend. I'll never leave you." He looked away as soon as he heard me say those words.

"Please, Jimin-hyung . . ." He hesitated for a second before hugging me and crying harder than he did already. "It's okay, hyung. I'm here. I'll always be here," I said, returning his embrace and running my fingers through his soft, black hair.

"Can you please tell me what happened?" I asked and he looked up. He stared at me with his round, watery, black eyes. He's always had that strong gaze that could easily make you melt. But of course, I never told him that.

"It's your birthday, hyung. You shouldn't be crying. Is it someone at the party? Some kid? Did anyone hurt you or said something to you? I won't forgive anyone who made you feel like this on your special day," I growled in anger and might've scared him a little bit, but it was purely unintentional. "I'll make them wish they'd never hurt the wrong boy."

"N-No . . . No, I'm . . ." He looked around the room as if afraid someone would hear us, then let go of me. "I'm afraid you can't do that."

"And why is that?"

"They're not kids."

"Well, then who are they?"

"Look, I don't really thinkㅡ"

"ㅡYou should. Jimin, you should tell me what's going on. I care for you and I can't just ignore seeing you like this."

"I wish you can."

"But I can't and I won't. Now, tell me."

"It was my dad . . . I've seen him some . . . Some nights . . . He . . ." Jimin hiccuped but still tried to continue as I sofly caressed his back.

"I-I didn't think what I saw was real at first but then it kept happening and happening and happening each and every single night. I always saw their shadows and maybe th-they weren't even shadows at all. Maybe it was them . . . But I saw a little bit because it was in front of my room. And they always left the door slightly open."

I was at lost for words as I stared at Jimin. I thought he was just going crazy, making it all up in his head. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but for something to terrify him to that point . . . it just seemed unbelievable to me at first.

"I don't know if they always forget or they just really want me to hear. Or . . . my mom to hear."

I knew his dad was a good man and I believed he loved Jimin's mom.

What could possibly go wrong?

"My mom, she's been sleeping beside me a lot these nights. At first, I was happy about it. But then I started wondering, "If my mom is here beside me? Then why is dad making those . . . Those sounds inside their room?

"And then I tried pretending to be asleep one night, after my mom sang for me. When she thought I finally fell asleep, I heard her crying. But I knew she was covering her mouth, preventing me from hearing the sounds. And they weren't like muffled sobs . . ." Jimin paused and looked back at me. "They were like muffled screams."

"Oh, God . . . Jimin . . ." I gasped, then hugged him again. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You and your mom don't deserve this. I'm sorry."

"And these days, I keep wondering, "Why would he do that to mom? Doesn't he love her? Isn't she enough?""

"No, Jimin. Your mom is more than enough. She's an amazing person. Your dad is just blind to see that."

"But I don't understand, Kookie. We were alright just a few months ago. I don't understand what's changed."

I kept silent, not really knowing what to say anymore. I just knew I wanted to stay right there beside him, to hold him, because he needed me. And because I loved him.

After a few minutes of silence in his room, and listening to the noise of the party downstairs, I finally asked, "Was it your aunt?"

And in his silence, I found my answer.

"Everything will be alriㅡ", a loud voice from the party downstairs interrupted me.

It was Jimin's mom.

***

"Jimin..."

He continued to sob and I couldn't do anything but watch him.

I couldn't fucking do anything but watch the person I love the most get shattered all over again. And it was all because of me.

"I'm sorry . . . I never knew . . ."

He continued to mumble, "Dad, I'm sorry." and "Please don't hurt me. Don't hurt me."

I rested my back on the car door and felt my tears started to fall down my cheeks. I tried to breathe. But it was like there were broken glasses in my throat. I was choking, trying to get the words to come out while Jimin was rocking himself back and forth.

I couldn't say anything more. I was crying without any sound coming from my mouth.

And I stopped hearing everything for a moment. He and I were screaming with our muffled voices and it was like we were drowning together.

It wasn't romantic or anything like it.

It felt like shit.

And what made it worse is knowing how Jimin felt, but I wasn't strong enough to help him. I couldn't move.

I may never have known the pain he carried in his veins, but I knew damn well how it felt to hate yourself.

And I had to look at him 'cause he was right in front of me. Like a mirror, constantly reminding me of the shit I've done and the shit that I am.

I had to see how hurt Jimin was. I had to accept that I couldn't save him, just like I couldn't save him earlier and a lot of fucking times before that.

Then when the silence was getting more and more deafening, I tried my best to speak up.

But the only words that came out from my mouth were, "I hate myself."

"I fucking hate myself."

I covered my face with my hands and fully broke into tears.

"This . . . This is all my fault. I-I can't protect you. I-I never had. I couldn't . . . I couldn't before and I still can't."

Then I heard Jimin's cries slowly die down, but I still couldn't dare to look at him. All of a sudden, I felt his arms wrapped around me and his face right next to mine.

"I'm sorry, Jimin," I said as I cried even harder.

He didn't answer and just held me tighter.

"I-I should be the one doing this. I should be the one saving you . . ."

"Nothing . . . Nothing is your fault," he said, almost like a whisper.

"We both know that's a lie."

He let go so I finally moved my hands from my face and looked at him.

"Jiminnie . . ."

"Nothing's your fault, Jungkook."

***

sorry for the late updates.
and also if this chap sucked, i'm sorry.

I'M SICK AND MY THROAT HURTS LIKE HELL

maybe that's why i named this chap, muffled screams?

also, i'll get back at you with MORE chapters when i'm finally feeling better

thanks for all the votes and reads
they mean a lot

ily guys
xx