Riley stared at the ceiling of the tent, it was nighttime and he was supposed to be getting rest but his mind wouldn't shut off. It's been a couple of days since Palmer had told Riley and Sam that he was putting their name in the hat for whatever this super-secret project was and of course, they haven't heard back yet that's not what has Riley worried though. He sighs and turns over so he's looking at Sam's sleeping form, he can barely make out his body shape in the dark but he knows that Sam is curled in on himself facing the tent wall trying to get as much warmth as he can with the blanket that TT made for him before one of his deployments.

Riley's heart tugs as he wishes he could be closer to Sam, just hold because he knows that Sam is struggling even though he won't admit it which is why Riley was worried about the project, he was worried about Sam's willingness to do it without talking to Riley first. Making up his mind Riley sits up and runs a hand through his hair before pulling back the tent flap to make sure no one is there before zipping it up, it has a zip on the other side in case it was an emergency but Riley felt this was a pressing matter.

He gently touched Sam on the back who jerked and grabbed the knife that was under his pillow but Riley stepped back because he knew that Sam would do that. "Jesus, I almost killed you, Riles. Is it morning time already?" Sam asked rubbing his eyes after he put the knife back under his pillow. "No, it's nighttime." Sam gave him a confused look but Riley poked Sam to scoot over slightly which he did.

"Riles, someone is gonna see us." Riley silenced Sam but kissing him on his lips and slipping his arm under Sam, Riley squeezed Sam's before kissing him on the back of the neck. "I looked, and everyone is in bed and the one who is supposed to be watching is, watching. But I zipped the tent so we will know if someone is trying to come in. Even if we do get caught I can say I had a nightmare and I wanted a hug." Sam scoffs and starts to trace Riley's fingers that were around his waist. "So you're the one who's gonna take the line of fire by saying you got a nightmare? Is it not so believable that I got a nightmare?" Riley couldn't see him but he knew that Sam was raising an eyebrow, Riley let a quiet chuckle and kissed him on the back of the neck. "It's not, because you like to portray yourself as someone who is invisible but you are not. You are allowed to have feelings you know." 

Sam went silent if Sam was anyone else Riley would be afraid he went too far but Sam is his boyfriend, he needs to hear this from someone who loves him. "It's just hard." Sam gulps and tightens his grip on Riley's hand. "I can't settle down and grieve her because we're fighting a war. If any of us falter then we die, that's it. I can't grieve her right because what if something happens and we get attacked. We're already vulnerable enough sleeping, we don't need emotions wrapped into it." Riley frowned as he listened to Sam's explanation, he knew that Sam wasn't wrong but it was just a way for him to excuse not breaking down and crying which Riley knows would be healing for Sam.

"Doesn't make it any less sad, Sam." Riley rubs Sam's hand before shuffling to get comfortable, Riley closed his eyes but he couldn't fall asleep, he didn't know if it was because he was comfortable or if he was worried about Sam but it turned out to be a good thing when Sam started to talk in the silent tent. "I do miss her, I miss her so much but I feel in denial. I know she's gone but my head and heart are telling me that she's still alive. I never went to her funeral or anything so my brain doesn't have proof of her being gone." Sam moves his hand to wipe his nose before he grabs onto Riley's hands again which were resting on Sam's waist still.

Riley hums and rubs Sam's knuckles. "I think that's completely understandable. I know that you don't believe in the afterlife but I do and I know that TT is looking down on you and smiling and many many many years from now she's going to be waiting on you." It wasn't often that Riley spoke about his religion but when he did Sam loved it because he got the look in his eyes of hope and even though Sam wasn't looking at him he knew he had the look of hope in his eyes. "I love you, Riles, thank you. Thank you for being here and loving me, you're risking being dishonorably discharged so you can hold me, your boyfriend because you knew I was struggling."

Riley let go when Sam tugged on his arms and started to turn over carefully so he can face Riley. "You know, I don't think a nightmare is gonna cut this excuse," Riley said motioning to the new position that Sam had them in. "Don't worry, I can push you off if someone is coming." Sam had a glint of mischieve in his eyes before he leaned in and kissed Riley on the lips. "Don't you dare!" Riley thumbed his necklace before he made up his mind and lifted it off before putting it around Sam who looked at him shocked. "What? What are you doing?" Riley gives him a smile before thumbing the necklace that was now around Sam's neck and brings the cross up to his lisp before kissing it. "It was my protector, now it's yours. It's going to keep away all the demons and all the bad thoughts."

Sam was speechless, he opened his mouth to try to say something but found he couldn't, instead, he hugged Riley tightly putting his arms around the man he loves.