They say being honest will set you free, but sometimes being honest is scary. You don't know how the other person will react or how they'll feel. That's where I'm stuck at right now, between a rock and a hard place.

I'm alone our room, not talking to him or even bothering to ask him about his day like I normally would. I just want to be left alone with my thought, to sort something out. Recently I've just been feeling very lonely, its nobody's fault but my own. My overthinking has really kicked in lately and that's not a good thing, its a terrible habit I have and it's only hurting myself. I curl up into a ball, holding the teddy bear that I gave to him. I hate when I get like this, I feel like such an annoyance to him. My eyes start to get wet, but I blink them back as to not let myself cry once again over this.

I'm not sure how or when this feeling really started, everything was wonderful a few weeks ago, even last week it was amazing. I still blushed when he even said hi to me like usual, I laugh, smile and give him kiss repeatedly just to make him chuckle, but then I found out he needed to go away for about a week, to do something for work. The day before he left he said he'd do whatever it takes to get on and talk to me. You see where he was going had a terrible connection and it made it impossible to talk even on a good day. I nodded holding the bear against my chest. He kissed my forehead and told me he loved me and to be a good girl. I laughed through the tears and waved goodbye to him.

It's been about three days since then and in those three days, we've talked maybe 30 minutes. We keep missing each other, normally I'm sleeping when he's awake on the other side of the world. I do infect wake up to many long messages apologizing for the connection, saying he wishes to be home already so I won't have to feel so lonely or sad. It's just enough to see that my messages delivered to him and he wrote back to make us both happy. I reread them throughout the day and it does make me less lonely. When we do talk I'm always so fearful that the message won't deliver and I have to look at the dreaded clear circle with the blue checkmark saying it just sent, not delivered. I hate that circle so much.

I grab my phone to see if he's active, but sadly he's not and that stupid clear circle is the first thing my eyes look at. I toss my phone to the side feeling defeated by the circle once more. I hug the bear even tighter, placing my face behind his head and sobbing. It's not one of those cute little sobs, its a full blown sobbing fest, coving my whole face making it completely wet. I come up for air now wiping my face to make room for the next round of tears. I sat up now having the bear in my lap. In the silence room, I hear nothing but me sniffing and sighing out, I wipe more tears and set the bear to the side now. With my hands-free, I have the cry that I've been waiting for. I cry so hard into my hands that it almost sounds like I'm screaming for some intense pain when really its just loneliness.

I take one hand away to grab my phone, the back of it gets all wet then the front is the next to get wet. I open the messenger and click on his name. None of my previous messages have sent and that makes me even sadder. No, I just need to write, exactly what I'm feeling and what I've been too scared to say. I wipe the tears away so I can see the screen better, my fingers tremble, my heart beats faster but, the fear pushes me to just write. He knows what I say isn't meant to be mean, but its meant to be something that makes us stronger, something to work on together.

"Hi, I hope everything is good over there, and you're taking care of yourself. You know I can't be there to watch you so you need to be a good boy. When you get back I want to hear about everything, what you saw, ate, the culture. Don't leave a single thing out okay. Everything here has been...okay. I'm working, eating and sleeping normally Lies, Been seeing some people make the days less lonely More Lies so don't worry about me okay ^^.

"I do have to say that I am lonely but I got the bears with me and the Tv is enough to make the background noise will I cook me some dinner. I just wish you come home soon, I miss snuggling with you...I just wish to have you being so close to me.

"Actually...I need to be honest, I've been feeling very lonely these past few days maybe even the past few weeks. I'm just not feeling okay. I'm feeling like you're here but your mind is always somewhere else. I guess after a year together it might be hard to find something to talk about, but what have I always told you, its okay to have boring talks or even the same talk over and over... just as long as you keep talking to me, that's all I want, is you to never stop talking to me ever, cause I don't know how I'd survive if you stopped talking to me. I think my heart would stop, or just break in two.

"I remember you were the one who was always worried that I'd leave you but now, I'm the one who always seems to beg not for you to leave me funny huh. It almost sounds like I'm forcing you to stay. I feel like I'm starting to walk on eggshells when I write these long messages to you, I'm so terrified that I'll say the wrong thing and you'll break up with me cause you'll see just how sad I really am or messed up I truly feel. I wouldn't blame you though, I wouldn't know how to deal with me either.

"I keep asking you to promise me you won't leave me and yet, I don't get an answer to that anymore. That scares me, it makes me think maybe you don't want to stay with me for very long. Stupid thought huh, but that isn't true right, you still wanna stay-huh I sound crazy, I sound completely psycho. You should stay with me if you want to stay with me.

"No matter what, I'll always love you, I love you so much that I'm willing to do anything just make you happy. To make you so happy that you'll be proud to show me off to people and say 'yeah, that's my girl, my everything.' Just please don't feel bad from this, I don't want that at all. I love you forever and always."

Hitting send I see that it never delivered, my heart an soul is in this letter and he'll never know till it deliverers. Before I close the app I see the clear circle turn blue, then I see he got it. It takes a while but he responded with "Stay home, I'll be right there."

*****

The front door unlocks and Zeref burst through the door and hugs me tightly. I wrap my arms around his neck and cry. He pets my hair, and shh's me the whole time. He breaks away from me, and take my face into his hand.

"I'm so sorry you've been feeling like this. You know I'll never ever leave you. You're my home, my future, my everything. You have been what I've been waiting for my whole life and I'm not going to throw that away so easily. If I've been making you feel this way, then please forgive me for everything. I never what you to feel like that ever, I want you to be happy with me, I want you to be happy all the time. I promise you a thousand time over that I'll never leave you, but you also have to promise to never leave me. If I ever let you go I'd be making the biggest mistake of my life. I love you till my last breath, I will do everything in my power to make you happy forever."

I kiss him like it was the first time once again, to have him reassure me that everything is going to be okay was enough to make me feel like the dark cloud has moved away.

"I love you silly."

"I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why are all of my stories so depressing when I have the setting be in their house. Well, I hope this was cute in some way, Also Happy Valentine's Day everyone spends it with friends or a loved one. Anyway, hoped you liked it :)