PART FOUR: THE ADDICTION

WHEN ROSE suggested I flip my humanity switch off, I had thought I would just keep it off for a month. I thought it would just be a simple way of passing time while continuing this quest of tormenting Klaus. I never thought I would enjoy having no feelings, no emotions, but the deep dark truth is that I never want to go back.

Everything is much better not having to worry about how I feel. All the guilt of being what I am is gone, and all the guilt of what I have become is gone. I simply enjoy being a vampire, embrace it with open arms. I can finally concentrate on tormenting Klaus, not because of anger, but rather because it's fun. With my humanity off, I am no longer angry at Klaus, but rather more motivated to get under his nerves, as it's quite pleasant to watch.

Elijah hasn't been all that happy, seeing as in the note I left him, I promised I would only be in this state for a month. Now it's been three years, and I have absolutely no intentions of turning it back on. I never anticipated how having no emotions would make me feel, and now thinking back to all the hassle and pain of emotions, I have absolutely no motivation to turn it back on.

Ever since that night when Klaus was right on our tail, Elijah and I have been extra cautious. For the past three years we've gone up and down the east coast, still holding the moonstone in our possession. It amazes me that it's been almost five hundred years, and still we have not run into Klaus. It puts a smirk on my face knowing how much Klaus must be annoyed. He had a doppelgänger in sight and the moonstone around the corner and both escaped his grasp, and there was nothing he could do about it.

If this curse is that important to him, and is the one thing he's striving to break, then there's no way in hell I'm going to let him have this moonstone.

In other news, Elijah and I have been all over the place, even across seas for a little while, speaking to witches around the world to ask their opinion of how they believe an original vampire could be killed. I'm surprised how much vampirism has spread, seeing as it feels like just yesterday I was turned, being the first offspring vampire. Now there are vampires around the world, and it all started with a family of five.

None of the witches proposed any believable solutions, so we found ourselves back to plan A. Elijah is not very fond of it, but in my humanity-less opinion, it's a ravishing idea. Mikael is still out there, hunting for his children to end the plaque they've casted around the world. If he plans to kill an original, he must have a weapon, and the only way to find out what it is to meet him face to face.

Elijah and I recently relocated to a small town on the south side of the coast, more than a hundred miles from Mystic Falls. Just last night, I destroyed a whole town next to this one, levelling the population to a total of zero. If a mass killing doesn't direct the attention of a vampire that kills vampires, than I don't know what will.

"James, what have you done!" Elijah bellows as he storms down the street, stopping at the bench I'm sitting at.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lie, casually slinging my arms across the bench, watching all the citizens nearby. Secretly I'm just waiting for Mikael to show his bloody face.

"Don't play this childish game, I saw what you did to Armourvill beside us, that small, innocent town."

"Oh right, that," I hiss sarcastically. "You see Elijah, you've got to be a little more specific. I've been busy lately." I smile to myself, not meeting Elijah's eye.

"They're calling it the Armourvill massacre, James. They think it was some attack by some pack of wolves, wild animals, but no, it was just you." He shakes his head, disappointed at me. "That town was filled with innocent people, children and wives and loving husbands...but you don't care do you?" Elijah frowns.

The truth is, with no humanity I couldn't care less. I don't know what it's like to be in love, to want to have children, not that it's even possible now. Hell, with my humanity off I don't really see a clear future for me, so why would I care about anyone else? I'm a vampire, a monster, and the only thing that will satisfy me is to kill Klaus. Only then will I be fulfilled, and only then will I end my life.

There's a certain peace knowing that all of this will be over soon. I will no longer have to hear Elijah's complaints about my vampire business, because I plan to do what I was supposed to do that night Klaus stabbed me in the heart; I plan to die. For now, I want to have a little fun.

"That town is going to win us a meeting with Mikael, and it's going to put an end to this tedious revenge scheme we've been playing for almost five hundred years." I growl irritably.

"I've been going along with this scheme with you James, because it's what you wanted. I hate what Klaus did to you, to Lexi and Joel, so I promised to help you do whatever you needed to in order to feel better, to find justice." He pauses, taking a seat on the bench beside me. "But you've gone too far James, lost yourself. Look at you, killing an entire town. That's not like you-"

"Nothing that I am anymore is who I was, don't you realize that?" I scoff. "I'm not the James Branson that was born in Mystic Falls, and you aren't the Elijah Mikaelson that was born there either. The faster you realize that, the faster you can get on with your life and stop holding yourself back from all its potential."

"I'm not holding myself back James, I'm trying to remain who I was," Elijah says nobly.

"By doing that Elijah, you're leading yourself straight to death. Can't fight the fire if you're going to remain the spark," I tell him, inhaling deeply as I try to ignore my hidden humanity, the one that is trying to make me feel bad for slaughtering innocent people. Now's not the time to feel. I'm not done with this side of the switch yet.

"Well I'm done watching you destroy yourself. I toyed along for three years while you enjoyed being emotionless, but I think it's time to turn it back on," Elijah sighs, causing me to look over at him with a perplexed expression.

"What does that mean?" I question forcefully.

"What he means brother, is that we're about to trigger some emotions back into you," Lexi whispers from behind me, her breath tickling my ear. "Nice haircut by the way."

I let out an audible growl as Joel stands in front of me, his arms crossed across his chest so stubbornly. "Now is not the time. I'm meeting with Mikael today," I say confidently, sure that he'll actually show up.

"James, Mikael is the bloody reason we had to go on the run, the reason we suddenly vanished!" Joel exclaims, flailing his arms out to his sides. "He tracked us down to get to the Mikaelsons, and now you wanna meet him face to face?"

"Wow, you really have lost your mind big brother." Lexi shakes her head.

While the two of them gang up on me and speak nonsense, my attention is directed else where, my eyes placed on a man standing across the street at the entrance of a pub, just staring me down. We lock eyes for several moments, and I already know who it is; it's Mikael himself.

"Excuse me, but I'm afraid our guest has arrived." I excuse myself, standing to walk across the street.

Elijah zooms in front of me, Lexi and Joel yelling from behind. "James, just think about this okay? Think about what could happen."

I pause, stop in step while closing my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. "Okay, thought about it." I sass, before continuing on my way.

I push Elijah onto the ground on my way across the street, giving myself more time to make it to the bar Mikael walked into before someone else tries to stop me. Thankfully my siblings are smart enough to leave me be, not following me into the bar.

As soon as I enter I look around, trying to find one particular face amongst a hundred. I narrow my eyes as I spot Mikael in the corner of the bar, sitting at the far end where no one goes. I head towards the empty seat beside him, gladly taking it.

"Two beers please," I compel the man behind the bar.

"I've got my own drink," Mikael comments, taking a sip out of an opaque glass. I can't see what's in it, but I can sure smell it.

"In public?" I raise a brow. Man's got quite the nerve to drink blood with other people around. I already take a liking to him.

Before I knew Mikael as a brutal and strict man as I watched him raise Klaus and the rest of the Mikaelsons. Sometimes he even acted like my father since I never really had one. But, seeing as he too is a vampire, I can only hope he's changed.

"Leftovers from my last victim," he says roughly, not yet making eye contact with me.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat, feeling uneasy considering Mikael doesn't feed off humans, but rather vampires. That blood that is in his cup is from a vampire he must've killed not too long ago. "I should start doing that. Carrying around souvenirs of all my past victims," I sneer, while taking a sip of my beer that has been placed in front of me.

"That would be hard considering you murdered an entire town." Mikael grits his teeth, but I only shrug. "I see you have your humanity off," he comments.

"Is that what you predict?" I say nonchalantly, glancing over at him. Frankly I'm surprised he jumped so quickly to assume the murdered town was my doing.

"The old James wouldn't be so crude," he insults, finally looking me in the eye.

"Times have changed." Is all I say, pursing my lips.

Suddenly the whole atmosphere changes, and Mikael becomes more agitated. "What do you want, boy?" he spits, turning his whole body towards me.

I narrow my eyes at him, not showing any signs of fear. Fear is an emotion, and currently I do not possess any. "I want to kill Klaus," I simply say, calming the sizzling fire. My words are enough to get him to back down.

"He's in town," Mikael says, his expression changing from that of anger to interest. "If he's out there, why are you here?"

"Because I don't know how to kill him." I admit. "I was hoping you could help me."

"Now why would I help you?" Mikael smirks slyly, taking a sip of his blood.

"Because I want to help you kill Klaus, I just want to know how-"

"I am not helping you boy if you do not turn your humanity back on. Having no humanity makes you stupid, ruins the way you think. If I am going to trust you, I'm going to need that switch back on." Mikael says, pursing his lips as he awaits my response.

"I can do it just fine with no humanity-" I try to reason, but he won't hear it.

"Then we have no deal. It was nice to see you again, James," Mikael cuts me off harshly, before getting up and leaving out the bar.

I immediately spring up, following behind him outside the bar, determined to speak to him when suddenly I freeze, caught between emotions as I see Mikael holding a wooden stake above my sister's heart.

"You shall turn it back on James, or I will kill your sister right now, and your little brother after," Mikael shouts angrily.

Joel stands in shock on the sidelines, while Elijah has completely vanished, probably because of his father's presence. I stare at Lexi and watch as her eyes plead with me, and for a split second I feel a pinch of emotion creep into my heart. I refuse to allow it in however, as I know there must be another way out of this.

"There's no way out of this James," Mikael speaks my thoughts. "You have three seconds," he warns, inching the stake closer and closer to my screaming sister.

"Mikael wait-"

"Two!" he bellows.

"We can figure this out-"

"One!" Mikael yells.

"JAMES!" Joel yells from beside me, his voice trying to reason with that sliver of humanity inside me that is poking through.

"OKAY!" I finally shout, giving into it. I hold my head in my hands, crouching down as I visualize a switch in my mind, turning it back on. As soon as I do I feel every single one of them hit me at once, drowning me in it until I feel like I can no longer breathe. I end up collapsing on the rubble ground, emotions getting the best of me. They hurt, burn, sting even and it's all too much. I feel so angry, so guilty yet so sad all at once. I realize what I've done, the people I've wronged, the whole town I slaughtered. I can't believe I would do such a thing; I can't believe the person I've become.

"Good, son." Mikael praises me, releasing Lexi.

Joel runs over to her and pulls her away from Mikael before giving her a tight hug. I remain on the ground with Mikael hovering above me, throwing a single dagger onto the ground beside me. With teary, red eyes I glance over at the weapon, picking it up and cradling it in the palm of my hand. "What is this?" I croak.

"That is a blade laced with the ash of the white oak used to create us. That will silence an original, but not kill it," Mikael tells me. "It is to go in the heart, and stay there. Once you have it in place, find me and I shall give you the real weapon that will put an end to Niklaus." He holds his hand out for me, waiting for me to take it.

I stare at it for a moment, deciding if I want to be stubborn or not. When I don't grab it, Mikael hulls me up by grasping my arm tightly. He pats my shoulders and gives me a nod before turning around and vanishing. All I hear is the whip of him vamp speeding away, and when I look up he's gone.

"James, are you alright?" Lexi asks quietly, concerned laced within her voice.

"I'm fine," I reply.

"I turned it off once before too brother, and I know what you're feeling," Joel begins, but I cut him off.

"Honestly Joel I'm okay," I mutter, biting my lip to distract myself from all the emotions built up inside of me. It's like I'm drunk on the prickly little feelings.

"James, you killed people. You can't tell me you're not overwhelmed with that right now," Lexi sighs, walking over and giving me a hug. "It's okay to admit to what you're feeling. It's okay to give in."

I don't say anything as she wraps me in her embrace, allowing me some comfort for a few minutes. I've spent all this time running and chasing my enemy that I've completely forgotten how relaxing human touch can be. I realize how much I've missed my family, my life; that's just another thing Klaus has robbed from me.

"I'm okay." I assure her. "I just need to finish this." I grasp the knife tightly in my hand.

"Look at you," Lexi scoffs, standing back. "Look at what you've become. You're addicted to it James, you need to let this go. We can't change what he did to us, so we just have to live with it."

"And let him get away with it?" I shoot her a baffled look.

"I think you've tormented him well enough with that moonstone. You know how much that's of value to him," Lexi says. "Besides, he was our friend. Do you really wanna see him dead?" She raises a brow.

"Yes." Joel and I comment in sync.

Lexi shoots both of us a disapproving look, shaking her head at us. "You can't just expect me to let this go, Lex." I take in a deep breath. "I need to do this for myself."

"And tear yourself apart in the process? Jesus James, you freaking turned your humanity off so you could focus better on the task at hand!" she exclaims loudly.

I furrow my brows, confused as to how she knows that's why I flipped the switch. "Elijah told us." Joel shrugs.

"Where is Elijah?" I ponder, glancing around. I figured with Mikael gone, he would have at least shown up again.

"I don't know, probably grabbing a bite to eat, or flirting with a girl, you know....living his damn life," Lexi says.

"I don't have a life because of him, and neither do you two. He took that away," I say quietly, thinking of all the potential he took from us.

"We're still standing James. We're still here. We may be different, but we've still got a life. Hell, we've got forever with one another. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you get your life back, because you've completely destroyed it so far." Lexi turns away, walking up the street with Joel slowly following her.

He sends me an sympathetic look, shrugging as he follows his sister. I close my eyes to compose myself, wanting desperately to distract myself from this horrible gut wrenching feeling I feel right now. Emotions bloody suck. I just want something to distract myself from all the pain, so I stuff the dagger into my jacket pocket and head back into the bar.

∆ ∆ ∆

By now I've lost count of how many drinks I've had. I keep ordering round after round, because apparently it takes a lot to get a nearly five hundred year old vampire drunk. I feel nothing but a light buzz, and sitting here I know I have a long way to go.

It's past midnight, the bar hitting it's peak of the night with every person in town coming in for a late night drink. It gets a little too loud for me, so I get up out of my seat and head out back, hoping it'll be less chaotic.

To my surprise, outside the bar out back is empty, nothing but empty beer barrels laying about. The cool night air feels nice against my skin, the moonlight creating an elegant glow in the alleyway. It's small moments like this that make me think life isn't too bad, but then I let reality back in and I take it all back.

For a moment, I don't see a point to it all. I don't understand why I'm so determined to bring Klaus down. It's taken four hundred years, and I still haven't found the guts to confront him. I've only been tormenting him, teasing him with that stupid moonstone. I've found amusement through that, but amusement only gets you so far. Soon the laughter dies down, and you're left with the hard facts; life sucks, and life isn't fair.

Lexi's words sink in, and I find myself believing she's right. I'm addicted to this revenge, addicted to taking down Klaus. It's driven me to ruin myself, ruining my life. I like to think Klaus is the one to ruin it, and although that is true, I am also to blame. I find myself wondering how many opportunities I have let pass. How many girls I have ignored, how many potential futures I have thrown in the trash. I could have a life by now, if I actually tried. The truth is, I don't want to have a life, not until Klaus is dead. I don't see myself ever being happy knowing he's alive. The fact that I rid myself of peace because of him is proof that I'm too far gone. I simply don't see a point to it all, a point to living.

I stare at the stone ground, wet with spilt beer running from the empty barrels. I take the lit candle hung near the exit of the bar and hold it above the pools of alcohol spilt on the ground, wondering what would happen if a vampire burns to death. I wonder if I'll die, or magically heal. I guess we're about to find out.

I close my eyes and drop the candle waiting to hear the roar of fire igniting around me, but to my luck nothing happens.

"You may want to think twice about that, mate." The familiar British accent sounds in my ear, the voice sounding so distant yet familiar, I feel like I heard it yesterday although I know it's been almost five hundred years.

"Klaus," I whisper, opening my eyes and meeting him face to face.

He stands in front of me with the candle extinguished in his hand, the same sly smirk presented on his lips. I immediately reach in my pocket to grab the dagger, but Klaus has already predicted that. "I wouldn't if I were you," he warns, twirling the dagger in his hand. "They don't even work on me, considering I'm not all vampire, but don't tell my father that." He smiles.

"How did you-"

"Listen to me James." He looks me straight in the eye. For some reason I find myself listening to him, like I'm being forced to; like I'm being compelled. "I want us to have an open, honest conversation with no violence. Can you do that?"

I find myself nodding, even though everything inside me wants me to shake my head. "Good." He grins. "I ah," he says, looking nervously at the ground. "I never actually apologized, for what I did to you."

"I was wrong, and it was not in my place to take that choice away from you. I was selfish, and wanted my best friend by my side for the next eternity. I shouldn't have done that to you, or your siblings, and for that I am truly sorry," Klaus says sincerely, his eyes pleading for forgiveness with me.

"Only took you a few hundred years," I scoff in disbelief, going with his compulsion and being honest.

Despite my comment, Klaus smiles. "You know James, you and I are a lot alike whether you like it or not. I didn't want to originally tell you, but there's more to why I turned you and your siblings." He begins to spark my interest.

"What are you talking about?" I groan in annoyance, tired of this conversation. Because he compelled me not be violent, I can't do anything.

"I turned you guys not because you're just my friends, but because you're my family; we're related by blood James-"

"Nonsense-"

"Just listen to me," he abruptly cuts me off. "Elijah told you my mother was unfaithful yeah? That she had an affair with another man, a man with the werewolf gene?" he asks and I nod. "Well that man was your father James." Klaus shifts on his feet. "You are James, son of Bran, and I am Klaus, son of Mikael. That's what we were told, but I know the truth. I just didn't want you to have the burden of knowing I was your brother."

"You speak lies." I shake my head, refusing to listen to any more of this nonsense.

"I'm telling you the truth James! Why would I lie to you about something like this?" He steps closer to me. "We're half brothers, as Lexi and Joel are my half siblings. Mikael, my step father killed your father- my father too- when he realized what he and Esther had done. That's why you never saw him again after Joel was born. He didn't run away James, he was killed by Mikael." He stops to allow me to think.

Now that he's saying it, it does seem like a logical story, but that's all I believe it to be; just a story. "I don't believe you," I say.

"You don't have to," Klaus sighs. "But that's the truth. I just had to spit it out." He pauses, both of us sitting in silence before he is the one to speak again.

"I realize you've had quite the fun running all across the world with the stupid thing, but I'm afraid I'm going to need that moonstone," Klaus says, as if he's demanding rather than asking. I was wondering when he was going to bring that up.

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen." I mock his tone.

Klaus closes his eyes in frustration, running a hand through his neatly cut short hair. It appears both of us have adapted to the new century. "I thought we'd do this the easy way," he sighs before suddenly punching me across the face, taking me by surprise.

I lift my head up and raise my hands, preparing for a fight, but suddenly I freeze, the compulsion demanding me not to be violent. "Stay absolutely still," he says, before running his hands down my arms and going through my coat pocket, searching for the stone.

"Where the bloody hell is it?" He starts to panic. "James?" he growls in annoyance, bending down to check my pant pocket and shoes. "Where did you put it?" he compels me, knowing that's the only way I'll be honest. I'll have to remind myself to start drinking vervain.

"In my jacket pocket," I reply honestly, starting to panic a little. Last time I checked, it was in my pocket.

"No, it's not," Klaus says, checking my pocket once again, only to come up empty handed. "Where is it!" he bellows, his voice echoing strongly throughout the ally.

"I honestly don't know Klaus, that's where I had it." I open my jacket to check the pocket myself, feeling my stomach drop when I realize it is in fact no longer there. I know I didn't loose it, which means it was stolen. The only question is, by who?

"Does Elijah have it?" he asks furiously.

"No. I was the one who carried it always," I reply frantically.

"DAMN IT!" He punches the wall behind me, causing it to chip. "I NEED IT!" he yells. Seeing his reaction right now is proof of how much that stone means to him.

"Good. I hope you never find it. I don't give a rats ass that you're sorry, of that you wish you could take it back. You can't undo it, so there's nothing that I want from you other than your heart in my hand. I promise you one day, I will kill you. You just wait," I hiss through my gritted teeth, getting all up in his face.

Klaus glares at me with such anger that I begin to feel proud of myself that I've managed to get under his skin. "You listen up Branson," he sneers, pushing me harshly up against the wall. "I can make your life a terrible hell if I want to, and unfortunately for you it's only the beginning." He starts to compel me.

"I'm going to take your brother, and use him to help me in finding that stone. You're not going to see him again, in fact, you're going to forget you ever had a brother...yeah. You're going to forget that your brother, Joel Branson ever existed. Whenever you hear his name, you're going to pretend it was never mentioned, the name forever slipping from your mind," he snarls. "Now leave, and forget we ever had this conversation," he compels me, before spinning around and walking down the dark alleyway.

I only stand there, staring down at my hands having no freaking clue what just happened. I can't for the life of me figure out what I'm doing, or why I'm standing in an alleyway. Part of me knows that I'll never truly find the answer. Sometimes there will never be answers for our biggest problems in life.

That's something I've learned to accept.

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[complete & edited: 08/21/17 ]