𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄
chapter twenty-eight; A May Conversation
" Because James only knows extremes. "

  IT WAS MAY when Madeline finally had enough. She hadn't stopped thinking about Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon, had he recycled the words he'd said to Madeline over the summer? Did Marlene at least feel lucky, to be cared for by Sirius Black— was it a hook up or something more?

  Why did it hurt so much?

  And on an otherwise insignificant day, after Slytherin's final quidditch match but before Gryffindor's, Madeline snapped. She was in the midst of returning a book to the library, by herself and silently, as she'd done most things, and she saw Marlene and Lily giggling over textbooks.

  The brunette acted on impulse, marching directly over to the table. Both girls looked up, only to see Madeline's confidence plummet instantly.

  "I think we should talk," Marlene said once realizing Madeline wasn't going to utter a single syllable.

  "Yeah," Madeline nodded, letting out a long, defeated breath, "I think so, too."

  Lily shifted to give Madeline room to sit, the brunette slipping into a chair beside the redhead.

  And then Marlene said it.

  "I didn't shag him."

  "I— I'm sorry?" Madeline questioned disbelievingly.

  "He told us, about it all," The blonde explained, gesturing to Lily, who smiled sadly. "James was bothering him about not seeing any girls, and I said he could lie about it. We just hung out, and talked about you— not in a bad way! He, sort of, cried."

  Madeline had a lump in her throat, the size of a bludger. She didn't know what to say, not to Marlene or Lily, at least. The girl stood and exited the library swiftly.

  "D'ya think that was a good abrupt exit or a bad one?" Marlene questioned, leaning her chin on her hand and staring at the doorway Madeline had disappeared out of.

  "Hopefully a good one."

ϟ

  Sirius was on his fifth cigarette of the day. This may have been a good thing if it was past noon. If it was after dinnertime, one could assume his habit had been curved, no longer smoking a pack a day.

  But it was just barely 11 AM.

  "Smoking will kill you, you know?"

  Madeline Potter was breathtaking. Had it been so easy to forget? Sirius was frozen as he took in the small things, pieces of hair spitting across her forehead, thick eyebrows knitted together just slightly to create a crease between them. Her pink lips were rolled together just barely like she was holding in a crowd of words. 

  And she was looking at him— speaking to him.

  "Hm," Sirius flicked the ash after coming back to reality, he avoided looking at Madeline as she shifted from one foot to the other, "I do a lot of things that will kill me."

  "Is that so?"

  "Yup."

  "Like?"

  "Like. . . doing things I could very well die from, caring about people who don't care about me, arguing with my wicked family, truthfully I just like living on the edge."

  "People care about you," She said so softly the wind nearly blew the words away.

  Sirius peered up at the girl, the cigarette hanging from his lips loosely. "They have shite ways of showing it."

  Madeline remained silent for a moment, refusing to burst into anger or sadness or whatever she was feeling, "You didn't sleep with Marlene."

  "No."

  "I thought you did."

  "Everyone thinks I did."

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "Why do you care?" Sirius questioned with a bitter laugh, standing to meet Madeline's eye level. "I thought you weren't my girlfriend."

  "Quit acting like this is all my fault," Madeline nearly shouted, her calm cracking slightly. "I care about you, Sirius, I want to be with you but I can't. You're not the only one who's hurt."

  "But I'm not the one who ended it."

  "I can't lose my brother!" Madeline's voice cracked as it raised, which seemed to shatter Sirius' anger quickly. The girl let out a breath, forcing her face and voice to even out, "We fight like animals but he's the only one I've got."

  "Why are you so sure he'd hate us?" Sirius questioned in the same way a child would. With an even mixture of sadness and hope, a wider-eyed look than he normally had.

  "Because James only knows extremes," Madeline said, hanging her head to stare at her hands, "He doesn't get mad and get over it. He loves people like he loves you lot and Lily, or he hates them like he hates Snape."

  "I don't want to choose between the two of you."

  "I don't ever want you to be in a position where you have to," Madeline told him a little too quickly. "You've been through enough, you deserve a family. A home. That's more important than me."

  "Just sit with me."

  Madeline was taken aback just enough for it to be obvious. Sirius had flicked the butt of his cigarette carelessly to the side, and was asking her with a tone that indicated a level of need. As if the boy wasn't sure what he'd do if she said no.

  So she didn't.

  Madeline sat right beside Sirius, at the base of a towering tree, just close enough for the brushing of arms to be a worry, but not a prominent feeling. The oncoming summer breeze flirted past the two, ruffling the leaves hanging above them.

  Sirius had to work up the courage to move. It was ironic, if people had tags his would say 'XX-Brave' but in times like those he didn't quite feel like a lion. His nimble fingers moved slowly, until in one burst of bravery, they laced with Madeline's.

  "Please," Sirius began thickly, his gaze focused far ahead of them, "Don't pull away."

  So she didn't.

  "I don't want to choose," The boy continued after a moment when Madeline had replied with an equal amount of pressure in their intertwined fingers that ensured she was there to stay. "But does that mean I don't have a choice?"

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Does what I want matter at all?" He asked, with no animosity. The question wasn't a jab hidden beneath a layer of manners, it was just raw confusion.

  "Do you know what you want?" Madeline asked, turning her head to look at him. His profile was sharp, everything about Sirius Black was so sure of itself, prominent in the intention of being seen. "Long-term, not just. . . right now."

  "No," Sirius admitted quietly, turning his head to meet her gaze, "I don't know what I'd do if James found out, or where I'd go if he decided to hate me."

  Madeline didn't really have a response for that. A pit formed in her stomach because of the lack of conversation, for not having a secret stash of reassurance for the boy. She wanted nothing more than to fix it, longed for the words that would act as a bandage in covering up Sirius Black's emotional trauma to form on the tip of her tongue, but there was simply nothing.

  "But I know I don't want to leave yet," he said.

  "Neither do I."

  And so there they sat. In broad daylight, beneath a lively green tree that swayed joyfully with every change of breeze, holding hands. No words exchanged, and nothing used to fill the time they spent, because being together wasn't an easily accessible thing. They couldn't sit outside and read, or do homework, go to Hogsmeade hand-in-hand. 

  To be in each others' presence without a door shutting them from the outside world was more than enough.

( AUTHOR'S NOTE. )
do sirius and mads make me

cry? maybe.