𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄
chapter thirty-six; The Art Of Going Steady
" I think love is too big a word for me right now. "

  MADELINE WAS CONVINCED July didn't happen. It was as if June bled into August, days hanging out with Lily and Marlene went by quicker than days spent with Kai or Bluebelle—who were beginning to look like a real-life actual couple.

  The idea of that was a strange one to toy with. Her two best friends suddenly being enraptured with each other. And how totally left behind it made her feel.

  Which was perhaps why Madeline found herself patiently waiting on Lily's front steps for James.

  She'd spent the night at the Evans' for what felt like the hundredth time, and once she was aware James would be arriving the day following, she made a choice.

  "Oh, Maddie."

  "Hi," Madeline said, furrowing her brows as she stood. Two steps up and she was just about James' height. She'd always hated that he towered over her, didn't particularly like it when people in general did. Maybe that was why the Black brothers seemed so comfortable. "I know you're here to see Lily—"

  "That is why I came to her house."

  "Are you two dating?" The curiosity got the better of her. She lost track of what she was supposed to be doing. Saying.

  "James!"

  "Hi, Lily."

  "Oh, shite, sorry," Lily winced, realizing Madeline had gotten nowhere, "Uh, I'll just be—"

  "Lily, are we dating?"

  The redhead's expression twisted into panic at James' question. Madeline almost spoke up, but ultimately decided it wasn't her place to say something.

  "Wh—what?"

  "Are we dating?"

  "I, yeah," Lily said with a shake of her head, "Mmh."

  "There's your answer, now if you'll excuse me—"

  "Can you not be a dick for three seconds?" Madeline snapped at James, "Merlin, James, I'm trying to be nice for once, just have fun with your girlfriend."

  Madeline's voice broke off at the end, shoving past James as she took the steps harshly. Her bag looked pitiful, hanging off of her thin shoulder, and James, for once, didn't hesitate to rush after her.

  "Maddie, crap, I'm sorry—"

  "I just want my brother back," She admitted as James rushed in front of her, "I know you think I hid Sirius from you for something but I just didn't want to lose either of you, okay? I just, I love you, and I know I never say it and we fight all the time but I do, you're my brother, that means a lot to me, and I just, I think it sucks that it doesn't mean as much to you okay? Because I know what it's like to feel pushed out now, Blue and Kai, you and Lily, and I'm. . . I don't have Sirius anymore because I didn't want to lose my brother but now I have no one and it sucks!"

  James hadn't realized his eyes started to fill until a tear snuck out.

  And poor James Potter had never been good with articulation when it came to his little sister, he showed his love the way he knew how to. But he was starting to understand that didn't translate all the time. That to Madeline, love was different. And he should've put more effort into caring about what she thought, wanted, how she felt and how his actions impacted her.

  But Madeline was already halfway down the street and James had never before felt like he'd been too late, but then he did. He held out hope for Lily and for Sirius and Remus to make up after the Snape prank and for everything to turn up when Maddie was 6 and so sick she couldn't leave her bed.

  But today he experienced the feeling so many had before, feeling like weights hung on his limbs and a rope was tightened around his vocal cords— James felt what Madeline had on that quidditch pitch. He felt like he'd lost his sister.

ϟ

  "Hey, Maddie," Regulus greeted from behind a book, his ever-growing legs tucked under a cushion Sirius was leaning upon.

  Along with July, Madeline had missed the Black brothers growing closer. They only fought once in a blue moon, bickering was their brotherhood but now there was no distaste to sit on the same sofa.

  "Hi, Reg," She said quickly, mostly out of breath which made both brothers look up. She looked fine, physically, a bit of a flushed face, but otherwise just like Madeline, "Sirius, can I talk to you for a second?"

  "Uh, yeah, 'course," Sirius said, stumbling over his own feet as he rushed after Madeline.

  She'd made a beeline for the kitchen, which was strange to Sirius but he didn't hesitate to follow. And, he wasn't sure what to expect from her when he walked in and saw her leaning against a counter, staring at him with determination.

  All he knew was that after months of nothing but accidental clothing brushing in passing, having Madeline Potter hug him felt wonderful.

It wasn't soft or hesitant, Madeline needed the embrace from Sirius specifically. Her hands were greedily attached to him, one to his thin t-shirt and the other in his unruly hair. She inhaled his cologne and devoured his emotion, because at least someone knew they loved her. And at least she could feel that.

  "Love, what's wrong?" Sirius asked gently, allowing Madeline to hold onto him and holding her in return, but with a certain delicacy, "Sorry—"

  "I want to try again," Madeline said, words muffled by Sirius' raggedy shirt. "Not being with you sucks, to be blunt, and I don't see a point in it since nothing's really changed."

  Sirius brought his hands so they held Madeline's face, detaching it from his shoulder.

  "Why?"

  It was a silent cry for her to say the three words that seemed so stuck in her throat.

  "Because you matter to me," She said, "And I like how I feel when I'm with you."

  "But you don't love me?"

  "I think I want to know what that means before I say it," Madeline said quietly, the softness of Sirius' t-shirt seeping straight into Madeline's mind, "I'm only 17. I've only just been to muggle London, stayed out 'til dark, got to do whatever I wanted. I think you're fit and I would go wherever you do, but I think love is too big a word for me right now.

  "I want to be with you, Sirius, I'm just not ready to talk about 'love' and I want the first time I say it, to know that I mean it. Because the first time it was said to me. . . Nico didn't mean it. And I know that now, I didn't then, but he used it as a weapon. And James has been using familial love as an excuse for everything. It's muddled."

  "But you know I love you, right?" Sirius asked, allowing his hand to slip back into Madeline's hair, "Really, love you. I might not show it right and I'm sorry. But I didn't stop loving you in a month and a half."

  "I know," She said gently, "That's what makes it worse."

  "Hey, it's okay," Sirius said, "I didn't know. . . that you felt like that. I'm sorry."

  "Merlin, we're both right emotional wrecks, aren't we?"

  "And quite dramatic," Sirius smiled at the girl, "You really want to try again?"

  "As long as you're okay with it," She said, realization dawning on her, "James might. . ."

  "James is my best mate," He said almost sadly, "We've both tried to mend things with him, I think this is about more than us at this point."

  "How have you matured faster than my brother has?"

  "Well, Remus was born a sixty-year-old man, Pete might never grow up, figured it was my turn."

  "Remus Lupin does not act like a grandpa."

  "We're talking about the same bloke, right? The sweaters and candies in his pockets?"

  "At least he knew how to be emotionally available before the age of fifteen."

  "Hey, hey, hey, you can't be this mean until we've at least been steady for a month."

  "Oh, Doll, that is gonna be a problem."

  "Okay, fine, I'll make an exception. Just for you."

  "Well, I hope I'm the only one you're going steady with."

  "For as long as you'll let me."

( AUTHOR'S NOTE. )
This is such an angsty story
woah but I love it, I love
writing it, idk it's maybe not
fun but I like writing with
so much emotion that's all
ok rant over!