Traitor's Song 

by 4everSherlocked

For those of you who haven't read this story yet, kindly be warned that there are spoilers ahead!

♥︎ Cover: _8_/10

The cover features Jimin as the main attraction, with the rest of the members positioned behind him, clearly indicating to the readers that this is a fanfiction with Jimin as the protagonist. I personally believe that the cover could be improved by changing the font style and color of the title and the author's name. At first glance, the title and the author's name aren't clearly legible to me. The color of the font makes the text blend into the background, so I think it could be positioned more clearly. I suggest using a different font style and a color that contrasts well with the background.

Additionally, since this fanfiction is based on a fantasy concept with merpeople, fairies, and other mystical creatures, I feel that highlighting that theme on the cover would be great. I noticed that Jimin has something that appears to be fish scales on his cheek and neck; however, it's not very visible at first glance to the reader. If we could convey the fantasy and mythical theme to the reader through the cover graphics, it could make it better.

The banners on the other hand are marvelous. I love how the background of each member shows their role in the story. Such as a glowing golden beam behind Hobi to symbolize that he is a fairy in the story, Namjoon and Jin being dressed in royal attire to symbolize their royalty, and an ocean behind Jimin to show that he is a merman. If we could adapt a similar concept to the main story cover as well, that would be awesome.

♥︎ Title: 5/5

I really like the title "Traitor's Song" for its foreshadowing and witty word play. It effectively conveys the theme of Jimin being betrayed by his lover, which is the root of the story. Additionally, I find it clever that the title reminds me of "Siren's Song," which is often associated with merfolk, adding a subtle layer of foreshadowing.

♥︎ Blurb: 9/10

The blurb is short and sweet. I like how it revolves around the theme of water, with the words 'drown' and 'fish' dropping subtle hints about the plot of the story. I especially love the line 'feeling like a fish out of water'. When I first read the blurb, I didn't think much of it, but as I progressed with the story, it suddenly clicked for me. It is a clever foreshadowing of the transformation Jimin is yet to go through during the story.

I find the blurb to be very suspenseful and it piqued my curiosity enough to make me want to open the book and keep reading. One suggestion for improvement would be to make the blurb slightly longer. Perhaps adding a few more details about the story (perhaps regarding the hunters or the risk of opening dimensions to another world) and ending with some questions to keep the readers on the edge of their seats. However, this is just my personal opinion, and I'm not insisting that it be done.

♥︎ First Chapter: 10/10

The first chapter was beautifully crafted, drawing readers into Jimin's deep connection with water, which holds both comforting and troubling significance for him. Right from the start, we witness how water becomes a symbol of his emotions, especially as he struggles with heartbreak after being betrayed by his love, Arielle.

There's a subtle nod to "The Little Mermaid" with the name Arielle, which adds a touch of whimsy to the story. But beneath the surface, the chapter unfolds with a mix of sweet nostalgia and bitter sorrow. We glimpse tender moments from Jimin's past with his mother, moments that are all the more poignant knowing she was tragically taken from him.

The mystery surrounding his mother's death adds a layer of suspense, leaving us wondering who could commit such a cruel act against an innocent child and why.

The inclusion of Jimin's mother as the sole female figure he deeply cherished, alongside Arielle, only amplifies the sorrow we feel for him as readers. It's truly heart-wrenching to witness the loss of his mother to such a violent act, compounded by the revelation that Arielle's affection stemmed from pity rather than genuine love.

Furthermore, the adept use of literary devices throughout the chapter and the story as a whole is truly commendable. The juxtaposition between the warmth of the blue sweater gifted by Jimin's mother and the chilling darkness of the waters effectively conveys the conflicting emotions he experiences. The vivid imagery, such as the stars twinkling in the night sky like camera flashes on the day his mother's body was discovered, enhances the storytelling experience.

Every action and moment is depicted with such vivid description that it feels like watching a movie rather than reading words on a page.

The chapter concludes in a somber manner, with Jimin succumbing to the depths of the water. Yet, amidst the despair, the sight of a single star shining brighter than the rest offers a glimmer of hope. It's open to interpretation whether this represents Jimin's mother watching over him from above or signifies a turning point in his journey, perhaps towards becoming mystical creature in the following chapters. What initially appears to be a depressing ending to a story reveals itself as the starting point for an exciting fantasy fanfiction adventure.

♥︎ Grammar and vocabulary: 14/15

As I've mentioned earlier, the writing style is absolutely commendable and award-worthy. There was such a great range of literary devices being used in every single sentence and paragraph ranging from similes, metaphors, contradiction devices and of course beautiful manipulation of visual imagery. What I enjoyed the most about this author's writing style was that her writing style consists of a perfect balance between overly-simplified language and complex language being used.

The narration was not decorated with overly fancy sounding words or complex words that sounded unnecessary and out of line for the story that could have risked the reader losing interest in the fanfiction. Yet, the writer shows possession of a rich vocabulary and a range of sophisticated adjectives while making the story easy to follow at the same time. That is a writing technique I believe that many writers are yet to master.

Punctuation was also on point. While reading, I did notice some occasional typos that I believe are unintentional, but it didn't affect my reading. I'd be listing some mistakes or areas for improvement I've spotted if by any chance you're interested in knowing them.

-> then/than- I couldn't help but notice there were moments when the words 'then' and 'than' were used in a switched around manner. Meaning, in the places 'then' should be used, 'than' was used and vice-versa.

--> tied/tried- There was a mistake when it should have been typed 'tied' but it was typed 'tried'

--> In the sentence, 'Its because you're making him sister.' there should be a comma before the noun sister. 'It's because you're making him, sister.'

--> I couldn't help but notice in the sentence, 'He dropped the hand mirror on to the blanket before sneaking a hand across the blanket to grab one of Jimin's hands firmly...', having the noun 'blanket' repeated twice in the same sentence sounded a bit odd to me, therefore, I believe it could have been rephrased as 'He dropped the hand mirror on to the blanket before sneaking a hand across it to grab one of Jimin's hands firmly.'

--> Similarly, the sentence, 'No air left Jin's mouth.' could be rephrased as 'Not a breath of air left Jin's mouth.'

Also, when a character is yelling within speech bubbles, I feel like it would be better to change the font into Italics or something similar rather than making them capitalized. It seems more professional that way.

Aside from those tiny typos and small rephrases that could be added if you wish, there were no problems with the writing style. It flowed like a smooth river, so much that it didn't make me want to stop reading. The cliffhangers at the end of every chapter didn't really help the cause a lot, either! Haha! XD

With a quick editing session or through the use of some grammar checking software like 'Grammarly', I believe that even the tiniest mistakes and typos could be avoided. However, I advise you to not be overly dependent on online grammar checking software, as it has the tendency to rip off the essence of uniqueness in a writer's writing style.

♥︎ Plot: 10/10

I've read numerous fantasy-adventure fanfictions about BTS members, but most of them revolve around vampires and werewolves. It's rare to find stories featuring merpeople, especially as the main characters.  The concept of Jimin being a merman which now identifies him as a creature of good luck, Henley being marked as his guardian and them realizing that hunters of mythical creatures are on their trail and the gang would have to do everything in their power to stay hidden from the hunters' watch, all the while as an impending war was going on to merge two worlds together is all so thrilling to read. Therefore, in my experience, this fanfiction is quite unique.

Furthermore, I absolutely love how the author introduces new characters from chapter to chapter yet she does so in such a clever way as to not mess with the pace of the story or to make the readers feel as if the story is moving forward too quickly. 

Moreover, it was extremely heartwarming to watch each new character join Jimin and Henley's gang to form a loving and supporting family that will be together in every ride or die situation. The main theme of the story which is 'There's no stronger bond than a family' was clearly highlighted throughout the story. Especially when each new character used to be lost and abandoned by their biological family or world before reuniting with the mythical creatures gang who will be their new family forever. It also shows another theme which states that 'Not all perfect families requires a blood bond.'

Another aspect of the story that I thoroughly enjoyed was that there were many sub-plots within the main plot of the story. The group of main characters featuring Jimin, Henley, Jin, Taehyung, Hobi, Jungkook and Yoongi wouldn't always face a specific obstacle together, rather the group would always be split into two separate groups and each group would face a different obstacle or task together. For example, Jin, Jimin and Hobi would be out on the sea on a motorboat trying to track the shockcollar that Hobi had abandoned in the sea, while at the same time, Henley and Jungkook would be back home and would go on their own adventure where they would meet new characters like Yoongi the vampire, in the dark woods.

It goes further to show that each character has their own style and role in this fanfiction and they don't necessarily have to do almost everything together. They get to have their own experiences and adventures unknown to the others. Furthermore, the transitions between such scenes were marvelously executed in order to make sure that the readers wouldn't get confused with the storyline. At the same time, they are left in suspense on what adventure the other group of characters are going through while they read another group's specific adventures.

Towards the later chapters, a plot twist was introduced with Arielle (Jimin's ex girlfriend) being a creature in the mystical world and I am so interested in learning how she got there from the human world. I absolutely did not see that kind of a plot twist coming.

♥︎ Creativity: 9/10

The author has woven strings and strings of creativity in this fanfiction for sure. Every character and every mythical object had such fascinating theories and background stories that serves to explain why a character/object is the way they are.

For a few examples, I was enthralled by the glimpse of the architecture surrounding Namjoon and Lianna's castle. Moreover, it's amazing how you have described the armor of the soldiers; with each rank having different shades of red, how the armor heals itself if it happened to get cut which I believe would be invaluable in the face of combat and how the small shield pulses in the armor serves to keep weapons or monsters from penetrating it.

My personal favorite would be the introduction of 'The Kingdom Weekly' magazine. I love how the author had gone to the extent of getting the front cover of the magazine designed by someone to make it look like an actual magazine featuring Prince Namjoon and Prince Jin. (P.S- I'm still waiting for my weekly copy lol) It's little touches like these that makes the readers really immerse themselves in the story and make them feel as if they are actually in an alternate reality.

Apart from that, the backstories regarding each mystical creature left me enthralled; A merman being a symbol of good luck and how they form an unbreakable connection with a particular human, how a siren's kiss could be fatal to a human, and how pain and fear triggers a werewolf to transform whereas love and safety can reverse the effect. Moreover, the smell of vampire blood can cause a werewolf to turn feral. 

However, one area to improve would be the vampires. I couldn't help but notice how every mythical creature in this story had a backstory or theory that goes against the stereotypical magical theory set for them by the world except for vampires. Yoongi was described as a stereotypical vampire with what being unable to consume human food and his only nutrition source being blood etc. Almost every vampire in every fantasy book is described as such, therefore I feel that if we could add some more creativity as to how vampires behave in their own unique manner in this fanfiction's mythical world, it could make the vampire aspect appear more creative.

Other than that, I truly felt as if I was living in a fantasy world while reading this book.

♥︎ Pace: 10/10

Pace was perfect! Each character was introduced at the right time and the transitions between scenes and chapters were super smooth. One thing in particular that I enjoyed was the length of the chapters. They were neither too short nor too long, yet each chapter contained all the important points needed for the story's progress, all cleverly clipped together with a suspenseful cliffhanger at the end.

♥︎ Character development: 10/10

What I loved the most about the characters were how they each had unique and tragic backstories that led them to see life the way they do and as well as how relatable all of their personalities were. Even though this story takes place in a fantasy world where everything is make believe, I can swear that I have met at least one person in my actual life whose personality resonates well with the ones portrayed through the characters in this story. 

Taehyung's personality was a mix of abrasiveness and sheer bluntness as a result of him feeling out of place in everyone's lives. Almost all of his close guardians had abandoned him including his deceased human father and the  female siren who had raised him throughout the years. Therefore, he was not very comfortable with blending in with everyone and always believes that he has to keep his guard up around others at all times, which I highly believe that most of us have related to such a personality at least during one phase of our lives. 

Moreover, it was heartwarming to read that the entire reason Jimin started a family with all of his new found friends was because he realized that after being unfortunately abandoned by his mother and betrayed by his lover, no one deserves to be alone. He was very understanding of each and every character's background even if he and them did not always get off on the right foot all the time.

My heart was crushed when I read about how poor Jungkook had been enslaved by the hunters ever since he was an innocent child and all the while being trapped in his werewolf form, unable to transform back. My man literally had his entire childhood ripped away from him and he was torn apart from his beloved family as well. What broke me even more was how he was so worried that one day he might transform into a werewolf and he wouldn't be able to revert to his human form, increasing the possibility of him reliving the nightmares of his past.

Hobi was such a true king! He is our little sassy yet positive ball of energy. Always there to lend a hand to anyone who's in trouble. I believe I speak for everyone here when I say that all of us would love to meet a friend like Hobi one day. 

Furthermore, I think it's safe to say that I have a soft spot for Jin in this story. He is the literal definition of a true prince charming. Always so graceful and poised in his behavior. However, as more and more characters started debating over the fact whether Jin could maybe be a wolf in sheep's clothing really had my hair raised. The speculation tension is killing me and I think it would be such a huge plot twist if Jin actually ended up being the bad guy. He has all the assets to do so with what being having access to royal ties and living under the same roof as a gang of mystical creatures. However, I'm just assuming here. I can't wait to see how his character progresses even further throughout the story.

Jungkook and Yoongi got off really badly with each other at the start but it was heartwarming to see the two of them warm up to each other and start acting like brothers while putting away their differences of one being a vampire and the other a werewolf. Especially since it was Yoongi's family who enslaved Jungkook and took him away from his family. Their fierce brotherly like bond truly taught us that our family or the places we come from don't define us and that there is always room for forgiveness and friendship.

All in all, all of the characters were special in their own way and they definitely left a mark in my heart.

♥︎ Emotions: 10/10

As I have mentioned earlier, I am a huge fan of the backstories given for each of the characters. Yoongi and Taehyung's backstories in particular wielded so much of heartbreak and emotion that it left me sobbing. 

There were so much of conflicting emotions when it came to Jungkook's genuine anger and sense of betrayal being shown when he found out that Yoongi was a hunter and was part of the pack that had enslaved him throughout his entire childhood. At the same time, Yoongi was drowning in regret and misery as he was a hunter by birth and not by choice, yet it was quite a struggle for him to prove that fact to a sensitive Jungkook. 

In the scene when Jungkook realized Yoongi's origins and how he lunged at his throat, I was honestly petrified while reading that part, and the intense tension was cleverly cancelled at the end with some comic relief with Taehyung entering the room and asking what he missed. LMAO! 

However, Yoongi and Jungkook's bonding was beautifully written as they faced various challenges together while almost sacrificing their lives for each other as true friends.

Moreover, it was absolutely heartwarming to see how much the gang really looked out for each others' well-being. For example, when a stressed Jungkook ran away, almost everyone in the remaining gang volunteered to conduct a search party for him despite it pouring cats and dogs outside.

-Final Note- 

"Traitor's Song" is one of the best fantasy fanfictions I have ever read on Wattpad. I highly recommend it to anyone who loves reading fantasy genre books and to those who would like to escape the mundane episodes of the real world by immersing themselves in a beautifully written novel featuring a variety of unique mystical creatures! 

Well done, author!

~Jinleen~

♥︎ Total: 95/100