Purple Night

by  Jungkook_ff7

For those of you who have not read the book yet, kindly be warned that there are spoilers ahead.

♥︎ Cover: _8_/10

I found the cover to be quite attractive. Its purple gradient suits the storyline, and I love the sparkly and glossy editing that conveys the theme of a fantasy book. Few areas for improvement, I think the book title and the author's name should be written in a larger and heavier font because it didn't catch my eye at first glance. 

Moreover, since this story involves Jungkook being a prince of a fantasy kingdom, it would be better to edit him to make him look like a royal; by adding a crown on his head or dressing him up in royal attire. I believe this could be done with the assistance of an experienced graphic designer.

♥︎ Title: _4_/5

The title is nice for the story. It fits the storyline because Y/N's adventure started on a night with an unusual purple view. However, I couldn't help but find the title to be slightly plain. I'm interested in hearing the author's views of perhaps changing the word 'purple' to a fancier and eye-catching word such as 'Lavender' or 'Lilac'.

♥︎ Blurb: _5_/10

I couldn't help but feel like the existing blurb could use more work. I suggest using a range of adjectives to describe the scene instead of using mediocre and overused adjectives such as 'beautiful'. I do appreciate the range of similies being used in the second paragraph, however, make sure that the chosen similes are appropriate for the situation. For instance, when you say 'calm as the sea', it doesn't sound specific for there are instances when the sea can be rough. Instead, make the simile more specific by saying for instance 'as calm as the summer sea'. 

The existing blurb didn't excite me too much to keep reading the book. Therefore, I suggest it would be better to include an extract of the scene from the book where Y/N discovers the purple night, complete with all her thought processes and dialogues. This could make the readers feel more engaged in the story.

Try using the following scene as a way to attract readers into the story;

But please note that there are quite a lot of grammar errors and rephrasing of wordings to be done in this scene.

♥︎ First Chapter: _5_/10

The first chapter introduced the readers to the story to the point without any unnecessary stalling. I also like how it ended with a suspenseful cliffhanger. 

However, some areas for improvement would be the author's writing style is too informal. Way too informal. First of all, I understand that since this book is narrated in the first person point of view, informal style in the language tone is something to be expected as the first person point of view aims to directly convey the raw thoughts and emotions of the character who is narrating the story. I respect that fact. But I urge the author to refrain from making the language sound too informal by using words and phrases like "...who I thought was my friend and then I like laughed without covering my mouth..." Avoid using filler words such as 'like' in your writing. Also, refrain from using acronyms like 'OMG' in your writing. 

In the chapter, Y/N is introduced to the readers by raising sympathy for her character for being a girl who is never seen beyond her beauty, an orphan and not having any friends. In my opinion, the part where y/n flat out says that she is described to be a goddess sounds a lot like the typical cliche Y/N and I wish that a more original Y/N could have been introduced to us with more interesting characteristics. Many stories I've seen make Y/N the pretty girl but with no friends and family. Maybe try and tell how Y/N lost her parents, to spark an interest in her character. However, that's alright for I am willing to see her character development as the story progresses. 

♥︎ Grammar and vocabulary: _7_/15

As I have mentioned earlier, the author's writing style needs to sound more professional despite being written in the first-person point of view. Furthermore, the author has to pay more attention to their use of descriptions and visual imagery in the story, for I found the scenes to be described in the blandest way with minimum details. I suggest the author do more research on how to improve their writing style with the use of a wide range of adjectives, adverbs, and specific similes and metaphors. In brief, the writing style has the potential to appear richer to the readers.

However, compared to the author's previous book that I had reviewed, I can clearly see the author trying to make an effort to improve their writing style with these book for I found many occasions where they have tried to be more descriptive in their work. It needs more improvement but I'm happy to see that the author is making progress.

In terms of punctuation, refrain from using more than three dots in the case of an ellipsis (...). The same applies to the question marks. Unless the character in question is completely baffled by a situation, avoid using more than one question mark. If the author wants to show that the character is surprised when they're asking the question, consider using an exclamation mark along with it (?!).

Moreover, I came across an instance where the author had used a phrase where the character is speaking a dialogue and the narrative that followed was 'he said, using his hands for actions.' That sounded off to me. Instead, describe the specific gestures the characters use such as nodding, gesturing with their hands toward something, pointing, etc.

In Chapter 2, the description of the men who kidnapped Y/N was not that good. The descriptions need to sound richer than saying 'They looked like total Gods, with their perfect lips, hair and skin.' Again, this points towards the fact that the author has to work more on their descriptive and visual imagery skills.

Some phrases need to be rephrased such as 'I'm sorry for their side' could be rephrased to 'I apologize on behalf of them.'

Descriptions such as 'unconditionally clean' sound off. The same can be said for phrases such as 'like a shock was shocking him.'

There is no such thing as a 'Royal Work Room' I'm afraid. Instead, try rephrasing it to 'A royal office' maybe?

'Take the name of the devil and the devil appears' should be - Speaking of the devil.

In Chapter 2, it would be best to give more variety to Y/N's thoughts upon seeing her kidnappers rather than showing her immediately gushing over their good-looking appearances. Yes, Y/N notices that the men are extremely attractive but mentioning this fact once or twice is quite enough rather than making it her whole thought process. Realistically, in a situation where a person is kidnapped, their thoughts are more likely to revolve around fear and confusion rather than lusting for the kidnappers.

Furthermore, I came across many times where the author would be going through a tense mix-up in their writing. For instance, the majority of the story would be narrated in the present tense, then at random places, it would suddenly switch to the past tense. It's important to ensure that a fixed tense is being used throughout the story to prevent the readers from getting confused and to make the writing sound more professional.

Something I couldn't help but notice is that when the other princes were being introduced, they each had a fancy synonym for the color of their kingdom such as Emerald, Rose, etc. However, only Jungkook's kingdom had been plainly described as a 'Purple' kingdom. Why not change the name to something that sounds more attractive but conveys the purple theme such as Lilac, Lavender, or Amethyst?

Moreover, there was a POV mix-up in chapter 5 where the sentence where Y/N is talking to her fake audience in her mind is suddenly narrated in the third person point of view.

♥︎ Plot: _5_/10

The story is still too young for me to judge the overall plot especially since the author has not specified the flow of the plot in the blurb of the story. However, I have read many BTS Royal AU fanfictions, therefore I cannot say that this concept is entirely original. However, I'm eager to see the unfolding of the author's unique world-building skills in the following chapters. 

♥︎ Creativity: __6/10

In terms of creativity, I'm happy to see that the author has used pictures in certain chapters to describe the settings when their descriptive skills failed to do so. Moreover, I noticed purple pictures of Jungkook being used as banners at the top of every chapter. However, I feel like the banners have to be resized to properly fit. Also, consider changing the picture into a proper banner and then including it in the chapter itself. For instance, in the same way, I have done in the 'Epiphany Reviews' banner at the beginning and the end of every review.

I found it to be creatively amusing to find the kingdoms being named by colors. I'm excited to see whether this is going to mean something about the separate kingdoms in the following chapters.

Moreover, I came across a special purple logo being shown throughout many chapters. However, it has not been properly described. Make sure to describe the logo; the shape, any kind of figure it possesses, or what it symbolizes. 

Since this is a fantasy book, don't forget to add some unique make-believe theories for each and every magical concept in the coming chapters.

♥︎ Pace: _6_/10

I had a problem with the pace of how Y/N is adapting to her sudden situations. After being thrown into an alternate universe far away from Earth, she didn't seem to be quite fazed at all, and neither was she nervous or skeptical of the surrounding characters despite being alone for the rest of her life. Especially in chapter 3, she had only met Jungkook but she was being mischievous around him and was trying to annoy him. In my opinion, this sounds a bit unrealistic but I'm not sure whether this is Y/N's nature in general. Moreover, it's quite confusing how her mood and her perception towards being trapped in an alternate reality changes from one chapter to the next; in one chapter she would be over the moon with joy at being trapped in a magical fantasy world whereas in another chapter she would find herself being depressed and missing her home back on Earth. I suggest trying to balance her emotions out in the chapters towards her new surroundings.

♥︎ Character development: _4_/10

Quite frankly, I didn't find myself relating to Y/N's character at all despite the entire story being written in a first-person point of view and enabling the reader to insert their name into the story to make the connection to the book.

It is said in many areas that Y/N desires to not be seen as an 'ill-mannered brat', however, this is quite difficult to achieve when I find Y/N to be nothing short of childish throughout the entire story. Her attempts at trying to sound quirky with her "jokes" did not come across as funny to me. Honestly, it only gave off a childish persona to the readers on her part despite her being a 20-year-old.

She is quite frankly the cliche Y/N that most people tend to find themselves making fun of. She is described to be this beautiful and perfect girl with a sad backstory of having no friends and missing out on life's opportunities because she's shy,  but only having guys fall for her due to her goddess-like beauty. Almost all the characters take a liking to her, especially Jimin who just asked her out to dinner despite only knowing her for a day. 

The character of Y/N in the author's story needs more depth and reliability rather than making her come across as the 20-year-old childish, bratty, 'quirky' perfect girl. 

On the other hand, we also have Jungkook as the supporting protagonist. Again, quite similar to Y/N, I didn't find him to possess any character depth. Throughout the story he is seen to be more or less, Y/N's guide to discovering the surroundings of the castle. He is also hinted at being Y/N's potential love interest but since the story is starting, I didn't find any specific chemistry between them, although Jungkook is seen to be liking Y/N almost instantly despite knowing her for a short period.

Moreover, despite there being 6 other princes in the story, we didn't get a glimpse of their unique personalities and backstories, however since this story is still starting off, maybe it's too early to judge. A point that I'd like to add is that it's best if the author didn't introduce all 7 princes at once in a single chapter. Make them have their own moments where they would be introduced to the readers eventually with the pace of the story. 

♥︎ Emotions: _6_/10

Unfortunately, the author's writing style needs more work to convey emotions effectively. However, since their portrayal of emotions has been slightly improved compared to their previous book, I have given a slightly higher score for the emotions aspect. However, there is still a lot of work to be done regarding it.

~Final Note~

"I have to say that I am quite pleased with how the author has been pushing themselves to improve their writing since the last time they submitted one of their books to be reviewed. Though it may not be perfect, it's the effort and continuous improvement that matters. A few points that I'd suggest the author improve would be; work on descriptions and visual imagery, try to improve their English to at least an average standard, avoid awkward phrasing of sentences, and make sure the writing is neat and professional and doesn't sound too informal like the language used when sending text messages and finally, focus on creating characters with more depth and realism rather than following cliche tropes. Give them flaws and chances to improve in the story rather than being instantly admired and seen as perfect and childish. I urge the author to not be disheartened by the low score. Keep writing and I'm sure you'll reach wonderful heights as a writer!

Cheers, author!"

~Jinleen

♥︎ Total: 56/100