Ethereal Reverie by janefanfics
For those of y'all who haven't read the story yet, kindly be warned that there are spoilers ahead!

♥︎ Cover: _4_/10

The cover is quite beautiful if I'm being honest. I love the contrasting gradient of red and blue which portrays a sort of dreamlike vibe and gives off an ominous ambiance as well. I suppose the color scheme's ambiance suits the story title and subtitle. "Ethereal Reverie" is portrayed by the dreamlike and illusive red and blue gradient. As I said before, it also gives off an intimidating and dark appeal to the cover which resonates well with the subtitle "What if your dreams turn into your worst nightmares?'

In my opinion, the improvements that could be made are, first of all, the editing needs to be a little bit neater in the font proportions. For instance, the start of the subtitle and the main title are too close to the cover's edge for my taste. I feel like they both should be aligned to the center a bit more.

However, the major flaw I saw in both the cover and the book title is that they don't match the overall theme of the book at all. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the cover is unattractive. It is possibly one of the most gorgeous and well-created covers I've ever seen. However, when I read through the book's chapters, the main story and the writing style that has been used by the author to narrate it sound very lighthearted, formal, and playful overall. This doesn't resonate with the vibes that the cover gave off to me at all. 

Before reading the story, judging based on the cover and title, I expected this story to be very serious, a bit ominous with a very deep and intricate writing style. That's what the cover made me expect this story to be. But it did not turn out to be the case, there were jokes everywhere, Y/N was very clumsy and the writing style was also pretty informal. It's not a bad thing to write a lighthearted story by the way, the problem is that the cover and the title gave me a misleading impression of the book due to the theme they ended up creating.

It's kind of like using a neon-style sci-fi cover for a book based on pure mellow romance. It doesn't match! Therefore, I suggest having a new cover made, this time something that portrays the lighthearted and quirky ambiance of the story within.

However, since this book only has around 8 chapters published so far, I'm not quite sure whether the whole ambiance of the story will end up changing in the later chapters, but so far, the vibes I get from this book are lighthearted, teenage-ish, and slightly comedic.

Therefore, a lighter and more pastel-like color scheme perhaps would be more appropriate for the cover.

So in conclusion, the cover is absolutely gorgeous, but it doesn't match the overall theme of the story.

♥︎ Title: _3_/5

"Ethereal Reverie"

In my opinion, it sounds like a beautiful title that conveys a mystical and elegant theme. I like the alliteration of the letter 'R' in the title. However, just like I have mentioned for the cover, the title itself sounds too fancy and complex for a story that has been written in a lighthearted and simple manner. 

When I first looked at the title, I expected to dive into a book that conveys a touch of literature or discusses some deep-meaning topics, instead, I was met with a cute, lighthearted, and funny story. Therefore, just like the cover, the title doesn't match the overall theme of the story. 

♥︎ Blurb: _6_/10

The blurb gives the readers a brief glimpse into the character of our main protagonist Y/N. She is portrayed to be a clumsy girl with a heart that yearns to find true love.

We're also given a synopsis of the story to come, with Y/N and her lover Jungkook exploring the city together through the multiple dates she set up with him. 

Some flaws I noticed in the blurb are, although we are introduced to Y/N's character which makes up almost the entire blurb, however the same can not be said for Jungkook. He has only been portrayed as "a mysterious newcomer" despite being the second main protagonist of the story. Therefore, I suggest the author shed some light on Jungkook's personality in the blurb as well, which can also allow the readers to see the stark contrasts or similarities (if any) between his and Y/N's personality. Seeing the similarities or differences in their personalities can create a spark within the reader to be curious enough to see how far their relationship would go in the story.

Moreover, I believe that when it comes to the "haunting truth that threatens to shatter their new romantic bond", it should be a bit more elaborated in the blurb. From whose side is this haunting truth coming? Is it from Jungkook or Y/N's? And how significant is it? Personally, I feel that that particular line should appear more specific because I have come across many books with blurbs that say "a dark truth" threatens to shatter the new couple's romance. I'm pretty sure that the author must have come across such books as well. Therefore, adding unspecific lines like that makes the whole blurb sound too cliche and generic.

Furthermore, there are some rephrases of sentences to be done and some punctuation errors to be corrected. The first line could be split into two parts as below. Pay attention to the newly rephrased sentences and the punctuation corrections.

"In the bustling streets of Seoul, there lives a small-town girl Y/N.  Her days are filled with laughter and the scent of well-loved books."

The third sentence could be rephrased as "However, one ordinary morning, everything changes when she stumbles upon Jungkook; a mysterious newcomer whose presence creates a spark within her."

The both of them could be better rephrased to "the two of them."

The same sentence should be rephrased to "As they explore the city together, the two of them realize that though they aren't perfect, they still complete each other."

And in the final sentence, it's not "struck", it should be "stuck" I believe.

In conclusion, the blurb sounds a little too cliche and generic for my taste, as I have seen similar blurbs in countless stories throughout my life. Some generic-sounding phrases to me are;

"She must confront the shadows of her past and face the uncertainties of the future."

"Beneath the surface of their romance lies a haunting truth that threatens to shatter their new romantic bond."

♥︎ First Chapter: _5_/10

I will be analyzing both chapter 0 and chapter 1. In Chapter 0, we have a short scene where we are shown a brief interaction between Y/N and a male customer at the library she works for. Chapter 0, serves to set the stage for Y/N's personality in the story and how she interacts with others.

Based on this chapter, the main impression I got of Y/N is that unfortunately, she is extremely immature, delusional, and overly confident in herself. I'm not quite sure yet whether the author intended for her to come across as such to the readers, and whether her behavior will be addressed with consequences in the following chapters. However, the overall aura I got from her was not a very pleasant one.

Now, allow me to explain why I think so. First of all, when Y/N is approached by a gentleman who wishes to borrow a book from her, it is shown that she is immediately captivated by the man's good looks. The man wishes to borrow a romance book from the library through her, and despite the man not making any sort of a romantic advance on her, Y/N immediately assumes that the man is trying to flirt with her by asking to borrow a romance book through her from the library. That was it! The man did nothing else for her to jump to this bizarre conclusion. Below is the extract from the chapter;

"My gaze lingering on the book he handed me, "Love In The Big City". Does he like me or something? Should I take this as a sign? I asked myself."

Y/N then proceeds to write down a note "You could have said if you liked me anyways. This is my number. Call me. <3" and slip it into the book before handing it to the man. She then deduces that the man probably likes her because she is pretty and she knows it. 

Now, I don't know about the rest of you all, but Y/N here seems too cocky and over-confident to assume that this handsome stranger likes her despite him only wanting to borrow a book from her. I also felt like she is shallow and narrow-minded for thinking that beauty is the only factor about herself that could make men fall in love with her. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's good to be confident about yourself and your appearance. But being delusional and overly confident is also a thing. This man did no such thing, in particular, to show that he likes Y/N and he was only trying to purchase a service from the library she works for, but here we have Y/N being delusional and assuming he likes her and even slips a note with her number on it to him.

Moving on, Y/N is beyond shocked and disappointed to learn that the man has a woman joined by his side at the library. Y/N is petrified of the woman discovering the note she had slipped inside the man's book and demands the book back. Y/N doesn't even politely give a reasonable explanation as to why she needs that book back. She just forcefully demands it. This leads to a lot of tension escalating between the two women and the woman ends up slapping Y/N. How does Y/N maturely react to this? She slaps the woman back just so she can call it even. Here is the extract of the scene;

"I also replied to her with a slap, now we were even. I don't guess they would return the book. Now the only way to get it was to snatch it and that's exactly what I did..."

It is clear to everyone that Y/N did not handle this situation in a mature and adult-like manner. She could have politely asked the book back saying that she wanted to verify something with the library documents and promise to give it back to them. She could have taken that chance to take the note back. But, no! She just demands the book back without any explanation as to why, proceeds to slap the customer, and ends up even ripping the book in half while trying to snatch it away. 

So to be quite frank with the author, I did not end up liking Y/N's character at all from this first chapter. I don't know whether this was supposed to set a comedic tone for the story by having Y/N behave so irrationally like this. It was interesting to read this chapter, but not in a good way.

Then there is the inconsistency in the writing style. Almost the whole chapter has been written using very average, plain, and simple English, and sometimes the author makes a lot of awkward sentence structuring and grammatical errors as well. 

However, when it comes to the very last paragraph in Chapter 0, the whole paragraph is made up of advanced English words, perfect punctuation, and perfect sentence structuring. The two writing styles do not match each other at all. Hence, which is why I even thought of clarifying with the author, whether they had used AI or any third-party assistance to write some paragraphs. Upon confronting them, they assured me they had not used AI to generate major sections of the story, apart from fixing minor grammar parts. 

Though I was happy to learn this, it did not answer my question as to why there are dramatic changes in the writing style halfway through the chapters. Therefore, I had to deduct points for the consistency in the writing style.

Also, I found a lot of punctuation errors, typos, and improper sentence structuring in this chapter which can hopefully be fixed through an editing shop.

Moving onto Chapter 1, we find Y/N together with her friend Lisa on the university grounds, and Y/N is shown to be a girl who doesn't care about attending classes or giving a care about her academic progress, and is only fixated on winking at the hot guys at her university. Y/N somehow ends up getting in trouble with her teacher, whom Y/N is confident she'd be able to charm her way through (it didn't work), and the chapter ends there. We are also given a small synopsis of her friend Lisa.

Lisa is a stark contrast to Y/N. She is more level-headed, likes to stay out of the drama, and is focused on her academic progress and overall success in her life. To be honest, the contrast the author has created between Lisa and Y/N does not make Y/N look good at all. Despite the two of them being in their early twenties, Lisa acts more like a mature 20-year-old while Y/N acts like a hormonal teenager. That is not a good look for the main character. Therefore, in my opinion, Y/N needs some major character development and depth if she is ever going to be a likable character to the readers.

♥︎ Grammar and vocabulary: _7_/15

As for the author's writing style, it's pretty mediocre and there are many flaws in between. First of all, the author needs to include proper capitalization; Make sure to capitalize the subject "I", and also capitalize the first letter of a character's name. These are basic grammar rules that the author should be familiar with and must pay proper attention to.

Moreover, I'm not a really huge fan of the script-like writing style. Rather than putting a character's dialogue as below;

Y/N: "I love you so much..."

It's much better to word it as "I love you so much." whispered Y/N.

Moreover, when it comes to punctuation, the author has to learn where to put commas in appropriate places. There were way too many instances to list here, but I shall list down a few examples here. This is how the sentences should be corrected with the proper punctuation;

"By the time I completed a few songs, I was already at the University."
"Oh, please! I'm not here for the textbooks. I'm here for the eye candy."

"Seriously, Y/N? You're 22 years old and not a teenager anymore."
"Look! Here comes one of them."
"Oh, stop this nonsense! That Mrs. Jung could be here any moment. At least let me enjoy my time in peace..."

These are from the first chapter alone. I think if the author were to enter their book into a Wattpad editing shop, they could gain the help of some editors to fix these punctuation errors, sentence-structuring errors, and typos in this story.

Moreover, despite this book being a lighthearted and cutesy romance book, I found the writing style to be way too informal for my taste. Refrain from using acronyms like "OMG and WTF", unless perhaps the story has been written in a journal entry style like the ones of "Dork Diaries" or "Diary of The Wimpy Kid." This only deducts points for the lack of professionalism in the story.

Furthermore, the descriptions are not very good or vivid. A character or a setting would be described by a maximum of one to two sentences. The author needs to work more on their descriptive writing and incorporate the five human senses of sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing. I suggest the author use more literary devices such as stronger similes, metaphors, visual imagery, and foreshadowing. 

On another note, the POV switching can be confusing at times. I think the author should first of all decide properly on whether their story is going to be narrated in the first person or third person POV. The main line that confused me was the line "Y/N, I meant me, the campus detective was scanning the lecture hall..." There was a mix-up of the first-person and third-person POV over there which I did not like that much.

However, on a lighter note, the author's English skills are fairly good enough to get the story across to the readers without any major confusion, yet there is room to make it more complex and developed.

♥︎ Plot: _3_/10

To be quite frank with the author, unfortunately, I didn't find the plot to be unique. It was rather too generic and overused of a plot. The story has only eight chapters published so far and what took place within those few chapters was Y/N, whom the author has already portrayed to be boy-crazy, kind of immature, clumsy, full of herself girl, dreams of finding love and suddenly gets kidnapped by a man who is claimed to be Jungkook. One thing led to another, and he ended up letting Y/N go. Within just a few moments of being with him, and not even really getting to know him, in the span of a day, Y/N falls completely head over heels for him. 

On another day, she ends up getting kidnapped by a group of completely different men and this time Jungkook is there to save her and get her out of it. Then Y/N just becomes majorly obsessed with Jungkook and demands that he go on some dates with her. So far within eight chapters, they've gone on around two to three dates.

A girl yearning to find true love is too cliche and generic of a trope in my point of view. Literally, every Disney Princess story revolves around that theme, therefore it's not the most unique kind of plot I've ever seen. Moreover, falling in love with a kidnapper who happens to be hot and attractive is also a very common theme in most Y/N fanfictions. It's not a trope that I personally find to be healthy, but it's still too generic all the same. The entire plot just seemed way too predictable, a little unrealistic, and generic for my taste.

However, this story is just starting, I suppose, with only eight chapters published so far. Therefore, the author still has the chance to introduce some plot changes, and plot twists and make the characters go through some healthy developments to make the plot appear truly one of a kind.

♥︎ Creativity: _10_/10

I'm quite pleased to say that I can give full points to the author for the various ways in which they have incorporated creative elements into the story. I like the banners at the beginning and end of every chapter, the pictures, the aesthetic symbols and designs, the little poems, and the quotes at the beginning of each chapter.

Most of all, I love the music player text art to show the name of the song Y/N would be listening to. The book overall gives off an aesthetic vibe with all these creative elements. My only wish is for the author to be similarly creative with the plot. 

♥︎ Pace: _2_/10

To be completely honest with the author, the pace wasn't quite the best. The time it took for Y/N to fall in love with Jungkook was way too quick. There was no proper build-up, explorations of each other's thoughts and feelings about this matter, or any suspense built in regards to their relationship. 

The time skips have also been done in an extremely poor way. Throughout the chapters, we are shown that perhaps weeks have passed by after a particular event happened in the story and the author hasn't properly conveyed the transition between timelines to the readers, which makes the pace appear to be even faster. If you were to read through the comments left by readers, I'm sure many others would agree with me on this matter as well.

My advice for the author is to slow down. Take a deep breath and plan out the concept of the story, step by step. Don't make the characters rush into falling in love with each other upon their very first encounter, build chemistry between the two characters by putting them in situations where they're allowed to get to know each other better and interact more deeply. Take it slow and steady and allow the readers to really feel the pace of the story and the character developments.

♥︎ Character development: _2_/10

To be honest, the main reason why I didn't end up liking the story that much was not for the writing style or the concepts, but it was mostly for the characters that had been portrayed through it.

Y/N, despite being an adult in her early twenties, still acts like a hormonal teenager. She doesn't care about her studies or her future and she is just shown to be boy-obsessed. She is the stereotypical female lead who dreams of falling in love. Her overall personality gives off an immature, and the sort of girl we often see on social media nowadays who delusionally thinks that she is wanted by all the guys.

She can also come across as being extremely narcissistic and full of herself in scenes (especially in Chapter 0). I'm not quite sure whether the author intentionally made her like this or whether she was supposed to show what it's like to have self-confidence. If it is the latter, having a character be so full of herself is known as being over-confident and not being self-confident in a healthy way. This is why I must say that the author has to work on character development more.

Certain scenes truly got me questioning her role as a character in the story, especially when Jungkook ends up being late for their date and she thinks that Jungkook had ended up bailing on her. Immediately, she thinks that it is maybe because she is not pretty enough, so she ends up asking a literal random child from the park about her overall outfit appearance for the date. Who takes outfit advice from a random kid at the park? This again shows her insecurity despite her claiming to be confident and pretty. 

The whole relationship between Jungkook and her didn't have any pace, because she seemed to rush her way into love. Within the very first interaction, she concluded that she was insanely attracted to Jungkook. What made her fall in love with Jungkook according to her is that she felt that Jungkook saving her from the gang of kidnappers like a damsel in distress, made her feel as if he was the only one who had ever made her feel so loved. But this reason was not that deeply explored in the story, and I felt that the only reason Y/N liked Jungkook was because he was hot in her eyes. She doesn't know the first thing about this man, whom she met for the first time when he was actually trying to kidnap her, but she declares that she loves him when all she talks about is how attractive he is.

Furthermore, Jungkook's feelings towards Y/N and the overall situation have not been explored at all, which makes it look as if Y/N is simply obsessed with Jungkook and is practically forcing him to be with her and go on dates. Therefore, analyze the story from Jungkook's point of view and give him his own character as well.

Finally, in the scene where Jungkook gifts Y/N an entire library stacked with her favorite books, how does Jungkook know which ones are her favorite books? We didn't see any significant scene where it is shown where Y/N and Jungkook openly discuss Y/N's favorite books. This again narrows down to the improper chemistry build-up between the two characters.

Another thing is, to make sure to include some memorable side characters. The story doesn't always have to be center-focused on Y/N and Jungkook. Adding in some other side characters and exploring their contributions to the story allows the readers to have a small break from the overall tension of the main relationship between the two protagonists. Yes, Lisa was there as a side character but she seldom appears in the story.

♥︎ Emotions: _5_/10

The author's English is not the best but fair enough to convey a certain amount of basic emotions to the reader. I did see some attempts at humor in the overall writing style by using comedic similes to describe situations. However, there is more potential for the emotions to have been explored and elaborated more deeply. I suggest reading books and fanfictions that are well-known for evoking emotions within readers, and then analyzing those writers' writing styles and how they have used them in a way to convey emotions so effectively.

~Final Note~
"I urge the author to please not get discouraged by the low score. By addressing the few amendments listed above, this story has the potential to be a well-loved book in the Wattpad community. Use the mistakes and flaws as stepping stones towards success. Make sure to research more on how to better develop story characters, how to set a steady pace for the overall plot and to maintain consistency in your writing style. Keep writing and do not give up!"

Cheers, author!

~Jinleen

♥︎ Total: 47/100