I have to be quick, before anyone sees me. And I have to be quiet so nobody hears me. I take the small bag of cyanide liquid and break the window to what I believe is the blonde girl's room.

Well, I didn't break the window. I took clear tape and taped the entire window with it, then I took a small saw and started cutting around the edges. Then I started tapping on the glass until it broke and removed the pieces stuck to the tape.

We're in. 

Once I jump over to the other side, I immediately fall onto a bed. A king-size bed. This is her parents room, okay. Looks like daddy has some money. Cute.

I quietly open the door and walk into a hallway. There's this one door at the end of the hall that has a sign saying; "TAMARA'S ROOM. DON'T ENTER!" Well, Tamara is currently at school, so it doesn't really matter now, does it?

I open her door and enter, then lock it behind me. Bathroom, I need a- ah! Bathroom.

Her bathroom is larger than my entire room. It looks royalty, for real. I go to her sink and pick up her toothpaste, opening the cap. Once it's opened, I take the small bag of cyanide and pour it in, careful so it doesn't touch my fingers, or anything else. Once I'm done, I screw the lid back on and place it right where it was. It looks like nothing touched it, perfect! Now the next time she brushes her teeth, she'll die.

Or be in a coma. Death is more likely, though. Her house is so big anyways I don't think anyone would notice. 

I walk back to her parents room and then jump back out the window. I should probably fix it, but who cares. Good thing I'm wearing gloves so nobody could track my DNA. What if they had cameras? I don't think they will though. They'll probably just say she dies of natural causes. I mean, cyanide is made up of a bunch of foods and plants, so it's natural.

Very smart. You see, this is why I skip school. I mean, who needs it when you already know how acids are made? Not me.

As I make it back home, I go up to my room and onto the rooftop. I really love hanging out up here. It's my go-to place when I feel lonely.

But then I feel sick. I quickly make my way down, into my room and run into the bathroom. Okay, this has to stop. Walking into my room, I take out my laptop and I sit on my bed, the device in front of me. 

I open up google and search for all the symptoms I've been having recently. Okay so there's nose bleeding, vomiting, tiredness, bruises, dizziness, foggy memory, sore throat, sore gums and not being able to eat properly. Wow, it's a lot when I write it all down. 

I click 'Enter' and see what comes up. Leukemia Symptoms. Okay, no. What else? Common Cancer Symptoms. I. Don't. Have. Cancer. Give me something else. Symptoms of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Leukemia - Diagnosis and Treatment. Treatment Leukemia. How To Cure Leukemia. Leukemia Types, Symptoms and Treatments. 

I throw the computer on the wall.

I don't have leukemia. I can't. Why would I have it, out of all people? It's impossible. It's bullshit. This is bullshit. This is a thing though, right? Where you just ask google and it gives you the most dangerous answer. I probably have a headache or something. Yeah, it's probably just a headache. I don't have cancer.

I should take a test.  But what would mom say? Who cares about mom, anyways. I could have cancer, she would want me to go to the hospital immediately.

So I quickly get ready, take my car keys and run to my car. I start driving to the nearest hospital because what if this is severe? I've had these symptoms for quite a while now and I know that if you have cancer, you need to get treated immediately. What if I'm dying?  Yeah, no shit, I'm dying. 

I park the car pretty far away because it's a hospital in a small town, it's always crowded and I hate being surrounded by a bunch of strangers.

Cut that, I hate being in hospitals. People die here. People give birth here. It's always so cold and the smell is disgusting. Everything looks so formal and white, as if we're in an insane asylum. "Hello sweetie, how may I help you?" Says a nurse from behind the reception. Well, I think she's a nurse. She's wearing scrubs, but isn't everyone?

"Oh um, I'd like to take a blood test if that's okay?"

"Well, you need a parent or guardian's permission. Did you bring anyone with you?" Shiiiiiit. 

"Oh, well." I start to tear up. "You see, my father just left us because my mother died of a very tragic car accident." I start fanning my face with my hand. "Sorry, this is all so sad to talk about." I start full-on sobbing. 

The nurse sat me down in a chair and handed me a box of tissues. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah," My voice cracked. "I just don't know what to do. Before she died, my mother wanted me to get a blood test. She thought something was wrong with me. I just didn't know I needed her here as well." I blew my nose. Next lesson, learn how to get fake snot, because this tissue is so dry.

"Oh sweetheart, we'll get you a test right now."

"Perfect!"

"Just wait here, okay?" I nodded and watched as she left.

"Disgusting." I tossed the tissues into the trash bin and waited for the nurse to come back. After a while she did come back with another nurse and she told me to follow them so I did. We walked through the hallway for a bit before we went into a small room. Like I said, it smells disgusting.

When the nurse gestured towards a chair, I sat down with my hands in my lap. What the hell am I supposed to do now?  The nurse sat opposite to me and took my hand then stuck a needle into it. Smooth. Once she took it out, she covered it with some cotton and left. The other nurse told me she'd be back in a few minutes and that all we're doing right now is waiting for the results. 

He asked for my name so I said "Penelope Leonard." He nodded his head and wrote something down on a piece of paper. He asked for my mother or fathers number so I gave him mine. My parents are supposed to be dead. He told me not to worry and that the other nurse just gave me something called a Complete Blood Count test which is one of the best blood tests that could be given because it can identify almost anything. 

I don't really know why I needed to know that but it's okay. I just want to make sure that I don't have cancer. I mean, I know I don't but I just want to hear it. I want someone professional to come and make sure that I'm not dying. That I'm just overreacting and my body is functioning normally. That what's happening to me is what's happening to every other teenage girl or boy.

The other nurse comes running back in twenty minutes, with sympathy in her eyes. At that moment, I knew it. I knew exactly what she was going to say. "Sweetheart, do you not have anyone you could talk to? No uncle, aunt or grandparent? No sibling?" I thought about this one.

"I have my brother." I'm an only child. "He's twenty four. What happened? What did you find?"

"Sweetheart, I think you better call your brother here."

"No, he doesn't need to be here. He's off at college. Please, just tell me what you found."

She bit her lip before saying, "You have more white blood cells than average, and less red blood cells than average."

I looked at her like she was speaking crazy, because she was. "Okay? What does that mean?" I turned to the other doctor. His eyes were wide. "What the hell does that mean? Is it bad?"

He looked down to me. "It means you have cancer." Oh.

"Acute lymphoblastic leukemia, to be exact." Said the woman.

I looked at the floor, before I ran the hell out of there. I ran through the room, through the hallway, through the reception and out the front doors. I ran and ran until I saw my car. What if they track it down? I better ditch it. So I ran for the road. I ran and ran and ran until my legs were practically screaming, begging for me to stop. 

I ran off to the side of the road where there was a forest. There are forests everywhere here in Alaska, so I ran even more. I ran deep into the woods, but not so deep so I could still see the road. I'm not some stupid blonde girl in a movie who runs into the woods all by herself and then gets lost and a bear comes to eat her alive. Or a wolf. They're both common here so whichever one gets her first.

I lay down next to a tree and cry. Cry because I can't afford treatment. Cry because I don't deserve treatment. Cry because I have cancer. I mean, really? I'm not surprised, though. God probably wanted to punish me, for killing the neighbour, for poisoning some girl's toothpaste, for stealing. This is God's way of getting me back for all the bullshit I've done.

I can't really do anything though, can I? Because, if God is trying to punish me by giving me cancer, I can't just get rid of it, now, can I? I have to take responsibility and deal with it.

That's exactly what I'm supposed to do.

I'm not going to help myself, I'm going to punish myself by not telling anyone, and by not getting treatment.

I'm going to punish myself by letting my body die.

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Word count: 1687

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