( FAYE)

markass

ma'am.
it's 12.

okay
who i'm dating is

shakes

someone you wanted to ask out.

what

i'm sorry 🧍🏻‍♀️
but you weren't very
serious about it so like

what

it's okay right?

WHAT
YOURE DATINF SADIE SINK
MF SADIE SUNK!!!

yes ...

THIS IS SO COOL
AND YEAH ITS OKAY
i do wish i was you tho

well
you're not
🤷‍♀️

you're lucky.
i'm very very happy for you

thank you marker

anyways
if you're having a
christmas party pls invite me

finn is hosting one
you should come
i don't know half
the people coming

OKAY
BET
see u 25th!!

— ★ —

i never thought of christmas eve as a day i'd spend confined to my bed, yet it seems the universe has other plans.

it's 4pm and i'm finally managing to keep my eyelids apart.

i fell asleep at 2am, abruptly woke up at 9am due to finns random screaming, followed by a return to slumber until a few minutes ago.

my sleep schedule was once balanced. blame my unemployment.

the plastic stars adorning my ceiling have been falling off and losing their radiant glows recently.

just as the tapestry of my dreams, they unravel, leaving behind a plain dull surface.

if i wasn't so tangled in a web of imperfections, maybe sadies parents might've liked me.

i'm okay for a few months, possibly a year, but the prospect of full commitment with me seems like an insufferable challenge for anyone.

i lack the ability to provide a future; that's not where my strengths lie. i'm just momentary joy.

i can understand why they don't approve of me for their daughter. she's far too perfect for someone like me.

felix, on the other hand, he's employed with plans for the future. he has everything figured out while i just rely entirely on my roommate.

anyways, it's christmas in about 8 hours.

still, i find myself without gifts for anyone. i have an urge to seek sentimental things for the people around me.

they deserve it, atleast some of them.

for my friends scattered across the globe, the art of online shopping can do the trick. perhaps matching bracelets? i'll figure it out.

i just need to rise from my melancholic state and go do something rather than being depressed during the holidays.

— ★ —

as the clock ticks towards midnight, the living room is surrounded in a soft, ethereal glow from the massive glimmering christmas tree.

near the fireplace, me and finn sit on the floor among an array of presents. the wrapping on mine give away how last minute they are.

my eyes dance with excitement as i hand finn a horribly wrapped package in the obvious shape of an instrument. "here"

finn gasps as he quickly tears away the paper to reveal a brand new guitar for his collection,
one that he's been talking about getting for a while. it's wooden body gleams in the enchanting light, along with finns grin.

"holy shit, there's no way you got me this last minute"

"well" i shrug with a smile. "i had it planned"

he unravels the other present from me, holding up a knitted sweater and multiple guitar picks.

"since you always lose them"

finn chuckles softly, an uncontainable smile plastered on his face. he pulls me close, wrapping me in a hug. "thank you, faye"

my turn comes around, finn handing me a gigantic box with sparkling eyes. "this is more for the both of us, actually"

i carefully unwrap it, my heart being overwhelmed with happiness as a tiny puppy emerges, her eyes shining with curiosity.

finn cheers, throwing his arms around in an excited manner as my jaw remains glued to the floor.

"i thought our apartment could use some extra company"

"oh my god" i silently scream, covering my mouth with both my hands.

"say hello to kiki" he picks the puppy up, chuckling as she licks his face.

i take her from finn, cradling the fluffy creature in my arms. "kiki... i love him"

"her" finn corrects me.

my grin grows wider. "better"

finn laughs softly as i shower the puppy with kisses, receiving some back from her.

"she already loves you" he chimes.

"can i tell you something?"

under the hushed glow of christmas lights, me and finn are snuggled up on the living room couch with kiki asleep on my chest.

"always" i reply, pulling a blanket over me and the golden retriever.

finn sighs before speaking. "i noticed you and sadie are starting to distance again"

i furrow my brows, throwing him a feigned i have no idea what you're talking about look.

"i know you just came back, but ever since you did you haven't spoken to her once. you've been locked in your room all day"

"well-"

"i just need you to be cautious, faye"

a mixture of concern and curiosity etches my features. "what do you mean?"

he pauses, thinking over his words. "you know... your history with sadie. i know i've said this before and yes people change, but i just..."

he trails off, awing at kiki as she wakes up yawning.

i blink at him. "hello?"

he chuckles. "sorry, i just don't know if you should be with her. that's just me, though. it's completely up to you. this is your life"

i nod slowly, my gaze moving from finn to the puppy. for once, i understand advice given against my decisions.

my relationship with sadie is built on a shaky foundation, and even though things have been fine, the past is like a silent ghost in my life.

— ★ —

492,721 likes

fayshoelace say hi to kiki !!! she's beautiful

view all comments

sadiesink_
OMG I HAVE TO MEET HER

↓

fayshoelace
YOU WILL TMRW!!! (technically today)

finnwolfhardofficial
you're welcome

↓

fayshoelace
lub you

↓

finnwolfhardofficial
lub you more

marcus_ardenn
CUTR

↓

fayshoelace
cutr indeed

— ★ —

i'm jolted awake by finn, glancing around to notice newfound daylight.

"faye! it's almost time, get the fuck up!"

i rub my eyes, petting kiki as she whimpers from the commotion. "huh? did i miss santa?"

he groans. "no!"

finns tone hits me with the realisation that we only have a couple of hours left till the party.

"oh shit"

we scramble into action, our christmas spirit removed by the late start.

i toss finn an apron, receiving a rasied brow from him.

"what? you want me to cook?" i shrug my shoulders, receiving a sigh from him.

"understandable" he nods.

finn drags me into it, persuading me with the factor of time. we begin a hasty attempt to prepare the feast.

amidst the chaos, pots and pans clatter and spill flour everywhere. we stare at the flour filled floor, shaking our heads with laughter.

"someone needs to clean that before kiki gets to it" finn points to me with his eyes.

i scoff, heading towards the mop. "ofcourse, the woman has to clean"

time continues its relentless march towards the party, and we find ourselves wrapped in twinkling lights as we decorate the house.

"oh my god, this child is evil"

a groan leaves my lips as i try pulling away the christmas lights from kikis mouth, turning into a tug of war match.

"finn, take her back please"

"never" he chuckles, pulling out his phone to record my no-winning fight with the puppy.

— ★ —

i watch as unfamiliar faces fill the house, their voices intermingling with the festive music playing softly in the background.

i'm sat in the corner, cradling a red plastic cup, biting the inside of my cheek as i balance on the edge of my own party.

my unease dissipates as the doorbell rings, allowing me to escape the unknown chatter.

the door opens to reveal marcus, greeting me with a wide smile and a present in his hand. "happy holidays, faye!"

i hand him equal enthusiasm, giving him a warm hug. "i'm so glad you showed up"

pulling away, he glances around the room, taking in the unfamiliar faces. "who the hell are these?"

"i told you, i know no one" i chuckle.

the party seems to become much more bearable with marcus's presence added.

although we continue hiding ourselves in a corner, atleast i'm laughing now.

the door opens again, revealing a familiar silhouette.

sadie arrives, wearing a festive sweater and a smile that lights up the room.

my heart skips a beat as she makes her way through the crowd. i'm not sure how this conversations going to unfold.

"sades, hi!" i greet her with a hug.

the redhead returns the hug, but i can't help but feel a flicker of something familiar between us.

"oh, hi marcus" she smiles, earning a shy wave from him.

across the room, i notice finn intensely eyeing us. i shoot him a thumbs up, implying everythings alright, just fine.

among the warmth of the radiator and the hue of christmas lights, finn decides to arrange a secret santa gift exchange with all the presents everyone brought.

he pulls out the first piece of paper with a grin and raised brows. "okay, the first secret santa is marcus!"

"why" marcus immediately deadpans, causing me to stifle a laugh.

i reassuringly pat his back before he approaches the tree with a sigh.

as marcus tears into the neon green wrapping paper, the room holds its breath.

when he reveals an inflatable unicorn costume with rainbow wings, the silence is broken by laughter.

"thanks, this is the best fit" he nods.

"that was from me" i grin.

when my turn comes along, i receive a beautifully bound journal, resembling my current one before it became so worn out.

dumbfounded, i flip through the pages.

each of them provide a completely different and brand new look from my other journal, despite them being the exact same.

with a wide smile, i glance at sadie. i realise she's already grinning at me which proves my assumption correct.

"thank you, sades"

— ★ —

as the house echoes with laughter, i return to sitting in a corner and holding a cup to my lips. my thoughts right now are far from festive.

the sudden absence of marcus and sadie brings me back to my loneliness.

as i watch everyone have fun, an unsettling feeling gnaws at my insides.

i find myself biting the inside of my cheek, a nervous habit i can't seem to shake.

the room seems to spin around me, conversations fading into a dull hum. i feel isolated once again, an observer at my own gathering.

my once merry mood has soured, the thought of fun feels elusive.

suddenly, the laughter grows distant, a silence looms over the room as if nature itself is preparing for something.

my eyes dart around the room, trying to make sense of the hushed tones and exchanged glances.

as i search for answers, the laughter returns, but now it feels empty, a reminder of the growing void i can't ignore.

after a moment of internal conflict, i decide to take action.

i leave my corner and begin searching the crowd, trying to find the source of the odd atmosphere.

my gaze lands on finn, who's surrounded by his friends. they appear to be having a good time, which only deepens my sense of detachment.

at last, i spot sadie.

she's with marcus. the smiles on their faces suggest they're getting along well, bringing me a sense of relief.

i continue observing them from afar, feeling somewhat off about the situation. their body language suddenly shifts to something new.

something inside me stirs, an intuition that can't be ignored.

everything seems to conspire against me.

"hey, faye! come here"

finns voice causes me to turn back, leaving the two of them alone.

moments pass by, sadie and marcus disappearing from sight once again.

with a worry clutching my heart, i begin my second search for the two.

i canvass the party, asking guests if they'd seen them, my voice marked by a growing anxiety.

their reactions are bewildering, their eyes shifting away uncomfortably or exchanging knowing glances, which act as a ruthless stab to my chest.

as the minutes tick by, my apprehension swells. the christmas party loses its glow, turning into more of a haunted house.

the suspense becames unbearable, compelling me to finally climb the stairs. my heart pounds in my chest, my footsteps heavier than ever, as if each one pushes me closer to the truth.

i reach finns room and hesitate outside the door. my breaths are shallow as my trembling hand grips the doorknob, ready for the worst.

summoning every ounce of courage i possess, i slowly push the door open.

the scene inside is surreal and painfully clear.

it's a sight that cuts me to the core, a familiar betrayal etched in my mind as i stand paralysed.

what was i expecting?

the world seems to recede into the background, leaving me with nothing but the overwhelming anguish of everything going on.

my eyes well with tears, but i can't blame anyone but myself, for not seeing this coming.

i knew how sadie is, and i knew how marcus feels about her.

yet, i allowed my feelings to get in the way of reality.

they pull away from the kiss, faces contorted with shock. or is it guilt? it's something like that.

the room is heavy with an unbearable silence, a moment where everything seems to hang in suspension.

my voice quivers as i manage to utter three words, barely above a whisper.

"what the fuck?"

the moment my voice pierces the atmosphere, the room gets colder. the energy is altered, tainted by a profound sense of loss.

the two of them exchange a wordless look, leaving me standing at the threshold of my breaking heart.

tears stream down my cheeks, even though they shouldn't.

i turn away from the scene, escaping everything around me. they're all reminders.

my sobs are muffled by the walls of the now tainted home.

i not only lost the love that i was stupid enough to believe was real, but also my best friend.

a darkness eclipses the warmth of the holiday lights downstairs as i slip into the snow-covered night.

the fading sounds of laughter and joy from the party just seem to mock the agony in my heart.

with nothing but socks, i stand in the snow for a while, my tears mixing with the falling flakes. it's as if nature itself pities me.

i'll have to face this, what else can i do?

i can't let the pain consume me. it's christmas.

as i enter the house again, i'm immediately met with the weight of eyes on me, accompanied by hushed voices.

my voice shakes, but i manage a smile.

"merry christmas, everyone"

★ authors note ,,

IM SORRY.