( FAYE )

my eyes follow the frantic spins of the ceiling fan, unwarrantedly adding to my headache.

anxiety and panic seem to extend their reach beyond humans; the restless, panic driven spins of fans all day and night... poor things.

the ache in my head amplifies, prompting my hand to meet my temple with resonant thuds.

despite the pointlessness, i continue this age-old ritual, a subconscious action that has remained throughout my childhood.

headache? oh, just slap your forehead a bunch of times and it'll go away.

the absurdity of it paints a fleeting smile on my face.

nine days have passed without penning down my thoughts.

no emotional release, no catharsis, no serenity — just rotting in sadies bed all day while she spends her time in the living room.

our conversations have dwindled to mere good mornings and good nights, the only words sneaking their way past our distance.

i find myself texting marcus more frequently, succumbing to an old habit. it might not be the wisest choice, but it's a preferable alternative to another detrimental sanctuary — alcohol.

!! self harm

the revival of another habit... a former adversary lying dormant since high school, now reemerges to mock me with its power.

i've been silent about my relapse, mostly since there's literally no one to confide in.

marcus remains oblivious; i've never broached this topic with him, making it strange to suddenly unveil it now.

a strange sense of comfort resides in it, in tracing circles over the ridges beneath my long sleeves, in knowing at any moment, i can dismiss my thoughts with just a sting.

the pain fades away, only leaving behind its marked reminders.

!! ends here

— ★ —

the twist of a doorknob resonates through the room, followed by an abrupt and unexpected illumination.

i groan, shielding my eyes with my hand. "no, turn them off"

"you live like a bat" the redhead sighs.

she occupies a seat on the edge of the bed, a nuanced interlude in our silent routine.

"so..." she begins, a grin tugging at her lips. "i got you something"

my intrigue being pinned, i guide myself to sit up straight. "yeah?"

i notice her hands hidden behind herself, which increases my curiosity. "close your eyes"

"is it kiki? did you finally kidnap my child so i can see her?" i gasp. "is it poppy?"

"open" she states calmly.

once my eyes flutter open, i observe the obsidian-hued notebook in her hands, a departure from the well-worn familiarity of the brown one that accompanied me all these years.

"a new journal?"

"a new journal" she nods. "for my favourite writer"

i hesitate, prior to reaching for it. the pages within seem to be enough for a lifetime, whispering promises of a new beginning.

"i... i don't know what to say"

"say you love it" she gently nudges me.

a genuine smile forms on my lips. "thank you, i do"

i lean in towards her, leaving a peck on her strawberry tinted lips. "and i love you"

"god, shut up" she chuckles with a scoff.

a wide grin remains on my face. "thank god you bought me this, i'm so tired of like... thinking"

she narrows her eyes. "what?"

"yeah! like... just thinking thoughts without writing them down, it's so weird"

sadie emits a soft chuckle before repositioning herself beside me, enveloping me in her embrace as her arm draws me closer.

"it's much more calming to write things down"

my tone is barely above a whisper, as my head rests against her shoulder. "so, thank you"

our legs bump into one anothers, positioned side by side as we sit with our knees raised.

"well, your last name is solace for a reason"

a laugh escapes my lips. "funny, i'm the least solace person i know. wars take place in my head every hour of every day"

she hums, a comforting hand rubbing up and down the bare flesh of my shoulder. "go on"

"are you trying to be my therapist?"

"maybe" she giggles. "is it working?"

i shrug with a pout. "sort of"

"then, continue" she places a kiss on the top of my head.

"we haven't had one of these conversations in a while, i wanna know what's on your mind"

— ★ —

the persistent touch of melancholy lingers, undeterred by her sweet gestures.

despite the heartfelt gift, the love it symbolizes, and the therapeutic conversations between us, the growing unease within me isn't leaving.

am i failing to appreciate her efforts?

maybe it's my fault. she invests so much in me, yet my discontent lingers. what is this missing piece that could bring me happiness?

is this a sign of falling out of love? it's bound to happen someday, sadie and i aren't forever.

i confront the notion i once held — that we're written in the stars. the honeymoon phase deceived me, but now i see the reality.

i just didn't expect this to happen so soon.

our story shouldn't conclude so abruptly, there are still numerous chapters left to explore.

jesus christ...

my girlfriend bought me this journal in an attempt to heal my wounds, and yet i use it against her to note down what i assume is the downfall of our relationship, in the first page.

crown me the #1 girlfriend.

"hey" the soothing voice from behind prompts me to abruptly shut the cover close.

"i see you're using it"

i smile, meeting her eyes with feigned sincerity that masks the guilt within. "yeah, i am"

upon noticing her attire, i furrow my brows. "going somewhere?"

"actually" she begins with enthusiasm. "we're going somewhere"

"we?" i'm taken off guard.

she hums in response, throwing my go-to loose cardigan and a hairbrush onto the bed.

"get ready, we leave in five"

under the silver embrace of the moon, sadie and i stroll on the surprisingly vacant sidewalk.

"do we really have to go on a walk at 11pm?"

sadie nods with a sigh. "you haven't left the house in more than a week, so... yes"

"this is unfair" i pout, leisurely dragging my legs, while my fingers are locked with sadies.

lampposts cast our elongated shadows, my gaze fixated on them. the usually buzzing streets are a bit more peaceful during these hours.

the rhythmic cadence of our footsteps blend with the nocturnal symphony.

as we approach an unfamiliar intersection, a distant melody reaches our ears.

i tilt my head, capturing the distant strains of music. "you hear that?"

curiosity paints our steps as we trace the enchanting sounds to a hidden courtyard. a makeshift stage, illuminated by fairylights, holds an unfamiliar band.

the surprisingly good music is a magnet, drawing us into the impromptu concert.

"this is actually nice" sadie chirps.

"yeah" i grin, my tone matching hers. "we can stay for a while, if you want"

she nods rapidly, causing me to chuckle. "yes"

her enthusiasm radiates from her ocean eyes as she marvels at the sight of the small concert. the fairylight reflections seems to waltz within her blue orbs, intensifying their glow.

the audience, a diverse tapestry, sway to the melodic currents.

"can you believe we stumbled upon this?" i exclaim, my voice weaving into the music.

as the two of us sway to the rhythm, a subtle murmur rises from the crowd. i behold individuals indicating in our direction, their excitement flourishing as recognition dawns.

all it takes is for someone to speak out "hey, isn't that sadie sink?" and soon, a ripple of enthusiasm spreads through the area.

admirers converge on the redhead, engaging in conversation and requesting photos, all while respecting her boundaries.

"oh my god, hi faye!"

my eyes widen as one of the individuals recognise me, along with sadie. "woah..."

sadie chuckles, nudging my side. "you're famous too now, my love"

"please never say that again" i release a nervous chuckle, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

once the act of cornering sadie comes to a halt, everyone resumes enjoying the band.

with the soft melodies flowing around, i feel her fingers gently intertwining with mine, a silent invitation to dance in our own little world.

our lips meet in a soft kiss, and for a moment, everything else fades away.

her breath hitches as she pulls back, a spread-out smile gracing her lips. "i love you"

i grin, leaning in to whisper. "i love you more"

our eyes connect, and within the depths of her gaze, i find traces of our shared history — the laughter, the tears, the love, and the pain.

her affection is reflected in the subtle curve of her strawberry tinted lips, and the rosy glow scattered on her cheeks.

her allure defies explanation.

the way her short, crimson hair cascades over her shoulders, and the delicate sweep as she brushes strands aside.

in this moment, gazing upon her, it's as if all the lost time, taunting thoughts, and worries vanish.

we are, indeed, written in the stars.

★ authors note ,,

i'm very sad bc we are reaching the end.