Author: @MyDokkaebi21

Number of Chapters requested:10

Main Focus: Story concept, character development, plot, and emotional aspects.

As I began to read the first chapter, I liked the story concept. It sounds like it could be a series. I'm not sure if it truly is a series or not-- maybe even a movie, but judging by the inserted pictures, the concept comes from somewhere. Though it may not be original (the pictures force me to hint that it's not) correct me if I'm wrong. So far, it seems you have put some thought into the plot. I like that your concept is full of possibilities and there's a lot to unfold. The world you're creating can go in so many directions which really pushes forth the creativity.

I think there should be a lot more emotional pullings towards certain parts of the story especially when the characters are going through tress. I think that Man-hee's death scene in chapter two should have been written from an emotional personal point rather than told like a narrated story. It would've been nice to actually feel her in her final moments. See/know what it was like for her before she ended up in the hotel of new beginnings. This angle would not only enhance her character development but also showcase her journey from her past to her present. Transitioning from a telling approach to a showing style would significantly boost the emotional gravity of this scene. Currently, the writing doesn't allow readers to form a truly emotional connection with Man-hee. By illustrating her physical and emotional struggles, you can create a more immersive experience for the audience. Readers should be able to feel her anguish, her thoughts racing as she realizes her life is dwindling.

Stories that connect to the readers emotionally are the ones that stay with us. You must trust that the emotions behind your story—whether it's joy, heartache, or triumph—will speak to others in ways you might not expect, but you also have to be able to properly show these and write in a telling fashion that diminishes this concept unless you use other compelling methods.

I do have a few questions.

In the Hotel of New Beginnings, how does it fit into the timeline of the souls seeking guidance?

Considering Man-hee's ascension to queen of this realm, it appears she has inhabited this space for a considerable duration. While it remains vague how long she's been there, this role seems key to the grand narrative. In the mortal world, time continues to advance, as indicated by the soldier's passing and Ji-won's attempts to assist him. However, the sudden appearance of Tae-jun from Man-hee's past adds a layer of complexity. This intertwining of past, present, and future creates confusion, blurring the continuity of the plot.

Additionally, the kiss between Man-hee and Ji-won felt lacking in emotional importance.

There's a lot of lacking when it comes to the emotional aspects of the story itself so the kiss scene seems really empty and sort of robotic-like. It's unexpected, too soon and they're strangers without the real build-up and proper transitions, it falls short on the understanding meter. I think there needs to be more tension in the writing between the characters or at least a hint that the characters show a mutual attraction to one another. They seem like they are just friends at the beginning and Man-hee is more affected by the sudden appearance of Tae-jun than she is by Ji-won's kiss.

The story lacks proper smooth transitioning and it seems like sometimes things are bouncing all over the place.

In both Chapter Two and Chapter Four, the complex dynamics between Man-hee's death, her betrayal, and Seonwha's consequential actions are retold. However, each chapter presents a different reason for these events, leading to a sense of confusion as the plot unfolds. Chapter Four reveals that Seonwha's decision to order Man-hee's fate stemmed from the actions involving her daughter and a man, suggesting a more personal conflict even though she used her daughter's death to her advantage.

Meanwhile, Chapter Two unveils an opposite narrative, where Man-hee's downfall is the cause of bitterness that Queen Seonwha harbored. The queen, unable to tolerate the idea of anyone having a better name than her own brilliance, acts out of desperation and insecurity. This parting in motivations complicates the storyline.

I'd advise only choosing one death scene to be her real death and the other leaving it as it is without revisiting the scene. Maybe in chapter four, the daughter is killed by Man-hee but no one ever finds out who did it and the man that she loves lives a life of suffering until he dies because the love of his life is gone. She watches him with scorn until the queen orders her death out of bitterness. Eventually, before dying Tae-jun finds out that Man-hee killed Mi-ra. The jealousy scene I think is fine if you want that level of toxicity between her and the queen. This will ultimately balance out both scenes without taking too much from one and still having them both in the story.

I think there also needs to be somewhere placed in the early chapters that the Hotel Of New Beginning is sort of works on its own timeline or even though the mortal world progresses everyone who passes must pass through this place eventually. Something that gives detail and reason as to why there is a sufferable amount of space between what is transpiring. What's the reason why Sang-woo is coming now, after centuries have passed to bring forth souls who have sort of lived in limbo for centuries?

Where does Sang-woo come from?

Where do the souls of vengeance sit?

If Ji-won and Man-hee are to help souls pass on, then why are there ghosts sitting somewhere centuries after they've died only to pop up now?

Man-hee lived in the past and so did everyone else who's coming to her, but again the mention of a soldier character who speaks in a time era that doesn't suggest he's from back then is conflicting.

Maybe San-woo feeds off the spirits of people with vengeance and he's finally gained enough power to confront Man-hee using the memories and hatred of those who have died, but are walking the human world? That will explain why the people she killed a long time ago have yet to cross through the hotel.

I have also noticed that there are times when certain things don't exactly align and that a small explanation or even a time-lapse would be appreciated so that we as readers can understand the moving of the plot more smoothly. Ji-won knows a lot about the hotel and she falls in love quickly. Everything is piling up on the characters at such a rate that takes away the raw feel of the story itself. You have a great story, there are just a lot of small details that are missing to fill in the gap and push the clarity.

We as readers are only given what you tell us so it is hard to understand at times. You already know as the author the answer to the questions I am asking. Even less significant characters need a little bit of explanation especially when it's very impactful to the main characters-- to help settle the plot and push the main characters forward.

There are a lot of perspectives in the story and those perspectives have to be clear and concise because if they aren't then you'll get some confusion.

I believe that if you can clear out some of the murky areas in the story then the pacing will be a lot better. I did enjoy the fact that you really put a lot of thought into finding these pictures and placing the appropriate references. It's like you compiled a mix of a bunch of things and placed them into your own little box, thus creating a simple story that is not only filled with anguish but also a bit airy and cute. I encourage you to keep writing, Dokka! Your creativity and passion are evident, and I can't wait to see where your journey takes you! Thank you for allowing me to review your story.

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