wow.

once more, i'm finding myself unsure on how to even start this authors note. there's so much i want to say and people i want to thank. i could just copy the layout of my other authors notes, but it's different because until st5 drops, this is technically the end to the missing pentalogy.  this is where carla is gonna be left for the next however many months. 

it's crazy for me to say. for the last.....probably 3ish years of my life i've been writing for carla wheeler. she's been with me for basically as long as i've been on this app. she is my first real oc (if we ignore the shitty written hunger games fic i had published for way too long for how bad it was). carla wheeler is my baby. 

consistently, have i had a book for her up. i was writing for missing when st4 dropped, and now st5 is coming out and i'm finished with her until that point. i started writing carla when i was 11 with no technique but a passion to write. still don't know if i have any talent, but i've grown. throughout my writing career, i've always had something of carla to write, whether or not she was my main focus or if i had motivation loss for her. 

she's changed me so much as a writer. looking back at the original missing's (rip to her, new readers will never get to experience that shitty writing) and comparing it to what i've written here in sighted is insane.

carla's story has challenged me with creativity, and as someone who struggles to write her own filler at times, it means a lot. she's let me make my own story lines and just make me the writer i am now. 

most of all she's given me a MAJORITY of my followers and readers, who i'm so so so thankful for. 

simply, carla has been my girl for so long and idk how i'm gonna be on here without writing her, even if it's only for a few months (no one talk to me when st5 drops and i'm forced to say goodbye forever).

i'll save the rest of this whole sappy chat about carla when i finish writing st5.

moving on...

st4 is a lot in so many ways. there's so much gore and lore and just character i had to add to my writing to capture the season, and as hard as it could be, i did have fun with it. finally getting to introduce vecna has been interesting. getting to shift carla and steve's relationship to more of a mature one rather than teenage love, as well as getting to develop relationships like carla and max, (and how much of a replica of carla max really is this season. i'm sorry about the lumax/starla similaries), or create some like carla and eddie has been so much fun to do. 

it's just been so cool writing for s4 idk. it's not my favorite season because my god is it so long but getting to rewatch it was just sm fun. that being said, netflix has been on my continued watching for like 3 years straight and finally is it going to be retired (tbh probably not with the vanished rewrite and my other steve fic but i'll let st think it's getting away from me)

unlike for gone, which took me a good year to write, i managed to finish sighted with little motivation breaks. while it's still been a good 10 months, that's honestly really good for me. my goal was to be done by the new year, and if we extend that a few weeks i made it :)  look at me actually writing!!

not to be egotistical but my writing has also improved a lot with this book. i know i said that with gone, BUT as i'm getting older my writing is improving so i'm sure i'll say the same thing for the next book, too. 

i've also gotten to touch on some topics i didn't think i'd ever get too, and really explore carla's character and how much the upside down is taking a toll on her. thank you guys for sticking with me through all the suicidal and denying self worth moments of hers, and moments where you'd wish she'd just realize how much she deserves. she's such an interesting character for me to write. 

books with ocs who just stand as a love interest are so eh. i'm glad ya'll have let me break carla out of the mold of just steve's girlfriend and have hopefully enjoyed it? 

gonna miss this era of carla BUT i'm very very excited to finally write her ending (good or bad we can only pray)

moving on from the book, i just wanna say thanks to some of my readers/commenters.

while i did manage to get through this book updating at least once a month, i still appreciate all of you guys for staying and reading and commenting and just being here. i'm someone who's always surprised when people actually like what i write because truly i don't think i deserve as much love as this series has gotten. writing is simply just an outlet for me to be creative. i appreciate all of you guys so much. thank you for letting me write my silly little stories. 

coffeebeanbabys && ifheshothesmine are some readers i'd like to mention. your guys' comments are so fun and ily <33

 for the rest of my silent readers, i love you just as much but i'd love to see you guys comment too. i used to be scared of commenting i get it but ya'll don't even know how much i smile and laugh over comments. they're my favorites. 

i can't not mention goldensunrays- and GhostWriterGirl-1 while i'm here because WOW they have been my everything's for this book. 

ghost, you've been my best mutual for about 2 years now, and i'm never not thankful for you. you get me through this series, helping me with ideas and sending me pinterest memes and what not about our respective books. i appreciate all your comments and all your love for me. i really don't deserve you and neither does this book. you're my number one always. i love you so so so so so much <3 (everyone go read her stories now she deserves just as much love as i get)

alexis, you're just my new little bestie. your comments are a joy to read and i love getting 500+ comments just from you every chapter. i'm so glad we've met through this book and i'm sorry for all the pain i've caused. i'll pay for your therapy bill if that makes you feel better. love you to pieces babe <3 (go read her the 100 fic  and spam it with comments please please please)

yes, there will be a book five. no matter what happens, i will be writing for s5, even if i have to force myself to do it. i can promise you that. carla deserves an ending, whether it be happy or sad, and i truly do want to explore vecna's whole tether to her, if i'm able. 

the book will be called found, and it'll finish the missing pentalogy. 

that being said, you do not have to start crying over not being able to read my books. if you like my writing enough, i have an obx book up called 'Summertime Sadness'. the first season of it is iffy writing for me because i was younger, but eventually you'll get to my now writing. it's where i'll be most active. i have a tua book i'm hoping to get back to called 'I Know The End', as well. 

my rule for myself is to finish one book for a fandom before bringing in another. so, now that i've finished with carla for now, i'm hoping (crossing fingers) i'll have the motivation and bring back my other stranger things fic, 'As Above, So Below'?  if anyone remembers, it was a steve fic—surprise, surprise—with a hargrove oc? 

if anyone wants that, i'm willing to bring her back—i've taken it down about twice now so no promises but i'd really like too.

i'm also thinking about doing a weekly update of a vanished rewrite, kinda like how i did for missing (missing mondays '23, anybody?). some of the earlier chapters have the same eh vibe and truly the starla was so so so rushed. 

share your opinion about what you want here

anywho, to wrap all of this up, thank you thank you thank you for reading. i hope you had a good and painful time reading, and i appreciate ya'll for taking time out of your life to read this book (written by chronically online teenager who is a little obsessed with steve harrington).

see you back with s5.....whenever that is. i hope you'll all come back to see carla and steve's ending  <3