CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN          chips and chops

"Just trying to figure you out."

THE NIGHT STARTED with everyone trying to convince me to go to the hospital- I refused, obviously. Joe never to put me down, carrying me all the way to the parking lot, and then all the way up to Josh and I's place.

We somehow all found our way to our new apartment, taking up too many parking spots and pouring too many glasses of wine. I sat on the couch, my foot propped up on the coffee table. Joe sat on the ground, holding a bag of ice against the swollen joint. Marren and Ja'Marr were arguing over how many chocolate chips to put in the cookie dough- because it was very serious, apparently- and Josh was making grilled cheeses. Tee went home, telling us he had a day with his mom tomorrow that he didn't want to be tired for.

"It'll be perfect," Marren insists, shoving more and more tiny chips into the raw dough. "It'll be disgusting, but okay," Ja'Marr caves, throwing his hands up in an exaggerated surrender. Josh plated everyone a perfectly golden sandwich while Marren and Ja'Marr placed the stupidly gigantic cookies into the oven. I was unsure if it would even cook- that amount of chocolate had to be illegal.

We all huddled up on the sectional- too bad Tee isn't here to rub it in my face. Since we were all crammed together, it was easy for me to lean into Joe and not provoke any questions. I was thankful, because the warmth of his frame soaked deep into my bones, relaxing my sore muscles. "What're we watching?" Ja'Marr asks through a mouthful of grilled cheese, his voice muffled. "Whatever you guys want," I answer, trying to act casual, but it was hard when Joe kept brushing his hand against mine, slow and tauntingly.

We never did choose a movie- Marren was scrolling through her phone, laughing at every Instagram reel that came on her page. Josh was slurring the lyrics to a trending radio song and Ja'Marr was taking care of the scraps of the grilled cheeses. Joe watched me with glossy eyes and flushed, wine-reddened cheeks; he looked at me like I was the only thing worthy, and I could kiss him so hard.

We had all gotten comfortable without it being weird- Marren had her feet in Ja'Marr's lap, and I leaned into Joe's chest. Josh was performing the Era's Tour for us, using hairspray as a microphone. "All tooooooo well," he sang, his eyes closed dramatically. I begin to clap, throwing pretend roses at his feet. "Encore, encore!"

Before Josh could start the next song, the timer went off. Marren and Ja'Marr both raced to the oven, fighting over who got to take their mutant cookies out.

It's hard to not laugh at Ja'Marr when he picks up one. His face is riddled with disappointment as he glares at the chocolate clusters with just a hint of cookie. "It's not even a cookie anymore," he whispered in horror, holding it up for everyone to see.

"It's so good," Marren gasps dramatically, chewing through the chocolate. "Guys, please, try one."

Josh prances over, double fisting the oddly shaped baked goods, and chowing down. "My, lord, give a man a glass of milk with this monstrosity!"

The rest of the night was a blur of sugar highs and wine-induced giggles. I got kinda bored watching everyone do their own thing, so I slipped into the bathroom for a second alone.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to analyze what had suddenly changed to make me not like the girl looking back at me. My obligated smile didn't reach my eyes, and my eyes didn't shine the way they used to- they were a dull brown, like a murky puddle after a rainstorm. My blonde hair spilled over my shoulders, and I took it between my fingers.

My hair.

I open the drawers, digging around until I found Josh's hair sheers. He's practically a pro- he always cut my hair, and my parents. YouTube had taught him well.

It wasn't the wine that gave me the idea. Not completely, at least. The thought of a change had been there for a while. I just had an excuse to pass it on tonight.

I grip the cold, metal scissors, taking a deep breath. It's just hair, Talullah.

The first snip felt like a mistake- but what was my lower-back length hair was now resting right above my shoulder blade. There was no backing out now.

The bathroom was a mess- my mess. Blonde strands were everywhere, scattered across the counter and floor. I pull at the ends of my hair, astounded at how much lighter I felt. But I was still missing something.

I pull the first layer of hair down, twisting it together and snipping. I've never had bangs before. I hope they look good. The framing pieces fell softly across my forehead, lighter than I'd imagined, but sharper somehow. I stared at the pieces that brushed over my brows- they didn't quite belong to me, but I didn't fully hate it.

The door creaks open, making me scream in surprise. Joe stands there, his hand up in surrender. He steps into the bathroom, his broad shoulders filling the doorway. His watery blue eyes trail to my hair- or, what was left of it.

"What did you do?"

I lean against the sink, trying to act like his opinion wouldn't influence the way I look at myself when I wake up tomorrow. "I needed a change," I explain casually.

He takes a step closer, letting the door shut behind him. He takes the uneven layers between his fingers. "You look... like a drunk, pissed-off rock star."

"Perfect!" I toss the scissors on the counter, shaking my hair out. "Just what I was going for. Different. It's better than it was, right? It's less... me."

Joe's eyes soften, something tender flickering in his gaze. He reaches to brush a strand of hair back. "It's still you, Tally. It's more you, if anything. I like it."

My chest fluttered in spite of myself, the sound of his words sinking deep. My cheeks tingle red before I insist, "You're just saying that because you know I'll cry if you don't like it."

His lips turn upward in a smile. "No, not really. But next time, wait until you're sober before doing... whatever this was."

A loud crash from the living room interrupted me, followed by Ja'Marr's voice: "Josh, I told you not to climb on the counter!"

Joe groaned, throwing his head back. "Go save them," I instruct, ushering him out of the door. "This conversation isn't over," he warned, pointing at me as he exited the room.

I stared at my reflection for a moment longer, still trying to figure out if the mess I'd made of my hair was a stroke of genius or a horrible mistake. The uneven layers hung right above my shoulder blade. I still wasn't satisfied, though.

Joe finally returned, looking far too pleased with himself. "They're set up with a movie, and I gave Marren the last chocolate-cookie thing."

"Nice," I compliment, reaching over to grab the scissors again. "I think I should go shorter. What do you think?" I turn to look at him, my bottom lip between my teeth. Joe shuts the door quietly, and steps behind me. He plays with the ends of my hair, staring at our reflection, "Let me." I offer him the scissors without hesitation, praying his drunken state doesn't make me regret it.

His focus is laser as he cuts the hair shorter. When he finished, it fell in soft waves right past my jaw. I reach for my reflection, letting my fingertips brush against the cool mirror. I don't recognize myself.

Maybe that was the point.

I turn to Joe, my tone hopeful yet nervous. "Do you like it?" He runs a hand through my hair, his hand landing on my neck. "I love it," his bleary, wine-drunk eyes crinkle as he smiles. I let out a small laugh. "Really?" He nods, pressing his other hand against my cheek. "Yeah, you look so pretty," he whispers, leaning down to give me a quick kiss. I giggle against his mouth, pulling away. "Let me cut your hair."

"No thanks, babe," he instantly shuts me down. "Awe." I put the scissors back in the drawer when my eyes landed on a different product. "What about bleach? OH! Let's do frosted tips!" I hold up the bottle of developer. "Okay," he agrees quicker than I thought he would, sitting down on the stool that Josh still hasn't put back in the kitchen.

The bleach stings the air with its pungent scent as I carefully applied it to the ends of Joe's long hair. His head was tilted slightly forward, giving me the perfect view of the way his neck tensed when I touched him. What really sealed it was when I'd catch his eyes in the mirror- soft and relaxed, following every movement of my hands.

When I finally set the bowl down, I study the work. "Not bad," I comment, my heartbeat picking up when Joe turned to face me. His eyes were glued to me- my face burned under his gaze. "What?"

He reaches out, grabbing the side of my neck, and pulling me into him. He kisses me softly, like he's afraid I'll shatter under his touch. The beep of the timer is the only thing that makes me pull away. He gives me a small smile, his cheeks as red as the wine that filled our glasses earlier in the night.

"I'll get the shower," I say, breaking the trance and stepping forward, pulling him with me. I wasn't sure if I was doing it because he needed me to, or because I just wanted to stay close to him. I lean into the shower to turn the knob, waiting for the water to cool off. Joe leaned against the wall, watching me. His presence was comforting, despite how nervous it made me. His gaze was soft- he analyzed me deeply, like he'd forget the second he'd look away.

"You're making me nervous," I mutter, my words coming out breathier than intended. "Why?" he asks with a soft smile. I shrug, my hand sticking out under the running water. "You're staring at me like I'm a familiar face."

"Just trying to figure you out," he answered, a serious edge to his voice as he slipped his hands into his pockets. "Well, good luck with that, Burrow," I quip, turning to adjust the knob. "I don't need it," he began, softly, but the serious undertone brewing stronger, "I already know you."

I froze, his words settling between us. The bathroom suddenly felt too small- I could feel his looming presence and the way my breath caught in my throat. "You wanna rinse me?" he asks, casually breaking the silence and sinking to his knees. "Y- Yeah," I manage, snapping myself from the daze he managed to put me in. I take the shower head from its spot, bringing it to Joe's hair. I slide my hand through his strands, making sure all the product was gone. He closed his eyes as the water ran over his head. He let me do this for him- for some reason, it felt bigger than just hair.

When I was finished, my fingers brushed against his skin as I dabbed at his wet hair with a towel. He relaxes into my touch, savoring the moment. When I finished, we sat kneeling together on the floor. I giggled at his damp hair, twisting it between my fingers. "I'm gonna look like a boyband singer."

"Yeah, a hot one," I grin, rising to my feet. We both stepped out of the bathroom, greeted by silence and the background sounds of the movie Joe put on. We were welcomed by the sight of the three friends sprawled out over the couch- Josh was sprawled in the middle, a cookie clutched in his hand. His head was next to Ja'Marr's legs, while Marren cuddled into a throw pillow in the corner of the couch. "Wanna take my bed?" I whisper, looking over my shoulder at the quarterback. A grin overtakes his face. "I thought you'd never ask."