CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE          just joe

"Everyone expects so much out of me all the time and it's exhausting."

THE RESTAURANT Joe chose was a dream- dimly lit and tucked away from the city, the quiet atmosphere buzzed with low chatter and clinking glasses. The flickering candles that adorned each table reflected the polished wood and casted a golden glow on Joe's angular face. He almost looked out of place with his broad shoulders and clean-cut features, surrounded by delicate wine glasses and soft linen napkins.

But, then again, he always seemed at ease, regardless of the setting. But tonight he wasn't. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel the entire drive over, and when he reached the car to open my door, he moved with extreme deliberation, as if he was overthinking every step. He led me to our table, his hand brushing mine the entire way there. He didn't let go as he pulled my chair out. Instead, his fingertips lingered at the small of my back for a second too long, making my stomach clench with nerves.

Now, seated across each other in the quiet corner of the restaurant, I found myself watching him carefully. Joe picked at the corner of his napkin, his eyes scanning the menu. When he finally looks up, I draw my own gaze to the list of food. "Fancy," I comment, an amused smile tugging at my lips. "I mean, where else would I have the opportunity to order escargot?"

Joe gives a small laugh, the corner of his eyes crinkling. The sound and the way his eyes light up make my insides all warm and fuzzy, and I find myself smiling as well. "Yeah, well, thank Tee. He's the one who suggested it."

We place our orders and slip into casual conversation. I notice his usual confidence is subdued as he suddenly asks, "What's your dream, Tally?"

I'm taken aback, unsure of how to respond. "Like... career-wise?"

Joe shakes his head, leaning on his forearms as he speaks. "If you want. I mean your big dream. The thing you've always wanted."

I sit in his question, thinking. It was to cheer professionally. I guess I checked that off my list, so what do I say now? I could tell him to settle down, have some kids, work, and retire. Live out my days in love and surrounded by family. I could say getting back into cheer. I could say to go back and fix my mistakes. Instead, I finally answer, "To find my place. Where I belong."

Joe takes my answer and weighs his response. "I don't think you're that far from it if I'm being honest."

His response settles on my shoulders heavily, and it surprises me for two reasons. One- Am I? Sure, Cincinnati is fine and all, but it doesn't feel like where I'm meant to be. If I'm being honest, I don't know if I'll ever find that. Two- I'm a little surprised that I even shared that with Joe.

I clear my throat, eager to change the topic. "What about you, what's your dream, Burrow?"

He answers like he's thought this over a million times before, quick and simple. "To just... find peace. If that makes sense. To be able to be myself without all the noise, and cameras, and pressure. I want something to hold onto outside of the game and the persona. I'm tired of being Joe Burrow. I just wanna be... Joe."

His words hit deeper than expected. His admission makes me want to be there for him more than I have- I want him to be able to lean on me. "That sounds like a lot of pressure," I respond slowly, leaning forward slightly. "It's kinda beautiful, though, in a sad way." Joe drums his fingers against his glass, looking away. "Yeah. It just... I don't know if I can keep up with it all. Everyone expects so much out of me all the time and it's exhausting."

I reach over to rest my hand on his. "You don't have to be perfect. Just... be you. Be Joe. That'll be more than enough."

His eyes soften and I can see him physically relax, like my words pushed his worries away. "You're perfect," he whispers under his breath, scanning my face with an attentive intensity. I grin bashfully as a natural blush rises to my cheeks. The only thing that breaks the moment is the waiter setting down our plates of food.

We settle into the calm of the restaurant as we begin to eat. The conversation is light, speaking fondly of our college days (and callously of the others) and of our sports careers. "I never put together that your dad was Alex Purdy," he mentions, lifting his glass to take a sip of his water. I nod as I swallow, covering my mouth with a hand. "Yeah, so pretty much everyone in my family was or is some kind of athlete. My cousins play football, and one played softball. My uncle played in the minor league and my dad played for the Braves for a while, then the Diamondbacks. My mom ran track in college, hell, even Josh played ball in high school."

Joe raises his eyebrows, seemingly surprised, "I will definitely ask Josh to play sometime." I swallow a sip of red wine. "You play baseball?"

"I mean it makes sense; you have one hell of an arm. Pitcher?" He nods his head with a smile. "And shortstop. I also played basketball." My eyes widen, impressed with his resume, "You just did everything, didn't you?"

"What can I say, I couldn't sit still. But what about you? How'd you get into cheer?" I sigh, smoothing down my dress. It stings a little to talk about cheer since it was such a passion and I it's not apart of my life anymore.

"I loved watching cheerleaders on TV. My parents put me in gymnastics, but once I reached high school, I knew I wanted to cheer. I became captain, and gymnastics when I could while doing recreational and all-stars."

"So that's how you got into college cheer?" He asks, resting his chin on his fist. "Yeah, I got a full ride. Why wouldn't I go, you know?" I trail off, the thought of my decision to leave creeping up my neck and stinging my thoughts. I don't want to ruin my mood, so I shift in my seat and ask, "You wanna go somewhere quieter?"

Joe grins, seemingly thankful for the suggestion. The street lamps are bright against the dark sky as we step into the crisp night air. The wine left a warmth in my stomach and Joe's presence is brewing something nervous in me. He opens my door and closes it gently behind me, walking around to the driver's side and slipping into it. He starts the car, but there's a quiet that settles between us which makes me even more nervous.

We drive for a while, the hum of the engine being the only noise filling the silence. Joe rests one hand on my knee, his thumb slipping back and forth over the blue satin. His other grips the wheel, his fingers curling and uncurling repeatedly. The city passes by- everything feels slower, though, like we're in our own world, moving at our own pace.

We finally stop at a red light. He takes a deep breath, his eyes flicking to me, "Tally."

His voice is hesitant and lower than usual. "I've just been thinking... about us, and everything that's been happening between us." He's fully facing me now, a nervousness woven into his words. "I don't like having to sneak around with you. I've just been- been feeling like..."

He pauses, trying to steady his thoughts, but it's clear he's struggling. "What are you trying to say, Joe?" I ask softly, finding his loss for words sweet. I can almost hear him saying those words, and it's hard to calm my racing heart as he tries to find the words.

"Okay, look, I- this is harder than I thought it would be," he laughs nervously, meeting my eyes. "I just- I really like you, Talullah. More than I'm comfortable admitting. I just wanna... try being with you. Officially. I wanna try us out."

It takes everything in me to keep my composure. My heart is pounding so hard against my ribs that it hurts and my head is light, and I'm worried I'll float away any moment now.

By now, I'm sure the light's turned green, but neither of us care. "What I'm trying to ask is, will you-"

"Be your girlfriend?" I finish the sentence, an excited smile overtaking my face. He nods, his hand still gripping the wheel tightly. "Are you seriously this nervous asking me this?"

He reaches up to run a hand through his hair. "Yeah. I mean, yeah. It's a big deal, right? It's... you." I press my lips into a sweet frown, absolutely smitten with this man. I've never had a guy this nervous around me, and I'm absolutely flattered. Him, such a man, perfect in himself, so caring of me.

"Yes, Joe, I'd love to," I answer, leaning over to take his face in my hands and press a kiss to his mouth. He relaxes into it, pulling his hand from the wheel to hold my cheek.

The car behind us honks, making us both jump. I laugh, pressing my hand against my forehead. My hands are shaking a little and I feel a thousand times lighter. "Oh my gosh, that scared me."

Joe finally drives, giving a full, relaxed smile. His eyes sparkle, "Definitely worth the honk."

We finally arrive at Joe's house. He looks over, his eyes still gleaming with that sweet excitement. "Do you wanna come in for a little while?" he asks, his voice tentative, like he's giving me the option, fully knowing I'll say yes. I smile, nodding quickly.

We get out of the car and head toward the door. His hand brushes against mine. This time, I grab it and intertwine our fingers. He looks over his shoulder as we enter his house, giving my hand a light squeeze. The atmosphere in his place is quiet and cozy- I've come to find his house a sanctuary; a place where Joe and I can fully be to ourselves, together, and not have to worry about who's watching.

"I'll grab us some drinks," he says, heading toward the kitchen. His movements are familiar with ease- the nervousness is completely gone now. I sink into the couch, a cloud of giddiness burrowing deep into me. Between the wine and the way Joe's been looking at me all night, there's a warm buzz creeping up my skin.

He finally returns, offering me a glass of honey-colored liquor. "Sorry, it's no merlot. Only thing I have here right now is whiskey." I take the glass as Joe settles down beside me. The low light from the table lamp dances off the glass as I take a sip.

He leans back into the couch, his posture still a tad stiff as if the weight of the night hasn't fully settled. I lean against him as he rests his arm on the back of the couch, bringing the glass to his lips. Being with him is calm and easy and I never realized how much I wanted it until now.

"I'm glad you're here," Joe says, bringing his arm down to brush my upper arm softly. I shiver at the action. My fingers swirl around the edge of the glass as I admit, "It's been so long since I've felt this... relaxed."

He takes another sip of his drink, running his tongue over his bottom lip. "I get that. It's like all that noise, all the pressure just... stops. When I'm with you, I don't think about all that. Just... you."

I hurry and swallow the rest of the whiskey and lean forward to place the empty glass on the table- when my hands are free, I reach for him. He slides his hand into mine with a casual ease, like it's the most natural thing in the world for us. I can't help but smile- a soft, genuine thing that comes from deep inside me.

"Are you still nervous?" I ask, tracing his knuckles with my thumb. He drops his gaze to our intertwined hands. "A little. You make me nervous," he admits, his words slipping out from his lips a little more casually than I expected.

"Why?" I ask in surprise. "You make everything feel so real. Nothing- or no one- has ever been able to make me focus on anything but football or the things people expect me to be. Until you came around."

The sincerity in his voice catches me off guard. There's a lump in my throat and I can't seem to find the right words. Instead, I reach for him again, closing the space between us.

He tangles his hand in my hair, leaning over to put his glass down without breaking the kiss. When we pull away, he reaches up to brush the back of his fingers against my warm cheek. "Stay the night."

I sigh, pressing my forehead against his. "I can't, we have work tomorrow." Joe's nose brushes against mine and he hovers over my lips. "So."

"Joe, don't," I say quietly, almost asking. We both know that if he tries hard enough, I'll give in with a snap of his fingers.

"Okay. Not tonight, then."

When we reach his car, I lean my head back against the headrest. "Are you okay to drive?" I ask as he buckles his seatbelt. "Yeah, I only had one drink."

We don't speak during the short drive- instead, I watch as the streetlights cast golden glows onto him, illuminating his beauty before it disappears into the dark again.

When we arrive, Joe walks me to my door, holding my hand the entire way there. It's late- 2:54. We both have work tomorrow, but neither of us seems to want the night to end.

We stand outside my door, and I lean back on the wall. "Thank you for tonight, Joe. It was perfect."

He places his hand on my waist, "You're perfect." He leans down to kiss me, soft and slow. My fingers grip the collar of his shirt like I never want him to leave.

When he pulls away, he brushes a strand of hair from my face and smiles. "I'll text you when I get home."

I nod, still caught up in the feeling of his lips on mine. "Okay. Goodnight, drive safe."

He presses a kiss to my forehead before stepping back. "Goodnight, Tally."

I slip into the apartment and instantly lean against the door. I press a hand against my chest, grinning so hard my cheeks ache. The giddiness that bubbles up inside me is almost impossible to contain. I hide my face in my hands, nearly buzzing with excitement.

The lamp in the living room clicks on, causing me to shriek. Josh sits on the couch shirtless, his eyebrow raised. "Hello, Talullah."

"Ugh, Joshua!" I whine, a smile still etches into my features.

"You're glowing, did you two have sex?"

"Even better!"

I collapse onto the sofa, putting my feet in his lap. He pulls my heels off, tossing them onto the ground as I begin to spill out every detail. "Oh, JJ, it was perfect, he was perfect!"

Josh grins, a proud smile on his face. "I'm glad things went well. He sounds perfect for you, Tuls. Now, I stayed up to make sure you're alive, and now that I know you are, I'm going to bed."