CHAPTER FOURTY-SIX          personal business

"I just wanna go home. With her."

MY FINGERS are poised above the keyboard, ready to capture any moment needed for the team. I'm at my new desk in my new department, watching the press conference live over FaceTime while Marren works it. I adjust my earbuds in my ears, her screen shaking slightly as she adjusts her camera- it's unsteady, but I don't care. I just need to see him.

Marren's voice comes through the earbuds, hushed but light. "I swear Joe's going to explode. Can you see him?"

I glance the screen- Joe's sitting there, leaning on his arms, jaw clenched. "Yeah, I see him," I whisper. "He's probably just stressed about playoffs. Big game tomorrow."

It's been a long season and we made it. The first round of playoffs is tomorrow. A game against the chargers. It's been tough, between the usual game and the media's involvement. But Joe and I are okay now, so all I can worry about is getting through the rest playoffs, hopefully the Super Bowl, and sporting Joe the best I can.

The reporter's voice cut through my thoughts, signaling the beginning of the panel. I cut the important parts, saving them to a folder.  It's going along fine until a certain questions makes my breath stall- "Joe, the media's been buzzing about your relationship with Talullah Purdy. How are you handling the attention?"

My fingers curl into my fists- I still, hoping Joe will handle it the way he always does. He's calm and steady and I know I can rely on him.

But not today.

The blonde leans forward, his gaze narrowing on the reporter. The muscles in his jaw tightens. "No. That's enough," he snaps, voice sharp. "My personal life is my business. Neither I nor her owe anyone an explanation. I'm here to talk game. I'm tired of asking for people to stop digging in my personal life. I'm a football player, so talk to me about football or don't say anything at all."

There's a stunned silence inn the room. Marren flips the camera to her face, eyes wide. She taps on the screen before a message comes through. girl, your man! loves! you! that was hot!

She flips the camera before I have time to react. I can see how angry he is. His hands are clenched, and even over the screen, I can see the slight tremble in them. He leans back into his chair. "I'll be putting out a statement," Joe continues firmly. "As of now, that's the only thing I'll be saying about it. Focus on the game. That's what we're here for."

I stare at the screen, feeling like the world is watching me even through I'm alone in the office. Another reporter courageously clears her throat, eager to cut the tension. "Sorry about that, Joe. Anyway, this isn't your first round of playoffs. What feels unique about this year's journey for you and the team?"

I had to hang up the call with Marren. My heart was racing a little too fast for comfort. Even now,  hours later, my mind keeps circling back to Joe. I'm working- for trying to- on footage for the team's documentary series, editing interviews of players and coaches. Today's press conference is sitting in my files, but I just can't bring myself to watch it again.

Josh waltzes in, holding a paper bag above his head. He nudges the door shut behind him with his foot, humming some classical tune that sounds like it's from some Disney movie. I raise my eyebrow. "Hello?"

"Why hello, Talullah." He slides into the chair next to me, unpacking the bag. He sets down a sandwich wrapped in wax paper. "Turkey and Swiss, extra tomato, just how you like it." He pulls out a bottle of water and then a bag of baby carrots. "Your lunch, my sweet, precious, beautiful best friend."

I blink at him, suspicious of his sudden onset of kindness. "...thanks."

He bats his eyelashes, producing his own lunch: a ham and Swiss, no tomato but lots of micro greens, a bottle of chamomile tea, and a bag of berries. "You're so very welcome."

He unwraps his sandwich, taking a bite and leaning back into his chair. I don't move, only watching him before cracking, "What the fuck?"

Josh shoots his eyes to me, face curling in panic. "What?"

"What's going on? Did you do something? Did you get laid? Why are you acting like this?"

He snorts, putting the sandwich back on the napkin. "I'm unsure what you're referring to."

My jaw hangs. I can't stop myself- I slap the table, leaning forward. "Liar! Tell me right now, if I say it twice, it's twice as nice!"

The curly-haired man groans. "Talullah, no, we're not seven anymore."

"If I say it twice," I grit, "it's twice as nice."

"You... bastard." He sighs, shoulders dropping. "Fine. I was excited because I found... something... in the apartment. So I know you and Joe are good again and I was excited, you know?" He slides my lunch closer to me. "And I just wanted to do something nice since I know things have been hard for you."

I pout endearingly, opening the bag of carrots. "JJ, that's so sweet." He smiles a dimpled smile, shrugging. "I'm just happy you two are okay again. I felt like I was going through it just watching."

I sigh through my nose. "I know, I'm sorry. Things have been hard between us."

We eat our lunches for a moment before I realize something. "Wait, what did you find?"

Josh raises his eyebrows, tilting his head. "Hmm?"

"You said you found something," I say, stopping to take a sip of water. "What did you find?"

"Oh, nothing," he smiles guilty.

"Josh."

"I found... Joe's... sock?"

"Josh."

"Fine!" he blurts, slamming his hands against the table and scooting his chair back. He's on his feet, eyes squeezed shut tight. "I found a condom wrapper in the bathroom!"

My face flushes and I have to bury my face in my hands. "Oh my fucking-"

He collapses into the chair, head lolling to the side dramatically. "You wanted to know. I tried to protect you."

I groan, still covering my face. "You could've kept it to yourself and lied. I can't believe you found that."

Josh only shrugs, obviously unbothered as he licks mustard from this thumb. "It was just... there. On the floor. Like some kind of trophy. Seriously, who does that, Tally?"

"Don't act like you've never left your own... evidence lying around," I shoot, peeking at him through my fingers.

He looks offended. "I haven't. I'm a gentlemen."

"Ugh, whatever." The embarrassment has ebbed away, leaving me sitting in the comfortable familiarity of our usual banter. It's nice to have him this way again. For a while, I was worried he's given up on me.

After Josh finished his sandwich, he wipes his hands and smiles. "Seriously, though," he says softly, "I'm glad you guys are okay. I know it's been rough." Before I can respond, his eyes widen. "Oh! And the press conference, oh my gosh." He leans back into his chair again. "Man was ready to rip that guy's head off just for mentioning you. If that's not love, I don't know what is."

"It was kind of hot," I admit, laughing when Josh gags. "Okay, stop right there," he says dramatically, putting a hand up. "Not after what I found on that bathroom floor."

I slap his arm away with a giggle. I love being able to be myself with Josh- there's no judgement. Just genuine love and friendship.

He grabs my wrist, turning it over to examine my new stack. "Is this Tiffany?" he squeals, pulling me closer for him to examine the pieces. I blush,  correcting him lowly. "It's Cartier."

Josh throws himself backward, exasparedely asking, "Does Joe have a brother?"

I snort, gathering up my mess. "Yeah, but I don't think they swing your way."

He sighs dramatically. "I guess I'll be stuck on Grindr forever."

I laugh again, pulling the laptop closer to me. "Come on, help me finish this before my boss barges in and yells at us."

-----

"Rise and shine," Joe says softly into the back of my neck, pressing a kiss against my skin. I blink against the soft morning light, the world feeling a little slower than usual as I glance at my phone. 6:30 AM.

I turn over, burying my face in his chest, savoring his warmth. Threading his fingers through my hair, he kisses my forehead. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Morning," I reply, pressing my lips against his jaw. He sighs, closing his eyes before shifting further into the pillows. After a little while, he sits up, stretching his arms over his head. I watch him pull on a t-shirt-  he moves with purpose, like he always does on game days. He seems a little quieter, more subdued. I try not to question it- it's a big game, and I can't imagine how stressed he is.

I follow him to the bathroom, where we go through the motions of our morning routines. In the kitchen, Josh is looking too chipper for the early morning, shoving a spoonful of his smoothie bowl in his mouth. "Good morning! You two hungry? I made breakfast."

Joe slumps in the stool with a tired smile. "Thanks, Josh. But I have no idea how you're this awake."

Josh slides a bowl in front of him, shrugging. "I just feel like life's been good, y'know?" He turns to me, holding out a plate. "Bacon, egg, and cheese bagel. Toasted. Orange juice coming up."

I grin sweetly, taking a seat next to Joe before biting into it. I look at Joe as he eats. His movements are a little slower, running on autopilot. I frown. He doesn't seem as energetic as usual.

"Big game," Josh notes, making conversation as he holds out a glass to me. The blonde nods. "Big game," he echoes, reaching out to squeeze my hand. "Focus."

I nod back, swallowing. "You guys got this," I confirm, squeezing back before pulling away to take a sip of my juice. There's a thickness in the air that isn't lost on me- Joe's a little distant today. Not in a way that worries me. He just seems tired.

After finishing my breakfast, I ruffle Josh's hair in thanks and head to the bathroom. Shuffle playlist, settle on counter, pull out my makeup. Joe stands in the doorway, typing on his phone before glancing up. He shoves the device in his pocket- "Beautiful," he comments softly. I pull my lip liner away, grinning at him through the mirror. "You're so sweet, J."

Hands in pocket, he steps behind me, setting his head in the curve of my neck. I finish my makeup, setting aside my lipgloss to put in my purse. "Hey, pick out my outfit while I do my hair, yeah?" He nods, kissing my shoulder before going into my room.

Joe chose black jeans and a plain shirt under a Bengals leather jacket I bought from Depop. I slip on my ankle boots while the two men wait at the door for me. We end up leaving the house around 8, the sky still gray and early. I'm behind the wheel, blasting the heater. Joe's quiet beside me, hand on my thigh, staring out the window.

"You ready?" I ask, glancing over at him.

His gaze shifts to me, a faint smile on his lips. "I have to be."

When we pull into the stadium lot, the air was filled with an excited anticipation. Fans were already lined up, a sea of black and orange, sprinkles of Los Angeles' blue and yellow through the crowd. I take a deep breath of the crisp morning air. The three of us walk together until we reach the entrance. Josh gives Joe a quick hug, wishing him luck before stepping aside to give us some privacy.

Joe reaches for my hand, offering a smile that's almost too bright. "Hey, you got this." I smile as he cradles my face, dipping down to kiss me. "I'll see you after the game." His voice is low and steady, but I can still hear the strain under it.

"I love you," he says quickly, pecking my check once more before letting me go. "I love you too," I call, stepping toward Josh as Joe heads toward the locker room. I know he's going to be fine. He's Joe. But there's just something in the way he's moving this morning that has me a little worried.

Josh and I settle win the production suite. The rest of the day blurs by, a mixture of interviews, clips, and behind-the-scene footage. I try to keep the energy light. The good plays, the celebrations. It's easy to get it lighten me, even if I can't shake the nagging feeling that something's off with Joe.

The game goes well. We pull ahead, even though Joe's reaction time is slightly delayed. He gets sacked one too many times for me to be comfortable. Every time, he pops up and walks it off. There's a strain in his movements and makes my heart clench.

When the game is over, Josh and put our stuff away and rush down to meet Joe soon the field. I spot the blonde talking with Ja'Marr and Tee, dapping them up and giving bro-hugs. Fans roar, cleats click against turf, good game's and good job's.

Tee notices me first and grins. "There she is!" he calls, voice carrying across the field. Joe's eyes soften when he sees me. His smile is warm but carries an unmistakable weight. Without saying a word, he pulls me into his side, sliding an arm around my shoulders. His touch relaxes me as I grin at the group. "Hi, guys."

Tee grins wide, stepping closer to pulls me into a quick hug. "Good to see yall together again," he beams, flashing me a wink. Ja'Marr takes his own turn, a teasing grin overtaking his expression. "You two do look good together," he says, hands on his hips. "Like, really good. No wonder you don't wanna go anywhere tonight. Got some plans, huh?"

Joe laughs, putting his arm around me again. "Not tonight. I just wanna go home. With her."

The two guys exchange glances, a knowing look flashing between them. "Okay, we see you, Burrow!" Ja'Marr pokes, chuckling. "You two enjoy your night. But Josh, you coming?"

"Hell yeah," he shrugs, stepping closer to the pair. "See you at home, Tally." I give them a small wave as they turn away, heading toward the locker room together. 

Joe pulls me closer, kissing my temple softly. "Hey, I'm gonna go change. Wait for me in the car."

So I do. I have the heater on, shuffling a calmer playlist. Joe slips into the passenger seat, free of his uniform. The drive is quiet and a little surreal- like we've been going in different directions for so long and just now found our way back.

I slip my jacket off, putting it on the counter. "You want me to cook something, honey?" I ask softly, stepping behind him to wrap my arms around his middle. I press my cheek against his back, listening to his steady, even breath. "No," he murmurs as he turns to face me. "I just wanna lay down. I'm tired."

I nod, "Okay." I brush a tuck of hair behind his ear. "Then let's go lay down."

We settle on the couch under a blanket. Joe rests his head on my stomach, wrapping his arms around me. I run my fingers through his hair, twirling the strands around my finger as I absentmindedly scroll through my phone.

I've found the strength to get back on social media, but only for a few minutes daily. I don't let myself look at the gossip sites- I know I wouldn't be able to handle it in a healthy way.

I click on Joe's Instagram story. It's a black and white image of me on the counter, curling my eyelashes. It was posted hours ago- that's why he was standing in the doorway on his phone. My stomach flutters. Joe hates the media. Him posting this feels like a declaration. It only erases my worries.

I glance down at Joe, turning my screen to him.  I stop, though, because his eyes are shut. He's breath is even, the wight of the day finally slipping from his body. A dream is caught at the corner of his mouth as I run my finger along his temple, brushing a few unruly strands from his forehead. I turn my phone off, setting it on the arm of the couch and relaxing into the cushions.