CHAPTER TWNETY          rooftop reckoning

"You can't keep doing this to me."

I SIT ON THE EDGE of the rooftop, the chilled wind biting at my bare midriff. The city is quiet, asleep. The rooftop door creaks open behind me and I don't have to look back to know that it's Joe. His footsteps are slow and deliberate; he stops a few feet away, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Neither of us speak right away.

"You can't keep doing this to me," I break, keeping my gaze on the street below. The lights of the city blur with tears as I continue. "You can't keep playing this- this cat-and-mouse game with me. You're fucking with my head, Joe, and I just- I can't keep doing this. It's not fair."

I turn to look at him, but he doesn't meet my eyes. Instead, he stares at the loose thread his fingers pick on his black jogging pants. Finally, he sighs.

"I don't know how to be what you deserve, Tally," he admits, his expression defeated. I let out a bitter laugh. "I don't care what I deserve. I want you, Joe."

He jerks his head at my words. He gives a nervous laugh rather than responding. He runs a hand through his hair, which looks like he's been doing that same nervous tick endlessly. "It's like every time I'm around you, I just... I feel so much. And it scares me. I never expected any of this and I don't know how to handle it."

I watch him carefully- he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You just have this power over me, and you don't even know it," he admits, still not looking at me. "I always have control over everything. My career, my emotions, my thoughts. And then you showed up, and suddenly, my mind just goes blank, and you're all I can think about," he continues.

He finally turns to face me, and I swear I can see his eyes glistening in the faint glow of the city lights. "The harder I try to push you out, the worse it gets."

"Then stop trying to push me away," I plead, my voice trembling. I'm desperate at this point. "Tee told me this can't be healthy for either one of us, and I don't want to prove him right." Joe furrows his brows, his head tilting slightly. "He said that?"

I nod, pulling my knees into my chest. "I don't want to do this, Joe, but I can't keep doing whatever this is," I admit, scared of his reaction to what I'm about to say. "So... either stop pushing me away or leave."

I look up, my heart pounding in my chest. The silence is heavy, and for a moment, I'm scared he's going to choose the ladder.

"Why does this matter to you so much?" he asks, his voice low, almost bitter. He exhales slowly, like he's been holding his breath, "Why do I matter?"

I can't decide if I want to laugh or cry. "You can't be serious," I whisper, shaking my head. "Because I'm tired of wondering if this is all in my head. The flowers, the almost kisses, the flirting. You're driving me crazy. I just need to know if this is real, if we're real."

Joe's jaw tightens, and for the first time since I've met him, there's no hesitation in his gaze. "It's real, Talullah." The sound of my name leaving his lips sends a shiver down my spine. "I care about you... way more than I let on. I just don't know how to make this work."

I stare at him, my heart pounding so hard it's almost painful. "I can't keep doing this alone. We should be figuring it out, not just you."

He runs a hand over his face, sighing deeply. "I know. I know, I'm just- I'm so used to having complete control over everything and the thought of it... it scares the hell out of me."

I lean over to rest my hand over his before I can stop myself. "If you want this- us- to work, you're going to have to try." He nods, looking over at me. "Yeah. I'll try. For you. Us."

The tension between us shifts, loosening slightly. I laugh softly when he shifts closer, pulling me into a hug. "Okay, just, stand up and stop laughing," he says, a hint of embarrassment in his tone as he climbs down from the ledge. I can hear the smile in his voice. I slide off the concrete, brushing myself off. Joe pulls me in, his hand tangling in my hair. "I'm sorry, Tally," he sighs, resting his chin on my head. His warmth envelops me, but it's not enough to stop the trembling that's taken over my pajama-clad frame. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

I press my chin against his middle as I gaze up at him. "I know."

His hands slide from my hair to cup my face, his palms warm against my chilled skin. The wind picks up, whipping my hair against my cheeks. I barley feel it. My entire body is buzzing, shaking, now. It's not just from the cold- his touch, his closeness, it's so overwhelming in a torturous mixture of excitement and nervous anticipation that I can't stop.

Slowly, almost cautiously, he leans down. When our lips finally meet, it's so soft, like he's afraid he might break me.

Everything falls away. He slides one hand back into my hair while the other lingers on the small of my back, pulling me closer. My fingers clutch the front of his sweatshirt, but that doesn't stop the shaking. If anything, it worsens as warmth blooms in my chest and spreads like a wildfire.

By the time we break the kiss, I'm breathless and my heart is pounding in my chest. Joe furrows his eyebrows, pulling me closer. "You're shaking," he murmurs, concerned. A smirk pulls at my lips, and I let a shiver run through my body. "I know."

He brushes a thumb across my cheek, his touch lingering. "We're gonna figure this out, right?"

I can see the worry in his eyes in the orange light of the streetlamp. "Right," I confirm, still dazed by his touch. He rubs his palms up and down my arms, engulfing them in his warm grasp. "Let's get you inside before you freeze." I lean into his side as we walk toward the roof's door, my mind still spinning.

The tension between us still crackles in the air, but it's different this time. More relaxed- like something that's inevitable. We stop in front of my door, and I turn to face him. My heart pounds. "Thanks," I begin, unsure of what to say next.

He bares the teasing smile I've come to expect. He glances over his shoulder down the hallway, before turning and looking down the other way. The air between us feels thick as he turns back to me. He leans down to kiss me again. This time it's slow and deliberate- like he's making sure I know how much he's wanted this. My body starts to shake again.

I pull away slightly, his lips brushing against mine as I speak. "Stay," I murmur, my voice low, like it's a question- but we both know it's not. He gaze flickers between me and the door. "Are you sure?" he asks, his hand brushing against the bare skin on my back. It burns where his fingertips press against me in the most delicious way. The tension is unbearable.

Neither of us can pretend anymore.

I nod, gripping the collar of his sweatshirt, pulling him back into the kiss. I step back inside and he follows me in, locking the door behind us.

---

The distant sound of the alarm buzzing wakes me up, and Joe's arm is pinning me down. I glance at the clock- it's well past the time we agreed to sneak Joe back to his own room. In fact, the plane leaves in an hour.

I pry his arm off me, scrambling to grab our clothes from the hotel floor. There're footsteps outside my door and I shake Joe hard. "Hmn?" he mumbles, picking his head up. I shove his clothes into his bare chest. "Get the hell up and get dressed, now."

"What's wrong?" he asks, pulling the jogging pants on. I don't have time to admire his sleepy gaze or his gravely morning voice. Instead, tug my own sweatpants on, running a hand through my hair. There's a knock at my door.

"Get in the bathroom, now," I whisper-yell, pushing him towards the door to hide. He looks at me with bleary eyes, stumbling into the bathroom. "Tally!" Josh knocks impatiently. I spin on my heel to answer, but Joe grabs my wrist and tugs me back towards him. "Joe-" He cuts me off by stealing a kiss. His lips are warm and soft, and for a second, it feels like everything slows down. He says nothing when he pulls away- he waves me off and the bathroom door clicks shut.

I unlock the door, leaning on it awkwardly. "Yes?"

He narrows his eyes, examining the room. "Are you okay?"

I nod, pressing my lips into a line. "Great. Why?"

Josh crosses his arms. "Are going to let me in?"

"Oh, yeah," I laugh nervously, stepping out of the way. Josh enters and room: it's like nailing the final one into my coffin. Josh's eyes trail to the sweatshirt on the floor. "That yours?" he asks nonchalantly, taking a seat on the couch. "Mhm," I nod quickly, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the unmade bed. My heart pounds against my ribcage and for a second, I'm worried that Josh can hear it.

"So, how'd things with Joe go yesterday," he asks, crossing one leg over the other.  I swallow hard. "Good." I see his gaze move down my face and to my neck. "Tally," he begins, his voice laced with knowing amusement. "You wanna explain those?" he asks, pointing.

My heart drops into my stomach. I scramble for my phone, pulling up the camera. The screen shows me a series of faint, reddish-purple marks scattered across my neck and collarbone, leading down into my sports bra; their edges slightly blurred against my skin. They're unmistakable- delicate bruises kissed into existence. "No, I-"

Josh leans back, clearly enjoying my discomfort. "You sure you don't wanna come up with a better excuse then "I tripped'?"

I open my mouth to speak, but Josh rises to his feet. I follow his motions, but he gives me a look. He steps towards the bathroom, giving me a pointed look over his shoulder. "Let me piss in private, stop being weird."

I stand alone in the middle of the room, about to combust from anxiety. I force myself to breathe- in and out, in and out. When he finally exists the bathroom, he takes a second to lean over and smell the carnations still sitting on the counter. "How romantic."

Josh leans against the counter, giving me one last look. "You're a terrible liar, Tally." He moves to knock on the bathroom door dramatically. "Bye, Joe."

My mouth drops as he moves to the main door, glancing over his shoulder. He gives me a wink before walking out and letting the door close behind him.

I stand there, mortified. Joe exists the bathroom, looking more amused than concerned. He bends down to grab his sweatshirt. "That could've gone worse."

The heat from the embarrassment burns at my cheeks as I press my hands into my face. "No, he literally saw the evidence." Joe grins sheepishly, his fingers trailing lightly over one of the marks. His touch sends a shover down my spine, despite my frustration. He pulls his hand away to rub at the marks across his own shoulders. "Guess we got carried away."

I bury my face in my hands. I wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

He laughs softly, pulling me into his chest. He presses a quick kiss to the top of my head. "Did he see you?" I ask, my words muffled against him. "No," he answers. I can feel his words as he speaks. "I hid behind the shower curtain." I groan into his chest. He chuckles- "It'll be alright, Tally." Despite everything, I feel myself relax slightly.

"You need to leave, we don't have much time," I say into his sweatshirt. He nods, stepping back to find his phone and shoes. When he finally does, he hesitates at the door. "You know, you wear them well."

"Joe!" I gasp, my ears burning with a blush. "Try not to miss me too much before we get back to Cincy," he smirks. The door clicks shut before I can think of a comeback. All I can do is groan, burying my face in my hands with embarrassment for what feels like the hundredth time this morning.

guys i watched husband joe play and beat the titans today! he was like twenty feet away from me, i was star-struck lowkey 😭