BONUS CHAPTER B          silver instead of gold

"Just not you."

THE EARLY MORNING SUN was soft against the brick diner in downtown Cincinnati. Talullah smiled softly as she walked through the door- she hadn't been here since her first fight with Shayla. That had to have been around fifteen years ago, if she had to guess.

The place was quiet, the hum of conversations and clinking dishes a soft soundtrack to an early morning. It was rare for her to be back here, but she and Josh were back in town to visit Marren and Ja'Marr.

She had traded her cheer uniform for a more comfortable, sophisticated wardrobe. Her ankle still twinged when she walked, a full she that reminded her of what could've been.

She was lost in the quiet when a voice broke through: "Tally?"

At first, she thought she was hearing things. No one's called her that in years- besides Josh, of course. Then she turned around, and her breath caught in her throat when she saw him.

Joe stood there. A little older, but still Joe. His smile was the same, and it hit her harder than she expected. The same smile that lit up rooms and kept her grounded. The same smile that made her believe things she didn't understand back then.

"Joe?"

She moved toward him before she could think. Talullah slipped her arms around him in a hug that felt like it had been waiting to happen for years. For a moment, they both stayed like that- no words, just a quiet understanding that this was something they'd been missing for too long.

When they finally pulled away, she couldn't help but smile as she looked at him. He looked different, but so familiar. A few more lines around his eyes, a more natural build she's sure he still works to maintain, and a hint of gray starting to climb up his temples. Still as handsome as she remembered.

"How've you been?" she asks, voice tentative as they slide int a both at the back of the diner.

Joe lets out a small laugh, a hint of nervousness flashing in his eyes as he settles into the booth across from her. "Just... day by day. Been keeping busy. It's just a lot of... existing, I guess." He smiles softly. "How about you?" Her heart twinges at his honesty. She wishes she could offer him some advice, but what would she even say?

"I'm... good," she says, voice quiet as she fidgets with her glass of juice. "I've got two babies now. Well, they're not babies anymore. They're eight," she smiles, hand reaching for the golden chain around her neck with their names carved into the pendant. "Twins. Joshua, he's into music and theater- he plays the clarinet. He's the sweet thing, Joe, and he's so bright. Then there's Leighton. She's more serious, but she never fails to make me laugh. She's obsessed with volleyball and cheer." Something about that makes Joe's heart squeeze. "They're the best part of my life."

He watches as she speaks. The way her eyes light up and the smile lines deepen when she mentions her children. Her hair had grown out, a few strands of gray starting to thread through, but Joe noticed she kept her feathered bangs. He thought it was another thing that kept a breath of her youth from all those years ago.

His own face shifts as he listens- he's trying to imagine her as a mother. It's a thought he hadn't had in years. Not since their time together.

"Is that for them?" Joe asks, nodding toward the jewelry hanging from her neck. Talullah nods. "Yeah, Josh got it for me for my first Mother's Day." She pauses for a moment, her eyes catching his. The weight of everything they've been through settles between them.

"Wow," he breathes. "You really... have a life." His voice is twinged with a mix of admiration and something else she just can't place.

She laughs, soft and wistful. She runs her thumb across the pendant again, almost like it was muscle memory. "Yeah. It's... not what I thought it would be, but. It's good. Mostly."

He takes note of the sparkling ring on her finger- a large, oval diamond on a silver band. Silver, Joe thought. Silver instead of gold. Tally doesn't even wear silver. "You married?"

She nods slowly. "Yeah." Her tone is almost casual. "He's... fine. A good dad. Dependable. Solid. Just..."

Joe watches her as she finds the words. Not pushing, just... open.

"Just not you," she finally says, looking down at her cup like she regrets the words. He has to force himself to swallow, waiting for her to explain. Hoping she'll explain. Because really, he needs an explanation, or he might go crazy, right there in the booth.

"He doesn't... get me the way you did. See me like you did. Or maybe still do." She laughs dryly. Him instead of you, she wanted to say. "God, that sounds awful."

He leans forward, elbows on the table. "It doesn't."

The silence stretches. It's not uncomfortable. Just... heavy.

He finally clears his throat. "So, what happened with cheering?"

Talullah pulls her lips in, looking out the window like the story might be easier to tell if she doesn't have to see his face. "It was three or four years in. I landed wrong- on that same ankle. But this time it cracked clean through." Her fingers instinctively reach for it under the table like she can hold the ache in her hand. "That was it. Career over. Just like that."

Joe winces. "Oh, Tally..."

She shrugs, trying for light, even though the thought alone squeezes her chest. "It forced me to grow up, I guess. I teach now. Middle school math," she smirks a little. "Still telling people what to do, still trying to make chaos make sense."

Joe smiles, but there's an ache behind it. "You were always good at that."

Her voice softens as she fiddles with her fingers under the table. "What about you? Married? Any mini Joe's running around?"

"Nah." For some reason, his answer makes her relax. She lets her arms settle back on the table, and her shoulders drop a little. "No one serious since you."

Talullah swallows.

"I'm not-" he says quickly, a sad chuckle catching in his throat. "I'm not trying to mess anything up. I'm glad you're happy, I just..." he looks down at his hands, then back up to Talullah. "I miss you."

The air stills, but she doesn't wait. "I miss you too."  She doesn't even pull away when his hand finds hers across the table. His thumb brushes across her knuckles- it makes something tighten in her chest. "You were the love of my life, Joe. Maybe you still are. But I have a family now."

He nods, slowly. Accepting the hurt. "I broke up with you because of the media bullshit. I thought it was the only way to protect you. And I thought- I don't know," he trails off, nearly embarrassed, "that you'd be better off without me."

"I wasn't." Her response is immediate. "For a long time, I wasn't."

Talullah's phone buzzes on the table. She glances down, eyes darting across the screen. "Josh texted," she says, eyes glancing up at him. "He's ready. We're going see Ja'Marr and Marren. I was supposed to bring back breakfast," she softens. "You should come. He'd love to see you."

He gives a small shake of his head. "I don't think I can, Tally. Not today."

It's hard for her to hide her disappointment. Joe knows that as the corner of her lips tug down into a frown. "Why not?"

"Because being around you and pretending I'm okay isn't something I've ever been good at."

That silence again.

She can tell the lightness of the conversation is long gone, so she reaches for her bag. Before she can, Joe flags down the waiter and pays for both their breakfasts before she can argue.

They stand at the same time, and the hug is tighter this time. Warmer, longer. He buries his face in her shoulder for a second too long, and she lets him. He breathes in her scent and tries to memorize the feeling of her in his arms for what might be the last time.

"I love you," Joe murmurs against her.

She pulls back, those brown eyes he adores so shimmering with a thin layer of tears. "I know."

She turns, takes a step, and then stops. Talullah looks over her shoulder. "Joe?"

He catches her eye.

"I love you too."

He watches as she walks out of the diner, the sunlight catching the gold of her necklace as she disappears into the morning light. Joe watches the door long after it closes, hand still resting on the table where hers had been.