CHAPTER TWELVE          slut!

"I really wanna kiss you right now."

"LUA, LUA, GET UP!" Shayla screams, bursting through my bedroom door and diving on top of me. "What?" I mutter, keeping my eyes closed. Maybe I can hold some of my sleep in and go back to bed when she leaves.

"This is an emergency, get up!" she screeches, shaking me aggressively. Okay, I'm definitely not going back to sleep. "It's too early for this," I groan, shoving her. "Talullah, it's 2 p.m." So what I slept in, sue me.

I open one eye and see Ja'Marr standing in my doorway. "Why is my work following me home," I cry, covering my face with a pillow. As soon as I placed it there, the pillow was yanked away. I push myself up, rubbing my eye with the heel of my palm. "What, what?" I ask, glaring at the duo. Shayla grins so hard that I'm sure her cheeks are hurting, while Ja'Marr stands next to her, awkwardly squeezing the pillow. "We're going see Taylor."

My eyes widen immediately- "Are you serious?" She nods, her cheeks red. "What? How? When?" While I'm not a superfan, I am a self-proclaimed Swiftie. "Yes, Ja'Marr got us tickets, and tonight." My jaw drops at the sudden information. "How? Oh my gosh, please let me hug you," I say in shock, climbing out of my bed to wrap my arms around the football star. He laughs, patting my back a couple times. "Wait, tonight?" I repeat loudly, turning to Shayla. She nods, still grinning. "What are we gonna wear? Is it just us three?"

"Well, I figured we could bring some of the other guys, so no one thinks we're a throuple. Tee, of course. DJ, Tanner... Joe"

I pretend that the mention of the quarterback doesn't bother me as I click my bathroom light on. Between that and the fact that we're going see Taylor Swift live in less than 12 hours... I'm screaming on the inside.

"Ja'Marr, are you dressing up?" I ask as I squeeze toothpaste onto my toothbrush. "Nah, I'm probably gonna grab a shirt from the merch table." I spit into the sink, peering out the door to Shayla. "Should we, or will it look weird, us being the only ones in costume?" She sneakily glances at Ja'Marr, who's already smirking. "Well, we went on a mission this morning."

"Oh no," I mutter as I rinse my toothbrush off and grab my facewash. Her footsteps thump out of my room. I'm able to finish my morning routine before she returns, a box in her hands. She sets it on the counter, pulling out the first outfit- an almost identical blue and pink Lover bodysuit to the one Taylor wears on stage. "No fucking way," I breathe, looking down in the box. There are a couple more outfits, nearly the exact same as the ones from the tour. "I know a guy, who knows a guy."

"Oh my gosh," I gasp, running my hand across the glittery fabric. Ja'Marr's phone rings aloud as I dig through the box. "One sec," he says, before it trills again. "One sec," he repeats. Ringing, and another "One sec," before he does it one final time. I glance at Shayla, grinning at his actions.

"Okay, hey," he says as we carry the box back into my room. "Sup," DJ's voice asks. "Wait, is that DJ?" Tanner asks. There's a rustling noise before Joe joins the conversation. "What is this?" I laugh at their reactions, pulling a gold Fearless dress from the box. "Is that a girl, J?" Tee asks, his voice high with a repressed smile.

He ignores them all, glancing at us with a smile. "You guys down for a concert tonight?"

"Hell yeah," DJ answers first. "Who?"

"Ms. Swift," Ja'Marr says, covering his mouth with his hand. The line goes silent before Tanner answers. "Fuck yes."

Shayla grabs a skirt, the orange reflecting back on her face. "Oh, I'm so wearing this," she smiles, grabbing the purple top. I riffle through the box while Ja'Marr and the guys try to convince Joe to come. "C'mon, bro, it'll be fun. She does this thing where she gives a kid her hat and she does different surprise songs every night," Tanner gushes. "Plus, I'm sure Lua will be there," Tee adds. The line is quiet as glance up at Shayla. She wiggles her eyebrows at me, waiting for his response.

"Fine."

Shayla dances across the room, grabbing Ja'Marrs phone. "Joe, you won't regret it, she's gonna look sooo hot. Tuls, tell your man hi."

I ignore her, placing all the other costumes back in the box. "Talullah," she says lowly, motioning to the phone. I look her in the eye, saying nothing- merely taunting her. She reaches out, tickling my sides. I shriek, dropping the bodysuit in my hand. "Tell him hi," she demands, relentlessly torturing me. "H- HI," I laugh, desperate to end it.

"I gotta go get ready, text me when you're on the way," Tanner says, leaving the call. "Yeah, I gotta get ready too, go," I take a deep breath, shooing the pair out of the room.

---

We all end up in my car- with the exception of DJ, who sat this one out. Apparently, Shayla and Ja'Marr had been prepping all day; we all wore too many beaded friendship bracelets, frankly, cutting the circulation off in my left arm. The right one was saved for the ones I'd receive.

I felt a little insecure in the dark blue, beaded Midnight's bodysuit I chose. There was just a little too much skin showing, and I just felt odd. I was more than surprised- Tee wore an old Speak Now shirt, Ja'Marr held up his end with a shirt from the merch table, and Tanner... well, he was the Heartbreak Prince. A pink heart around his eye, a sash, and a crown made up his costume. I had to post a picture of us together; Tanner stood with an arm placed carefully on my back, giving me a big smile. I had my hand on his shoulder, a leg kicked up, an arm in the air with an open smile.

We sat in the VIP tent, talking to all the fans that came up. Joe sat in the back, his hat pulled down low over his face. I think he's regretting coming- as much as he hates the media, it's a shock he even agreed.

"My daughter loved it when you cheered for the Cowboys," the woman says, her young daughter burying her face in her shoulder. "Awe, thank you," I say to the girl, taking one of the bracelets off. "Would you like a bracelet?"

She nods shyly, taking it from my fingers. "Can we have a picture together?" she asks, smiling sweetly. "Of course," I say in awe, leaning down over the edge of the tent to let her crawl into my grasp. The young girl leans her head against mine, and I smile. After she takes the picture, I help the child climb back into her mother's arms- she thanks me and leaves to take her seat.

When Taylor finally takes the stage, the crowd's excitement reaches a fever pitch. I sing along, glancing at the rest of the group. Shayla is screaming the lyrics, Tee is vibing to the music, and Tanner is recording literally everything. As much as I want to fully enjoy the music, I'm hyper-aware of Joe, who's off to the side, his arms crossed over his chest. I squealed when the little girl who asked for a picture was given the 22 hat and bid Tee goodbye when he decided to leave during the Folkmore set.

When Style comes on, Joe buries his face in his hands. "This is that damn song they edit me to." I laugh, filming him to tease him about it later. Have I seen the edits? No, but I most definitely am going to look them up when I go home.

He glares at me, his face stoic. He shakes his head, reaching out to shield his face from the camera. I put my phone away and leaned down to talk to him. "I'm sorry you aren't enjoying it," I say, loud enough for him to hear me. "I am enjoying it," Joe mutters under his breath, his voice low. "Just not in the way you think." I cock my head, confused. "What do you mean by that?" He brushes it off, motioning for me to join the others and watch the performance. I roll my eyes, turning back to face Taylor.

Shayla grabbed me tightly when Taylor strummed her guitar, readying for the first surprise song. The pop star wore the blue and purple dress, leans into the microphone, singing, "Stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain, rain." Shayla jumps up and down, squeezing my hand. We dance together, and Shayla spins me around and to Tanner as Taylor transitions into I Think He Knows. "Oh, hi!" I laugh as I rest my hands on his shoulders. "Oh, so we're dancing now?" He asks, swaying awkwardly, but with enough charm that I can't help but giggle. "Apparently!" We move together, laughing as he twirls me around to the beat. When she finished up, Tanner and I bowed to one another goofily.

I move to stand with Ja'Marr, waiting for the next song to start. "We dancing?" I ask, anxiously waiting for Taylor to start the next mashup. She plays the beginning chords to Gorgeous and the crowd goes insane. Ja'Marr shrugs in a why not? kind of way, his hands gently resting on my waist. We dance together, in an awkwardly-sweet way as Taylor belts the lyrics. "I got a boyfriend, he's older than us, he's in the club doing I don't know what." When the chords begin to change, my heart flutters at the new song. "But if I'm all dressed up, they might as well be lookin' at us."

Ja'Marr passes my hand off to Joe without missing a beat. "Your turn." He grins, turning away and grabbing Shayla. I look back at Joe, who's rising to his feet. His hand slips around my waist, the music pushing us closer to one another.

"You're not saying you're in love with me, but you're going to." My heart thumps with each piano key as my hands settle around his neck. Thank goodness for the platform heels. His eyes never leave my face. I try to breathe normally, but every tiny move feels like a promise. He leans down, his lips brushing against my ear. He speaks in a way that is so quiet, so low, it sends a shiver through me, "I really wanna kiss you right now."

I hold my breath in anticipation, but it never comes. The moment stretches between us as he pulls back, just enough to keep the distance all while being almost unbearable. "I said, 'It might blow up in your pretty face'."

It almost feels like a warning. The silence between us is so loud; every part of me is screaming to move closer to Joe, but it's like my feet are rooted in place. "I'm not saying, 'Do it anyway', but you're going to."

Instead, we keep the suffocatingly, intoxicating distance between us, gently swaying to the music. As the song comes to an end, I can't help but feel the heat burning up exposed skin. "And if they call me a slut, you know it might be worth it for once."

Joe brings his hand up to push a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing my cheek. My cheeks burn at the feeling of his hands. "And if I'm gonna be drunk, might as well be drunk in love."

---

With a concert tee-shirt thrown over my bodysuit, I bite into my slice of pizza. The energy from the concert is still buzzing in the air, despite it having ended almost an hour ago. "You guys won't believe this," Shayla laughs quietly, turning her phone towards us. It was an article, with the title in bold, glaring letters: Ja'Marr Chase and Talullah Bennet: More Than Friends?

A blurry picture of us dancing is pasted on the top. I roll my eyes, pushing Shayla's hand away. "It's the internet, man," Tanner leans back, shaking his head. "They're so desperate."

I glance at Ja'Marr, whose face is unreadable. "Didn't think we were giving them that kinda show."

My face flushes- I suddenly feel at fault for this. "Me either. I danced with Shay and Tanner and Joe, too."

But I know better- this happens with any and every guy I've been seen with. I should've never taken the chance. I'm lucky they didn't try to pin me with Tanner and Joe as well.

"They love to talk about you, Tuls," Shayla rolls her eyes, sipping her Sprite. Ja'Marr shrugs, now a twisted smile on his face, "Just tell them we're a thing, that'll get them to shut up, f'sure."

I'm annoyed as I eat another bite of the greasy flatbread. Why am I always at the end of these rumors?

I glance at Joe, who's seated next to me- he's been silent throughout the entire exchange. I can't help but wonder what he's thinking. The weight of the situation hangs low like a storm cloud. I grab my phone, clicking on a video of Shayla and I dancing. She spins me to Tanner and the video shows us laughing.

I type a stupid caption: I guess I'm dating @/tmclachlan and @/shaylamanningxo too? and hit post. "You're so dumb," Shayla laughs, instantly clicking on the video.

My phone buzzes with notifications. The familiar pang of being in the spotlight- for no good reason- rests in my chest, heavily. I know this post won't be enough to stop the rumors from swirling, but it's something.

I finish my pizza as Shayla types away at her phone. "Now we just wait," she mutters. I catch Ja'Marr's eye- his gaze is distant, and it pressed on me; are we facing this together? Or are we going to handle it in our own ways, alone?

Joe's fingers tap absentmindedly against the table, and I try to reach his eyes, but he won't meet mine. "Let's not let this ruin the night," Tanner speaks up, adjusting his plastic crown. The conversation picks up again, this time without my or Joe's input. My phone continues to buzz. Another notification, another comment, like, share. But it's Joe's silence that bothers me the most.

my 18 drafts are BEGGING to be published, i might start updating more often 😌