CHAPTER ELEVEN work in progress

"I just wanted you to know that I do care."

SATURDAY ROLLS AROUND and we're in full swing. Back on the plane, in a new hotel room. I've been trying to keep low, and everyone's realized it. Neither I nor any of the team has made an effort- I think we're all too worried to make Joe snap again.

When the clock hits midnight and I still can't sleep, I pull out the bathing suit I packed and change into it. I find my way down to the pool, slipping into the water. The cold makes me feel weightless, soothing my nerves. I'm thankful for the silence, and for being alone. I float on my back, staring at the dark sky. If I close my eyes, it feels like I'm flying.

If you would've told me last year that this is where I'd be in a year, I would've laughed on your face and called you crazy. Never would I leave the Cowboys, and never would I ever imagine having this... complex relationship with Joe Burrow. I then think about 18-year-old Talullah: fresh out of high school, moving her entire life to Alabama with no support. To know that she ends up cheering for the NFL and having this thing with an LSU alumnus, of all people.

A faint pair of shuffling footsteps interrupts the peace. I sit up, treading the water as I open my eyes. Joe stands at the edge of the pool, his hands shoved in his pockets, looking uncertain. The dim lighting casts a shadow across his face, making him look tired.

"Couldn't sleep either?" he asks, his voice rippling across the surface of the water. "Something like that," I call back, watching him lower himself to sit at the pools edge. "Tally, I'm sorry," he begins, running a hand over his face. I swim a little closer, making sure to keep distance between us. "I was just trying to be a part of something, and you made me feel... like I didn't belong."

Saying it out loud took a weight off my shoulders. Joe looks down, guilt evidence in the slump of his shoulders. "I know. I thought if I pushed you away, I'd stay focused. All it did was make me think about you more."

His words send a flutter through my chest, but I can't let him escape that easy. "You have no idea how much I've been through, Joe. I finally found a place where no one judged me, where I felt... at home, kinda. And you were mad at me for that, and that's not fair."

After a moment, he slides into the pool. The water seems to blur the tension between us, making it easier for us to speak. "I see that now. I can't take it back, and I wish I could," he admits, his voice low. I take a steadying breath, trying to exhale the nerves that bundle up in my chest. "Why, though, Joe? Why do you suddenly care?"

He swims closer, almost tentatively, shrinking the gap between us. "You make things... complicated, for me." My cheeks warm, but I hold his gaze. He's mere inches away now, his presence pulling. "Complicated?" I repeat, my voice hardly above a whisper. I can feel his breath against my skin, and I can almost taste the words he's about to say.

"Yeah, complicated," he confirms in a murmur that only I can hear. His gaze drops to my mouth, lingering for a moment too long. His hand brushes the water beside me, as if trying to steady himself. It dips under, grazing the skin of my waist and a chill runs down my spine at the contact. All I can focus on is how close he is to me. How I can feel his breath and see the slightest hint of uncertainly in his eyes. For a second, I forget everything- the embarrassment, the hurt, the anger.

My heart hammers in my chest as I look away, breaking the spell between us. "You can't just try to kiss me and expect everything to be okay."

He exhales softly, a shadow of disappointment in his eyes. "I know," he breathes with regret. "I'm not trying to fix it all tonight. I just wanted you to know that I do care."

I nod, taking my lip between my teeth. "I appreciate that. But I don't want you to think that... it'll be that easy." The corner of his lip twitches into a small smile. "I know," he says, breathing out the tension. "I'll prove it to you."

I wrap my arms around myself, the slight breeze prickling goosebumps along my exposed skin. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your room."

---

As I take the sideline waiting for the game to start, I feel weightless. Nervous jitters still rack my body, making me grip the mic a little harder. I glance at the team as they warm up, my eyes instinctively landing on Joe.  For a split second, his eyes meet mine, and something warm spreads through me. He doesn't smile, but there's a softness to his expression. My heart skips a beat, and I look away, feeling my face flush.

I wonder if he's thought about last night as much as I have.

The crowd roars when they finally take the field. I prepare to get my notes, pulling my hair from my face and into a low bun. The first half flies by without a hitch- I get a few glances from Tee and Sam, but I brush them off. Between plays Joe's eyes 'subtly' scan the sideline. When he spots me, he passes a barley-there nod. My lips curve into the smallest smile. We reach half time with a score of 24-18.

The team heads to the locker room and I head to the media lounge, jotting down the remaining notes as I walk. "Hey," Joe calls, causing me to stop in my tracks. He's leaning against the wall, as if he was waiting for me. He gives a quick, half smile, face flushed from the game.

He glances down the hall to make sure we're alone before admitting, "I wanted to thank you for last night." I force myself to stay composed, tucking my pen behind my ear. "It was nice... to clear the air, that is," I reply, a smile I refuse to give tugging at the corner of my lips.

"Good. See you out there," he nods, a small hint of something indescribable in his gaze. He jogs away, leaving me with a racing heart and a newfound sense of hope that I can't shake for the rest of the game.

Joe's confession must've been the reason we won, 31-24. I search the crowd for Marren, eager to start interviewing the boys after the win. "Wooo, another win!" She cheers, throwing one arm in the air, the other holding the camera. We manage to catch a few players for interviews. Everyone is ecstatic and it's contagious. After I wrap up with DJ, I sit at the sideline, watching everyone celebrate. High-fiving fans, taking pictures, being interviewed. A bubble of pride catches in my chest as I scramble to finish the notes; the crowd has mostly cleared out by now.

I glance across the field at Joe, who's wrapping up his last interview. I can sense his anxiousness, ready to find me. He finally approaches, a small grin on his face. "Not bad, huh?"

"Not bad at all," I smile. Joe puts his hands on his hips, rocking back and forth. "I meant what I said. Last night." I nod, tucking my clipboard into my messenger bag. "I know. And I appreciate it," I say, rising to my feet. We make our way off the field, a small silence settling between us. Marren comes running over, free of the camera this time. "We won! Woo! Good job, Burrow!" She cheers, slapping Joe's arm. He gives an awkward grin, rubbing his arm. "Here, take our picture. Hottest journalist-camerawoman duo," she says, shoving her phone into Joe's hands.

He follows her request, pointing the camera at us. Marren and I wrap our arms around each other, smiling. He takes a couple, before holding her phone back out. "D'you think you could get some of us?"

My heart speeds up a little as he holds his phone out to Marren, waiting for her to take it. "Oh, of course, HA!" She grins, putting her own device away and taking his. "Okay, you two, get cozy."

Joe stands next to me, resting his hand on my lower back. We both smile, and Marren's shit-eating grin makes a laugh bubble up my chest and out into the atmosphere. I look up at Joe, who's already looking at me. We share a smile, and I can feel Marren dying inside.

"Okay, parents, here you go. Come on, everyone's going celebrate and I want in!" she squeals, tugging my wrist. I turn to Joe, shrugging, letting her pull me away. "See you there, Burrow!" the hyper girl shouts over her shoulder at the quarterback, who stands there, a goofy grin plastered across his face.

We eventually find our way to the restaurant everyone else is at. Clinking glasses and bursts of laughter from everyone in the room sets a relaxing tone for the night. I've had a couple drinks, and it feels nice, not being to wound up. I'm chatting with Ja'Marr and Shayla when Joe taps on my shoulder, a glass in his hand. "Can I steal you for a minute?" He asks, his voice low. Shayla nudges me, a smirk on her face. Ja'Marr's mouth hangs open in protest, but Shayla raises her brows threateningly.

Joe's expression softens under the city lights as we settle near the windows. "I'm not the best with words, but I'm trying to figure this out. To figure us out."

He takes a second, running a hand through his hair. "I don't wanna push you or make things difficult. I just... I need to know if this is gonna go somewhere, because if it is, I really don't wanna mess it up," he explains, a nervous laugh at the end. I let his words settle, the alcohol making me eager to jump into his arms and kiss him. Instead, I boost myself up onto the ledge, watching him. He touches my knee hesitantly, unsure. I don't push him away, so he continues. "I really, really didn't mean to hurt you."

He turns to stand in front of me, heat radiating from him. I swallow at his presence- it's so.... there. It's undeniable, the way it fills the room. There's something so open in his gaze that it makes me feel exposed. I don't even mind it, this time around. And there it is- his gaze drops to my mouth, and I'm going to let it happen this time. He leans in so slightly, and I do too. My pulse quickens, the space between us shrinking with each thump of my racing heart.

A loud, jovial shout from across the room causes us to both jolt. "Talullah!"  An involuntary laugh leaves my mouth out of nervousness. Joe's hand slips away- my face flushes. He bares a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck as he steps away. It was Ja'Marr, who's standing with some of the other guys, all looking at us. "Quit hoggin' my QB, we need him!"

"Looks like you need you," I tease, trying to ignore the way my knee's still tinglingly from his touch. He sighs, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I bet they do."

He turns to leave, before looking back over his shoulder. I give him a small smile, encouraging him to join his teammates. He turns back to me, as if deciding something. He leans down and brushes a feather-light kiss against my forehead, holding my shoulder. "Work in progress?" he asks, his voice low. I nod, trying to repress my urge to kick my feet and giggle. "Work in progress."