p.s  this chapter will be from jaemin's POV, also thanks for 160+ views ≧ω≦ ik it's a little but i rlly appreciate it ❤

━━━ ( 💌 ) chapter nine....

jaemin's pov

i could finally look at him in the eyes, although it was from a portrait taken years before his disapperance from the earth. i finally got to bid my farewell to my brother and my dear parents. my cowardous young self couldn't afford to attend their funeral, as i was too consumed with guilt and despair, i missed the last chance to send them off to a better place. but at least i was able to.

i put down a bouquet of pink and white carnations, though it was difficult because it meant i also have to move my wheelchair. honestly, i hated this thing, it's like i couldn't move an inch without struggling but it's not like i can walk properly without the stupid wheelchair so there wasn't much option.

moving my wheelchair to the left i greeted my father smiling at his portrait and went all the way to the very right to my mother's, i did the same exact thing. finally, i settled myself in front of kyungmin, who would've thought? god called him before me. he was just a young boy living his best years of youth, no one expected his heart to fail him. i was always the one having sudden episodes, i was the one diagnosed with a heart disease that would kill me when i reached the age of fifteen. but there i was, starring at the eyes of my twin brother at the age of twenty one. the world does hold some unexpected events huh?

" kyungmin-ah, hyung is here, " a smile spread on my face when i pronounced his name.

" i'm sorry i wasn't there on your funeral, i was a foolish coward, " i looked down playing with my hands, and suddenly my heart starting aching replaying those dark times, " i was a coward for losing hope, for not wanting to try, i just let my life go like down the drain—i always thought i don't deserve to live, cause it was too much for me to handle your death followed by mother and father's. i felt like i deserved it, not you, you were never sick but the tables somehow turned. "

i stopped to wipe my falling tears when i felt a hand patting my back, turns out it was jangmi, " your brother is a crybaby kyungmin, you should lend him a tissue, just look at him! "

" noona! you just ruined the emotional vibe! " i whined and huffed, removing jangmi's arm.

she just chuckled at my childishness and ruffled my hair, i mean do i look like a baby to her? like hello i'm an independent man, " you're just like a baby. "

" me, a baby? please i can take-"

jangmi coughed and interrupted my sentence, " flashback to that one time when you called me in the middle of the night, cause apparently baby nana can't open the door of the bathroom."

i wasn't expecting her to expose me like that, and in front of my family. and as much as i try to deny it, that did happen. but, i'm trying to man up and fix that.

i rolled my eyes trying to deny jangmi's words, " can we not talk about that? "

" alright mr.na," she just shrugged, " do you want to go back or still wait for him? "

" i want to wait for him, who knows if he will come, " i replied to my cousin, all these years in kyungmin's funeral day i've always asked jangmi noona to wait and see if jeno would come and visit his grave but sadly he never came. i didn't want to lose hope, maybe after getting my letters he would understand the situation and gather his courage to visit him. so i decided to wait and see with my own eyes, it'd been years since i've spotted his figure and i truly missed him.

jangmi noona nodded and pushed my wheelchair to the side of the yard, where we could observe and wait patiently for jeno to come, if he did.

and beyond my expectations and hope, he did come.

i tried to contain my smile and urge to approach and hug him like never before, he looked just like the jeno i know, his body still tall and stern and i was more than glad to see that he looked healthy and his eye-smile filled with joy.

jeno bowed to my parents and sat down starring at kyungmin's frame just like i did, i bit my lip when i saw the flowers he got him.

red and yellow roses, symbolizes friendship and also love.

" hi nana."

i sighed when hearing his husky voice after missing it for all these years.

" you remember this? " he caressed the surface of the delicate lock, " you told me that when we seal this lock on that bridge, it means that it will also seal our friendship forever."

my eyes darted to the lock and the memories of my youth replayed back, back at the bridge feeling the howling wind in front of the sunset. where we sealed our promise to stick together forever. if only that was possible, if only i could fulfill it.

he paused and muttered, " let's not forget about this too then. "

' my ryan plushie! '  i gasped and raised my eyebrows. so that was where it went, i had multiple sleepless nights without that thing. i never knew jeno had it.

" tada! i stole your favorite plushie, but don't be mad at me yet, " he added.

i almost giggled, he knows me very well. i was very protective of my things especially that ryan plushie, it was special and the only way i could sleep at night. if only i could, i would grap a flip flop and throw it at his face, scold him for taking my plushie.

" i miss you, everyday do you know that? " jeno said, " i almost forgot about you and i thought i moved on, but someone decided to send me a bunch of letters. every single time i read them, it brings me to the past, reminds me of everything we've been through. it reminds me of you. "

i felt a pang of guilt in my chest when i heard his words, i shouldn't have left him suffering over some plain misunderstanding and it pained me even more imagining his tears. the tears started flowing again, when jeno showed the package of pocky. and the only thing i wanted to do was turn back time to the wonderful old days.

he then continued, " i cried every single day, because the memories kept haunting me. that's when i realized, i never moved on anyways. i kept on getting those letters and i was more than determined to stop whoever wrote those letters to me—it kept on going until i started getting used to it, it finally hit me. life goes on, and it revolves like a circle, there will be a time when we laugh in joy, there will also be times where we cry in pain and sorrow, it's difficult to escape the pain and sorrow and it takes time but if we bury ourselves in the same scar day by day, life would mean nothing but a meaningless circle right? "

i even had to cover my hand to surpass my sobs, i couldn't hold it, the tears reflected my feelings. a mix of guilt and happiness. guilt from knowing what i caused him, happiness knowing the letters i sent was able to help him move on. i nodded at jeno's words taking it slowly, as if he was saying them to me. just like the old times, when he would give me the helpful advices. everytime i fell.

but his next words seemed to create a feeling i couldn't describe.

"i'm not going to cry, not because i hate you or i don't love you anymore, i miss you i really do and i will always love you— but i need to move on, and not bury myself in guilt, " jeno gave a sincere smile and starred at the landscape present in front of him, " i will forever be grateful that you were my first everything, my first best friend, my first kiss and my first love. and it's sad that you won't be my last, but i promise you—there will always be a special place for you here in my heart."

i sobbed even harder and clenched my aching chest, jangmi could only comfort me by patting my back. i broke down again, i wanted to be happy for him. for my bestfriend, for my first love. he could finally build himself back after the terrifying experience, but i couldn't. i couldn't knowing that i wasn't going to be by his side forever, i would never have the chance to be his last. if only i could scream my words to him, tell him everything i've kept suffocated in my throat all this time but i just stood there. i watched him take his leave, and i could only hope that this wasn't the last time i got to see his figure.

' i'm sorry jeno '

⌨ ᶻᶻᶻ elena is typing ...

and boom! the mystery is finally solved, or is it still too complicated to understand?  i wanted to make this chapter because other than me trying not to end this book with ten chapters lmao, i want to reveal the mystery and misunderstanding little by little and of course describe the situation from nana's side too. this chapter is not proofread because my phone is currently in lowbat :") have a wonderful weekend or weekday wherever you are everyone ~\(≧▽≦)/