˚ ༘✶₊˚. ⊹ ˚ . FIRST ACT
❪ EIGHT ♥︎ ₊˚༢࿐
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( attempt , talk of suicide )

I'll see you behind the moon.

I'll see you behind the moon.

I'll see you.

     Mae stared blankly at her reflection in the dirty mirror, feeling as though her body was on auto pilot as Clint sewed up the wound on her arm. Tears prickled the corners of her eyes, and every time she blinked the face of Nick flashed in her mind. It made her sick, her stomach churning every time her brain made her replayed it over and over again.

Even when Alby knelt in front of her, his hand going over her own in an attempt to be comforting, Mae continued to look straight ahead. She studied herself in disgust, asking herself why someone like her got to live when someone like Nick deserved it so much more as like mind chanted the phrase that will stick to her forever.

     I'll see you behind the moon, I'll see you behind the moon, I'll see—

"Mae. ." Alby says, trying to catch her eyes, "Mae, I need you to talk to me."

     Dead, he's dead, Nick's dead—

She wasn't listening, her ears were clouded with the screams of her dead friend. The boy who sacrificed himself for her to live. Every time she blinked, Nick was there and she kept replaying the seconds before he pushed her through the entrance. His forehead pressed against hers, the goodbye he gave before being ripped apart.

     We were so close. We almost made it.

Alby sighed, turning to the others in the room. Minho looked pale, allowing himself to think the worst as he looked at Newt, who looked relatively calm despite witnessing Mae almost bleed out seconds ago— or at least he was keeping his composure in front of everyone else.

Gally was sitting on a stool, his foot tapping anxiously as he stared at Mae, trying to catch her gaze. His hand twitching in the need to grab hers. The boy had a strong urge to comfort her. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to apologize for everything, he wanted to hold her in his arms but he had to keep reminding himself that it wasn't the right time.

"Mae. ." Alby tried again, more firmly. "Tell me what happened in the Maze."

She turned her head suddenly, her lip quivering as she tried to keep her composure, but she still didn't look completely there. Almost like she was noticing them in front of her for the first time, "We were so close. So close—the door, it was right there and. ."

Her chest starts to rise and fall rapidly, almost like she was about to have a panic attack right then and there. Mae began to cry, gripping the table so tight that her knuckles went red. Minho quickly pushes off the wall and sits beside her, his arm going over her shoulder and pulling her into his side.

     "All right," Newt voiced from behind Alby, it was wavering and laced with exhaustion, "We should give her some time to—"

     "We need to know," Alby said firmly.

     Clint, who had just finished bandaging her arm, stands up, "Mae needs sleep," He insisted, "She's probably overwhelmed and in shock, it's only been an hour since she got back. ."

Mae leans into Minho's side, her breath going even as she snapped back out of reality and into her far-off stare. The boy frowned at her, the worry in his chest expanding. Alby swallowing the impatience and nods, walking out of the room. Newt whispers a promise to bring her something before following, motioning for Gally too.

     The boy gets to his feet, but hesitates. He just wanted to speak to her, but he didn't know what to say. The apology on his tongue didn't sound like enough to him, everything he wanted to say sounded wrong and he didn't know what to do. So, he did nothing. Not yet.

     "Get some sleep, flower." He sounded defeated, but he still gave her a small smile and walked out of the room, not before looking over his shoulder one last time.

     Then, it was only her and Minho until he slide off the table and patted her knee. She didn't notice his absence until he spoke, "I'm going to grab you a blanket, don't move all right?"

"All right," She repeated softly.

The door closed behind him, and Mae was alone. She sat there for a few minutes, before taking a deep inhale and forcing herself on her feet. Mae dragged her feet towards the mirror and leaning herself against the big mental tub of water with a shaky sigh.

She soaks the rag and starts to scrub away the dry blood from her arms. The fabric dug into her skin roughly, turning her forearm a blotchy red. Mae kept going, anxiously wanting to rid herself from Nick as she muttered to herself. Thank you, for everything. Nick's smile flashed for just a second before he died all over again in front of her.

"Stop," She cries, scrubbing even harder. "Stop, crying. Stop." The more she ordered the more she went against, "P-Please stop crying. ."

She kept seeing him in her head, not just Nick, but George too. All the kids that died in the Glade, all young and just trying to survive. They were her friends. Now they were gone and she was here, it wasn't fair. It made her hands shake and hers droop in pain. It wasn't fair.

Mae didn't realize she was crying until her eyes began to blur, a small cry escaping her as she continued to scrub and scrub until her skin ripped and bleed. Why am I here? This is a sick, sick joke! She tells herself. Nick deserved to live! He deserved to be saved!

In an angry scream, Mae slams her fist into the mirror, causing it to crack down the middle and shatter on the ground. It wasn't fair! Her brain was on fire. Why were they doing this? Why was I apart of it?!

She'd never felt this emotion so strongly before. She had never felt so angry as her fingers curled and dug into her palms. She felt her body heat up in pure, uncontrolled rage.

The people who sent her here, they were just letting them die. Kids, dead. And why? Why did it have to be them? George, Stephen, Nick. Countless other lives just thrown away, they deserved to live!

Why did someone like her, someone who seemed to gave helped the Creators do this, get to live on while her friends had to die?

Mae wanted to scream until her voice went raw, so she did. She screamed so loud that her cry tingled her ears. She didn't care how many people heard if, she hoped they did. She hoped the people who sent them here could hear just how broken she was.

Mae wanted to hurt something, her fingers twitching at the burning sensation on her arm. She wanted to hurt herself.

So she did.

In a burst of emotion, Mae grabbed the broken glass from the ground and split the soft skin on her arm. She cries out in pain, but it was now raw and scratchy. She does it again, and again, and again until her mind became clouded and she felt nothing at all.

     Her body began to shake, spurring every little emotion she felt on her own skin like a canvas. It showed how she felt, why she felt it. Every slash symbolizing every person she lost until Mae lost count and continued on.

     "MAE STOP!"

     Minho drops the blanket in his hand, giving a startled yell. It didn't seem to snap Mae out of her frantic state until he was grabbing at her hands.

     "Mae, stop it! Let go!" His voice broke. "Give it to me!"

     "Let me go!" She pleads, holding herself. "Let me go, let me go!"

     Minho knew that she didn't mean it physically. He knew that she wanted him to let her die, to let her go and forget about her like the the rest would surely be. But he couldn't, he would never.

     But in that moment she was somehow stronger, and pressed the broken glass to the corner of her neck and ran it across. Minho screamed again, and grabbed the glass firmly in his hand. He didn't care that it cut him too as he ripped it out of her grabs and through it across the room.

     "Mae, no! Someone! Help!"

     At the sound of his pleas, Mae's mind unfogged. Her cries coming to an abrupt stop as she looked at Minho with hurt, not for herself but for him. She had never seen him so unhelpless, so vulnerable as his eyes shining with tears and he pressed both hands into the small cut on her neck.

     "Stay with me, Mae." He shook, "Come on!"

     She was stunned in silence, her mouth parted with the apology she knew would never be enough. Minho never looked so young— and then she was forced to remember that he was, a young boy begging his friend to stay.

     In hurting herself, she had hurt him. It was like her mind made her forget that she was truly, and unconditionally loved by these boys, and that made her stomach drop and her heart clench in guilt.

     She didn't want to die, but in that second it was all she could think about, not realizing that someone who loved her would find her that way and never be the same.

     Clint and Jeff ran into the room, stopping in a shock as Jeff covered his mouth at the sight. Mae in Minho's arms, blood and glass everywhere in the room.

     "Help me!" Minho's voice cracked. His knees giving out and slowly fell on the ground with Mae, his hands trying to cover her arms and neck at the same time, getting her blood all over his clothes.

     Clint and Jeff instantly snap back out of it, grabbing as much gauze and equipment as they could find. Their hands were shaky, which was to be expected because they weren't real doctors and they were watching their friends bleed out in front of them.

     "What were you thinking?!" Minho screamed at her, "Why would you do that, Mae?! Why!"

     Newt and Gally had just turned the corner when they heard Minho shouting, they only glanced at each other for a second before breaking into a run toward the room.

     Newt throws open the door, and feels his heart stop right then, covering his mouth with his hand as tears instantly start pooling in his eyes. He was reliving something the others didn't know, and when Minho instantly looked at him Newt looked ready to run right there.

     Gally pushes forward, dropping to his knees beside Minho and grabbing another gauze pad. He couldn't form words, he couldn't look Mae in her eyes because he knew if he did he'd start crying and never stop.

     So he listened to every instruction Clint and Jeff shouted, muttering words of encouragement as they worked together to stop the bleeding.

     "Mae," Gally finally said, his voice urgent but firm as he grabbed both sides of her face and made her look at him. "We're almost done, alright? Just don't close your eyes."

     Mae smiled, the sound of his voice making her body relax and her heart slow to a calming beat. She stared at him, with her eyes glossing over in fresh tears. He was the lighthouse in her storm, and in that moment she knew that she had to stay.

     "Don't leave me."

     "I won't."

————

    
     Mae sat with her legs out in the middle of the flower garden beside her hut, watching the sunset start with tried eyes. It had taken Clint and Jeff six hours to get Mae stable enough to function. The injuries she gave herself overlapped in different lengths and depths, making it hard for the boys to stitch together a single thing.

     It was a miracle the cut across her neck was so thin and didn't hit anything important because she would've died in seconds.

     Alby had never looked so worried for her. The first day as official leader and he already almost lost a friend, it put him on edge and made him more stern and colder— no one could judge him. Nick was his best friend.

     So, to make sure he didn't lose anyone else, Mae on suicide watch. Which was why, multiple Gladers were hovering around the garden. Close enough to interfere but far enough to give her space.

     The girl just wanted to sleep. Who knew mental breakdowns could be so exhausting. But Mae knew she probably wouldn't sleep for a good long while, so what better to do then sit by her flowers and watch the sunset.

     Newt sits down on the grass right beside her, tapping her thigh to push over even though he had enough room. She gave a small smile, allowing him to bump his shoulder against hers.

     They were silent for awhile, Newt watching the sunset while Mae twirled a weed between her fingers. The wraps on her forearms were itchy and it took Mae all her strength not to scratch the one on her neck.

     "Do you know why I have a limp?" Newt asked suddenly, his voice soft and his accent thick. She noticed that about them, how they seemed to strengthen each other's accents the more they talked together.

     She frowned, glancing at his leg, "I don't find it kind to ask. . .but I was always curious."

     He shrugged, "Just got injured on a run," The way he said it made her frown, almost like he rehearsed the phrase a thousand times. Newt smiled, noticing her suspicion, "Or at least, that's why I tell people."

     "What are you on about?"

     "I hated this place," He admits, taking a small breath as he tried to gather the memory he'd been pushing down for nearly three years, "I still do, every second of every day. Because even though my memories were gone I could still feel that something was missing."

She listens intensely, and grabs his hand when she noticed his other leg bouncing anxiously.

He looked down at it sadly, before saying, "Mae, I walked right into the Maze and I climbed halfway up one of these bloody walls before jumped right off."

     Mae took a sharp breath, looking away from him at the thought. He tried to kill himself, just as she had. She couldn't imagine her life without Newt, she wouldn't dare to. And to think, he always looked so happy, he was always so calm and kind. You'd have never thought he was the more broken.

     "Course, I got tangled up in all the ivy and snapped my leg in three different places, like the proper shank I am," He scoffs a laugh, and Mae couldn't help but smile, "And I thought that was it. . . Until Minho found me, somehow."

     Mae turned her head in guilt. Not only did Minho save Newt from committing, he had saved her too. No  wonder he acted the way he did in that room, most likely traumatized by the memories.

     "He picked me up and dragged me back to the Glade right before the doors closed," He continues, "And we never told anyone the truth about what happened. .til now," He bumps her shoulder, "He saved me and gave me a second chance, and now he's done the same for you."

     She shook her head, "I don't deserve it."

     "If there's anyone I know who deserves it, it's you."

     Mae sighed, "Why are you telling me this, Newt?"

     He doesn't say anything for a moment, turning back at the sunset with a set jaw. She continued to watch him curiously, and then he said, "Remember when I said something was missing? Something I couldn't remember now?"

     She nods slowly.

     He turned to face her, "I didn't feel that emptiness when you came up from the box." He admits.

     Her eyes widened in surprise, not understanding.

     "I didn't know what it was, but something inside me told me that I needed you. That I had protected you from things I'll probably never remember," He continued. "You came to me when I needed you most, and just like Minho, you saved me in a different way. And I reckon, we'll be saving each other a lot more often."

     Newt's fingers entwined with hers, squeezing tightly. Mae could finally put the feeling she felt about Newt to a name. She had always been so comfortable with him, so open. And although they hadn't known each other it still felt like they always had.

     Unknown to them, that before the Maze, during their childhood in Wicked, it had been Mae and Newt against the world, growing up together only to be separated in the worst way.

     "I feel horrible. ." Mae admits, "For what I did."

     "I just need you to promise me something," He said, looking as serious as she'd ever seen him, "Promise me that no matter how hard it gets, you'll stay." His voice breaks softly, and Mae could feel her eyes water, "Don't go, stay here, and I promise you, I promise—" He sucks in a sharp breath, "I will never give up on you."

     Mae throws her arms around him, "I promise."

"Well," He smirked, "Welcome to the mentally unhinged club, party of two."

—————

    
     "Minho."

     The Korean boy quickly turned around at the sound of his name, a slight panic in his eyes. He sees her there and gives her a once-over before lets his shoulders sag in relief when he sees she isn't hurt.

     Minho gives her a tired smile, "Hey."

     She returned it, before closing the distance between them and pulling him into a hug. He whined playfully, before softly wrapping his arms around her lower back.

     "What's this for?" He muttered, chin rested on her head.

     "It's for being you," She responds, pulling away slightly. "It's been a long day for all of us and I wanted to thank you for everything. .and I mean everything."

     He chuckled awkwardly, and rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, okay. Whatever, shank, just don't get into any more trouble all right? I'm a Runner not a mother. I don't need these slintheads thinking I'm a softie."

     She smiled, walking backwards away, "I will."

     "And, Mae!" He called suddenly, causing her to turn around as he stared at the ground. "Just uh," His tone was more gentle, less playful, "I'll always be here, you know. .you might not need me but—"

     "I'll always need you, Minho." She said firmly, making sure he believed it, "Always."

     With a proud nod, Minho ventured back into Homestead with a loud goodnight. Mae, who now realized she was alone again decided to go back to her hut. The sun had gone down, and everyone was exhausted.

Tomorrow, said their goodbyes to Nick and carved out his name in the wall. Then, Alby will officially make Newt his second and everything will go back to nothing had happened.

     But for now, Mae needed sleep, whether her mind liked it or not.

     What she hadn't expected was for Gally to be awkwardly sitting on her bed, knees propped in as he bounced his leg anxiously. He had been waiting for her, and when Mae stepped in, he quickly got to his feet, rubbing his palms on his jeans to rid the nerves.

     "Gally. ." She notes, "What are you— why," She motioned to the hut awkwardly, wishing she knew how to form a sentence, "Here." She settled on, hoping he understood.

     He did. "I, um, I was waiting for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay, and obviously you. .are," He motioned to her in a panic before moving to leave, "I should let you get some sleep."

     Mae grabs his arm last second, "Wait. ." She tells him softly, "I wanted to say something." He nods, moving back to sit down as she fiddled with her fingers in thought, "I. .I suppose you were right."

     Gally faltered sadly, "No, Mae that's not—"

     "Just listen," She said. "I don't want you to spend the rest of your life fighting my battles, and I don't want you to feel obligated to take care of me because of my lack in survival skills and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like being my friend was a chore," He opens his mouth to speak, but she holds her hand out, "I-I understand that being around me can be overwhelming and I guess, I guess I understand if this moment forward you never want anything to do with me again. .you pushed me away for a reason, and I don't want to force you to stay."

It hurt her to say these things, physically made her shake just thinking about it, but it needed to be said. She needed to tell him what she was feeling, even if it didn't make sense because she'd rather tell him this than nothing at all.

     But the thing was, Gally wanted to help her fight those battles, he wanted to be there. He wanted her.

"But, know this," She continued, holding her chin up in determination. "I am never going to stop trying to get out of this Maze. For Nick, for everyone who couldn't. I am going to survive, with or without you by my side and I'll show you that I am—"

     Gally strides toward her, and closes the distance between them with a kiss, his lips soft and passionate against her own. Mae is stunned for a moment, before melting into it but before she could kiss him back, he was already pulling away, his hands cupped on each side of her face and his forehead pressed into hers.

     "I don't think you're some unskilled klutz that's gonna drag me down," He says so quietly that Mae almost thought she missed it, "I don't want you to think that I won't be by your side, because that's the only place I want to be. I-I just never felt these things before, and I wanted to push them away because I was scared and it was fucking stupid."

     "It's okay, Gally. ."

     "No, it's not. I'm so sorry," He said firmly, "I thought. ." He takes a sharp breath, "I thought you died, and it hurt more than anything. I thought I lost you and then when I saw you in that room, I just, I lo—" I love you.

     Gally couldn't bring himself to say it, and he hated himself for it. He hated that he couldn't tell her how much she meant to him, and he hated himself for being so scared.

     "Just, tell me," He said, "Tell me you'll stay."

     Mae pulled him into a tight hug, "I'll stay."

     But, Mae will look back on this day with a heavy heart, because she hadn't.

↳ ❛ NOTES ❜
꒰꒰ let's go, Thomas, let's go!
time to get into the ✨maze runner✨ ꒱꒱