𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄.
chapter thirty-nine; Hopeless
"So, tell me again. . . that you were not jealous."

DEMETRE CALLED ON Elspeth Liens three times before he knocked on her door himself. He eyed the guards stationed outside for a moment, knocking again, and then gently pushed it open.

Her chambers were tidy but entirely devoid of life. He scanned the room, noting Elspeth's heavy winter cloak was missing, and a fresh carnation was laid across her vanity.

He swallowed his jealousy and exited the room, shutting the door behind himself before facing the guards.

  "Has she left?" Demetre questioned stonily, "The two of you are meant to accompany her, and notify me--"

  "Hugo made me swear not to tell!"

  "That's a lie!"

  Demetre's face fell, crossing his arms as the men argued.

  "She left this morning and asked Hugo to keep her secret--!"

  "Hugo?"

  Hugo's face twisted for a moment before he blurted.

  "She's rather persuasive, my lord!"

  "Ah, she promised to sneak him back some of those sweet rolls--!"

  "Quiet!"

  The guards clamped their mouths shut, facing Demetre with their heads hung low.

  "Where did she go?" Demetre sighed.

  "The courtyard, with the other Scottish ladies and Queen Mary," Hugo blurted, "My Lord, I--"

  Demetre lifted a hand to quiet Hugo, rubbing his brow for a moment.

  "The only reason I'm allowing this indiscretion to pass," Demetre sighed, "Is because your loyalty to me faltering meant your loyalty to her has strengthened. But do not let it happen again."

  The men agreed, hanging their heads as Demetre turned on his heel, leaving them alone in the silent hallway.

  Demetre stalked down the corridors of the castle, his cloak heavy on his shoulders as he nodded sparingly to guards and servants on the way. It was an especially cold winter's day in France, with snow coating the scenery and frigid air sneaking into the castle whenever it could.

  He questioned why today, of all days, Elspeth Liens chose to venture outside.

  It had been just over a month since Elspeth had joined House Langlois, three weeks since Lola's wedding and Demetre wasn't blind to how their relationship had changed.

  The reality of it rested heavily on him, each time he tried to call on her or invite her for a ride or breakfast, and was met with a polite yet far too formal decline passed along by her handmaid.

  And to be frank, Demetre was growing annoyed with it.

  Which was how he wound up leaning against one of the open archways, watching Elspeth laugh loudly as she threw a snowball right at Kenna.

  The Scottish women were all together, Elspeth, Kenna, Greer, Lola, and even Mary, running around like children fighting with snowballs. Their energy was contagious, loud laughter in the otherwise silent landscape, but all Demetre saw was her.

  "Watch out, don't hit Lola!" Mary laughed.

  "I'm fine," Lola assured, "I'm not that far along yet."

  The woman smiled, settling down for a moment.

  "It wasn't so long ago we were all talking about our first kisses," Greer reminisced, "And now three of us are married."

  "And soon you will be as well," Kenna noted.

  "Unless I ruin it before then," Greer said, "Or my father does. He's arriving today and I'm worried he'll offend Lord Castleroy with too small a dowry."

  "I could have my father transfer my dowry to you," Elspeth sighed, "I won't get any use out of it, after all. I'll wind up a lonely old spinstress while the rest of you grow old with your husbands."

  "As kind as the offer is, you will need yours soon enough,"  Greer said with a small smile, "Any man would be lucky to court you, Elspeth. Your family is the head of possibly the most well-respected Duchy in Scotland, you're brilliant, talented, and beautiful."

  "Castleroy can't take you yet, I need you to tell that to every eligible man in France so they think of it and not my scandal," Elspeth sighed, linking her arm with Greer's and leaning her head on the girl's shoulder.

  "Oh, I would, so don't joke," Greer laughed, leaning her head on Elspeth's.

  "Have you told Lord Castleroy your family's lost its fortune?" Mary asked Greer. "He might be understanding."

  "Tell a suitor we're broke?" Greer asked, raising her brows, "My father would have a heart attack. . . I've had more opportunities than you can count. And what do I do? Fall in love with a servant and nearly ruin his life, too."

  "We've all had the same opportunities and look at us," Kenna said, "I'd never thought that I'd be forced to marry a man engaged to Ellie, let alone a bastard with an imaginary title. Lola's been forced to hide her pregnancy, Ellie's engagement was broken off twice and she's been threatened by a mad king, even Mary, and Francis. . ."

  "Yes, when we couldn't come to terms on my brother, my beloved husband locked me in a tower."

  Elspeth shifted in discomfort, pursing her lips so no words escape without her permission.

  "It's been almost a month," Lola said, "Are you and Francis on any better terms?"

  "Well, I can now talk to him without screaming," Mary said, "Does that count as 'better'?"

  Elspeth averted her gaze from the woman, unable to find a thing to say. Not that Mary's marriage was her business, but Elspeth figured Francis had been a relatively level-headed man, so an act as extreme as this must have had reasoning behind it. Likely he believed it was safer for Mary than anything else.

  Before Elspeth could think on it anymore, her eyes landed on a familiar figure who was already gazing at her.

  "You've got to be kidding me," Elspeth grumbled.

  "What's wrong?" Kenna questioned, quickly joining Elspeth's side and searching for what she had seen.

  "It's Lord Langlois," Elspeth sighed, un-linking her arm from Greer's and tightening the cloak around her shoulders, "He's gone to extremes now."

  Elspeth pursed her lips in annoyance as Demetre began walking toward the group.

  "What does that mean?" Greer couldn't help but laugh.

  "It means Ellie's been giving him the cold shoulder since Lola's wedding," Kenna noted, "And he's now seeking her out."

  "He's deserved it," Elspeth argued.

  "Why don't you have him court you?" Lola questioned quietly, "He's single, wealthy, titled."

  "It's hopeless," Kenna noted, looking to Lola, "I have tried before to convince her, but she won't listen."

  "It's especially hopeless right now," Elspeth muttered with indifference, even as Demetre approached, now mere feet from her, "Lord Langlois has had many visitors in his chambers as of late. I hardly think he's searching for marriage."

  Demetre's face was unmoving. None of the women, save for Elspeth, could tell if her words were even heard.

  "Lady Elspeth," Demetre said, extending the crook of his elbow, "Join me?"

  "I'm a bit preoccupied," She said, "Perhaps you could invite another woman to join you. Maybe one of your late-night trysts?"

  Greer harshly elbowed Elspeth's ribs, but the woman buried the pain and held Demetre's eye contact.

  "I'm afraid yours is the only company I'm interested in," Demetre said smoothly, "And I must insist, as your sponsor."

  Kenna grimaced, recoiling as Elspeth gave him a tight-lipped smile and joined his side, resting her hand in the crook of his elbow.

  "If he ships me off to another country, one of you has to promise to visit," Elspeth called to the women as Demetre began leading her away.

  "We will!"

  Elspeth rolled her eyes with a brief smile, before turning her attention forward and matching her pace with Demetre.

  "If I didn't know any better, I would think you're jealous, Petal."

  "Good thing you know better," Elspeth bit back almost instantly.

  A deep chuckle rumbled from Demetre's chest as he continued down the snowy path.

  "Why else have you ignored me for a month?"

  "Perhaps because you lied to me about why you did not attend Lola's wedding. Or because you haven't tried once to find me a suitor, and as my sponsor, one would assume you'd have more stake in the game now. Or because you crossed many lines of etiquette--"

  And all at once, Demetre stopped walking. Elspeth opened her mouth to argue as she was jolted to a halt beside him, but Demetre stepped in front of her, resting his hands on her shoulders, allowing them to slide down until he held her elbows gently. The breath was stolen from her lungs, heat rising to her face as he leaned over, his face impossibly close to her own.

  "I asked if you wished for me to change my behavior, Elspeth. You said no."

  "Well, I--"

  "I haven't tried to find you a suitor because you seemed to be doing well on that front," Demetre said, his eyes darkening for a moment, "Lord Landon, was it? The man with flowers for my Petal."

  Her cheeks were blazing now, a bright pink color against the snow background.

  "You don't--"

  "I was busy with my duties, that is why I could not attend Lady Lola's wedding," Demetre continued, his voice growing gentler as he dipped his head, "My late-night trysts, as you called them, are all a part of Catherine's 'Flying Squad', a group I'm unsure if you know of or not. They are ladies-in-waiting with a particular skill set in service to the Queen."

  "Oh, are they?"

  "They are women sent to sleep with powerful men for secrets," Demetre said, wetting his lips with his tongue before smiling mischievously, "I assure you, Petal, Catherine hasn't sent them to me for sex."

  Elspeth's face had gone red now. Her mouth was dry and her throat was closed and she was so embarrassed she couldn't imagine speaking.

  "So, tell me again," Demetre said, sliding his hands down her forearms until both of her hands were balanced in his upturned palms, "That you were not jealous."

  Elspeth scowled, ripping her hands out his own.

  "There is the spitfire from Scotland," Demetre noted softly, an unfamiliar glint in her eyes, "I almost feared I had lost her entirely."

  "I have had little energy for anger in the wake of having my love ripped away from me, Lord Langlois, but you have found a unique way under my skin."

  "I take pride in that."

  Elspeth was staring up at him, at Demetre. His messed hair, his lazy smile, and the clear puffing of his chest showed her that he was proud of himself. Proud that he was making her angry and flustered and all too unmannered.

  And the worst part of her wanted him to feel the way that she had.

  "I needed you."

  And just like that the pride was gone. His smile faded away, expression melted into something between guilt and fear. Elspeth chewed the inside of her cheek as her own emotions flared, willing the anger to grow hotter to keep the sadness at bay.

  She knew her goal had been accomplished. Those three simple words tore Demetre right down to where she was. 

  But it didn't feel any better.

  "Petal," Demetre breathed out, dropping his head.

  "My reputation worsens every day. I am not blind to the eyes that follow me anytime I leave my chambers or the hushed tones people speak in when I pass," Elspeth urged as if trying to will Demetre to understand, "I am sure word of my failed engagement has already spread throughout France. I would not be surprised if it's reached Scotland by now-- along with rumors of my closeness to you. My title is barely keeping me afloat, Demetre, and yes, I've been spending time with Lord Landon, because he is kind and a welcome distraction in the face of my reputation being ruined entirely."

  Demetre's lips pursed into a frown as Elspeth's angry tears began to bubble up, glazing over her eyes.

  "You and Catherine were the only things that kept me afloat after it all," Elspeth said, jabbing a finger into his chest, "I understand she is busy, she is a Queen, and I know you have your duties as well, but. . . but I am so confused, Demetre. I feel as though I'm a ship lost at sea; I've no idea what I'm meant to do or who I am meant to be. Every choice I make feels wrong, every canvas I paint feels tainted-- I feel tainted. And I. . . do not know what is wrong with me."

  "Petal, nothing is wrong with you--"

  "So what was I meant to think," Elspeth cut him off, her voice cracking as the first hot tear ran down her cheek, "When you suddenly became too busy. When you suddenly had women visiting your chambers at odd hours, and excuses came fluently. When you have still not told me what it is that has made you so busy."

  Demetre attempted to place a hand on her arm, but Elspeth flinched away. And even through blurry tears, she did not miss the wave of regret that washed over his face. 

  Even angry at him, she couldn't bear the sight.

  Elspeth turned away from him the way a pouting child would, staring at the snow-covered landscape and forcing the tears to stop.

  "Henry has lost his mind," He said gently, "Catherine has asked me to help her. Stopping wars, assisting with diplomatic relationships. . . Assuring rumors of his madness have not escaped too far outside of the castle."

  Demetre frowned, lifting a hand and letting it hover just over her shoulder.

  "And I have tried to call on you whenever I can," Demetre said, "But every time, my invitations have been denied."

  Demetre gently walked around the woman so he could see her face but Elspeth dipped her head down instantly. The man took in a sharp breath, before placing two fingers under her chin to gently raise it.

  His expression was soft, kind eyes framed with softly furrowed brows as he saw her angry pinched expression and tears spilling over her cheeks.

  "Oh, Petal," He breathed out, sliding his hand to cradle her jaw, "I haven't been ignoring you to sleep with women."

  "You should have talked to me."

  "Ellie. . ." He said softly, "I promise I tried. . . the day of Lola's wedding an emergency arose. . . once I had dealt with it, you were so far gone you wouldn't even see me."

  Her face twisted, attempting to stay stony. 

  "I would have shouted if I saw you."

  "Shout," Demetre said, his voice almost pleading, "Next time you are cross with me, shout at me. Curse and yell and damn me if you must-- but please, Petal, don't shut me out."

 Elspeth softened, her brows pinching together.

"You'd have me yell at you rather than—"

"Yes, because yelling means you care."

Elspeth pursed her lips as Demetre's hand left her cheek only to tighten the cloak around her shoulders as if he could fight off the bitter weather himself.

"Okay," She agreed, even though she found the proposition curious and silly, "I'll march straight up to you and shout next time I'm angry."

"Good," He smiled, finally letting his hands fall away from her. "Because I want you to trust me. To trust that what I've told you is the truth. That what I have shown you matters. You are the most important thing to me, Elspeth Liens. Everything I do is for you and now, with you a part of my House, that means taking care of the House duties. To ensure you are safe and healthy and taken care of. . . as for rumors about our relationship, Ellie. . . people will talk. People have been talking since I showed you more than a moment's interest. Folding you into my House has ramped them up. I cannot promise people will not start new rumors, but I can promise that I will protect you."

  Elspeth let out a shaky breath, averting her gaze from his momentarily.

  "I do trust you."

  Demetre's eyes flashed, clearly not believing her words even slightly.

  "I trust you more than I trust myself most days. . . That is why it hurt so terribly."

  "Then trust me. Talk to me. Shout at me. Don't leave next time, Petal."

  "Okay," The word was hardly a whisper on the wind, "I promise."

  They stayed there for a long moment. Staring at one another as snow fell around them. It felt heavy and intimate; Elspeth wasn't quite sure how to exist in it. How to exist in his gaze like this, in his words— Demetre had always taken freedom with his words but it seemed as of late he had no restraint.

  And Elspeth Liens was so sure if she stayed there for one more second, she'd get lost all over again.

  "I wasn't jealous."

  Demetre raised a brow, his head tilting as his smile grew.

  "Okay."

  She looked up at his soft tone, her eyebrows furrowed.

  "I wasn't."

  "Okay," He said again, his smile never faltering.

  "You are insufferable, Demetre Langlois!"

  His smile grew to a wolfish grin as she started marching off, and Demetre followed quickly.

  "You wouldn't have me any other way, Petal."

  She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, noting his gaze was already on her.

  "No," Elspeth said, drifting closer so that her arm brushed against his as they walked, "I suppose I wouldn't."

( AUTHOR'S NOTE. )
I <3 writing Ellie and Demetre