note: let me clear up that what you'll be reading is an event that happened after the timeline was changed (which means natasha was already sent back to the past). so basically we're gonna be finding out what steve's thoughts are during all of this, and an overview of what steve and nat's relationship's like before she... came back. you'll get it once you read it below.

warning: i'm sorry if there are some major plot holes in my story lol i tried my best to add some scientific explanations regarding time traveling and all that but... obviously i'm a writer not a scientist, pls don't hate me :>

»»————- ★ ————-««

( b o n u s  c h a p t e r : s t e v e ' s  p o v )

»»————- ★ ————-««   

2011

Steve had always thought life was easy, and that time was something he could easily control. 

Apparently, he was wrong.

He always knew how he wanted to live his life. He had already planned how to live his life. He would enlist (no matter how many goddamn times it would take him), serve in the army, then probably get a few tips from Bucky on how to talk to women, go dancing with a few dames (he figured he'd no longer be scrawny at this point), find himself the right partner, marry her, have a family, and grow old together.

That was the original plan, and how Steve wished it was only that easy.

Time messed him up, and life threw his plans completely out of the window.

Having thought he had already given up his life when he chose to crash that plane down in the ice to save millions of people, to say he was shocked when he woke up seventy years later was merely an understatement.

He wasn't shocked nor surprise. No. He was way way past that. 

Maybe it was regret... or relief? Maybe this was could be his second chance at life... or death. Steve didn't know anymore, honestly. He just felt so tired and... lost—not knowing a thing in this world, and not knowing who to trust.

Everyone he knew, everyone he cared about, they were all gone. Dead, even. It sucks. And to think that someone considered immortality as a gift... it was probably the exact opposite. For him, it was a curse. Everyone had moved on, got on with their lives while he was still stuck in the past, not having a reason to move forward like they had.

It scares him in a way because in the end, they will leave, and he'll end up being all alone again like he always has been from the start.

Unless he finds a reason to finally leave his unresolved past behind him, Steve Rogers will always be the man out of time.

————

2012

Unfortunately, Steve now owes Fury ten bucks.

Recently, Steve had been recruited to be a part of a team called... what was it's name... the Avengers? Yeah, that was it. Fury told him that he had a mission to save the world, and he couldn't do it without their help.

Steve was initially reluctant because he didn't know what the world was like now, how it operates, who to look out for, but then again, he realized that he's got nothing to lose at this point. So, he figured, ah, to hell with it. 

So here he was, trying his best to get back in the world he had left seventy years ago.

The quinjet (that's what he heard from them) took him to a secluded base in the middle of the ocean. As soon as they landed, as he expected, Steve saw no familiar faces yet.

"Stow the Captain's gear," the man on his left—Phil Coulson, said to the tech people.

"Yes, sir."

Until he saw her.

"Agent Romanoff," Coulson introduced, and Steve assumed it must've been her name because she nodded in acknowledgement. "This is Captain Rogers."

There was a subtle smirk etched on her lips, her bright-green eyes looking straight at him. "Hi."

A strange feeling overwhelmed him. A sense of familiarity that he couldn't pinpoint exactly why and what it is.

It had took a few seconds for him to finally mutter out coherent words. "M-Ma'am." 

She looked taken aback, probably because she wasn't used to being addressed like that, but he couldn't help it, his 40's aura wasn't easy to shake off. There was a trace of amusement glinting in her eyes, but she blinked it off right away. 

"They need you on the bridge. They're starting the face-trace." She said to Agent Coulson. He walked off right after, leaving the two of them some time alone. 

Steve didn't know what was going on but a gush of déjà vu kept coming back to him. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore. He tried not to stare at Agent Romanoff, because whoever she was, she feels anything but a stranger to him.

He knew he must probably sound nuts because it makes no sense or whatever, but he really felt like they had met somewhere before.

Weird.

"It was quite the buzz around here, finding you in the ice." She suddenly spoke, snapping him out of his deep trance. He could see she was smiling, but it was every bit distant and empty. It was all small talk, nothing more. "I thought Coulson was gonna swoon."

Her voice. Her words.

He knew them very well.

Steve felt his heart pounding, but he tried not to put so much thought into it. Besides, he was still shaken up from everything that's happened—with the ice and all that—and it's probably why he was feeling this way? Because he missed the life he no longer had the chance to live?

He closed his eyes for a second, trying to make sense of what's left of his logic and of this newfound world he woke up to.

"Did he ask you to sign his Captain America trading cards, yet?"

Her—Agent Romanoff's—voice sounded again. His eyes snapped open, fully aware and slightly embarrassed that she caught him. She tilted her head, looking at him questioningly, but she didn't say anything else.

The way the corner of her lips tipped upwards, eyebrows quirked in amusement, and eyes looked right at him... everything about her screamed a ghost of his past.

That can't be.

But if she is, then who was she?

"Cap?" This time, she was eyeing him strangely, a crease appearing on her forehead.

God, Rogers, would you stop daydreaming for just a second? 

He stammered, feeling his cheeks heat up. "Sorry, just... got something on my mind." He managed to say.

She stared at him warily, "Is something wrong?"

"I'm fine." he said, coming off a little bit colder than he intended to.

Clearly, she got his message but didn't seem affected. If anything, she looked like she could care less. She was here for work and only for that. In a nonchalant voice, she said, "Okay, let us know if you need anything." 

Agent Romanoff left after that, leaving him to his quiet thinking.

Steve let out a deep sigh, looking around. He found another member of the team, Doctor Bruce Banner, looking just as lost as he was on the platform.

He walked over to him, offering a hand. "Doctor Banner."

Pushing his thoughts and explanations aside, he figured he could deal with this—whatever it is—later. He needed to focus on the job in front of him first... like he always does.

—

Okay, now he remembers.

He finally figured everything out.

Steve didn't know how it happened or when—it just did. One moment he was confused and clueless as a dim bulb, then the next thing he knew he was suddenly piecing the puzzle together.

Looking at his compass now, he knew why he felt such a strange familiarity around Agent Romanoff—Natasha, as he found out her real name was.

Natasha. Nat.

'I don't care. I don't care that you won't talk to me. I don't care that you lied. I don't care that you pushed me away. I don't care about any of it. I love you, Nat. I love you.'

Glimpses of his past that he no longer thought he'd ever remember again... each one kept surfacing back to the top, and it wasn't helping his situation at all. 

How the hell was he supposed to tell her this? (If Natasha was even Nat.)

He can't do this. She'd probably think he was losing his marbles.

But the sight of her smile, and the sound of her laugh haunted him to his very soul. He needed to at least try. He didn't know how Science works, but he knows one thing for sure—the universe works in strange and unexpected ways.

He could only hope it'd be in his favor... just this once.

—

Wrong.

He was stupid to think the universe would be nice to him this time.

Now, she did think he was delusional. 

The pain in his chest increased; he could no longer ignore it. His eyes slowly welled up with tears, ducking his head down as something wet trickled down his cheek.

He never should've told her.

—

Steve didn't like Stark as much as he was certain that Stark didn't like him either.

And he knew that Stark trusted him as far as he could throw him—which was barely something. So, hearing that Stark trusted his explanation of his whole time travel theory to be plausible was a really big surprise for him.

"So, you believe me?"

Tony casually shrugged. "Time travel isn't a new thing in the world of Science. Though, I'm not surprised that it's me who managed to prove that theory correct."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Of course, you won't." he muttered under his breath.

"What do you plan to do now?"

Nothing? "I don't know," he admitted, glancing at him with raised brows, "Should I do something?"

"Well, from what I understood, little red here is your lost love and all that." Tony said, pointing at the compass Steve was currently fiddling with. "So, make her remember that."

"You don't think I tried?" Steve asked, sighing exasperatedly. "She thinks I'm nuts. I made it worse. I never should have told her."

It was Tony's turn to roll his eyes at him. "Quit moping around, it's not the end of it yet." He said, taking the seat in front of him. "Look, there's a right timing for everything."

Steve fought the urge to scoff. "You have no idea how ironic that sounds."

"Shush. I'm talking." Tony reprimanded, continuing, "Anyway, if she really is who you think she is then she'll come around sooner or later."

Steve slumped in his seat, looking down at his compass. His thumb brushed over the picture of his lost love. "I'm not even sure of it anymore. I mean, what if she's right? What if... what if she's really gone?"

Tony sighed. He and Steve were far from close friends but at least they could be civil towards each other. They both started off in the wrong foot, but recently, things between them were slowly warming up. They've gotten used to the other's presence, to the point they could tolerate their distinct differences.

Honestly, he was flattered that of all people, he was the one hearing Steve's time travel story, but he just sucked at comforting people. It makes him very awkward and uncomfortable.

Knowing this, he tried a rational approach without making him feel bad. "If there's one thing you should know about in the 21st century, it's that, most of the time? Nothing ever make sense."

Steve huffed a laugh.

"Nothing's ever certain, you know. You're just gonna have to learn to gamble things." Tony smirked, gesturing to himself proudly, "Like me."

"I can see that." Steve agreed, sounding between the lines of amusement and sarcasm. After a pause, he asked quietly, "What would you do then?"

Tony stared at him in shock. "This is actually the first time you're asking for my opinion and I'm never going to let you live this down." 

"Stark."

"Right," Tony continued, clearing his throat, "You really want to know?"

Steve gave a shrug in response.

Tony took that as a 'yes'. He started, all seriousness dripping from his tone, "I'm not saying you should completely forget about her—about this Anne Klein. All I'm saying is you should give yourself another chance."

"I don't know if I can." Steve said, a sullen look on his face.

"Hey, of course you can, you're the Capsicle for a reason." Tony mused, "There's a lot of women out there who'd gladly help you with your situation."

Steve glared at him. "Not doing that."

Tony raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, you asked what I'd do and that's my answer. Okay, maybe not just some woman out there..." he trailed off, showing a small smirk, "What if it's someone you already know?"

His words smacked some sense into Steve; he clearly knew where Tony was getting at. It didn't mean he was having any of it, though. "That's one of your most terrible ideas yet."

Tony frowned, clearly offended. "It is not!" he defended, "It makes sense! She's the doppleganger of your lost love—"

"Stark." Steve cut him off, his gaze hardened. "I can't use Natasha like that."

"But you're not going to." Tony argued, trying to get him to see reason, "Don't you get it? Maybe it's time for you to look at her in a completely different way. The only reason why she's probably mad at you is because you don't see her as Natasha, you see her as Anne."

Steve kept silent, feeling some guilt eating him up.

"Hell, I know Natasha's the last person to shed any hint of her emotions to people, but I do know what you did wasn't cool." Tony said, sighing again, "It will take some time. I can't guarantee that she's going to give you a chance to know the real her but it'd be a start."

Steve was conflicted. His face held a bag of emotions that Tony couldn't decipher. He seemed eager to grasp that chance yet hesitant at the same time. He was scared. 

"I don't know... I mean I want to but—" he shook his head, cutting himself midway, "it's not fair to her. I don't know if I'll ever see her as just Natasha when she—she looks and talks so much like Anne." He glanced back at Tony with a frown, "Natasha doesn't deserve that."

Tony couldn't help but agree. "You're right. She doesn't."

Steve took a final glance at the faded picture in his compass, a dozen thoughts lurking in his mind. He shut it close, feeling the heavy weight in his shoulders doubled over.

Would he really be able to forget Anne Klein?

—

"What are you doing here?"

Steve gulped nervously, "I just—uh." He cleared his throat awkwardly, placing his hands inside his pockets, "I wanted to say that I'm—uh, I'm sorry."

Natasha looked at him suspiciously.

"It was really unprofessional of me. I'm sorry for acting that way." Steve said, sounding every bit sincere. "I hope we can just agree that it never happened."

She still kept quiet, staring at him dispassionately.

Now, Steve fidgeted and squirmed under her gaze. Abort. Abort. She's going to murder you. Well, you deserve this, anyway! 

"Right, that's... that's all I'm going to say." He took a deep breath, giving a nod, "See you, Agent Romanoff."

He turned around and went to head out the hallway. Before he could take a step further, however, her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"You know, I really don't get you." She said, crossing her arms over her chest. "First, you're distant and you ignore me, which I totally get because I know this is a hard time for you. And then, you pull a complete one-eighty on me by being attached to my hip 24/7. And now, this?"

She arched a brow, her green eyes flashing hard.

"Look, I know you're mad and you have every right to be—"

"Oh, that doesn't even begin to describe it, Rogers." She snapped, staring him down icily, "Are you just bipolar or what?"

"I'm sorry, alright?" Now, he was slowly losing his temper too. He tried not to. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable... I just—" he sighed, voice faltering, "I thought I could bring her back."

"Well, you freaked me out. I had a very different image in my head on how I'm supposed to interact with Captain America and that was not it." she asserted.

Steve flinched, muttering, "Sorry."

Natasha didn't know if she felt pity for him, but for some reason, the sight of his hopeless state was enough to ease her annoyance down. Now she thought about it, if she was in his shoes, she'd probably do everything she can to get someone she cared about back too.

She sighed, "It's fine." But her pride was getting to her first. She couldn't bring herself to apologize. Not yet. "Just promise me you won't do anything weird again, alright Cap?"

He smiled weakly. "Yes ma'am."

Natasha frowned again. "Okay, call me that again and we're back to not talking."

"Sorry, Agent Romanoff."

She rolled her eyes. "Natasha's fine, Cap."

There was a beat of silence on the other end, he looked surprised, but he managed to make out a small nod.

Seeing as they were done talking, Natasha averted her gaze and went back to reloading her pistols set on the table.

Just when her back was turned to him, she heard him speak, "If we're on a first name basis, then you can call me Steve, I guess."

He didn't see it, but it was enough to get a smile out of her.

————

2014

"Really, Disney?"

She pouted, taking offense to that. "Hey, Disney's for everyone." Pulling out the stack of DVD's she brought, she picked one out, "Personally, I like Mulan best."

Steve chuckled, plopping next to her on the couch. "I didn't know you were into Disney Princesses."

"Oh, shush. By the end of this movie, I guarantee you'll be agreeing with me."

"We'll see."

"By the way, Steve, you really should buy a USB port. DVD's are so ancient."

Steve frowned, "They're not. Back in my time, we even used tapes."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "I know, fossil, but if you're trying to adjust to the modern age, you're gonna have to go full in."

"Baby steps, Natasha." Steve reminded, leaning over to grab the bowl of popcorn and plopping one to his mouth, "Don't pressure me."

She huffed a laugh. "Such a grandpa."

—

"You gotta stop doing this."

Natasha glanced at him from her side, sending him a smirk, "Why? It's fun."

"For you, not for me." Steve grumbled, testing out his transmitter before putting on his helmet. "I can't just go out with some random woman."

"That's the point of a blind date, Steve." Natasha deadpanned, adjusting the straps of her parachute. "You need to expand your choices. Explore."

Steve glanced at her, shaking his head amusingly, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Natasha groaned. "You know at this point you're never going to get laid!"

A crimson red started to color the tip of his ears. "You really should find something else to do in your spare time than worry about my love life."

"You mean your sex life." She corrected.

"Shut up."

Natasha grinned. "Okay, let's make a deal. If I find someone of your type by the end of the week, will you go on a date with her?"

He rolled his eyes. "You're not going to let this go, aren't you?"

She simply shrugged.

"Fine," he grudgingly said, "Doubt you'll find someone, though."

"I know, I'm starting to think you might be interested in men after all."

"Wha—Natasha!"

Natasha only laughed, watching as he jumped out of the plane as soon as they came over the drop zone.

—

"Okay, what about Kristen from Statistics? She'd probably say yes."

Steve sighed, exasperatedly, not bothering to look at her as he sped up his tracks. "That's why I don't ask."

Natasha asked playfully, "Too shy or too scared?"

"Too busy." 

He heard her smacked her lips. "Ah! What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you? She seems kinda nice."

They really shouldn't be doing this now. "Secure the engine room, Nat, and then find me a date."

She was satisfied with that. With a smirk, she retorted back, "I'm multi-tasking."

—

Everything happened by a blur.

Before either of them could grasp what was happening, he felt the world crashing down on him once more, because everything he knew, everything he thought it was—it was all wrong.

S.H.I.E.L.D was compromised.

And S.H.I.E.L.D was HYDRA.

Turns out, his death was really senseless after all.

This proved it.

—

"Well, this sucks." Natasha started, staring blankly at the ceiling.

After they narrowly escaped Rumlow and his goons, they took refuge in the home of Steve's new friend, Sam Wilson. He was kind enough to let them stay, and both were grateful for that.

He let them sleep in the guest room, the problem is there was only one bed.

Steve insisted to sleep on the floor but Natasha didn't want to hear it. Besides, the bed was big enough for the two of them. Even with a respectable distance, they could still sleep soundly.

Yet sleeping was kind of becoming the problem.

So, they resorted to talking instead.

"It does." Steve echoed, staring at the ceiling like she does. He let out a heavy breath, muttering, "I still can't believe it."

Natasha glanced at him, her face falling at the broken expression on his face—the look of complete betrayal and disbelief on what they'd just found out.

If she was feeling worse, she couldn't even imagine what Steve must be feeling.

He basically sacrificed everything for nothing.

"I'm sorry, Steve." She said lamely, still looking at him. It wasn't the best thing to say, but as of the moment, she couldn't think of anything else. Her mind was blank too. 

Steve turned his gaze towards her. Even through the dark, he could see her perfectly, and he thought she was so destructively beautiful. 

He forced a smile in response.

"Guess I just lost the deal, huh?"

It earned her a chuckle from him. "If I say you did, would you be mad?"

"Hmm, maybe."

"I told you you're just wasting you're time, Nat."

Natasha sighed, shifting her body sideways so she was completely facing him. She let the silence consumed them before she spoke again, "Don't you want to be happy, Steve?" she asked quietly.

Steve's eyes fleeted to her, surprised by her question, before looking back up. He didn't answer immediately, but he said after a while, "Of course, I do."

"Then... what makes you happy?"

He sighed, voice breaking, and she swore she heard his heart broke too. "I don't know." he muttered, with a trace of hesitance.

Looking at him, even with just the hint of the moonlight seeping through the blinds, she could see how astray he looked. He was anywhere but here. The regret in his eyes haunted him deeply, as well as the unfulfilled promises lurking at the deepest parts of his mind.

Just like she was.

She swallowed thickly, and she knew she was treading on dangerous waters to dare ask this question, but she did anyway, "Is it because of her?"

Her.

That word could mean anybody to anyone.

But not to Steve. For him, it only meant one person.

"Maybe," Steve answered honestly, "I'm not really sure of anything at this point."

Everything he knew turned out to be a lie. Even the love of his life—Anne Klein—herself. He never felt so wronged and angry at himself for putting so much faith in other people. But the damage was done, and there was nothing else he could do.

"Do you still love her?" Natasha asked, and she felt Steve stiffened instantly. Her heart was pounding, loud enough for the both of them to hear in this quiet room. 

Steve didn't want to overthink things, but he was sure her tone implied something more. Something hopeful.

But he wasn't sure if his answer was the one she was hoping for. "Yeah," admitted.

Natasha expected that answer, but what she didn't expect is for it to hurt that much.

"I don't think you could ever stop loving someone." Steve suddenly spoke, "Once you start, there's just no turning back."

She glanced up at him through her glistening eyes, glad that he couldn't see it. "Even if they hurt you?"

Steve nodded weakly. "Even if they hurt you," he repeated, gazing back at her, "But it doesn't mean you can't love someone more."

Natasha's eyes widened, mouth falling limp at his statement.

The corner of his lips twitched slightly. He shifted sideways so he was now facing her too, and his thumb gently brushed away the tear that had slid down to the bridge of her nose.

"Steve..." she whispered.

He smiled fondly at her, "So, stop trying to set me up with random women, okay?"

"But..." she sighed, shaking her head. This was a bad idea. She never should've opened this subject, yet her heart was saying something else. "I can't... we can't."

He raised his eyebrow, "Why not?"

He didn't get it. How could he? When he was everything good and perfect. Too good for her. She didn't deserve him, so she wouldn't let him compromise himself for her. She was too broken and damaged; she'd only drag him down than up.

She tore her eyes away from him, swallowing her aching heart. His answer was everything she wanted and not wanted to hear at the same time. 

"We still have that deal going on, right?"

Natasha stared back at him. "What?"

"The deal we made?" He reminded her, "If you find someone who's my type by the end of the week, I'll go out with her."

That got her heart pounding more than ever. A warm feeling spread through her chest down to her gut. "Unfortunately, I didn't."

"Go out with me." he said. It wasn't a request, it was an earnest demand. A statement. A promise.

For a split second, she gave him a half-lipped smile, trying to steer the conversation away. "You're so stubborn, Rogers, it's ridiculous."

But he was adamant. He reached out to grab her hand gently, whispering once more, "Please, Nat."

He was making this even harder than it already is. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that she wasn't making a mistake.

Her fingers subconsciously tightened around his own hand too. "If... we make out of this alive."

"When." He corrected, squeezing her hand assuringly as he looked straight into her eyes. "When we make out of this alive."

She smiled again, not reaching her eyes, but brighter than the last one. "I'll go on a date with you."

The sight of Steve's smile that night was a memory Natasha swore she could never forget.

—

Steve remembered seeing red. 

The red star on Bucky's shoulder. The red blood on Bucky's fist when he pulled back to punch him. The image of Anne's red lips as she kissed him for the first and last time.

He was slowly fading away, his vision morphing into one giant red blur.

And then he saw Natasha's red hair.

The way it cascaded on both sides of his face, brushing against his bruised cheeks, while she pleaded in the most desperate tone he ever heard her speak. "You're fine. You're fine. I got you." he heard her say. "Don't give up on me now, Rogers."

He wanted to tell her so badly not to cry. He didn't like seeing her sad, especially when he knew he was the reason behind her tears.

But he couldn't

Everything hurt too much.

—

It was still dark.

He could hear voices, the sound of a machine beeping, and the heavy breaths of someone beside him. He tried to open his eyes but was unable to yet.

He felt someone's touch on his cheek, knuckles gently brushing, going upwards to brush the strands of his hair away.

Natasha.

"Wake up, Steve."

I'm trying, Nat.

"I'm here."

I know.

"Just come back to me."

Always.

"I... I love you."

I love you too.

—

Finally, he got checked out of the hospital. He was fine really, bumps of bruises here and there but nothing that the serum won't fix over time.

What the biggest concern for Steve was—what was going to happen now that S.H.I.E.L.D's gone? What else is left for him to do? All his life, all he ever wanted, all he ever knew, was to serve his country.

Now, that's taken away from him too... he didn't know his purpose anymore.

"You should be honored, that's as about as close as he gets to saying thank you."

His heart skipped a beat as soon as that voice reached his ears. The voice he missed so much; the one that he'd never get tired of hearing. He couldn't fight the smile appearing on his face once he locked eyes with her.

"Not going with him?" For some reason, he was hoping to hear the answer he wanted to hear.

But Steve knew her well enough to not get his hopes up, her suspicions were proven right when she shook her head, "No."

She didn't miss the way his face fell when he asked, "Not staying here?"

"Nah," she sighed, taking her eyes off him for a second, "I blew all my covers I gotta go figure out a new one."

"That might take a while."

Steve would be lying if he say he's in favor of her decision. If anything at all, he'd do anything to see her again every day. He's already gotten used to it (no matter how much annoying her flirty remarks and teasing banters became), and he'll miss them once it's all gone. He'll miss her.

He still wanted to go on missions with her; he still wanted her to be his partner. In all honesty, Steve Rogers had grown accustomed to being with Natasha Romanoff. Her presence is something he looks forward to every day, not just sporadically.

In simpler words — he didn't want her to leave. Not yet.

"I'm counting on it." she lightly smiled, before handing him a file, "That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev."

He took the folder from her hold.

"Would you do me a favor?" Steve snapped his head up just when she gave him a smirk, a half-attempted one. "Call that nurse?"

There it is again. She was pushing him away, pushing him towards another person's arms when he made it clear he wanted no one else but her. "I thought I told you not to set me up with random women anymore?"

"She's not just a random woman, she's a nurse," she quipped.

"She's not a nurse," he quipped back.

"And you're not a S.H.I.E.L.D agent." she smirked.

Steve sighed, glancing up at her with a half smile. "You still owe me a date, remember?"

It was enough to make her lose the smirk. Suddenly, she was avoiding him again, deflecting his sincere question with her own attempt of wry humor. It was the only way she could reject him without hurting him.

As if she wasn't already doing it.

"Believe me, you really don't want to date someone who travels a lot. Long distance relationships only work like 47% of the time," she kidded.

Steve weakly shrugged, trying for the last time, "At least there's a chance it would."

Natasha smiled fondly, appreciating his effort to convince her, but she knew enough to know that whatever this is, whatever they feel? It won't work. It can't.

She needed to end it before it could have the chance to start.

Steve didn't deserve to get hurt, not when he's been through so many, and Natasha's fully aware of the fact that it's because she's a constant reminder of his past—of his Anne Klein. She wanted to spare him the pain, and possibly, herself as well. 

There was still a selfish part of her believing that Steve might've just loved her because she resembles his lost love in more ways than one. Just thinking about that, it hurt her a lot.

She just hoped that, someday, he could understand everything and forgive her for hurting him now than later.

Steve accepted her rejection politely, finally deciding to let her go. Just like he did with Anne.

"What was her name again?" he asked quietly.

In the slightest fraction of a second, he saw a flicker of something breaking across her eyes. Something shattering... but it was gone before he could even confirm it.

"Sharon," her voice cracked. Despite smiling at him, there was a mix of emotions behind it, but it wasn't anywhere near joy nor happiness. It looked to be the complete opposite. "She's nice."

Then she surprised him when she began to lean in, planting a chaste but lingering kiss on his cheek. His eyes locked with hers, seeing the battle behind her mask; the struggle in her eyes to make this decision.

It hit him real hard, a tightening feeling in his stomach. He wanted to stop her, to hold her arm back and pull her close to him once more. He wanted to say it, to open his mouth and let the words spill out just so she wouldn't walk away. Every part of him called out, begging her to stay instead.

I love you. He wanted to tell her.

But the look in her eyes told him he didn't need to, because she already knew. And he figured out what she was trying to tell him too.

I love you too. He could hear her say.

Maybe she was right. For now, this might be the best for him—for the both of them.

When the time's right, they'll find their way back. They always have.

————

2015

Ever since what happened with S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA, Steve was offered a place in the Avengers tower with the reason for his own safety and stability. It turns out, he wasn't the first in the team to be staying there.

And he had to admit that it had been a while since he last saw these guys again, he took this chance to get to know them more as friends, not just as a team.

Currently, he, along with Tony, Clint, Bruce, and Thor were the occupants. Although, Thor was more likely of a constant visitor than an occupant as he needed to make frequent visits back to Asgard.

Over the course of months, Steve had actually wondered why he didn't take up this offer sooner. He had gotten close to the rest of them here (to the point where he actually considered Tony tolerable enough).

But still, there was something missing.

He sighed, of course there is. Natasha.

It had been already a year, and still, there was still no sign of her, no word from her at all. He wondered if she was alright, he hoped she was.

"Cap!"

Tony's voice rang throughout the hallways. Steve deliberately ignored him, sitting comfortably on the couch while helping himself to a bowl of popcorn. He was in the middle of a Star Wars movie.

"Steve!" Tony shouted, much louder this time.

Steve heaved a sigh of annoyance, pausing the movie to yell back— "What?"

"Someone's at the door! It's probably the pizza I ordered!"

"Then go get it!"

"I'm busy!"

"Doing what?" he exclaimed in disbelief. For all he knew, Tony did nothing all day but lie around in the tower or play with his toys down at the lab.

"Doing something!" was Tony's only response.

Steve rolled his eyes, turning back to the TV. "Well, I'm busy too!"

"Just go get the damn door! It's good for your impending arthritis!"

His eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "Shut up!" he scowled, grumbling under his breath. 

With a groan, he got up from the coach and went to answer the door. By the time the door swung open, all breath left his lungs. 

He met the sight of bright, emerald green eyes.

"Nat?"

She smiled. The first time in over a year.

"Hey, Steve."

—

Steve couldn't even begin to describe how happy he was to hear from Natasha, herself, that she was staying here permanently. She figured sticking around with the team would help her get to know them a bit more.

He was too engrossed with his thoughts that he didn't hear her call out to him. She snapped her fingers to get his attention.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

Natasha chuckled, amused. "I said, did you ask that nurse out like I told you too?"

"Oh," Steve said, not expecting that. "No, I didn't."

She raised an eyebrow. "How come? I'm certain she's your type."

Steve gave her that look. "You already know why, Nat." He said, sounding dismissive, as he took a sip from his coffee.

All amusement died from her face.

They still hadn't have the chance to talk about this, about them. He didn't even get the chance to tell her he loves her back. That day on the hospital, when she told him she loved him, he heard every word. He wanted to tell her that, to let her know that he feels the same way.

The problem is, she wasn't giving him any.

There never seemed like a good time—the right time.

Silence filled them.

Natasha cleared her throat, trying to relieve the awkward tension she had accidentally caused. "So, you up for a sparring match?"

Steve stared at her. "Now?"

"Yes, now."

"What happens if I say no?"

"I doubt you'll say no."

"But what if I do say no?"

"Then I guess I'll have drag you up there myself because I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Good point."

Steve drank the remaining content of his coffee before smiling at her. "You go ahead, I'll be right up. I just need to change my clothes."

"Your clothes are fine." she deduced.

He raised an eyebrow, looking down at his outfit. "I doubt that these pants are training-appropriate."

"Everything you wear is training-appropriate, Steve." She suddenly blurted out, unaware of the effect her words had on him. When she noticed him blushing hard, she quickly added, "I mean uh—I didn't mean... sorry."

Still flustered up, he simply said, "I'll just change. You go ahead, I won't take long."

Natasha nodded, feeling herself blush a little bit too. "Cool, okay."

—

Steve was going to fucking kill Barton.

By the time he changed into something training-appropriate, he was heading towards the gym when a gush of cold sensation spread throughout his body.

It took a few seconds to register in his mind what just happened. He heard the sound of someone snickering and turned his attention to the side—it was Clint, holding an empty bucket while hiding behind a wall.

It caused him another good ten minutes to head back and change into a new set of clothes.

Clint was smart enough to hide from him. Steve heard some rustling in the vents, assuming it was Clint. Now, all he needed to do was to find Natasha.

—

After getting lost in the tower for some time, he finally saw her. She was talking to Clint.

He walked towards them, calling out, "Natasha? What are you doing here? I've been looking everywhere for you."

Her back was facing him, but he could see her stiffen.

That's odd. "We were supposed to go sparring remember?"

Finally, she turned around. The moment he finally got a look of her face, he wasn't expecting to see her look at him that way. Tears brimmed the corner of her eyes as she let out a soft gasp.

Steve recognized that look.

It was the way Anne Klein used to look at him.

"Steve?" she whispered, voice faltering.

Now, he was getting worried. Natasha never acted this way before. He wondered what happened. A frown engulfed his face, looking at her with concern, "Hey, are you okay?"

She didn't answer, only kept her gaze on him and swallowed thickly.

He decided to turn to Clint for answers, who just shrugged, raising his arms out innocently. "Don't look at me. I'm just as clueless as you are."

That finally snapped her out of her daze. "We need to—I need to... talk to Tony." She said, stumbling over her words.

His frown got deeper. "Is something wrong?"

Natasha started walking, ushering them to follow her. "I'll explain when we get there."

—

Steve couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Everything—everything that he believed to be, everything he thought she was, every part of it was true. He was right.

Natasha Romanoff was Anne Klein.

Whatever her soul's made of, hers and Anne Klein—are the same.

She was his lost love, and she was his new one.

He felt his world crashing down beneath him once more.

—

Steve caught her outside on the balcony. Once again, he sensed some déjà vu hitting him. Only this time, everything felt right.

This is the right time.

"Not a fan of movies?" he asked, almost startling her.

Natasha turned around, surprised to see him here. "Not really." She answered, watching as he made his way beside her on the balcony. "You?"

Steve shrugged. "Before? Nah. But I took a liking to them since you started coming over and our movie nights became a thing." He spared a glance in her direction, giving a short smile, "Remember?"

She smiled back, a wistful look on her face, "Yeah, I remember."

He nodded to the breathtaking view in front of them. "Feeling déjà vu about this?"

"A little." She said, glancing back to the cityscape. "It's still beautiful, though."

Her words sparked something within him. His breath hitched in his throat as he stared at her, gazed at her. "Yes," he echoed, falling in love then and there all over again, "Still beautiful."

She caught him staring at her, but he didn't look away. A faint blush filled her cheeks. She averted her gaze to the view instead, she gulped, "Are you mad at me?"

His response came quickly. "No, I'm not." He sighed, "I'm sorry I walked out. I just needed time to..."

She didn't need to hear the rest of his statement because it was clear enough for her. "I understand. This is a lot to take in after all, especially for you." 

Steve ran a hand through his hair. "You have no idea how I feel right now." He didn't say it accusingly or with a hint of exasperation, he said it as if he was hurting deep inside. "I want to believe it, but at the same, I don't. Everything just kept coming back that I don't—I don't know. I don't know what to think or do or say."

Natasha swallowed thickly, her heart aching for him as he sounded torn and desperate to understand something. "Steve..."

"When I came out of the ice, and I saw you... I didn't know who you were. I didn't remember at first. I just thought you were different than the rest but a good different. You felt something closer to home, and after some time, I realized why. I remembered you were—you were my..." His voice faltered, stilling himself to say the words. He chuckled emptily, "But you? You didn't know who I was—didn't even remember who I was."

The painful memories surfaced once again.

He couldn't bear to relive it all over.

Natasha didn't even realize she was crying when the tears just started falling down her face. "Steve, I'm so sorry. I—I didn't... I didn't know."

Steve blinked back the tears as well, huffing out a breath. "You made me accept that you were dead. That I couldn't do anything to bring you back because you were gone. And I did, no matter how hard it was, I did accept it. I moved on."

He notice her swallowed the lump in her throat, unable to form any words.

He continued on, "And then I slowly started to see you as this... as Natasha Romanoff. Not as Anne Klein or Nat. No matter how similar your names were, I tried so hard to forget it." He stared at her, falling apart as much as he was before, "It took a while because every time I looked at you I always see her. Your smile was her smile, and your laugh was hers too."

"Steve, if there was any way I could've known, you know I would never hurt you." She said, staring deep into his eyes to let him know she was every bit truthful. "I never wanted to." She stepped closer to cup his cheeks.

He let her do it. He didn't pull away, instead leaning his head closer to kiss the palm of her hand. "I know." His eyes shut close, a few tears trickled down his cheek and her hand. "And now that you're here, and everything I thought about you was really true... it feels like I just died all over again."

"I'm sorry, Steve." She gasped a soft cry, pressing her forehead against his while their eyes shut close. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

His hand went to hold one of her own as the other went to stroke the side of her cheek. "But you were there, Natasha." He murmured. "As you."

Her eyes fluttered open and she saw him smile weakly. "But I hurt you..."

"You brought me back." He whispered, "You became a reason to help me let go of my past. You hurt me... but you were the one who got me back together. Not as Anne, but as Natasha."

She stared at him in surprise, her mouth going limp.

"You became my strength and my weakness." He whispered, "I guess no matter who you are I always end up falling for you." A hint of amusement was evident in his tone.

Natasha laughed softly, looking up at him.

They were silent for a moment until she spoke again. "I missed you."

He suddenly wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. "I missed you too. So much." He hugged her tighter, murmuring, "I'm glad you're back."

"You never lost me, Steve." She whispered, smiling into his shoulder, "And you can damn well keep it in your mind that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

Steve chuckled. "Good because I don't plan on letting you go, anyway." He pulled away, smiling at her, "Not this time."

They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment, letting the stars shine brightly above them. The soldier and the spy were caught up in each other's arms, not caring about the world around them.

He slowly leaned in, his eyes slowly falling shut as soon as his lips reached hers. He kissed her slowly, eager and lingering. His arm wrapped around her back as he tugged her closer to him. She almost let out a grunt of surprise and felt his lips pull into a smile in the kiss.

In that kiss, they felt everything. The time they spent apart together, how they thank fate and time for bringing them back again. It was all worth it.

Natasha kissed him back with more fervor, her hands looping themselves around his neck as she stood on her toes to taste his lips with a searing kiss. It was desperate, raw, and passionate. It was all them. No more masks or walls.

This was her. And she didn't mind letting him see her.

They pulled away to gasp for air, just breathless and flustered like the first kiss they shared back in 1943.

Steve grinned at her cheekily. "Okay?" He tipped her chin upwards to stare into her green eyes.

She leaned closer again to give him a sweet lasting kiss. "Okay," she smiled.

"Love you." He finally declared, hugging her tighter. "Anne Klein or Natasha Romanoff. I don't care. I love you, Nat."

She remembered how familiar it sounded to his own words back then. She pressed her cheek to his chest, melting into his arms. "I love you too."

Steve smiled widely, holding her tighter. 

"So, about that date?"

————

Steve had always thought life was easy, and that time was something he could easily control.

Apparently, he was wrong.

Life wasn't easy, but it doesn't mean it's not worth it. Even if life completely threw his plans out of the window, it gave him something better than what he was expecting. What he was hoping for.

He kept trying to find reasons to leave his past behind him, only realizing now that he never can... because it wasn't necessary. His past will always be a part of him.

As long as he finds a reason to keep going forward, he'll know he'll be alright.

He's the man out of time for all the good reasons after all.

»»————- ★ ————-««

And that's done!

Sooo, I edited the last part of the final chapter in this book to fit with Steve's pov here. And because I thought there were parts that were cringey (I revised this book when I was like 15 so that explains that), so, yeah, I changed some parts.

You could check it out if you want :>