https://youtu.be/ZmDBbnmKpqQ

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I got my driver's license last week
Just like we always talked about
'Cause you were so excited for me
To finally drive up to your house

i turned eighteen a few months ago, and naturally that meant that i need to have a drivers license, i aced the driving quiz last week, and i now have my first drivers license in life. 

and normally i would've been all happy and joyful, jumping up and down, celebrating with my friends — liam, zayn and niall —, and with my family, but i wanted to celebrate this with my boyfriend, well now ex-boyfriend, louis.

he had taught me the essentials of how to drive a car, and we had always talked before hand, what would we do to celebrate me acing my drivers quiz.

because he was so excited for me, to finally be able to drive up to his house, to celebrate, and not always have my mom dragging me louis' house all the time.

part of me wants to be able to celebrate in happiness and peace today.

but I can't, because of him.

But today I drove through the suburbs
Cryin' 'cause you weren't around

but all the hope i had of a happy celebration for me today, turned to be something somewhat of a depressive, sad and reason to mourn.

Because louis broke up with me a day before i got my drivers license.

but today, the most far i could go was to where the suburbs are, the suburbs is where we had our first date. it was my first ever date, he was my everything. my first date, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first time, of doing that.

i start crying as i have flashbacks on our now dead relationship. he isn't around anymore, he won't be there for me now, he fell out of love with me and fell in love with another person. a girl.

and that's what makes me feel even more bad, because i'm a boy, and he left me for a girl, did i really not make him happy?

i thought we were. 

but now i can see it so clearly that i was a fool to think that we would ever be perfect.

And you're probably with that [brunnette] girl
Who always made me doubt
She's so much older than me
She's everything I'm insecure about

Pfft, louis as of right now might be with that brunette girl named eleanor, she used to be my friend, but there was always something off and shady about her.

my gut and my instincts told me that she was bad news from the start, and if i think about t now, it all makes fucking sense. she never asked me if i was okay, if i needed help, or how was my day. she never did.

and part of me felt intimidated by her, she always made me second guess myself and my decisions, she made me feel insecure, and not feel safe.

and i also should've known that something was up when she started to stare at louis more than expected.

she is at least three years older than me, and she is everything i feel unsafe or insecure about.

like, for example, one day we were at the amusement park, well more like universal studios, — louis, eleanor, liam, niall, zayn and me — and we had to go to the jurassic world ride, and i hesitated because i was insecure and sacarse that I was going to fall off of the ride. I would see louis was annoyed at this, and I didn't do anything. upon seeing the situation, eleanor smirked and told louis that she could go to the ride with him. 

louis smiled in contentment and zayn went along with them, as i tried to calm down with liam and niall.

why couldn't louis understand that im scared of rides?!

i guess I couldn't give him what he wanted, i guess I wasn't enough for him. I guess I couldn't give him the world. and that's why he found someone who could and did.

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs
'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

yes, im fully aware that today, i am driving through the suburbs where louis' house is, he's probably there with eleanor.

i drove through those suburbs, trying to ignore the tears that were pricking through my eyes. wondering: how can i ever love someone else than louis?

And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

i know, i know that louis and i's relationship wasn't perfect, but i had never, ever felt this way to no one. ever. 

I don't know how i'll get over louis.

And all my friends are tired
Of hearing how much I miss you, but
I kinda feel sorry for them
'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah
Today I drove through the suburbs
And pictured I was driving home to you

and all of my best friends, are getting so tired of hearing how much i miss him, i know that they are getting tired of crying and whining.

my friends being liam and niall — obviously im friends with zayn, but im much more closer to liam and niall —.

what am i doing right now, you may ask. right now, im driving through the suburbs, in the neighborhood where louis lives, and i imagined countless times that i was driving back home to him.

And I know we weren't perfect
But I've never felt this way for no one, oh

we weren't perfect, not even close. im very aware of that fact, but i would've liked it if he at least tried to give us a chance. but he didn't, i wasn't enough for him.

and the thing is that, i have never ever in my life, ever have been so in love with him.

the night i was going to say i love you to louis, was the night that he ended us. saying how he wanted to be with eleanor because she was not childish as me, not so needy and whiny, and that she was much more mature than me.

i don't think I'll ever love again, not after he broke my heart, especially in our six month anniversary.

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

i don think that i can picture louis being okay, like be happy, enjoying his life, without me. now that im not in his life anymore.

he wrote me a song named 'the way you make me feel' (a/n: i know, it's mj's song, but just pretend), and he was telling me there how much he fancied me, and how he liked me, and how i turned him on. pfft, more like the way i used to make him feel.

but now, i think that he didn't mean what he wrote in that song about me.

why?

because he said he'd be there for me when i needed it, he said he'd be with me forever, but now? i just cry to myself, as i drove past his neighborhood.

Red lights, stop signs
I still see your face in the white cars, front yards
Can't drive past the places we used to go to
'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

the red lights, yellow lights, green lights, stop signs, everything.

i can still see his face in every white car i see, in every front yard.

i will never be able to drove past the places we used to go to, because i still am not over him.

i still fucking love him, i know it and it's annoying as hell.

Sidewalks we crossed
I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing
Over all the noise
God, I'm so blue, know we're through
But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

all the sidewalks we walked, hand in hand, hearing his northern accent, talking while we were stuck in traffic, we were laughing at some past experiences we had gone through together, and i mentally can still hear his laughter, loud and boisterous, over all of the noise outside of us.

god, only the lord knows that my skin color has now been changed to blue due to all of my sadness, i know that we are through, and that fucking hurts.

i still fucking love louis!

I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

we were never perfect, i'll admit it, but he, he made me feel in a way that I can't express, i don't know how he would leave me alone, behind. in all of the darkness, he could've told me why, instead of some shitty excuse.

i only have one question, and one question only. how is he so fucking okay, now that im not in his crappy life anymore?!

no one can tell me! no one can tell me why he left me to fuck!

he never meant what he wrote in that stupid song about me! 

he never did.

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street
Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

i sigh.

he said forever, but now?

i just quietly cry to myself, passing through the suburbs where he lives, passing his neighborhood on my way to work, passing his door.

yeah, he said forever and now look.

he said forever, and now, i'll just drove alone past his street from now on. seeing how the time goes, slowly, and in pain. 

only then, when i die, will he finally realize.

mhm, im now passing louis' house, i just need to take a deep breath, i will get over him, i will pass this test, i can hold my breath, i- i can do this shit!

The end.

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yeah, I don't know why I like doing these one shots. FYI, im weird, just in case you haven't noticed.

-Are you ok?

-are you eating enough?

-are you drinking enough water?

-did you sleep at least 8 hours?

remember I'm here if you need to talk about something or if you just need to vent to me.

Word count: 1760

Another fyi, I love each and every one of you!

(P.S, there will be a sequel (still in Harry's pov) named Deja vu, it takes place a year or two after this one, that's all!)