ˢᵃᵘᵈᵃᵈᵉ

benny miller 𝔁 fem! reader
𝕥𝕣𝕚𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕖𝕣

❝ you're not... you're not here.❞

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝟑𝐚𝐦? Who the fuck could that be?

Sighing, you got up from the couch, wiping a hand across your face. You were just about ready to sleep; relaxing in your low hanging pajama pants and an old shirt that was long overdue to be given back to its rightful owner.

"Y/N, please! Answer the door!"

You came to a stop, eyes widening at the sound of the familiar voice. Without a thought, you opened the door, having to raise your eyes.

"Fish?"

"Oh, thank God," he sighed, his shoulders slumping in relief as he met your confused and slightly worried gaze.

"What are you doing here?" you questioned.

"It's good to see you too, hermosa," he smiled ruefully, causing your head to shake as a tired sight left your lips.

"Fish..."

He could hear the pressed tone in your voice. "It's Benny," the ex-pilot merely stated.

The name had your eyes snapping to his, your spine going rigid as your nose flared with a sudden exhale. His name was like a punch to your heart and a shot at your soul.

"No," you shook your head, taking a step back into your apartment. "I'm not doing this."

"Y/N, please," Fish begged, placing his hand on the doorway to stop you from closing it. "He's going fucking crazy. We've tried everything, and nothings working."

"So, you think his ex-girlfriend will be able to help?" you questioned rhetorically.

"Yes," he answered immediately, watching your face fall. "You're the only one that can help him."

You stared at the man you used to call your best friend. He was looking at you all the same as he did those months ago, except this time he was desperate. Desperate for you to save his friend who so miserably needed you.

"Fine."

The word left your mouth within a second, and you found yourself turning away, trying to occupy yourself with putting a pair of Converse on as a relieved, thankful smile spread across Fish's face. You stood back up, grabbing your keys and phone before following the man out to the front of your apartment block. Before he went to open the door of his patchy red pick-up truck for you, he suddenly turned around, and not a moment later, you found your face pressed into his chest as he hugged you. 

"Thank you, hermosa," Fish whispered, tightening his grip around you.

"It's fine," you nodded, lifting your head slightly to meet his dark eyes. "I don't think I'll be any help but it's worth a try."

Fish simply nodded, a million thoughts running through his head as he opened the door for you, shutting it behind you and walking around the other side. Slipping into the driver seat, the car soon peeled down the road, and Fish almost chuckled at your blatant obliviousness at the fact that Benny had been calling- no, begging for you the entire night. Will had tried to ram it into his thick skull that he couldn't just call you up after he left you heartbroken and crying all those months ago. 

You both had met at your old day job at a rusty, old diner that was deemed authentic by the public for its retro black and white marble floors, red leather seats and rollerblading waitresses. Benny had been entranced by you from the moment he and the guys stepped into the diner, watching as your body and legs swayed with each small push you did to glide across the floor. 

You were pretty and humorous, offering an easy smile and a busload of meal deals. Benny stuttered out his order, blushing under the amused look in your eyes as you nodded slowly before skating away with their orders. Immediately, Pope, Fish and Will dogged on the poor kid, smacking his back and ruffling his hair as they tried to get him to ask you out. 

He denied, of course, saying that there was no point starting a relationship with a beautiful woman when he was going to leave in six months. He didn't want to get attached to you the way he knew he would. 

So, they left the diner with chuckles and sympathetic smiles as Benny left the diner without your number. 

However, that soon faltered within a second when he suddenly stood tall, a look of realization overcoming his features before he spun around and rushed back inside. The three had shared a look, before peering into the window. 

There Benny stood, leaning across the metallic countertop as he offered you a winning smirk and a scratch of his neck that had you pulling out a napkin and writing down your name and number. 

That night, Benny drove home a proud man.

And then, all the anger and sadness, PTSD and rage issues seemed to melt away as Benny pursued a relationship with you. You were his rock, his angel sent from heaven as a reward for serving his country. You melted into his life so easily that he felt as if he had known you his entire life. 

God, did he love you. And the feeling was mutual. By the second date, you were screaming his name and within the first month, Benny had confessed his deeper feelings, smiling like an idiot when you reciprocated. 

Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn't. 

Those six months flew by so quickly when suddenly one night, Benny had come home from a guy's night with the boys, face drawn into a frown and shoulders sagged. Before you could've even approached him, he was speaking those three terrible words you hoped he wouldn't ever have to say. 

"I'm going back."

You screamed and cried, begged him not to go, and all he could do was watch with tearful eyes and a wobbling lip as you fell to the floor, hands cradling your face in that rough grip you had always loved. 

It soon turned ugly, with you smashing your fists into his chest. He never laid a hand on you, practically baring his body to you like a punching bag as sorrow overwhelmed you.

"I wish I never met you, Benjamin Miller!"

And then he was gone. In the morning, you awoke with puffy eyes and stains of mascara dried against your cheeks. Standing up, you made your way through the shared apartment, finding everything still in place and nothing out of the ordinary. Except for a letter. A small, three sentence letter that had your knees breaking out from underneath you. 

I know you hate me. I hate myself too. I love you, forever.
─ Benny.

And now, here you sat with fidgeting fingers as the car rolled to a stop in front of the familiar apartment. It was left back in Benny's name when you had rushed out of it a week later, going off to live with one of your friends whilst you tried to find a new place to live. You couldn't be there anymore, knowing that the soul of that place was gone. 

Opening the door, you took a deep breath before looking over at Fish, who watched you with expectant eyes. Nodding, you followed him through the hallways, rushing up the stairs. There was only two apartments each level, with only eight stories. It was a pretty reserved and quiet building, so you weren't shocked to hear pained shouts coming from that familiar door, dawned in dark green paint and golden numbers, 51. 

Fish opened the door, and you almost hesitated to follow, but upon finding a weary William snapping his head towards the croaking sound, you briskly stepped inside. 

"Y/N." Will closed his eyes, pinching them shut as relief flooded his body. "Didn't think you'd show."

"Here I am," you shrugged, before flinching at the sound of Benny screaming. "What's happening?"

"He got into another bar fight."

"Another?" you echoed, crossing your arms over your chest. 

Will nodded, a sigh leaving his lips. "He was thrown out of the bar, and somehow found another drunk fuck to beat up. We barely got him out of there. Pope's trying to calm him down but it ain't working."

You nodded, before placing your phone and keys on the small cabinet table near the front door. Without a word, you made it through the apartment, trying not to let your gaze wander, but you had already seen enough. 

Nothing had changed. Nothing. 

Every painting was still hung up in the same place. The couch still sat by the large window overlooking the park, the same pillows sitting loosely on the brown leather. Same mugs and cups, carpets- and God, the pictures. 

You reached the main door where shadows brushed against the open bottom, raising your hand to knock before deciding to just push it open. Benny was yelling loudly at Pope, sweat covering his face and neck, as well as his dark grey shirt. His hair was messy from being pulled and carded by his large fingers, and the look in his eyes brought back all those memories of when he would dream such terrible nightmares that you had to slowly lull him out of his sleep and wrap your arms around his shaking form. 

Pope looked over at the door, eyes widening at the sight of you as you stepped into frame. Benny wrenched his gaze away from the man, before his jaw dropped and the heavy labored breathing came from his screaming match with Pope. 

The man was quick to rush out, brushing a hand over your arm and muttering a small, "Cariño."

Closing your eyes for a moment, you tried to gather yourself before opening them again. Benny was watching you closely, as if he didn't truly believe you were here, standing in front of him with that shirt he gave you all those months ago and that beautiful frown pulling at your face. 

"You're not... You're not here..." he mumbled. 

"I am," you nodded, taking a hesitant step forward, nearly grimacing when he took a step back. 

"No... Fuck... No, you're not here..." His words came out croaky and almost choked out as you watched helplessly as tears lined his eyelids. "Fuck this, man. Fuck my head for thinking you're here."

"Benny, baby, I am here," you tried, stepping closer and closer until you were at arm's length. "I'm right here." Your words came out in a whisper- that soothing type of softness in your voice always having an effect on Benny. 

His breathing calmed ever so slightly but it was enough for you to continue. Taking another step forward, your hands slowly rose to his neck, delicately placing your fingers near his pulse line. Benny could only watch you, dipping his head to trace the features of your face as you brushed your fingers over his neck, shoulders, hair and face. 

She can't possibly be here...

My poor Benny...

"Baby, you're burning up," you mumbled, leaning back slightly. "I'm gonna get you a cold one."

When you pulled away, Benny was quick to recapture you, shaking his head with a scared frown on his face. "No, no, no, don't leave, please, don't leave."

"I'm not, I'm not," you reassured quickly. "I'll be back in a minute."

Your words soothed him, and Benny waited for that exact minute before you were walking back into the room with a bowl of cold water and a damp rag. Placing the bowl down, you took one of his hands and led him to the large window where the yellow streetlights caused a dim glow to overtake the room.

Gently sitting him down, you followed suit, placing the rag in the water and wringing it out before you started to dab his face. His face visibly untightened, the lines on his face ceasing as he felt the cold material wash away the heat. 

It was silent for a few moments with you just cleaning the sweat off of his face and neck before you were placing the rag and bowl away. Benny ignored your gaze, letting his eyes sweep over the view outside of the window, feeling your eyes on the side of his face. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, not daring to meet your gaze. "I've been so fucked up since you left."

"Benny..."

"I have," he gritted out. "You were the only thing that kept me going. Kept me alive. And I fucked that up by leaving... I'm so sorry, Y/N..."

You watched with a shaky lip as Benny broke down in front of you, tears spilling from his cerulean eyes, palms sinking into the alcoves of his pupils. 

You moved forward, and as if it was common practice, your arms were around him and your chin rested on the mess of blond strands he called hair as his face sunk into your chest. This was the only way he seemed to relax whenever he had those reoccurring nightmares; his body laying directly on top of yours as his hands stroked your sides whilst yours rested in his hair. 

It still worked, you guessed.

"Benny... I'm not going anywhere. Not for a long while, at least."

His next words were muffled, but you heard him all the same. 

"You're the only one I fight for."