CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE , HIS VOICE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU

a/n : heyyyyy 🫶

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Going through the healing process has always been hard for Emery.

Especially the waiting part. Knowing that everyone was out living their lives while she was sitting in Physical Therapy for hours on end in pain—killed her.

It had been weeks since Emery had been admitted out of the hospital. Despite being able to now walk on her leg without crutches, Emerson still it felt as if she had no progress in her recovery.

Everyone had been reassuring her that she would be back to work in no time; but Emery noticed the way they would quickly look away from her as soon as they spoke those words. They didn't believe them. Not really.

She couldn't blame them. After what Joe did to her, Emery wasn't the same person. And she couldn't help but wonder...

Did she even want to be a firefighter anymore?

"No—shit."

"C'mon, Emery."

Emery shakes her head. "I can't do it." She softly cries. "Please, don't make me do this." Her eyes shift to her physical therapist.

The physical therapist had been slowly and gently rolling Emery's wrist. Emery couldn't move her wrist but she could feel the tendons burning inside of her wrist. It made Emery's skin crawl remembering the nail stabbing through her wrist. So, having to come to this office and force it to move in ways it didn't want to made her want to throw up.

"Emery, you've got 5 more—"

"I can't!" Emery uses her good hand to pull her numb one out of her doctor's grip. She then covers her eyes with her good hand and softly cries.

The doctors and P.T's all exchange a look before walking away to give Emery her space.

Emery felt like a child in this moment. She felt embarrassed for wanting to give up. And that made her want to get up and walk out of the building right now. The woman was sitting there for 20 minutes before she heard soft steps. She lets out a soft breath before speaking, "I'm sorry. I'll go home."

"No, hey. It's me."

Emery's stomach turns and her body gets hot out of embarrassment. Fuck. She takes her hand off her eyes and meets soft storm blue eyes. "What are you doing here?" Her voice was trembling.

"The PT told me what happened."

Emery shakes her head and looks away from Buck. "This is so fucking humiliating—"

"No. It's not." Buck pulls a chair up and sits beside her. "Listen, do you remember how I was after the rig fell on my leg? The way I yelled, cried, and even wanted to go home too?"

Emery looks to the side and a tear rolls down her cheek. "I'm not..." she looks down at her hand that was in a brace. "I'm not as strong as you—"

"You're stronger." Buck quickly cuts in. He watches as Emery keeps her eyes on her brace, not reacting to his words. "You may not believe it now, but you are. And I know you're going to get through this. You're going to be back to the 118 in no time."

A painful lump forms in her throat and she bites her lower lip to keep it from quivering. "Have you...heard anything? About Dylan?" She lifts her head and connects her eyes with Buck's. Buck inhales a breath and Emery pulls her brows together from his reaction. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just, his grandparents want you to heal first before they talk about...custody."

Emery shifts her eyes to the side. "What's there to talk about? Tom said—"

"He said." Buck repeats, his voice soft. "It was never...written down in any official writing."

Emery quickly looks back at Buck. "What are you saying? That Tom's dying words don't mean anything?"

"That's not what I'm saying, Emi."

Emery's breathing heavies and she scoots her chair back in frustration. "Is that what his parents are saying?" She doesn't even wait for Buck to say anything. She shoots up from her seat. "Fuck this. I'm talking to them, right now—"

"No, you're not."

Emery freezes and looks down at Buck, "Excuse me?"

Buck holds his hand out to the girl with his brow raised. Emery stares at it for a moment then at Buck challenging his cocky expression. Buck's expression wavers and his eyes soften. "Look...if you finish these last five. I will personally drive you to the Fletcher's house so you can talk to them."

That was enough for Emerson.

She sits back down with a huff, her cheeks puffed. Buck smirks from her pouting. He then gently grabs her numb wrist and Emery tenses. A few seconds of Buck's hand on her and she let out a small breath and relaxed. Despite her pouting, she managed to finish her last five hand stretchers. With ease.

10 minutes later, Emery was sitting in the passenger's side of Buck's jeep as he drives down the road. The car was silent the whole time. Emery didn't bother talking much anymore. But right now, Buck just didn't know how he could talk about anything else. All Emery wanted to know about was Dylan.

"They told him. A couple weeks ago."

Emery's jaw clenches. She knew what he was referring to. Tom's parents told Dylan about his father. She hugs herself and guilt settles into her stomach. "Yeah? That had to be difficult."

"It was." Buck nods his head. "And I know you wanted to be there for that, but—"

"They don't want me around. I get it." Emery softly speaks, leaning her head against the window. "But, I can't just let them...not hear me out." She watches as the palm trees past her eyes.

Buck glances at the girl and his heart jumps. "Em, you know that...I'm here if you need anything?"

Emery hums, "I know." Her mouth twitches. "Thank you for driving me, by the way."

Buck nods his head. Already reading Emery's mind, Buck speaks before her. "And no, you will not be giving me gas money. I volunteered to drive you here."

Emery rolls her lips into her mouth. "Guess, I'm getting too predictable."

Buck smirks, "Or I just know you very well."

Emery lets out a weak snort that causes Buck's heart to twist.

☆

Emery and Buck had been standing on the porch for almost 3 minutes. The girl's hand wouldn't stop trembling. She hadn't seen Dylan in so long and the time she was going to see him was to discuss her moving in with him. Emery's heartbeat begins to echo through her ears and her mind begins to race.

Buck notices her body begin to shake out of the corner of his eye. He turns to her. "Emi, you okay?"

"What am I doing?" Emery exhales, her eyes filled with tears. "2 weeks ago, Dylan found out his father had been murdered and now the girl who was there to witness it shows up to take him away from his only family?" She shakes her head and pulls at the collar of her shirt. "Th-this is wrong."

It starts to get hard for her to breathe. Buck's spine straightens and he takes a small step towards the panicked girl. "Emery, you said it yourself Tom—"

"You're right. Tom didn't write it down on anything. He just said it." Emery swallows. "Dylan's going to hate me—"

"Dylan loves you."

"That was before Tom died." Emery's voice cracks. "We should go." Her eyes connect with his. Buck saw how glassy and shaky her eyes were. She was scared.

"Okay, we can go—"

The door swings open.

Emery and Buck turn to see an older couple standing in front of them. "Uh—"

The woman holds up her phone, revealing live footage of Buck and Emery. Simultaneously, the firefighters turn to the doorbell and make eye contact with the ring camera. Emery's face heats up and Buck lets out a bashful chuckle. "Mr. And Mrs. Fletcher," he sends them a small wave. "It's good to see you again."

"I wish we could say the same, Buck." The man voices. "But we also know why you're here."

"To discuss our grandson's living environment." The woman adds.

The man steps aside, "Come in."

Buck steps aside so Emery could enter first. She steps into the house. Emery slightly opens her mouth, "Sh-should we take our shoes off or—"

"Don't worry about that, right now. You two won't be here long."

Emery swallows and her chest begins to tighten again. She slows her walking behind the Fletcher's and her mind begins to cloud with all of her guilt-ridden and pessimistic thoughts. But she feels a soft hand on her back and her heartbeat begins to ease. A small breath slips from her lips. She didn't have to turn around to express her gratitude towards Buck. He already knew.

Emery and Buck follow the Fletcher's into the living room. The grandparents motion for the two to sit on the couch. Emery and Buck sit side by side and an awkward silence fills the room.

Emery's eyes shift around the room, her eyes on all the family pictures. There was a picture of Tom, Dylan, and his parents.

They were so happy. A painful lump forms in Emery's throat.

"So, we know that...Tom wanted you to look after Dylan."

Emery pulls her eyes away from the photo and looks at the grandparents. Her back straightens and she swallows. "Uh, y-yes, ma'am."

"Emerson, we have always admired you and how you took our son under your wing." The mother softly speaks. "We still admire you."

The Fletcher's knew that Emery felt immense guilt over what happened to their son. And, they needed her to know they did not place blame on her in any way.

"But, you have a lot going on right now." Mrs. Fletcher adds. "With physical therapy, your job, counseling, and your father..." she looks at her husband. "We don't think that Dylan should live under your roof."

Emery tenses, "I know, it seems like a lot." She admits. "But I've handled a lot before and I have been fine."

The grandparents exchange a look of doubt in Emerson's words. Her shoulders slump and Buck could see her own confidence in herself begin to lessen. He couldn't just sit here and let Emery think she wasn't worthy of taking care of Dylan.

"Mr. And Mrs. Fletcher?"

The Fletcher's and Emery look at the blonde. Buck slightly opens his mouth. "It's not my place—it really isn't. But...your son trusted Emery enough to look after your grandson. This was his last wish for Dylan to be happy—"

"And he will be." The mother emotionally cuts off Buck off. Both firefighters sit in silence as her eyes fill with tears. "We know that right now—of course he's not happy. But we also want the best for Dylan."

"And as of right now?" Mr. Fletcher looks at Emery's forearm. His eyes shift to her arm and take notice in the needle marks. She places her hand over it while her face flushes with embarrassment. Even though everyone would say it wasn't her fault, she still felt shame that it even happened to her.

It wasn't my fault. But it felt like it was.

Emery felt her shame quickly stir into anger. Joe had not only ruined her life, but he's ruined her loved ones lives. He took Tom's away.

"He said he trusted you enough to know how to raise his son."

Emery blinks refocuses on the Fletchers. She clenches her jaw and gives them a small nod. "He did."

"And you agree?"

Emery pulls her brows together, "Agree with...?"

"Do you trust yourself enough to raise Dylan?" Mr. Fletcher asks.

Emery slightly opens her mouth. She was ready to say "yes". But there was a slight hesitation that everyone in the room noticed. Emery lightly touches her forearm and scratches it. "At the moment? No, but I made a promise to your son that I would give Dylan the best life."

"Emerson, you just answered your own questions."

Emery's stomach turns, "But—"

"It's not...the right time for Dylan to stay with the you. He still needs healing and so do you—"

"Dylan lost his father." Emery softly speaks. "He will always need healing and so will I—so will you two! But I can help—"

"We don't trust you."

Emery slams her mouth shut and there was a tense silence that made Buck want to sink into the couch and disappear. "Wh-what?" Emery croaks.

Mrs. Fletcher stands up from her seat and walks over to Emery. She crouches in front of the girl and gently grabs her left hand. Emery looks down at her hand and pulls her brows together. She knew that the grandmother was going to say some tough things. Things she might need to hear. But Emery honestly didn't want to hear anything else anymore.

"Tom told us that you had just recently came back to work after quitting." Mrs. Fletcher nervously fidgets with her fingers. She hated saying these things. Throwing all of Emery's past struggles and pains back in her face. But Emery needed to see why now wasn't the right time.

"I just had more important things to focus on." Emery stammers and shifts in her seat.

"Exactly. And you still have those same things to focus on." Mrs. Fletcher tilts her head. "Along with getting strength back in your hand."

Emery could feel the tears in the back of her eyes begin to move forward. She couldn't cry here. Not in front of the parents that had just lost their only child. Emery instead gives the mother a gentle squeeze of the hand and presses her lips into a thin line.

Buck could feel the hopelessness coming off of Emery and he felt powerless.

"Okay, I-I understand..." Emery's lets out her devastated words. She stands up and Buck could tell she was going to cry about this later. Seeing this going down the way it did broke his heart. "It was really nice seeing you guys again."

"I hope you get better, Emerson. Truly."

Emery cracks a small sad smile. She walks toward the door with Buck. "I'm sorry—"

"Can we talk about this once we leave?" Emery softly speaks. "I don't think I can handle anything else right—"

The door swings open which causes Emery and Buck to stop in their tracks. Emery's voice gets caught in her throat. Her eyes connect with the dirty blonde boy's sea green blue eyes. Her lips slightly part from how identical he looks to Thomas (besides the blonde hair). And from the boy's reaction, he was just as stunned to see her.

"Dylan." Emery softly speaks.

Dylan keeps his shaky eyes on Emery's. It's almost like as soon as he saw her, every feeling of grief had come rushing back.

She pulls her brows together once she realizes his black eye. "A-Are you okay—"

"I'm fine. Thanks." Dylan murmurs. "Just got into some trouble at school." He looks off to the side. "What are you doing here?"

Emery bites the inside of her cheek. "Just wanted to check on you guys."

Dylan softly scoffs, "We're great." He looks back at the girl. "Can't you tell?" His hand tightens around the strap of his backpack.

Dylan's eyes then shift to Emery's wrist. "Seems like you're doing great too." His mouth twitches. "Everything's fucking g-great."

"Dyl, I am so sorry."

Dylan's body flinched from the nickname. His father's nickname. "Don't call me that."

Emery closes her mouth. "Yeah, I'm sorry." Her chest tightens. Shit.

Dylan's eyes shift to Buck. "Well, I'll see you guys." He readjusts his bag and walks past them before either of the adults could say anything.

Emery stands there for a moment, too guilt-ridden to move.

"Dylan, a suspension—again?!"

"What can I say? The world's out to get me. They need you to sign this."

"What are we going to do with you?"

"Now you want my input about my life? Give me a fucking—"

"Dylan!"

Silence settles into the house. Emery slightly turns her head and looks at Buck. "We should go before they awkwardly ask if we're still here."

Buck's eyes soften and he gives her a small nod. "Of course." He opens the door and holds it open for her. Emery inhales a small breath, but it gives her the courage to walk through the door and mumble a small 'thanks'.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Emery started walking towards the car with her chest tight. Then her eyes start to water once she gets in the car. Buck gets in the drivers seat and he lets out a small breath. He turns to Emery and she was turned away from him.

"I ruined him."

"Emerson, stop."

The girl turns to Buck with her eyes brimmed with tears. Buck's eyes soften, "Putting all of this on you isn't healthy, all right? Especially since none of this is your fault. You did everything you could for Tom."

Emery lets out a breath she had been holding to keep her heartbeat from accelerating. "And it still wasn't enough..." she bites the inside of her cheek. "I'm sorry this was for nothing."

"It wasn't, though. The Fletcher's said that as of right now they don't believe you should look after Dylan." Buck states. "Once you're better—"

"I'm not..." Emery trails off her words to make sure she doesn't snap. She rubs at her eyes and sniffles. "I don't think I'm going to get better."

"Everyone thought the same thing about me." Buck says. "I've got hope."

Emery couldn't stop her soft scoff. "Well, I don't."

Buck wasn't even phased. He just smirk be softly shrugs. Buck starts the car before speaking once again.

"I've got enough for the both of us."

☆

After driving her home, Buck walked Emery to the door of her apartment. They both stand outside the door in silence. She let out a deep sigh—her entire body sinking into the seat. "Does it make me a bad person if I say I don't want to talk to my dad right now?"

Buck softly hums, "No. I think that just makes you a daughter."

Emery lets out a small breath. Her way of managing a small laugh during this time. She looks at Buck and his eyes were already on her. Buck's face grows hot out of embarrassment and he looks to the side. "Sorry."

Emery bites the inside of her cheek and shakes her head. "You've got nothing to apologize for." She scratches the corner of her eye. "You didn't have to...do any of this for me today. I know I've been a lot to handle since...Joe."

Buck quirks a brow, "Well, I mean. You've always been a lot to handle."

Emery looks at Buck with a deadpanned expression but she weakly chuckles. With a smirk still on his lips, Buck spoke. "I've always liked handling you."

Emery pull her brows together and Buck's face flushes. "I mean, I would say I'm pretty good at taking care of you."

Emery doesn't reply, but her expression softens. Most of her life, Emery felt like she's had to take care of herself. Especially after she moved out of her parents house. Even when she was with Helena, Emery always felt like she had to rely only on herself, despite Helena's many reassurances that she didn't have to. Emery didn't mind taking care of herself.

But maybe, she could turn to others at times.

Emery tried her best to ignore that nagging sense of doubt that told her to pull away from everyone. How could she really trust anyone after what happened?

Emery pushes that feeling down deep. The people she calls her family would never hurt her like Joe did. She knows that. She opens her mouth, ready to express how grateful she was for Buck being there for her.

Buck took Emery's silence as a bad thing, and his face began to feel hot with embarrassment.

"I don't know why I said that—you can ignore that." He nervously chuckles.

Emery closes her mouth and she shifts her eyes to the ground. "Right, sorry."

An awkward silence settles between them. Buck didn't want to force Emery into a conversation. He knows that when overwhelmed, she gets quiet. And Emery didn't want to bring the mood down. In her heart she felt negative. Why was she alive? She was Joe's original target and yet she's the one that survived.

As if he knew she was going down that rabbit hole of dark thoughts, Buck caught her attention.

"Thanks for letting me help you."
Emery blinks and she refocuses on Buck's soft expression. She mulls over Buck's words and it finally registers it. "N-No. I was a hand full of and I'm currently throwing a fit about not wanting to see my dad..." she looks back at the door. "I should be grateful for...being here—I should want to be here."

Emery pulls her brows together. "You have nothing to thank me for, Buck. I should be the one thanking you." She lets out a huff. Buck pulls his brows together, "Are you...upset?"

Emery bites the inside of her cheek. "I'm just tired."

Buck looks at the side of Emery's face. His eyes settle on the bandage over her stitches. Then his eyes shift to her bandaged arm. She hadn't taken the bandage off in front of anyone. But Buck remembered what was carved into her arm when they pulled her out of the barrel. It kept Buck up at night knowing that Emery was going to have to deal with this aftermath for the rest of her life.

"How do you manage to be here with me for everything?"

Buck pulls his eyes away from her arm and looks back at her—Emery's eyes were already on him.

"What?"

Emery's eyes soften, "It feels like my life is a lot even for me. I don't want to be living my own life, so why does everyone have such an urge to be here?"

Buck blinks with confusion. "Because we love you."

Emery's eyes burn and she looks to the side. They were such simple words but it still hurt her to hear. I don't deserve any of this.

"And you know I don't mind being here with you, right?" He takes a step closer to her. "I'm here with you. Only if you want me to be."

Emery's body begins to hurt. She wanted Buck with her. She wanted them all there with her. But Emery felt like she shouldn't feel comfort from her loved ones. Not when Tom was—

The door swung open which caused Emery and Buck to look forward.

"Emery, Buck." Elijah's face lights up. "How was physical therapy?"

Emery bites the inside of her cheek. "It was good, dad." Her mouth twitches and she hesitantly looks at Buck. "Thank you, Buck."

Buck gives Emery a small smile before she walks into the house. Elijah watches as Emery goes to her room. As soon as the door closed he looks back at Buck. "Now honestly?"

Buck lets out a soft breath. "She almost backed out of her exercises. But, she managed to finish them."

"Well, that's good." Elijah notices Buck's hesitation. "Right?"

Buck lets out a breath and it's as if his true emotions had finally surfaced. All that was clouding his face was worry.

"Emery went by the Fletcher's house."

Elijah tenses, "Shit."

Buck nods his head. "Right."

"What'd they say?"

"They don't trust her right now." Buck says. "And they don't think she should take Dylan in."

Elijah lets out a breath. He knew that the parents had a point and their reasons. But he also knew that this could be a reason Emery stops trying to heal. This could set Emery back 15 steps.

"Thank you for being with her." Elijah clasps Buck's shoulder. "And I'm sure she's already showed her gratitude, but I wanted to say it too. Thank you, Buck."

Buck's ears get hot and he bashfully chuckles. "It's no problem." He timidly tries to brush it off. "I'll be here for the both of you...as long as you need me for."

Elijah's eyes soften. Buck could feel the mood shift in the room and it causes him to tense. "Buck, the only way you can be there for me is by being there for Emery. Especially after, I go."

Buck's eyes soften, "Mr. Sharpe—"

"I know that's a lot to ask. But, I also know my daughter isn't someone who asks for help often." Elijah nods his head. "I just...I want her to be okay."

Buck's shoulders slump and he couldn't help but feel powerless over this whole situation. He couldn't make Emery feel better and he couldn't help ease Mr. Sharpe's pain. Elijah was so worried about his daughter he hadn't even thought about himself through all of this once. Buck could see where Emerson got her selflessness from.

"You know I would do anything for her." Buck softly admits. "I will."

A small smile of relief forms on Elijah's lips. And his smile grew wider when he saw a fire of passion spark in Buck's eyes. Elijah recognized that look all too well.

☆

Emery didn't want to be here.

This was probably one of the last places she wanted to be. But everyone has been pushing her to get better. Despite her just wanting to hide away she knew that if she hid they would find her. It was comforting knowing that, but at the same time they were getting on her nerves. Then again, that's what families are for.

The clock sounded like it was ticking louder than normal. Has it always been that loud? It had only been a month since her last session. She should remember.

Emery scratches at her forearm and looks to the side with her eyes glued on the trees outside the window.

"So, how's physical therapy been?"

Emery keeps her eyes on the window, "It's been okay. I'm going."

Dr. Martin softly smiles. "Well, it's good that you're trying, Emerson." His eyes flit to her bandaged forearm. He thought he was fast enough for Emery not to notice.

He was wrong.

"If I got a tattoo over it. Do you think it would be noticeable?"

He raises his brows, "What do you mean?"

"Joe's name. In my arm." Emery's voice was curt. "If I got a tattoo over it would people still be able to see it?"

"I don't think so."

Emery slowly nods her head.

"You've been thinking about covering it up?"

Emery pulls her brows together from his tone. "Of course. You think I shouldn't?"

"I never said that—"

"It sounded like that's what you meant." Emery quirks a brow.

"You should do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable."

Emery softly hums and nods her head.

"Have you been having any nightmares recently?"

Emery lets out a bitter chuckle. "I'm sure you've already heard."

Dr. Martin tilts his head, "If I had heard anything. What would it specifically be about?"

"My dad hasn't been talking to you as well?"

"As well? So, you think he's talking to more than one person?"

Emery huffs, "I know he is."

"He's talking to Buck which means I'm sure he's talking to Bobby." Emery then scoffs. "Shit—might as well put the whole 118 on there."

"They are your family after all." Dr. Martin shrugs.

Emery clenches her jaw and snaps her eyes over to him. The therapist holds his hands up. "Your words, not mine."

The girl keeps her eyes on Dr. Martin for a moment before exhaling through her nose. Almost admitting that she was standing down for now.

But Dr. Martin could feel her rising anger and it was all aimed towards him. He just had to get her to talk about it. Sooner rather than later. And hopefully her anger isn't shot at the wrong person.

"They're just worried about you, Emery."

The girl nods her head, "I get that." She scoffs. "You don't think I get that? I'm grateful for them."

"Are you grateful to be alive?"

Emery freezes. "I...feel guilty." Her voice was soft. "I mean—I'm alive and Tom's dead." She bites the inside of her cheek. Emery's eyes begin to burn and her vision begins to grow dark. "He should be here with his son. I'm grateful for everyone, but I don't have anyone. There's a reason why Joe picked me."

"You think it's only that reason why he chose you?"

Emery shifts her eyes back to him. She keeps her eyes on his and her knee begins to bounce. "Honestly?" A small scoff escapes her lips. "Another reason I could be you..." her voice trails off. "It is you."

A smile ghosts Dr. Martin's lips. Emery's jaw tightens, "I wouldn't have even continued talking to that asshole if it weren't for you."

Emery scratches at her arm and Dr. Martin raises his brows. "I just wish everything could go back to the way things were."

"With Tom being alive?"

"You're asking a lot of stupid fucking questions." Emery snaps. She takes her hands off her face. "Yes. With Tom still alive—God!" She shoots up from her seat with her breathing quick. Emery's face was getting hot and her ears began to ring. She was becoming far more frustrated than before. Dr. Martin could see her walls beginning to build back up.

"Emerson—"

"I'm done." She waves a hand. "I-I'm done with you. I'm done with...talking to you, I'm done with taking your advice—look where that got me!" Her voice cracks. "This is all your fault and I don't want to see you anymore." She stalks out of the room and slams the door shut. Emery lets out a trembling sigh and wipes her upper lip with a shaky hand.

Even though it was Emery saying those hurtful words. She couldn't help but feel Joe's voice in her head guiding her to them.

That made her stomach twist in such an agonizing manner. And she wanted her feelings to stop all together.

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author's note.

I know it's been a minute but work has been kicking my ASSSS but anyway yesterday I went to Kentuckiana Pride and saw CHAPPELL ROAN

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