eighteen as the world caves in

(evanora alone)

☆

         TEARS DRIED ON HER FACE, AND THE ONCE STICKY BLOOD WAS NOW MATTE ON HER. She ran out of tears a while ago, and the blood stopped pouring out of Colleen's body but it still drenched the floor and Evanora who laid on it. Her heart was still beating and she was still breathing, but nothing else about her felt alive. Her eyes blinked and her brain froze, unable to process anything else, and her limbs were slow as they moved.

Numb.

Everything about her felt utterly numb. She was sure that there was something to feel, some grief and some guilt, some sadness over the death – some trauma over holding a dead person's body for hours on end crying and wailing for her to be revived. But now, after all that was through, she felt nothing at all.

She had used up all her emotions, and now there was something left to do. She rose from the pool of blood, nothing dripping, and moved to her phone. Who was she supposed to call when this happened? The police? What could they do?

There was a murder, and the murderer was long gone, and Evanora had draped herself all over Colleen's body trying to will her back to life and for nothing. The Council?

She should. She should call the Council and tell them about the whitelighter's death, the demon who came for her, and the protection spell she placed on herself again. She thumbed through the contacts on her phone, she knew the Elders' names and had their information, but she couldn't press anything.

She saw Maggie's contact, and Tommy's, then Diana's and some part of her wanted to cry again knowing that she was going to have to leave. It was no longer safe for her there, just as it wasn't before in her hometown, and she would have to leave them. She didn't want to leave them.

Her finger hovered over Charity Callahan's contact. She should inform the elders, they would cover up the crime, they would remove her from the town and find another whitelighter for her and another place to live. They would ward her again and she would have to start again, in another Halloweentown without Maggie or Tommy or Diana all by herself.

She would have to make new friends, but wouldn't be able to truly get close to them, and she would have to start over.

The Elders would take care of her, and they would look into her demon problem and find who killed Colleen...except, would they?

Colleen was a whitelighter – she wasn't even a witch – and the Council already couldn't find who killed her mother, they didn't even care enough to pursue an investigation in pursuit of bringing justice to one of their own, what would they do for Colleen? Someone who was replaceable, someone insignificant to them.

They wouldn't care about Colleen's justice as she did, they would just lie to her and remove her. They would cover up Colleen's death and then Evanora would be gone before she could question their investigation. That's what they did for Juliana Hathaway – one of their own, who shared the title of Elder just like them – what would change for Colleen?

Nothing. Nothing would change.

Evanora would be left to pick up the pieces once again, trying to decipher how to live another life and forget about the tragedy that occurred here.

She held Colleen's dead body, she couldn't let that go. She couldn't move on from that and do nothing; she had to take action. She couldn't rely on the Elders, but maybe she could rely on the Sarcana.

They could offer her protection and a new life, and she couldn't have to move and leave Colleen behind. She could make Colleen proud, be a powerful witch just like she wanted. No, she wouldn't be human anymore, she wouldn't be Evanora the Teenager, but maybe she didn't need to be.

Maybe she was never meant to be.

Blood was everywhere, and the only thing that protected her was magic. She tried being normal, she lived as a teenager and had a girlfriend and was normal, but she wasn't normal. Colleen was right; she wasn't just a teenage girl, she was a witch.

She was in danger and she couldn't play pretend anymore.

She swallowed, dialing Maggie. She at least needed to say goodbye. The phone rang and rang before eventually she heard the sickly sweet voice of her girlfriend. "Hello?"

"Hey," Evanora's voice was shaky and she tried to calm herself, "How are you?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Maggie teased her, giggling a little and Evanora almost smiled, "But I'm good. I just had dinner with mom and Mel. How about you?"

The question made her want to laugh. She was in a terrible state, with bloody clothes and skin, and a dead body in her foyer. Clearly, she wasn't good at all. But Maggie didn't know this, and she didn't need to know this.

"It's just been a long time. I wanted to hear her voice."

Her mind clung onto the memory of Maggie's sweet voice, like honey in her hear, soaking it up and clenching her eyes, letting it wash over her. She wanted to remember this moment forever, the taste of Maggie's lip on hers, the giggle that drowned Evanora, the doe eyes that captured her.

No, she couldn't forget about this.

"What's wrong?" concern dripped from her honey voice, and Evanora wanted to cry.

It was beautiful; beautiful and tragic like a rose.

"It'll be fine soon. I'll – it'll be fine," she assured her girlfriend, "Tell me about your day?"

She shut her eyes to stop the tears, listening as Maggie listed off everything she did. She fell to the ground as tears slipped out, humming along at some points, trying to forget all that was around her.

"Maggie," Evanora stopped her, "I really, really like you. You know? You're – you're wonderful and you mean so much to me. Just...thank you. For everything you've done."

"Nora? Are you okay?"

There was panic, and more questions, not stopping for a moment, but Evanora was tired. She let out a sob, opening her watery eyes and seeing Colleen still limp. Ending the call, she smashed down her phone. She screamed, and screamed, and sobbed openly again. It was all too much for her, she couldn't take this anymore.

☆

THROUGH BLURRY EYES AND RED VISION, CRIMSON COATING HER ENTIRE BEING, SHE MANAGED TO FIND THE SARCANA. Now Prue stood in her foyer, looking at the dead body of Colleen as she leaned against the wall, wishing desperately that there was alcohol in the house to numb her even further.

Her heart was exploding, but it was also still. Every nerve alive and yet so dull. Prue looked queasy at the bloody scene and sympathetic at the broken form of Evanora, but she didn't have the strength to fight those sympathies. Every part of her was drained, used, battered and broken.

She used her energy to dispel the demon, too late to save Colleen, and she wasted her tears sobbing and wishing for a miracle that never came. She cried again and again, sobbing and dwindling down, and she had nothing left to give. Every part of her was used and beaten, she had nothing left but her own weakly beating heart and tired eyes.

"What do you want us to do?" Prue asked. Not condescendingly, but serious if a bit apprehensive. Though her foot tugged for her to take a step back, she refused and stood firm.

Evanora lazily turned to her. "What do I want? I want vengeance and justice and I want to not leave again."

Prue nodded at her, grimacing again. She went to the window, making sure no one was looking in. "Did you tell anyone else?"

"No," her heart skipped a beat, "I'm not dumb."

She called Maggie, and she lamented to Maggie, and Maggie was worried. Was she worried enough to come? Did she care enough to come?

"But I did call someone," Evanora mentioned, because it was the least she could do, and Prue gave her an alarmed look, "I didn't tell them, but I wasn't calm. I don't know what they're doing now."

Prue swallowed any reprimand she had and nodded. "Good to know. We can get rid of Colleen's body and we can shelter you, but I don't know if we have the resources to find who killed her...not yet, anyway. We hope to one day."

Evanora eyed her. "So what do I need to do as a member? Kill someone, drown in a pool of blood?"

"We're not barbaric," Prue scoffed, "But we do mark our members."

She tugged at her sleeve, showing Evanora the branding mark she had on her wrist. "An insurance policy, if nothing else. Once you're situated, we'll tell you more."

There was a beat of silence between them and Evanora looked down at Colleen. "I have to die," she brought up suddenly and Prue's head snapped to her. "It's the only way. Evanora Hathaway can't live or else people will look for me. The demon – he'll look for me. But if I'm dead, no more harm can come to me and my friends won't look for me. I have to die."

It was simple, but it hurt. Her voice cracked in the middle, and she would've sobbed again if she had it in her. She thought of Tommy, her first friend here. The photos they took together, the dead tree, the beginning of a new life. Letting go of expectations and being herself, with Tommy by her side. The one who understood her, the one she leaned on, the one who leaned back.

And then she thought of Diana. Diana who laughed loudly and without fear, who dolled her up and showed her the internal and external beauty she had. The one who stood with her proudly for all to see, the one who smiled at her and held her hand when she needed it. The one who pushed her limits in the best way.

Finally, there was Maggie. The girl she adored, with soft pink lips and a large heart that matched her wide eyes. The one who kissed so softly, so tenderly, as if Evanora was a precious item she didn't want to break. Maggie who supported her, who was always there for her, who liked her despite her faults. Who was soft in the best way, using it as her weapon.

She could never see them again. There was no grand goodbye, there was no love exchanged and teary laughs to the good times they shared. There is no happy ending.

She was foolish to believe that she could ever have a happy ending, not with her life. But she wanted it. Looking at her friends, she desperately wanted a happy ending because they deserved it. Tommy, Diana, and Maggie...they deserved a happy ending, and Evanora couldn't give it to them.

"Then we'll kill you," Prue said, casually, but her eyes were apprehensive again.

Evanora sucked in a breath, swallowing down any tears she could muster because now was not time to cry over those she had to leave behind. Now it was time to solve this problem, now it was time to die.

"Good."

"Evanora...I hope you know that we never wanted this to happen," Prue said gently.

She laughed humorlessly. "Did you think I would go without any hard motivation? Leave my life behind when it was finally getting good?"

Prue hardened. "None of us came to the Sarcana easily. We fought, just like you. I used to believe in the Council, and then my sister died. When they did nothing, I realized that I couldn't put my faith in them, they didn't care, and that's when I joined. I hoped that you wouldn't have to go through what all of us did."

"I had already lost my mother before I met you. There was already a tragedy, just not enough of one," Evanora snipped, sadly gazing to the body, "But now there's one, so good for you. I finally caved."

"I'm sorry," Prue whispered pitifully.

Evanora turned away from her. She sucked in another breath, looking around the house. It was empty still. The pictures on the wall meant nothing and the décor was fresh, not lived in. Nothing was lived in. Nothing was home.

"We'll burn the house," she decided, "That's how I died. Colleen and I burned to death, there was nothing anyone could do. It's tragic, two young lives lost, but we'll just have to move on."

Prue nodded, grim but accepting, standing tall. Evanora looked around at her life, before it burned. This was the end, was it not? She couldn't say goodbye, she couldn't call anyone, she couldn't have a last farewell.

She tried to remember her friends, the last time she saw them. Their smiles, their laughs, their personalities. The way they pushed each other, the way they looked.

"Do you want me to stay with you? Or do you want me to wait for you?" Prue asked, treading lightly.

Evanora glanced at her. Did she want company before her life went to ashes, did she want someone to stand by her while she watched her world burn, going up in bright flames? Yes. She wanted her friends. She wanted Tommy, Diana, and Maggie. She wanted them beside her, she wanted to say goodbye.

But she didn't want her new life to be with her. She didn't want Prue, who was trying to be nice, who was trying to be sympathetic to be standing and helping her burn the world. She needed to burn it alone, she needed to destroy herself. No one else was allowed to.

"No," she firmly shook her head, "I'll do it alone. You can wait for me."

Prue nodded, accepting her answer and went to the door, glancing back at Evanora and the bloody scene. "Pack some of your belongings before you do it. You'll regret it if you don't."

Her eyes darkened, and Evanora knew that she left her life without anything and guilt pooled her daily, so she nodded. Prue turned the knob, leaving the house and Evanora alone.

It was always Evanora alone.

The world was caving in, burning, and she would be the one who set it ablaze.