-

"So...there's really nothing you can do? No openings at all?"

You said, drumming your fingers on the glass counter, as you stood in front of the counter of an employer you heard from word of mouth.

Once you'd heard of the opportunity, you'd jump at the chance, hoping there would be the smallest of chances it would bring you any sort of income. You needed it more than anything.

You've been trying to find a job for weeks now, ever since you were laid off from your last one due to budget cuts. The job market nowadays seems to have the same pattern everywhere, and you were getting tired of grasping at straws.

You're good at your job, but none of them seem to last because you realized you have a knack for picking positions in companies that don't stick to what they put in their job descriptions. It was driving you insane.

You were tired of seeing that same smile full of pity whenever a rejection rolled around, yet again, much like the man behind the counter was giving you right now. His lips were pursed in a tight, sad expression as he saw your head hang low in disappointment.

"I'm sorry. We hired someone just earlier today. But...if something opens up, we'll let you know. We'll keep your resume on file," He said, and you let out a shaky breath and tucked a stray hair behind your ear once you heard the words you dreaded the most. Heat gathered behind your eyes, and you felt your throat get tight.

You weren't brave enough to speak and trust your voice to sound stable, so you simply looked up and nodded stiffly. "Thanks anyway," You muttered, swallowing down the need to cry. You were tired of hearing the same thing, over and over.

You stepped back from the counter and adjusted your bag on your shoulder, turning towards the door of the building, stuffing your hands in your pockets. Sometimes you wonder what you were doing wrong.

Everyone you know has a stable, steady job; your college friends, acquaintances, and old colleagues who were laid off at the same time as you. And you? You were barely making it as is.

You went to college, you have a degree, and now life feels like a slap in the face. Once you opened the door and stepped out, the air outside felt colder, and it stung your face a little.

A little sharper than you remembered. The more you walked towards the bus station, the more you felt like the world was creating a bubble around you where nobody else could see you, but you could see everyone else. How busy everyone looks.

How productive all others seem as they walk past you. With something to do. People were coming in and out of shops as they pleased with shopping bags in hand, since it was nearing the end of the year yet again and the holidays were approaching.

God...when was the last time I went back home for the holidays? You thought as you craned your head to look up to the sky and then continued to look forward again.

The streets were busy with people who seemed to have to scurry from one place to another. You passed fogged shop windows and holiday displays that are only just now starting to be put up.

This was a time of year you loved so dearly, especially when it was with...you shook your head immediately when the thought entered your mind.

But now, events and holidays just feel like background noise to you when you have so many other things to think about.

The world has continued to move, and you're still in the same place you've been for months. Keeping hope alive inside of you was becoming increasingly harder with each passing day.

Once you reached the bus station, you went to the nearest machine to check how many credits you had in your transport card to see if you could actually save yourself a walk home.

You inserted your card in the slot, and while the machine started processing your card once you put in your code, you took your hands out of your pockets to lightly blow hot breath into them and rub them together to keep yourself warm.

Eventually, when you'd looked away for a second, you heard a ding and then saw that you had just enough for one more trip back home.

You smiled tiredly with relief, pulling out your card from the machine and putting it back into your wallet. At least something isn't complete shit in your life right now.

You walked around the machine and walked over to the bench where the bus was going to stop by, and by the looks of it, one should be stopping by any second now.

You sat down on the bench and looked around you. There was only one other person waiting for it, but you kept to yourself. Because of the cold.

You encroached your body in on yourself to keep yourself warm and hoped for time to go by quicker. You just wanted to go back home, and since it was already getting late in the day, you just wanted to go back home and sleep away the rest of the night.

You've told yourself countless times that the next day would be better, that it's an opening for new opportunities, but at this point in time, it sounds like an echo in your head. You've resigned yourself to leaving it all to chance.

Soon enough, you heard the screech of wheels right in front of you, and you raised your head to see the bus coming to a halt in front of the bus stop.

You exhaled and got up to your feet, walking over, and pulling out your wallet again to take out your transport card.

You stepped onto the bus, placed your card into the scanner, and once it beeped and took your payment, you knew that was the last of the credits on that card that you could use. But you didn't dwell on it, at least not right now. You just wanted to get home.

You walked across the bus, heading to the back. At this time of day and on this route, the bus was nearly empty, but you were still hoping to find the most secluded spot.

Once you sat down in the corner, feeling the plush of the seat under you, you set your bag down in your lap and then started to rummage through it.

You pulled out your earbuds and unraveled the cable so that they could untangle. But as you reached for your phone and plugged in your earphones, you felt it buzz.

You froze and then turned it over to see the notification you received. Or rather, notifications that you didn't notice you'd gotten over the last hour or so. How could you have noticed?

That talk with that employer left you with enough to think about that you haven't even looked at your phone once.

And you regret that you're doing so now. You felt dread creep up across your spine. One of them was an email from your bank: We regret to inform you that your balance is overdue. Please contact your lender to avoid legal action, it says.

You felt that same heat from before come back to gather behind your eyes just at the thought of what that meant. Knowing you can't pay for it on time yet again.

A weight settled in your chest when you saw that the second notification was from your phone company, a disconnection warning, giving you a notice to pay your phone plan soon, or it will be suspended.

It's been a few weeks since you last paid for it. And the third one was coming from none other than your mom. Again. Asking you to come home.

It's not the first time, and each time, bearing it feels heavier than the last. It tears you apart bit by bit.

When your eyes darted over the last two notifications, you felt inclined to have your finger hover over your mom's text. But you retracted it.

You can't. You can't go back. You repeated in your head like a mantra. You skipped all of those texts instead, unlocked your phone, went to your music app, tapped your playlist, and then started playing some music, trying to drown out every notice, every text, and every thought that was consuming you; reminding you of everything that was crashing down on you as painfully as it was.

You spent the rest of the bus ride just itching to get home, to your safe space. Even if you knew what was awaiting you there. You exhaled through your nose, closed your eyes briefly, and tipped your head against the seat.

You opened your eyes again just from hearing the whizzing of cars passing by, the rolling of the wheels outside the bus, and the wind slightly filtering in through some open windows.

Every day that you wake up into the life you dug yourself into, you want to so desperately give in and go back crawling to your parents for forgiveness, but you know what you know what you'd look like.

A failure. You'd hear countless 'I told you so's' that you'll hear for the rest of your life, and going back to them when you fought hard to leave what you had then was easier said than done.

You'd come back broken, and they'd revel in it in the most condescending of ways, and that's the last thing you need.

Eventually, you felt the bus take that familiar turn that you've taken countless times before, so you straightened up and started to gather your things.

If there were little people in the bus, now that you were so far in the route that you were practically the only one left.

So, you slung your bag over your shoulder and started to walk down the aisle of the bus as the bus itself came to a halt and the doors opened.

Once you stepped out, a sweep of wind tousled your hair slightly, but you simply adjusted it with your free hand and put your hands back in your front pockets as you started to walk towards your apartment complex with an almost robotic stride.

Every single one of your steps felt weighed down, and as you hear the distant barking of neighboring dogs. The sky was nearly dark, the sun was below the horizon and you were relying on street lamps to find your way to the entrance of your apartment building.

Once you did, the way up was the same as it always was: hearing muffled conversations from each door you passed, flickering lights above you, and so on. You cursed the universe for what you had to come back to.

You used to live in a nicer place. A better neighborhood. Back when your job and your life felt stable. But then somehow, overnight, it all unraveled. And eventually, you ended up here.

You still don't know how to fix it, or if you even can. But you were too prideful to accept that this is how bad you let things get for you.

You keep telling yourself constantly that the little savings you've made to get yourself out of this will be enough one day, but between paying for groceries and your already rising rent, that only seems like a distant future at this point.

A pipe dream out of your reach you were starting to slowly let go of day by day. Each day, it hurt a little less, and you were looking forward to the day it didn't anymore.

Once you reached your door, you were about to reach into your purse, but you paused when you looked up and felt your shoulders sink.

Your eyebrows pinched together when you saw yet another rent raise notice was posted on your door; on top of a couple of others that had gathered before over the last few months.

You've never bothered to take them off. You suppose you just like the constant torturous reminder. You'll have to get cracking on sending out even more resumes now if that was the case.

You shook your head and started to dig into your bag to rummage through it, and after a couple of seconds, you finally pulled your keys out of your bag.

You jammed the keys inside the keyhole and started to twist and turn them until you heard a click. You pulled out your key, twisted the doorknob, and pushed your door open.

You stepped into your apartment and were met with the same view you had when you left earlier that day. It was silent to the point you could feel your ears ringing a little, but as you turned on the lights next to the front door and your small place was illuminated, you could see everything with much more clarity.

On the coffee table, there were scattered bills you had yet to sort through. Despite this being a small apartment, it was liveable and you've tried to make it as cozy as possible with things from your last apartment that you could fit in here.

To your left, you had your small seat area with a couch against the wall, a tall lamp next to it, a few plants you've tried to take care of and that you feel like you have an obligation for now, a coffee table, and two smaller single-person sofa chairs on each side.

On your right, you had a small square dining table with two chairs in front of each other with a nice potted flower in the middle that you make sure to keep alive as well.

On the far end of the room, you had your kitchen that you made sure to keep as tidy as you possibly could before you left.

You like it that way, especially with the original state of the apartment itself; it's the least you could do. Besides, it's a habit you've kept. That you've learned and it's just stuck with you.

Despite the cracks in the wall, the mold in some parts, dingy spots on the corners, and the many other imperfections that living here brought, coming back here gives you relief from the outside world, and it's your safe space.

It gives you a space for your mind and thoughts to settle, to think logically and reasonably. Somewhat.

Being here is the only reason that you haven't completely lost your mind, and you've...sort of been able to keep a level head about your next steps to take.

The world outside was challenging, cruel, overwhelming, disappointing, and, not to mention, depressing. Here? It felt like your own personal bubble that you've created where all of that kind of just...disappeared.

Except for when those bills and notices roll around. That's when that bubble burst, and you keep your head afloat without fantasies that only end up hurting you anyway.

You don't want to live in an illusion of stability. You want to earn your way back on your own terms, no matter what it takes in the process.

"Home sweet home..." You said to yourself as you exhaled and closed your front door behind you. You leaned down with a small groan to untie your shoes, slipped them off, and put them side by side next to the door frame.

Then, you stood back up, slipped your bag off your shoulder, and hung it on the tall coat rack on the other side of the door.

You were now left in your socks, and as you walked further into your apartment, while the fabric of your socks glided across the floor, you stretched your arms up and headed into the kitchen.

You rounded the counter and went straight towards your fridge to see what was available to you. With everything that's been taking up space in your mind lately, sometimes you wonder whether or not you've bought enough basic necessities like groceries.

Your hand wrapped around the fridge handle, and as it creaked a little while you opened it, you got a look inside, and your shoulders sank.

It's like one of those feelings you get when you open your fridge once and there's nothing, but then you open it again and hope that food has magically appeared. Unfortunately, that's not the case here.

The fridge is as empty as you left it, except for a couple of items you should probably throw out at this point. It's probably not even edible.

Despite you suddenly feeling your stomach grumble now of all moments, you wrapped your hand around your midsection and closed your fridge with a huff.

You'll take care of that later. You couldn't look into your fridge anymore, hating how hollow and empty it felt, just like everything else seems to be right now.

You decided to just head into your room, because there's nothing else you can do right now. Tomorrow will be a new day to hand out new job applications anywhere else that you stumble across, you didn't care where at this point.

You were just beyond exhausted. You trudged in small and tired steps across your apartment's hallway and then finally made it to your bedroom door.

You were lucky enough to find an apartment at the price it is right now that offers you a bedroom with four walls at all, because all others were smaller than your living room.

You'd find a way to pay for rent here. You know you can, but you just don't know how. Each notice reminded you that you can be kicked out and evicted any day now. You wouldn't know where to go.

You opened the door to your room and then saw nothing but pitch black inside. You instinctively reached sideways to where you know the light switch is, and you flipped it.

The room lit up in an instant with yellow light that flickered a little as it adjusted, and you couldn't help but sigh in relief at the fact that the delay on your electricity bill hasn't completely kicked in yet.

You strode into your room and headed straight for your bed, which was pushed against a corner of the room next to your window.

The moment your knees hit the edge of your bed, you let your body fall forwards until you flopped belly-first onto your comforter with a 'thump'.

You inhaled deeply with your cheek against the mattress, feeling your back rise, and then exhaled loudly as you closed your eyes for a moment. Take this all in.

You didn't want to let your mind wander too far because that would be dangerous territory right now, and you were just planning on going to sleep and leave today behind.

But before you could let yourself be overtaken by sleep, without even bothering to change your clothes, you heard purring and small meows from your open windowsill.

You cracked one eye open slowly, and then a smile tugged at your lips at seeing a familiar neighborhood feline sitting idly on your window, looking down at you curiously.

You chuckled, pushed yourself up, so you were holding yourself up on your forearms. The tabby cat that regularly visits, nearly every night at that, took that as an invitation and leaped from the window, into your bed, and rubbed his head against your cheek as his purring intensified and got louder. More appreciative, making your smile grow involuntarily.

You know this furry friend just because he travels from apartment to apartment frequently, but with how generous you are with the portions of food you regularly give him and let him stay inside your room during chilly or rainy nights, he's taking a liking to you.

So much so that this is practically his second home, and you wouldn't say he's dependent on you because of how much you've spoiled him, but you just hope that if you get evicted from this place or, you know, maybe even somehow die in the near future, that he'll be okay to go on without you.

You can tell he's still in his kitten/teenage years, so you'll try to keep him healthy and strong, offering him shelter when he needs it even if you can't do it for yourself most of the time.

When he first came around once you first moved in here, he was quite literally entirely skin and bones, but after so many times you've fed him and let him stay here, his fur looks shinier, and he looks well-fed and not so much like a stray anymore.

He's actually here so often that other residents have shut him out because they can't care for him or don't want to create a habit, you've seen it yourself.

But you're happy to be his happy place if he needs it, because even if you can't take care of yourself sometimes, you can do it for a poor creature trying to survive just like you were.

He's all the comfort you have for a brighter future if you're being honest, because if he bounced back, so can you. He was the only company you had amongst all the disappointment.

He's the only sliver of warmth and care you have right now. You also never quite decided on a name for him, but you're still working on it.

"Hey, buddy," You said softly as you continued to feel the feeling rub its head against yours affectionately. You stroked his fur, and he immediately fell on his side so you could continue to pamper him.

You know him so well that, judging by the time of night and how eager he is right now, you can tell what he's here for. But you don't have it, not even for yourself.

Your smile turned sad as you looked down and made eye contact with the feline. "Sorry, I don't have anything for you tonight," You said, and the cat let out a prolonged and high pitched meow, not liking your answer, simply curling further into the cage that you made with your arms.

You smiled softly again, realizing that he wasn't leaving. You looked out your window and saw the slight frost and fog on the glass, so you quickly made the connection.

He must also need a place to stay for the night, and as always, you'd gladly offer that, as always. If you were in his place, you wouldn't want to be out there in the cold with nowhere to go, and the heating in your apartment, along with the trust he has in you, must be inviting enough for him to want to stay.

You've had such an awful day that the moment you hit your bed and your furry friend arrived, you had no intention of getting up to get ready for bed.

Before you could even start to fight the need to get up, put on your pajamas, and even pull away the overs under you to get under them, you slowly began to feel your eyes start to sleepily droop while the feline next to you nudged his head in between your arms and settled himself in, starting to purr soundly.

You were still conscious enough to remember you had to turn off the lights, so you groggily lifted your arm and reached forward towards the light switch next to your bed that could also turn off the lights from where you were.

Once you flipped the switch, and your room went dark, you snuggled into your pillows and felt the small feline in your arms adjust himself as well as his purring got louder with contentment.

And before you knew it, with the last thing you could see being snow starting to fall from the cloudy night skies, you succumbed to your exhaustion and fell asleep, hoping for better days to come.

-

While you felt like your day was finally coming to an end, for Levi Ackerman, it felt like it has been a never-ending nightmare that refused to come to a close no matter how long the night continued to stretch on.

That deep ache in his heart continued to grow and spread as he walked into his mother's hospital room, making his chest feel heavier every single time he did so. Every moment he spent away from her felt like betrayal. Like he should be doing more.

He'd walked out for a second when Kuchel's doctor had asked Levi to step out of the room for a moment, and while Levi's hopes had dwindled over his mom's health over the years, he still hoped for the best after every time her doctor pulled him aside.

But as always, all he got was more news that made his heart sink to his stomach. News that he continues to hope gradually get better, but all he gets is more fear for his mother. The thread keeping him together was so close to snapping at second now.

Since Kuchel is obligated to stay at the hospital for observation, especially now more than before due to her condition worsening, every single time that Levi headed back to his apartment all by himself, all he found was piling medical bills that his multiple jobs were struggling to pay.

Every time he visited his mother, all he could think about was those pesky envelopes that he knew exactly what contained inside and the fact that he had to hide them from Kuchel, or she would only worry about him.

He had to put up a front to not let her find out her own son was struggling. His suffering was nothing compared to hers. He'd be damned if he was the reason it worsened and that she felt burdened when she didn't need to.

He was going to take care of it, one way or another, and all he needed his mom to do was to focus on her treatment. That's it. Not medical bills that were beyond her control and would only scare and worry her.

It's only been the two of them for a long time, ever since he could remember, and at this point, Kuchel is all Levi has.

He is going to do everything in his power to make sure his mom lives to see another day, for years to come, because there's nothing he wouldn't do for her. 

Even if it was tearing him up inside to see her get weaker every time he visited her. He knew he was running out of time, and the panic of the irreversible that he pushed aside continued to rise each passing day.

It was all clawing at him so much that he was coming to a point where he couldn't hide his unkempt clothing, his sullen eyes, his disheveled hair, posture that reflected his disappointment, and tone in his voice that indicated that things were not getting better, and he couldn't hide it.

So much so that Kuchel was slowly starting to see those cracks that his son was desperately trying to piece together for her sake.

It's becoming more of a habit that you slip into his thoughts the more time goes on, and he spends days on end sitting in this sterile room, watching his mom sleep and wondering if she'll open her eyes that were the spitting image of his again.

The weight was crushing him painfully, and every time he sat down next to his mom's hospital bed, he wondered what it would be like if you were sitting next to him, not just for him but for Kuchel too.

When you and he used to be together, she used to be in the best shape of her life, and it was only a couple of months after your breakup that her health started to decline.

Levi knows that you've always had a certain light that could certainly light up any room you're in, and it was the same kind of light he knows that his mom needs now more than ever.

You had a unique bond with his mom, you had a way of making her laugh with so much joy, and if you were here, Levi was sure that it would soften the feeling of the inevitable he knew his mom was feeling.

It was a way you had to pull her into laughter where he knew he couldn't. He felt so selfish for even thinking it, but he even missed your warmth for himself. He missed you more than he'd like to admit.

He felt himself crumbling inside, and he knew that he didn't only need you, but so did his mom. She needed your ability to make things better in a second. You would be able to make this hell bearable for both of them.

He needed comfort where he knows his mother couldn't provide right now, and he knows deep down that you're the only person that's ever made him feel like all his problems could disappear in an instant, the moment he looked into your eyes.

You were so close to Kuchel, and she always believed that you and Levi would be together for the long run, to the point she talked about what it would be like if she helped plan your wedding.

It broke his mother's heart to hear you two had split, while Levi refused to say why. After all these years, he still hasn't figured out how to live without you, and he still doesn't understand his own reasons for the breakup yet.

All he knows is that his mom mourns the life his son could've had with you. And so does he.

You could be here holding his hand, holding Kuchel's hand, talking her through this, and distracting her from the worst possible outcome.

It was the only thing Levi was never good at. He wasn't good with words; he could never get out what he truly wanted to say, and what he did say it never came out right or the way he wants it to.

But you always knew what to say. You knew what to say to make his heart flutter, you gave his body warmth he's never known before, and to this day, he still doesn't know why he let go of that.

The moment that Levi came back into the room and settled in the cushy chair next to his mother's hospital bed, the slight sound of deflation made Kuchel's eyes slowly open up again and direct her sleepy eyes over to her son.

Levi had been as careful as he possibly could to not wake her up, but Kuchel couldn't help but feel worry creep up inside her as she saw her only son leaning forward with his forearms on his knees and his hands in his hair.

Her eyebrows lightly knit together as a sad smile took over her features. Levi hadn't noticed his mom had woken up, but slight shift in the corner of his eyes as Kuchel tried to get more comfortable.

Levi slowly raised his head, and his gunmetal eyes met his mother's with slight hesitance behind them.

Her features softened naturally as a way to comfort his son in the best way she knows how, already knowing deep down what has got Levi so visibly saddened.

Over the last few months, she's seen that look in his eyes more than she'd like. "More bad news, huh?" She quipped, hoping she could let him know that she could see right through him.

She knows him all too well. At the question, Levi immediately diverted his gaze and cleared his throat, broken demeanor hidden in a second, and leaned back against the chair.

"What? No. The doctor just pulled me out there for no reason. Go back to sleep," Levi said in a way that Kuchel could tell was beyond practiced. She chuckled knowingly as she gently reached over a put her hand over her son's on the armrest.

If he didn't want to talk about whatever he was told, she would try to work her way in through another direction. She could see that there was something lurking behind his eyes that he refused to share for her sake, to not worry her with his burdens that didn't have anything to do with her recovery.

In his mind, his own problems don't compare to what she's going through, and he wants to give her his full attention constantly.

A couple of seconds of silence passed after that, and Kuchel squinted her eyes slightly at her son as a knowing smile came upon her lips.

"Still haven't talked to Y/n?" She asked suddenly, unprompted, making Levi snap his head to look over at his mother. He adjusted himself in his seat and once again avoided eye contact, trying to get out of avoiding the question he was dreading.

You've been coming up a lot in conversation lately, given that Kuchel still has no idea why you and Levi broke up, so Levi has been hoping that the subject would be forgotten and left behind eventually.

But knowing how truly unresolved the topic was, Levi should've figured it would be a while before she gave up on it. Anything that could give her an in to help her son was an opportunity that she would not pass up for anything.

"No. Where did that come from?" Levi redirected the question back at his mom, trying to seem as unbothered as he possibly could, despite the storm that brewed inside him every time your name was said.

Kuchel sighed and scooted closer to the side of the bed, closer to her son. "Levi, you're so stubborn. I'll never get through to you, will I? I can see right through you, you can't lie to me," Kuchel said softly, making Levi exhale shakily as his head darted downwards, while the dark onyx strands of his hair acted as a curtain for the pain behind his eyes.

But anything he did or said right now would be impossible to hide, and he knew that deep down. It stung just the same.

She was right, he can't. But he knows that hearing the reason for the breakup will tear her apart, and he can't do that to her. It will break her heart to know of the suffering of her son while she finds out she's done nothing to help him.

At the time, he'd convinced himself it was for the best, but if Kuchel heard it now, she'd try to convince him it wasn't too late, she'd be sad that Levi had let this whole situation take control of his life, and all of that could be avoided if he kept his mouth shut.

He couldn't put his mom through any more pain, and he wasn't even sure if he could take back why he did what he did. What's done is done, and this is the choice he made.

He's living with it even if he regrets every second of it. He can either bring unnecessary hurt to his mom or live with his mistake, and nobody else gets hurt.

The option seemed clear to him, at least at the time. Now he's not so sure. He's not even sure he was certain of his own decision back then, either. Now it keeps coming back to haunt him.

"Mom...please," Levi muttered, completely resigned. But Kuchel didn't give up. Her son was hurting, and seeing his eyes crease with pain at even a fraction of an inch hurt her more than any illness she could ever have.

"It pains me to see you so hurt, dear. You haven't been the same since you two broke up," She said, knowing you and Levi had a connection bigger than she'd ever witnessed before in her life, and she knows that anyone could see it.

Everyone knew it, and everyone wondered if love was truly dead the moment the two of you parted ways. Levi was hiding behind his own pride, and while he could hide it from anyone else, Kuchel wouldn't give up until he could see the light return to his son's eyes. She can't remember the last time she did.

"I'm fine, please stop bringing that up," Levi said, almost monotone but with  a subtle pleading undertone that broke Kuchel's heart more bit by bit.

But she knew that it would be harder for him to talk if she saw how much it was breaking her to see Levi in so much pain and denial. Instead, she opted to try and try another route so he doesn't feel like she's cornering him to talk.

Levi had a soft spot for his mom, given the fact that it's just been the two of them ever since he can remember. Kenny left the picture a long time ago, and the two of them stopped relying on him years ago.

Levi made it through school and college with what felt like superhuman efforts to support both of them at the same time. Kuchel became his pillar of support, and to Levi, that's all he needed.

It made him feel like he could do anything after that. Which is why he knows that if he made it through all of that, he can do this too. Every good thing he has, he feels like he owes it all to his mom and every sacrifice she's made.

His own sacrifices feel like a grain of salt compared to hers. But Kuchel knows that if he continues to shoulder it all alone, to continue going down this same path, he'll lose himself, and he won't know how to come back from it.

Kuchel chuckled, mustering up the best smile she possibly could. "I'm a sickly woman and your mother. I gave birth to you. I'm going to continue bringing it up because I care about you and you're falling apart," She said, watching Levi intently before she continued.

He kept his gaze down, looking anywhere but at his mother, who hoped to make eye contact with her at some point. "That's my job, isn't it? It might just help to keep me alive if I can help if I can put you back together," She said gently, and Levi swallowed hard, hearing those last couple words.

He hated it whenever she spoke as if her fate was sealed. It's not. He doesn't want to even think about whatever might be running through his mom's head. Resignation, acceptance, defeat.

He's been trying to convince her that all of his efforts are going to her, and that they will all pay off, but it seems that it's only making her feel more and more inclined to prepare for the worst.

But that didn't mean that he'd give up or that it discouraged him. "Can you stop saying things like that? You're going to be okay, I'm making sure of it. I've told you that I don't feel like talking about it," He said, and although it feels like a broken record, he would still say it as many times as it was necessary.

You'd always hang around in the back of his mind; he can't help it, but there's nothing he can do about it. But there is something that he can do about this, and that's his main priority. Kuchel shook her head and intertwined her hand with Levi's.

"And I've told you that I still don't get what happened. I thought you two were going to be what stuck. Then, from one day to another, you're not together anymore, and you refuse to talk about it," Kuchel pushed, and Levi finally raised his head fully to look at his mother. Grey eyes clashing together.

"Don't you think there's a reason why?" Levi finally responded, voice low and filled with emotion. Gravelly and saddened. Kuchel inhaled through her nose, and her eyelids fell a little as she tilted her head to the side. "There is, but you refuse to tell me," She said, nearly a whisper, but it reached Levi just the same.

He was tired of talking about this. It didn't matter, it wasn't relevant, and the feeling would go away on its own. He raised a hand to run it back through his hair, scooting closer to the edge of his chair so that he could adjust his mom's blanket since they shifted a little.

"You need to rest, Mom," He sighed, hoping his words would finally be enough to get Kuchel to focus on something else. But it didn't work, not in the slightest.

She watched as her son moved up her blankets to cover her up more, but she put a hand over his again, getting him to stop at last. He looked up at her again and saw a firmer and stern expression than before. She didn't want to dance around this anymore.

"Stop changing the subject. I'm in a hospital, Levi. All I do is rest," She countered, and Levi pursed his lips together, looking away for a second but then darting his eyes back to his mother.

He was trying his best not to crack. "The doctor says that it's what you need. Don't waste your time on me when you should be focusing on recovering," Levi argued, finishing up adjusting the blankets, but he didn't settle back into his seat.

His eyes hardened, but with care and love still laced behind his gaze. He was just mirroring the way Kuchel was looking at him. With the same pain, except with more agony behind them.

Before he could say anything else, she beat him to it. "Don't you ever say that, you hear me? It's not a waste. Talking to you is the most exciting part of my day," She said with certainty and nothing but truth, but it only made Levi's heart crack even more and his lip twitched just the slightest bit.

"You can't say that..." He said, not wanting her to put anything else out into the universe as if it's set in stone. But Kuchel wasn't deterred by the way Levi tried to deflect yet again what she was trying to say.

"I can and I will, because it's true. Helping you and seeing that light in your eyes again might just be enough to heal me," She said, ignoring the way a lump formed in her throat just from saying that out loud. But Levi couldn't. He tensed and he clenched his jaw, feeling his throat close up in an instant.

"Mom..I just-" He managed to get out, not even knowing what would come out of that sentence, but he just needed to say something. Anything. But Kuchel was quick to cut him off, daring to say what neither had been willing to say all this time.

She wanted Levi to open his eyes to reality once and for all, and to listen to her. The silence and avoidance might be killing her more than the illness coursing through her veins. His well-being is crucial for her, more than he thinks, and he couldn't see that.

"If something happens to me, I want to get to see that beautiful smile of yours again," She said, as her voice got softer, but remained decisive. But all Levi could do was snap his head up as his vision became glassy without his permission.

He became rigid, and his breathing was audible while his chest rose and fell with what his mom was insinuating. For his sake, Kuchel rarely ever brought up the possibility of passing on because she knows even imagining it would be too painful for Levi. So hearing her actually say it, without warning, it was too much for him.

To him, hearing her say it meant that she's come to terms with it, but Levi was nowhere near that point. He didn't want to get to that point because he doesn't think he needs to. It was unbearable. He locked his jaw, and his eyes became sharper with affirmation. There were a lot of things he wasn't sure of, but this?

He was going to get his mother out of this, no matter what it took, and that was a fact. "Nothing will happen to you. Trust me, I'm making sure that we walk out of here together," He said, but Kuchel's frown deepened, not being able to hide her own hope diminishing with each passing day.

It's a miracle they're both still allowed to have treatment in this hospital, given how late Levi was on hospital bills, as well as being late on rent at the same time.

"You don't know that. Not everything is meant to be fixed, dear. If I go, I want to know that you'll live on and won't be alone. I hoped Y/n could be the one to be by your side if I wasn't," Kuchel argued, but with her words, Levi realized that his mother was reaffirming and saying out loud the thoughts that had been plaguing him this entire time.

Hearing her say that out loud made him realize he wasn't hiding how much he missed having you by his side as discreetly as he thought he was. God, he felt pathetic. Even his mom could tell.

He can't take it anymore; hearing his mom continue to say that she'll 'go on' or that she 'won't make it', but he's doing everything he can to make sure that doesn't happen. If it does happen, he'll be all alone.

Truly alone. For the first time. It would break him completely, and while he has to live with the fact that he lost you, he can still hold onto his mom for as long as he can. He's not giving up.

He was fighting every fibre of his being so that the two of them could rise above this, and while it looks like he can't stop his mom from giving up, he'll hold onto hope for both of them.

"You're not going anywhere, Mom. I don't even want you thinking about that possibility. Don't resign yourself so easily. Even your doctors are saying that they're seeing improvements in your treatment," He said, trying to get her to change her mind even the slightest bit.

Even if he was running out of funds for the bills, what he has been able to pay has gotten her to where she is now, bit by bit. She's stable, and his sacrifices have maintained her, and it's actually gotten her to improve her health. She's on her way but can't see it.

Kuchel nodded, but she's thought about this already, and she continues to feel guilt eating her up inside at the immense effort that Levi was holding onto, more than just one person should shoulder alone, and hates that he feels like he has to take on so much at a time without thinking of himself.

"They have, but how will you continue to pay for me to recover? To prevent me from getting worse?" She started, and Levi looked down at the ground for a second after hearing that.

He was still working every day to get more funds. But even though his multiple jobs just weren't cutting it since bills kept rising, he's been able to find solutions. He always does. If he keeps this up, he'll be able to continue affording her care.

He doesn't know if that's delusional or not, but he couldn't care less. "You're bending over backwards for me, with multiple jobs, and that's barely covering the costs. You think I don't know about the doctors coming up to you to talk about the hospital bills and the calls you get whenever you visit? Who knows how many more you get when I'm not around," Kuchel continued while Levi stayed silent.

He didn't want her to worry about the financial aspects because it wasn't her responsibility; it was his. He can handle it, he knows he can. He wished there were a way he could ease her concerns. He'll find a way to pay, even if it kills him.

Levi swallowed hard and steeled his face into one of certainty, even if this conversation felt like it was tearing at him little by little.

"I'm handling it, Mom. I'm tougher than you think. I don't need anyone, I don't need Y/n, I just need you. I need you to stay with me and I need you to trust me. Alright? I'm not letting anything happen to you, no matter what it takes," He assured, even though he knew very well that a lot of parts in that sentence were blatant lies.

He just needs her to believe that he could handle it all and that he's capable of a lot. Sure, these are tough times, but it's all temporary.

He knows it is, and if he keeps the image of him and his mom living like they did before, he can do anything. Imagining her as the healthy and happy woman she was before all of this was the only thing keeping him going.

He's fighting for a future where she can live the life she deserves. He can turn all of this around for the better.

But Kuchel saw a lot of wrong in what he said. He was overworking himself, living in isolation, breaking himself down to nothing, and all for a goal that he didn't even know was certain.

She knows he was barely taking care of himself because everything he did went to her. "That's not the life you're meant to live. Working yourself to death when it's barely covering your own needs. It's not the life I wanted for you, from the moment you were born," She continued, imagining what his life was like the moment he left the hospital and went back home.

She wondered if he was still staying active, eating as he should, doing the hobbies he knows he enjoys, and keeping himself happy.

She can still remember that little boy who learned to make tea at such a young age because he hoped to get as good at it as his mom. And smiled from ear to ear when he got better at it each time he made it.

She hasn't seen that smile in years because Levi has taken it upon himself to take care of both of them, and it seemed that by doing that, it takes and chips away at his own life.

But Kuchel could tell that Levi was so headstrong that nothing could get him to change his mind once he had his mind on something. His loyalty to the people he loves is his biggest asset, but it can be detrimental to himself to a fault.

He pretended like that same heat wasn't gathering behind his eyes yet again, and decisiveness took over his voice. "It's my choice if I decide that every penny I make goes to you. You're not talking me out of it," He said firmly, and Kuchel couldn't help but sigh as her eyes darted all over her son's face.

She's had this conversation with him countless times, and she had hope that this would be the time that she finally got through to him. She hopes that at least it wasn't in vain and that he would at least think about her words. Carefully.

She gripped his hand tightly, and Levi instinctively put his other hand on top of hers, cradling it with so much care and love that Kuchel could feel it instantly.

She stared at him as her eyes softened, and he finally got the courage to meet her eyes yet again, after trying to avert his gaze so many times.

He knew that he couldn't hide anything from her, and the moment he looked at her for too long, he'd crack in a second. A genuine smile, along with a sweet chuckle, escaped Kuchel, and she put her free hand on top of Levi's.

She started rubbing her thumb on top of his knuckles, trying to soothe the ache that was running up and down his body. "Oh, I know. But at the very least, you can be honest with me. You're hurting, and I can see it in your eyes," She said faintly, not wanting the conversation to escalate again.

It's not helping either of them and each other's words are just going in one ear and out the other at this point.

Levi felt his body begin to tremble, seeing how calm his mom looked despite what was happening to her. She looked so okay, but also not at the same time, and that shattered him.

He began to blink a little quicker as his vision began to get glassy and his silver eyes glimmered within the tears, deciding he couldn't hide from his mother anymore, despite how much he didn't want her to see him falling apart.

His face creased with agony, all while his mom continued to stare at him with nothing but love and comfort. Kuchel decided to come back to the one thing Levi was trying to avoid and managed to spiral to where they are now.

She inhaled sharply, with her chest rising and falling in a way that visibly made her flinch with discomfort. Seeing that didn't help Levi.

There's one thing that Kuchel wants before what she thinks is inevitable happens. To see his son happy again, to see him live his life; to have him do what makes his life whole again.

She knows you made him happy in a way nobody ever did, and whether he manages to rekindle things with you, finds someone else; it's okay. As long as she can see him living his life to the fullest, for himself, then it's all she needs.

Her eyes became glassy as well, despite her smile remaining on her lips. "Knowing you never walked in through those doors with Y/n next to you, or with a genuine smile on your face, I knew it would be a while before that spark in your eyes came back. What can I do to-" She started, but suddenly cut herself off when she went into a coughing fit that make Levi's eyes close shut as his body began to ache just hearing his mom not being able to finish a sentence.

He's happy. He's happy sitting here with her. Being by her side. And that was enough for him. But that's probably not what she means, and Levi's not sure he can get back to that version of his life again.

It was only after a couple of seconds of Kuchel finally being able to stop coughing that Levi raised his head again, despite being on the edge of a breakdown on the spot and the agony spreading inside of him, he still has something to say that he hopes will ease her worries. At least for now.

He'll let his actions speak for themselves, more than before. At this point, he'll do anything to make sure his mom lives to see another day.

He blinked a couple of times, easing the tension in his chest that was clawing at him to the point he couldn't speak. His shoulders slumped, with a soft exhale leaving his lips, giving him some sort of relief.

"Mom...I'll be happy when you make it out of this alive. You can just leave that to me. You just need to hang on," He said, dead-set and suddenly filled with purpose.

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Hi! I'm so glad I'm finally able to start this book :,) I've been looking forward to for so long. When I published the introduction, I was nearing the end of my summer semester at uni, I was really burnt out and could only write just a little bit at a time so progress was VERY slow. But now that it's done, I finally have some time to write! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! <3 I have so much planned for this story and I can't wait to write it all out! There's a lot more to come!

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