(T.W)

I tie the noose.

Just what did I do wrong?

Where did I go wrong?

What have I done?

I step up on to the chair.

I deserve nothing better.

I'm nothing but a liar.

I'm a betrayer.

Just as I start to slide my head into the noose, I remember something.

I've been here before.

Two years ago. I stood on the rooftop of the apartment. Six floors down.

Surely it would work?

Surely no one would have to put up with me anymore?

I looked down. Climbed on the walls and sat on them, dangling my feet below.

It would be perfect – no witnesses. No one to stop me.

I looked down. Start to stand up on the narrow space that I needed to jump from.

To put everyone's sadness at rest.

To put everyone's disappointment at rest.

To put everyone's misery and anger at rest.

I needed to jump.

Then something stopped me.

A soft voice – which I realised was my own.

"I don't want to do this".

I was angered.

"You don't deserve to live", I hissed to myself.

To my shock, I got off the wall and stepped back onto the rooftop. Then I walked back home.

I was...gone.

Another chance wasted.

I would only continue to break people's hearts and disappoint people for the next two years.

I can't stop it.

I don't know how to stop it.

Nothing is restraining me.

I look at the noose, the one I want to end the suffering of the people around me.

I slip my head through it.

I close my eyes.

I look at the chair that's the only thing keeping me alive.

"I'm not going to do this". I pull the noose off, step off the chair, run to my bed and fall onto it.

Another chance wasted.

- A poem I wrote.

((I'm alright now))