cousins again ( chapter one )

songs for this chapter // scott street, phoebe bridgers     ribs, lorde     to the mountains, lizzie mcalpine     delicate, taylor swift

.・。.・゜✭・.

Summer lingered with the scent of salt air and coconut sun lotion, blurred with flashes of golden sunlight upon the water, and crashing waves.

Summer tasted like apricots and cream, like seawater burning your tongue and cool fresh watermelon flecked with sand and sun.

Summer was the one time of year that Caroline felt like she could breathe.

Away from the dreary skies of Connecticut, and instead nestled deep in the heart of Cousin's.

That little beach town that felt like home.

Swelled with warmth, and love, and light. So much light, as though Susannah had gone out to the dock just as the sun hit the water and captured its very essence, releasing it into the walls and letting her beach house become its own personal sun spot.

( Summer never tasted like iron and rot upon Caroline's tongue, never sounded like glass shattering and high-pitched wails that rattled the frames of the windows.

Her aching heart was allowed that reprieve of amber light and saccharine smiles for a few months before it all fell away. )

The welcome sign felt like an embrace, a promise, as though someone was wrapping their arms around her and whispering, 'You're safe now, you're home.' Caroline couldn't suppress the sigh that escaped her lips, exhaling all of that fear, all that hate, and instead filling her lungs with the warm summer air that held promises of happiness, of laughter, and hope.

Home, it was a place, it was people. It was Susannah.

"You have that look on your face."

"What look?" Caroline murmured, ripping her gaze away from the sand and sea, instead looking at her mother. Isla Adler, or Isla Casey as she had once been, smiled. The kind of smile that women always gave, polite, brittle, and empty.

"I don't know." The air in the car was heavy and hot. "I only see it when we come here."

Caroline didn't respond, couldn't, instead tilting her head back to the window. To the blur of golden sand and crashing waves, to little beach houses dotted along the coast.

.・。.・゜✭・.

Susannah's beach house was beautiful, in a quiet, deliberate sort of way. With pretty seashell white shingles and a deep slate gray roof. Large columns and windows decorate the outside, sweeping balconies like outstretched arms were dotted with deep blue deck chairs and pots of hydrangeas and dahlias.

By the time Isla and Caroline were pulling up on the large brick driveway, the sun had begun to fall from the sky, painting everything in violet and fuchsia. Hints of amber falling behind the house as Caroline stepped out of the car, stretching her arms high above her head, her shoulders popping in protest, and her lower back aching.

"Caroline?" Someone cried out, high and lilting, and as familiar as a half-remembered lullaby. "Caroline!" It was louder this time, and through the eggshell blue door came a girl, half-wild, half-joy, her feet pattering against the wooden deck before she jumped down the steps and threw her arms around Caroline.

Belly.

Oh, her sweet, Belly.

Caroline's arms swept around Belly's waist, clinging to her, face buried into the girl's neck. She smelled like daisies and burnt sugar. Something so familiar it sank into Caroline's very skin and melted there.

"Bells," The older girl whispered, soft and sweet and aching. "I've missed you."

( Isabel Conklin, the youngest of the group, and Caroline's whole heart.

Her sister, her soulmate, the one person in this world who knew every inch of her inside and out.

They had been inseparable from the moment Belly was born, a writhing, angry little thing with a shock of dark hair and chubby cheeks. They had tottered along the beach hand in hand, hair in matching braids, and summer dresses. Had curled up side by side during movie nights, whispering beneath the glow of the screen, and clung to one another as Steven retold ghost stories beside the campfire.

What they shared was stronger than blood; it was soul-deep. )

"I can't believe it's been three months," Belly said, voice soft with disbelief. She pulled back just slightly, their faces inches apart. Caroline could see the spattering of freckles across the girl's cheeks and nose, already sun-kissed and glowing.

Gone were the oversized turquoise glasses that once shielded Belly's warm brown eyes, and the glittering wire braces that lined her smile. Instead, Belly was barefaced, unguarded, and grinning, the smile of Caroline's childhood.

"I know," Caroline said, her voice an echo of Belly's own, "God, I know." She drew the girl in once again, dotting a feather-light kiss on her cheek.

"You okay?" Belly whispered, lips brushing across the girl's ear, squeezing her waist gently. For a fleeting moment, Caroline wanted to shake her head, to spill every tangled thought, every sharp-edged fear, and relieve the weight that hung over her shoulders even now, beneath the honeyed light of Cousins' falling sun.

But instead, she smiled.

"Yeah, I am now."

The next few minutes were filled with warm words and soft touches.

Jeremiah had swept Caroline into his arms, his hold strong and sure, the heat of him pressing gently against her back. He kissed her forehead, and then her temple, each touch featherlight, each word honeyed. Smile as easy as always.

"Care bear," He cooed, "How I've missed this face."

Jeremiah was a boy woven of sunlight and stars, bright and all-consuming. The centre of attention, the loudest in the room. The golden child.

"Jer..." Caroline giggled, threading her fingers through the mop of unruly curls atop the younger boy's head, smile widening when his lips twisted into an exaggerated pout. "Finally ditched the gel."

"Well, when a pretty girl asks..."

Caroline flicked his forehead, rolling her eyes, though an affectionate smile tugged at the edge of her lips.

Steven was not nearly as gentle; he swept in behind the girl, one arm around her shoulders, the other tugging at a lock of her silvery blonde hair.

"What, no more pink?" He asked, voice loud, invasive, and so entirely Steven.

"I haven't had pink hair since last summer," Caroline said, slapping at Steven's hand, nudging him away with her hip. "You've seen me since then?"

"Leave it to Steven to be a thoughtless idiot," Belly chimed with a grin, reaching out and swiping at his arm. He jumped back, huffing in offense.

"Whatever, at least I'm not a munchkin," He shot back, smirking when Caroline's eyebrows furrowed.

"Tall people die sooner," The older girl said matter-of-factly, eliciting a string of giggles from Belly while Steven gasped, clasping his chest dramatically.

"You are so cruel, Caroline." But there was no bite in his tone, and his lips twitched.

Steven and Belly were like two sides of the same coin, so entirely alike, they both had their mother's brashness. Loud, unafraid, and with a sort of unwavering confidence, no matter what. Along with their father's subtle amusement and warm smile. But unlike Belly, Steven was cocky, not unbearably so, but he knew who he was. What he wanted from life. He wasn't afraid to take it.

Laurel didn't hold Caroline for long; she didn't need to. While Susannah had always been about long hugs, clasped hands, and kisses on cheeks. Laurel was more like Isla, he love was spoken in silence, in her smile. With words like law, in a way, you couldn't help but follow.

She pulled back, similar to her daughter, only a small frown appeared when she looked into Caroline's pale blue eyes.

"You're home, honey," Laurel said, the words sounding like a promise, or maybe a reminder.

"I know."

The words sounded as pathetic as she felt.

Susannah was last, and Caroline couldn't help but wonder if there was a reason for that. Unlike the rest of the group, Susannah remained on the porch, smile bright and welcoming. Like a beacon drawing them in. Beside her, Isla stood, pale and small.

Caroline didn't think, didn't hesitate. She rushed up the steps and straight into Susannah's awaiting arms.

"Oh, my sweet girl," She cooed, threading her fingers through Caroline's hair, "My beautiful, Caroline."

( It had been Susannah who gave Caroline her name, offering it up quietly when Isla was struggling for names. It was the one she had dreamed of giving her own daughter. Had she ever been blessed with one.

But instead, she gifted it to Caroline, one of her best friends' children, the closest thing Susannah would ever have to a daughter, besides Belly.

It only seemed fitting. )

"Susannah," Caroline sighed, sinking into the woman's hold.

Being hugged by Susannah was like basking beneath the sun. Everything seemed a little brighter.

"You, Caroline, have bloomed,"

( Girls like Caroline didn't get to bloom.

They were like wildflowers growing up between the cracks of the pavement, just waiting for their lives to be snuffed out. )

"Beck," Laurel chuckled, shaking her head, "Leave the girls and their blooming alone."

Susannah only smiled, brushing her knuckles along Caroline's cheek.

Home, Caroline was home. Finally.

The world seemed to glow a little brighter, if only for just a moment.

.・。.・゜✭・.

Caroline's bedroom was the same, for as long as she could remember. The same dusty pink wallpaper, dotted with cream seashells and seahorses along the border. Glossamer curtains that allowed the light to lilt through just enough to leave the room glowing faintly. The large plush double bed, a faint burn still imprinted on the cherry wood headboard from when she and Belly had snuck cigarettes last summer. Taking turns taking small drags before coughing their guts up into the pillows.

But sitting on the centre of the bed was Buttons, the small stuffed bear that Belly had won for her at the carnival a few years ago.

( 'Care! Caroline!' Belly had called, voice echoing across the fairground. The older girl turned away from Jeremiah wide wide-eyed, only for her demeanor to soften when she saw that Belly was okay.

The girl came to a stop in front of her, grinning, and clutched between her fingers was a small teddy bear, it was a pale pink with large button eyes.

'I won this for you,' The girl exclaimed, eyes sparkling.

'Oh, Belly.' Caroline cooed, heart fluttering. 'I will treasure it, always.' )

"Hey," A voice called from behind her, pulling Caroline from her thoughts.

She blinked, turned, and froze.

Conrad.

"Connie," She breathed, an echo of days past ringing clear in her voice.

"Hey." He repeated, though, softer this time. As if he were saying goodbye and not hello.

And then she was in his arms. Instinct. Memory. Need. Her face burrowed into his chest, inhaling that scent of mint, sea, and sky. He held her, arms slipping around her back and settling on her waist. His head rested in her hair. If Jeremiah was the stars and Susannah the sun, Conrad would always be the tides. That gentle, steady pull that drew Caroline back in, no matter how far she tried to drift away.

She didn't want to let him go.

Conrad Fisher.

The boy of all her childhood dreams, her knight in shining armour, her prince charming.

"I've really missed you," Caroline whispered against his chest, the frail aching part of her heart hoping that maybe he didn't hear it. Didn't hear the longing in her voice. The want and need all rolled into one impossible hope.

That maybe deep down, he longed for her too.

Yearned for her company when she was away, and felt so impossibly ridiculous when he pushed everyone away. Hoping that one day, she might feel the same.

"I think I've missed you more," Conrad replied, voice equally soft, like he was confessing a sin upon his knees before his saint.

"Impossible."

Everything around them was silent.

And Caroline wished, with everything in her, that this moment would never end.

.・。.・゜✭・.

🌊 oh caroline adler my sweet girl 🥹 i don't know why i've made her so sad already because it's only going down hill from here

🌊 also belly and care??? the only girl ever tbh.

🌊 anyways i hope you guys enjoyed this ! mwah !