don't point out typos unless you're nice about it this chapter sucks just apologizing in advance

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It didn't bother me that Ashton didn't stand outside of my house and wait for me to come out so we could walk to the bus stop together today. I figured that he was probably upset with me, I felt like Michael probably told him about everything. I think I would be more upset if he didn't, because there was no point anymore. Michael had no reason to not talk to Ashton anymore and he knew that, we all knew that.

I slowly walked up to the bus stop behind Ashton, almost scared of how he was going to react to all of this. I didn't know what Michael had told him, or if he said anything to Ashton at all. I just loved Ashton a lot, and I didn't want him to be mad at me for something like this.

"Murphy!" Ashton shouted at me as I walked across the street, practically shaking from both my nerves and the cold.

"Hi." I said softly, walking up next to him. I felt like crying again, because I knew that he was going to be mad when I told him about Michael and I and our friendship for the past few months. How could he not? I promised Ashton that I would say something if Michael ever talked to me and I completely ignored that.

"Hi." Ashton repeated, coming towards me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him, resting his chin on the top of my head as I buried my face into his chest.

"I'm sorry." I said into his shirt, but I'm not sure if he was able to hear me or not.

"Hey, don't be sorry. Are you okay?" Ashton asked, running his hands up and down my back.

"Not exactly." I pulled away from him, shaking my head.

"Is this about what happened yesterday? With Michael?" Ashton asked, and I felt a huge knot form in my stomach. This was it, I was going to have to confess everything.

I nodded, biting down on my bottom lip.

"Are you going to tell me what happened? I'm confused, Murphy, please tell me what's up." Ashton said, leaning down so he was able to look into my eyes.

"I - I don't know, we just - " I could hardly speak properly, I had no idea how I was supposed to explain to Ashton that for the past few months I've been talking to his best friend behind his back.

" - Because when I got home you were crying and you ran away and then I went inside and Michael was crying really hard and then he locked himself in his room. He still won't talk to me, I just don't - what did he say to you?" Ashton thankfully cut me off, because I didn't know how I was going to explain all of this just yet.

"It was just an argument, it got kind of out of hand." I mumbled, still unsure of how to say what I needed to say.

"Did he start it? Did he say something to you first? Dani, I'm sorry, you know he gets upset sometimes, I don't think he took his meds yesterday and he probably just blew up over something small..." Ashton rambled on, not letting me explain anything. I wasn't sure if he was just trying to defend Michael or because he didn't actually want to know the truth, but I was getting frustrated with him.

"I don't know, he was drinking, it was a mix of the alcohol and...some other things." I said blankly, desperately trying to think up some way that I could just change the subject, at least for a little while, until I could think of a better way to tell Ashton all of this.

"Why did you let him drink? Dani, he's not supposed to be drinking." Ashton said sternly. He put a hand on my shoulder and looked down at me while he talked, making me feel a lot more vulnerable than I was feeling before.

"I didn't hand him a bottle of vodka and tell him to drink up, Ashton." I snapped. "He did it on his own."

"He shouldn't be drinking." Ashton shook his head, scowling at me as if this was my fault. I didn't understand why Ashton was defending Michael. I didn't intentionally hurt him, it was the other way around.

"Well, sorry, I didn't get the memo." I huffed, trying to keep myself calm.

"You can't just let him do things like that, Dani, you know he has some issues. It's not good for him to drink with all of the medication he needs." Ashton explained.

"You talk about him like he's a little kid." I said, looking down at the ground. I was sick of Ashton babying Michael like this, he wasn't a child. Michael was capable of taking care of himself and he would be able to if he wasn't so stubborn about everything.

"Because he acts like one! You don't understand, things are really hard for him right now, and me too." Ashton sighed, taking a step back from me. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the ends of it.

"Yeah, I know, Kenzie died and you're all still trying to get over it, I get it." I snapped, before I even had time to think about what I was saying.

"Dani..." Ashton said, and I could tell that he was trying not to get upset with me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." I sighed.

"Why would you say it if you didn't mean it?" Ashton asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Ash, I don't know... I'm sorry." I glanced down at the ground again, afraid to look at him.

"That was really rude." Ashton said blankly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Well I think it's rude that you're constantly leaving me, your girlfriend, to go hang out at your ex-girlfriends grave all the time." By this point I was blinking back tears because I couldn't believe that I was saying these things to Ashton, who I loved so much. I was trying to hurt him on purpose, all because of something that Michael told me.

"Dani, you don't understand!" Ashton yelled, and I could see that he was trying to hold back some tears as well.

"I do understand!" I yelled back. "I understand that you're still in love with Kenzie and I don't think it's very fair for either of us!"

"Why are you acting like this? What did Michael say to you?" Ashton asked, quickly changing subjects. I suddenly didn't want to tell Ashton about everything anymore, I figured that it would only make him more upset at both me and Michael. We didn't need any more fighting.

"It doesn't matter." I shook my head, backing away from Ashton even more. I even turned around, just in attempt to get him to drop this.

"Danielle," Ashton said, and I flinched at the use of my full name. "You promised that if Michael ever talked to you, you would tell me."

"But this isn't a big deal. I don't see why you can't get over the fact that he won't talk to you anymore. Give him time, Ashton, the more you sit and complain about him not speaking to anyone the longer he'll keep up with this." I said, letting out a huge sigh. I turned around again to face Ashton, seeing that he wasn't letting go of this.

"Well I don't see why you aren't telling me what happened! You aren't making things look very good for yourself right now, you know that? If I didn't know any better I would think you were cheating on me with him." Ashton spoke quickly, raising his voice.

"Ashton, I would never do that!" I yelled, trying to push the thoughts out of my mind about what almost happened between Michael and I on Christmas. I didn't have any feelings like that for Michael anyway, I loved Ashton and that was final.

"Then tell me the truth." Ashton demanded stepping towards me.

"I told you, it doesn't matter!" I practically shouted. "Can we please drop this?"

"No, I want you tell me the truth and you better tell me right now." Ashton said, his jaw clenched. I felt so awful about all of this, it seemed like it was all my fault. I just wanted us all to be happy and everyone was shutting themselves away from me.

I took a deep breath, thinking over all of the possible ways that this could go, before finally speaking. There was no way I could go back after this. "I've been talking to Michael. I have been for a while, actually, and I didn't tell you because Michael didn't want me to."

Ashton stayed silent for a long time after that and just stared at me, his lips set in a thin, straight line. I felt like my heart was practically beating out of my chest as I stood before him, waiting for him to say something, anything, to me.

"Dani Murphy, you better be lying to me." Ashton finally said, his voice sounding as if he was about to cry, but at the same time he sounded like he was going to yell at me.

"I'm not - "

"How long have you been doing this?" Ashton asked.

"A few months? We're friends, Ashton, I'm the only person he talks to." I said quietly.

"And you just thought it would be fine not to tell me about any of this? You just thought I'd be fine with the fact that my best friend and my girlfriend were sneaking around behind my back?" Ashton scoffed, rolling his eyes. I felt like crying again, I didn't want him to be mad at me. I already lost Michael, I couldn't lose Ashton too.

"Ashton, I'm sorry - "

"Don't talk to him again." Ashton ordered, cutting me off again.

"I don't think I will be, we're kind of in a fight right now." I mumbled, again looking away from Ashton and hoping that he couldn't even hear me.

"I can't believe this." Ashton shook his head, muttering to himself. "He's messed up, he'll only feed you lies."

"No, Ashton. Michael would never lie to me." I argued, reaching out for Ashton. I just wanted him to listen to me, to hear my side of the story. I thought that maybe if he listened and understood everything then he wouldn't be so upset with me.

He ran his hands over his face, letting out a sigh as he rubbed his eyes. "I can't do this right now. We can talk about this later." Ashton said suddenly, pulling away from me. He turned around and began walking down the street, even though I coil see the bus coming towards our stop from the other direction.

"Where are you going?" I called after him. I didn't follow him, because I didn't think he wanted me to. Besides, Ashton didn't follow me when I ran away.

"Walking to school!" Ashton said, looking over his shoulder for a second. I could see him take out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lite one, putting it in his mouth. I stared at Ashton as he walked away from me, still debating exactly what to do.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the bus driver honking at me, letting me know that I had to get on. For the first time in what felt like a very long time, I stepped onto the bus alone.

-

"Dani, where's Ashton?" Luke asked from his place across the table, making me flinch. It was just Calum, Luke and I at lunch today. Plus Calum's new girlfriend - I think. Whoever she was, she was sitting on Calum's lap and currently making out with him like there was no tomorrow. I didn't exactly mind, because at least he finally got a girl.

"I don't know." I shrugged. I hadn't seen Ashton all day, I didn't even pass by him in the halls between classes. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't even come to school today.

"Um.. Did something happen?" Luke asked quietly, looking concerned.

"We're fighting. It's not your fault, though. I told him that I've been talking to Michael." I explained. Luke knew about my friendship with Michael, I had told him about it the day he came over and explained everything to me.

"Shit, Dani, I'm sorry." Luke sighed, his hands going up to his hair again. He ran his fingers through it, trying to restyle it without using a mirror or anything.

"It's alright." I said, hardly any emotion in my voice. "He was going to find out sooner or later. I would have preferred that it was later, but it's fine."

The sound of Calum and his new friend's lip's smacking together stopped Luke from saying whatever he was going to say next, and he paused, a small smile creeping on to his face.

"Who is that?" I whispered, leaning in.

"Kayla Sanders." Luke answered, giggling quietly at the fact that we were gossiping about them as they sat next to us.

"The junior?" I questioned, "Didn't Calum already date her?"

"Ugh, they're back together." Luke said, rolling his eyes. "They were apparently staying at the same ski resort over break and hooked up a few times before finally deciding to make things official. Total High School Musical thing, gag me."

"That didn't happen in High School Musical." I laughed, glancing again at Calum and Kayla. I'm pretty sure there wasn't any hookups in High Scool Musical, it was rated PG afterall.

"Is this you felt with Brooke and I?" Luke asked, also looking at the two of them. They were both so into it, they had probably forgotten that they were in a school lunchroom right now. It honestly hurt a little, watching them, because I remembered doing the same thing with Ashton.

"Just a little." I shrugged, giving Luke a sad smile. I missed Ashton and it had only been a few hours, I needed to find him and fix things before it became too late.

"Dani," Luke stared, waiting for me to look at him again instead of Calum and Kayla before he continued talking. "I think I'm going to break up with Brooke, for real this time."

"Oh, really?" I asked, sounding more surprised than I should have.

"Yeah, why? Is that bad?" Luke stammered, his eyes widening like he had done something wrong.

"I thought you and her already ended things, that's all." I didn't feel like a very good friend at the moment. I guess you could say that I hadn't been paying much attention to people other than Michael and Ashton lately.

"No, not yet. I just love her so much, you know? But I guess it's time for me to let go, considering the fact that she's pregnant with someone else's baby and all." Luke shrugged, his facial expression changing from confused to say in a matter of seconds.

"I'm sorry, Luke. But I do think it's good that you end things for now. Maybe once all of this is over you guys can try again." I suggested. I really did feel bad for Luke, because he loved Brooke a lot. It wasn't hard to see, Brooke was normally a very lovable person, but her pregnancy obviously changed that. I'm sure that once things calm down again she'll return to normal, hopefully everything will.

"Hey, is that..." Luke trailed off, switching his attention to something across the lunchroom. He was looking at something behind me, that I couldn't see.

"What? Who is it?" I asked, hoping that it was Ashton. I began to turn around, desperately wishing that Ashton would appear behind me.

"Michael? With a girl?" Luke finished, and as soon as the words came out of his mouth my eyes settled on Michael, who was indeed sitting down at a table with no one else but a girl. She was actually sitting very close to him, close enough that he was able to lean down and whisper things in her ear.

"Who is that?" I asked, though I already knew. I knew that it was Sarah, or whatever her name is, I just needed some confirmation.

"Calum," Luke said, tapping Calum on the shoulder and interrupting his intense makeout session. Calum pulled away from Kayla, his lips swollen and his cheeks flushed. "Who's that girl?"

"Sarah Hanson." Calum answered quickly, following where Luke was pointing to. Kayla turned around from her spot on Calum's lap, also looking in the direction that we were all currently staring in.

"Oh, she's in my English class!" Kayla said excitedly, speaking for the first time since I sat down. "I didn't know that she was friends with Michael Clifford."

"Yeah, well I think they're a bit more than friends." Luke said, nodding towards the pair across the lunchroom again. I turned around, only to see Michael and Sarah making out, right in front of everyone.

I could feel my face getting red with anger as I sat and watched them, because I knew that Sarah was no good for Michael. He had told me himself, multiple times, that he loved her and she would never love him back. And what happened to Michael shunning her, anyway? I thought that after their whole Christmas-virginity thing they weren't going to talk anymore. Michael said that it wasn't going to work out because Sarah still wouldn't break up with her boyfriend. I didn't like this, I knew she was just going to hurt him.

I turned back around and faced Luke, trying not to show how annoyed - and almost jealous - I was. Calum and Kayla were making out again, no longer paying any attention to Luke and I, or Michael and his little girlfriend across the lunchroom.

"Are you alright?" Luke asked, letting out a small laugh. "You're all red."

I really wasn't alright. I had lost my best friend and my boyfriend all within a few hours of each other, and I didn't know how to get either of them back. I honestly just wished that things would go back to the way they were before, when Ashton and I weren't even dating yet and Michael still didn't talk to me. When Brooke wasn't pregnant and Luke wasn't sad all the time and Calum wasn't making out with girls that he met at ski resorts. I just wanted things to be normal again.

And on top of it all, now I was too worried about Michael being hurt to even think about anything else.

"No," I sighed. "I'm not alright."

-

I don't know how I feel about that chapter and I know that I say that about literally everything but I'm serious this time like I had such a hard time writing it and idk it'll get better I promise