I weighed myself today. 

I try not to make a habit of weighing myself because it can be stigmatizing to think of yourself as a number. However, for the past year, I have been trying to change my eating habits because diabetes and other chronic diseases run in my family. I also did want to lose weight. 

Whenever I previously tried to lose weight, I would try exercising more and eating less, but I didn't fully understand portion control. I would also stress and binge eat whenever my mental health took a dive or whenever I was particularly stressed. Maybe I would lose a few pounds, but I'd always gain it back. 

Then, I got sick. As I've described in previous chapters of this book, I had an undiagnosed infection for roughly 2-3 months. In that time I lost roughly twenty pounds because I was so nauseous and didn't want to eat. Due to certain issues, I was also forced to eat bland foods. 

Once I got better, I decided to actually and seriously try to lose weight. I started going to dance classes and watching my portion control. For the first year, I just watched my portions, I would still eat most of the things I loved, I would just eat less of them. 

This year, I've actually started eating better, I eat vegetables with lunch and dinner. I upped veggie portions and cut meat portions. I eat more protein and green. I'm still not perfect. I still eat microwave burritos a couple days a week (but have a bowl of broccoli with it instead of fries) and I still get Subway once a week, I will give myself a bowl of chocolate cereal for dessert. 

I don't think my eating habits will ever be perfect. I don't think I will ever be the kind of person who consistently eats well. But, I'm learning my own balance and what works for my body. 

I weighed myself today. And, for the first time that I can remember, I am a healthy weight.

I don't have a flat stomach or a thigh gap, but I'm healthy.

I want to remind you all that being healthy doesn't necessarily mean fitting our standards of beauty (which are nearly unachievable for the average person). While I'm not at my goal weight yet, I am getting there. It took me over a year to lose this much weight (roughly 50 pounds) and twenty of that was an unhealthy loss (when I was sick). Losing weight slowly with changes in diet and exercise is pretty much the only healthy way (a couple exceptions, but those are only in certain cases or with certain chronic diseases). It takes a long time to change your diet. You will relapse. There will be days where your stuff your face and eat chocolate cake and intake double the amount of calories you're supposed to. But, that's okay. It doesn't mean you should give up. 

Lose weight for yourselves lovelies. Don't do it because anyone or anything else tells you should (with the exception of a doctor and if there's a legitimate health reason).