I don't like making New Year's Resolutions because they often fail and are easy to get out of. However, I'm not someone who likes to break promises, if I promise something I fully intend to follow through. 

This year I am making a promise to myself. I promise to find the gray area between holding myself accountable and blaming myself. I promise to work on eating better, but not obsessing over it. I promise to start being a friend to myself instead of relying on my friends for my happiness. 

I am making these promising because in 2018 and the years before, I was not good at these things. I blamed myself and felt like a bad person when I didn't need to. I didn't eat well for years and even as I got part of it under control, I can still do better. But, I often slip into obsessive calorie counting and will starve myself all day, so I can have a big meal later in the day. I must find a balance. I often made myself happy by relying on my friends, but I can't do that, as later this year I could be anywhere in the world, on my own, and without them. I must learn to be my own companion. While I'm an introvert and enjoy being alone, I still get lonely and feel unloved sometimes. I must learn to overcome this and learn to be my own companion. 

I am writing this here to hold myself accountable, but also for anyone going through the same things, we can make these promises together and then maybe it won't seem so hard. 

Jimin's song meant a lot to me. Part of me also feels like I am making this promise to him. While he is my light, I must also learn to be my own light. Thank you, Park Jimin. For this idea. For your love. For your promise. 

Alyce